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Invisibleindica
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Registered: 08/17/05
Posts: 18,905
A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience
    #7131709 - 07/05/07 09:12 AM (16 years, 8 months ago)

**first of all I must apologise that this report isn't up to my usual standard of articulation and detail, I realise from the start that I have a fair bit of ground over a fortnights events to cover so I've tried to keep it as brief as possible. It gets better towards the end as I slowly start to settle from this event in my life. Enjoy***
Also, apologies for some of the terrible grammar, I'm usually a better speller



This post is more a retrospective summary of my 2 week holiday of which I spent North in this crazy island state of Tasmania.

It was my school holidays, and I was loking forward to some much anticipated time with my old friends. I left Hobart city around 6pm and arrived in Devonport around 9pm. I knew that I had a couple of weeks of heavy drug abuse ahead of me, but wasn't quite sure just how nasty it would get. I bought 3 hits of high quality LSD to take with me just for a bit of variety. These would probably come in handy later.

After arriving, I soon settled in and greeted my much missed friends. These are the closest group of people I have ever known. Truly genuine, fun, honest down to earth people who brighten my world. I didn't really intend on tripping that night, but it was planned that we pick up a couple of cartons and a few bottles to trash on and get messy.

Around 11pm we headed down to the shed so the boys could smoke some weed (I've pretty much given up weed as I used to be an overly-heavy user which really affected me mentally and left me pretty unstable). I took down a few beers and sat around and chilled for a while and enjoyed each others company. It came to around midnight and one of my mates (I'll call him Pole) and my brother left the shed. I assumed that they went back up to the house where it was warmer (Tasmanian winters are fucking cold).

I thought nothing of it and we continued larking about. We got reasonably drunk and then at 2am Pole any my brother returned. They looked at me with a wry smile (they know how much I love my shrooms) I knew something was up when they passed me one of their bowler caps
full of shrooms.



(these are the shrooms they brought back).

My immediate reaction was "oh... noooo... don't put those in front of me... you know I can't resist!". They had gone out at midnight on a late-night shroom hunt around the reserves in town, where shrooms are absolutely fucking abundant. You can spend an entire day out there picking in an area under an acre and still not pick them all.

We all looked at each other, knowing that one of us was going to jump in and eat some shrooms.

We all decided to head back up to the house to get a little cosy, and Pole emptied out his hat full of shrooms onto the kitchen bench. We spread them out and soon realised that they had gone and picked a pretty hefty amount of Psilocybe subaeruginosa, which are, by reputation, a pretty potent shroom in comparison to a strain like cubensis.

The crew consisted of myself, Pole, Rob, my brother, Ji, Josh, Mej and Neh. Josh, Mej and Josh went to bed, as they are pretty responsible people and when it comes to shrooms they tend to step out and leave us to it.

So it left five of us at 2am, nervously standing around the kitchen wandering weather it was a good idea to eat some shrooms. Rob, myself, Mej and Neh are in a band and we'd made arrangements to spend a good chunk of my time up north practicing, and I reasoned "well, if we spend this first weekend just getting messy then we can dedicate the next two weeks to flat out practicing. Mej gave us his blessing and headed to bed.

I was first to take the plunge, I grabbed a small handful of about 5 or 6 small shroomies. We all dipped in, Rob, Pole and myself had a larger amount of about 5 or 6 shroomies (by my standards it's a pretty small dose, I just don't like getting in too far over my head these days). My brother had never had shrooms or any other drugs for that matter and ate one, but we never noticed that Ji had eaten any, in fact, most of us didn't even really appreciate the fact that he was there with us that night... he's a pretty quiet guy and is on a very slippery downhill slope into drug psychosis. He has a lot of the 'evil slipping into my own hell' kind of trips and he can get very scary at times.

So there we were, all had just dropped our respective shrooms. There was no turning back now. We lounged around and just waited for whatever the fuck was meant to happen.

About 15 minutes later I was sitting outside enjoying a cigarette when I began to fill the first signs. That familiar pleasantly un-easy feeling working from your stomach. The warping visuals getting slightly stronger. I knew I hadn't taken 'too much' so I felt pretty safe. I didn't want to be flipping out in front of my friends like I usually do.

Soon enough, Pole came outside and started saying "maan I'm having a really visual trip" (he can get pretty annoying how he keeps going on about how he's seeing this and seeing that and doesn't really think much past that like me and my best mate Rob do). Pole kept saying "yeah I'm seeing cool colours" and I was just content in my own little head and basically just kept saying "yeah... but... naw... it's not like that man, I don't really care about that kind of stuff..."

Rob would come out every now and again and we'd be having intense and fantastic conversations about reality and life and all the rest of the philosophical bullshit that usually comes out on adventures such as these. Pole would say something dumb which would spark a tangent in my head, and Rob would be looking at me with that knowing smile "I SAW that!" he'd say. It's really good having someone like Rob to understand some of what goes through my head.

We started getting that funny, psychotic hilarity where things start becoming "YO, GOD... WHO MADE YOU BOSS? AND WHYYYY?" *cue psychotic laughter*. We started slipping and we were having a great old time. Spinning off on wild tangents, laughing like maniacs tripping nuts at 3am, but then we noticed something was weird. There was a strange vibe in the house, and it didn't take long to realise that Ji was pacing the kitchen muttering to himself, looking very very VERY scared.

'oh shit' I thought. 'Did Ji eat shrooms?'. Indeed he had. About a year ago the little blighter snuck in and ate a hit of pretty strong acid. He's a young fellow, only about 16, and after his trip on acid he was absolutely terrified. He was convinced that he was slipping into hell, through reality, and that satan was coming through in all the little evils in the world to get him. He has this imaginary friend that does things that are so wonderful that he is famous all over the world, but noone actually knows him because only Ji can see him. He's a pretty fucked up kid and really needs to lay off the drugs, but noone ever knows he's taken anything until after he starts to trip.

He was pacing the room like a madman, singing Nirvana songs in a really freaky way, holding himself by the scruff of his collar, like he was trying to hold himself together by his shirt (which I later learnt out, was exactly what he was doing). I knew that he needed to be around people, because I've gone on the same trip as him. I know exactly what he was going through. I know there is nothing worse than being alone in that state of mind, because the fear of oging insane and going to hell is so overwhelming that you become a danger to yourself.

So, knowing that he needed to be around people was fucked, because he was going to be acting freaked out and scary as fuck around a bunch of trippers like us which made the night pretty bad.

About a hundred years slipped by, and I didn't realise myself slipping into insanity myself. Ji was pacing the room which was getting REALLY annoying. He was walking around and around in circles muttering to himself, singing nirvana, holding himself by the collar, standing on one spot, staring at someone then moving to another spot. He was ALWAYS pacing around the small room. Every now and again one of us would say "dude you need to chill out, just sit down and try to relax, you're wigging us all out" which didn't change a thing. He would turn to me with this derranged look in his eye and say "YOU know EXACTLY what it is, don't you? It's happening again... you know... with the devil n shit, all this, it's happened before... it keeps happening" I know what he was on about, but I'm terrible for advice and all I had to offer was "I know what you're going through, but the only person who can help you is yourself, and only you can choose to perceive and observe the positives or the negatives"

this probably affected him even worse, I'm not sure. At one point he came running into the room with a photo of another of our mates, who I'll call Mick, and Ji knows Mick really well, and the guy in the photo was CLEARLY Mick, but Ji was saying "this is a photo of Pete, isn't it?" (Pete looks nothing like Mick) and we said "nah, man, it's Mick, look, surely you can tell?" and he started screaming "NO IT'S FUCKING PETE! I'M TELLING YOU IT'S FUCKING PETE" like his hallucination was starting to terrify him that Mick would look odd in the photo, so he was in denial. Then he said "no it's fucking Pete... I'm keeping this photo... I'm keeping this photo... it's Pete... I'm keeping this photo... it's Pete" which he kept repeating over and over again for a good while, the whole time just pacing the living room needing to be in the company of us to keep him sane which was REALLY starting to wig the hell out of us all, and we all agreed that it was scaring the shit out of that we had this near-suicidal crazed, scared as fuck kid tripping out around us, alone and terrified of going to hell.

Every now and again I would take breathers outside just to escape the annoyingness of Ji running around talking to himself and asking retarded questions, and also to escape Pole just saying really dumb things at dumb times, like if Rob and I were philosophising on the fabrics of life and then Pole would try and 'cut in' by saying "you know what's reeeeeeeeeally gay? religion!" as if to try and spark some huge big conversation about how crap religion is, something that is long gone and well over-stepped on our mental voyages.

But while I was on these breathers, someone I didn't want to talk to would come outside, like Ji looking for a bit of solidarity, or someone he could try and suckle a little bit of comfort out of, but he would just come outside and stand in front of me, looking at me, shaking so much that I could feel the vibrations of his legs through the wood in the verandah, and would refuse to roll and smoke his own cigarette and kept leeching mine, which I were enjoying all too much. Or Pole would come out and say "yeah, I'd say I'm having a pretty visual trip... this is the most visual trip I've had this year... yeah... pretty fuckin visual, like... I'm blowing out..." and I'd just say "yeah, I know man, but I'm not really in it for that, you know?" and he'd ask "so you're tripping out a fair bit, then?" and I'd just say again "like I said, it's not like that for me... yeah, I'm tripping, but I'm not really focused on the tripping right now..."

About here, I'd try and just resort back to my own thoughts and ponderings, and I'd be blessed when Rob would come out and we'd just sit and enjoy each others presence (we have this weird way of comforting each other, because we are kind of on the same 'level' here and can really appreciate what really goes on without the lameness that I described above, he's like my little rock in times like this, and we both understand each other extremely well).

Rob and I both agreed that we were pretty fucking wigged out by the behaviour of Ji and Pole. My brother was flowing along pretty nicely, just being amused by our strange behaviour and just trying to ignore Ji's psychotic state of mind. (Rob and I knew that Ji was really fragile and should in no way be tormented and he was to be watched very closely, but it was just really fucking annoying that this kid would ruin all our trips by acting in such a scary manner.

All this time seemed like forever. We dosed around 2-2.30am and it felt like it should be pretty close to dawn, but we were fucking blown apart when we realised that it had only been an hour and we still had a pretty long ride ahead of us. I'd say at this time it was 35-40% pleasant and 60% unpleasant due to Ji's erratic weirdness. I cannot say enough times how much he was just pacing the living room, walking in circles, always within sight of us, keeping an eye on us to make sure we were all still there for him. very scary. very annoying. The last thing I needed was a 16 year old kid committing suicide in front of us while we were on shrooms (I'm guessing he was getting pretty close, and if he was left alone I can safely say he would have slipped over the edge, as this kid is pretty unstable in every day life as it is).

Something happened around 4am that ishard to explain. I noticed Ji was standing at the bench looking more terrified and confused thanhe had all night, I'm guessing this was around the peak of all our trips. Pole had turned all the lights off and turned on this really bight UV blacklight (that looks more like a bug-zapper, and probably is one as well) that lit up the room in this really strange, alien kind of way. It definately changed the course of my trip, and probably the trip of everyone else. I began to let loose, just stop caring. I began having fits of really fun,psychotic laughter. Like I was gladly letting go of my sanity. I was just running around, laughing with Rob, questioning God, calling him out to duel, talking to the fridge (I remember I got quite thirsty and I ran up the the fridge and opened the door and said "ohhh... hello fridge" in the same manner you would greet a friend you'd seen for the first time that night if you were fucked up on drugs ("oh, god... don't look at me, I'm fucked up...". It was really fun, but looking back on it it was totally insane. I started rambling on, rolling around on the floor in fits of hilarity at the insanity of my thought process. I started saying about how God is that weird next door neighbour you have that you hate having to make eye contact with, he's that freaky bus driver, the weird cousin you never really talk about, then I sudddenly thought "oh shit, I'm basically describing myself..." and then I had that huge big SMACK feeling where it feels like your mind, your sanity, your ego just all snaps back into YOU in your head, like it had been floating around the universe while your body just rambles on as it does in times like this, then snaps back. At first I was talking about/to God, taunting him, and then I said "he's that weird cousin you never really talk about... 'oh yeah, that alex kid is pretty derranged... we don't really talk about him much, we kinda leave him over there doing whatever the fuck it is that he does... he... oh SHIT! I'M ALEX!'" then everyone was looking at me, and the mood changed instantaneously. I was one man comedy show, and everyone was laughing along with me (they weren't laughing at me, we agreed later on in the night that Rob and I should dose a small dose and jump up on stage and do a two man show because, not to blow smoke up my arse or anything, but we are fucking hilarious when we are on shrooms.. we crack everyone up), and all of a sudden they saw that I had just snapped out of or into something and felt really cold and sobered all of a sudden. What the fuck had just happened to me? Where had I been? I looked back and remembered rolling around on the floor laughing uncontrollably like a maniac, talking to the fridge, yelling at God, literally insane, which felt fun at the time, but looking back it was pretty scary. I went and sat down next Rob and said "dude... what just happened?" and he said "I dunno... it just looks like you're just coming out of something... like you've just been punched and you're coming out of the daze" which is truly what it felt like. I felt like God had just got sick of me taunting him like that and decided to give me a good smack of insanity.

I also noticed that when I got that huge SMACK feeling I was standing in the same place that Ji was before, and that he was sitting on the chair, very still, very serious and scary looking, and I'd assumed his place as being the resident loony, which was one of those freaky little coincidences that can only happen in such a way when you're on shrooms.

I decided to go outside and take a breath of fresh air (cigarette) before I did anything REALLY weird and to think about what the FUCK had just happened to me. It was a really weird experience which was strangely familiar. It made me think... am I really pushing myself over the limits every time I trip? Am I really insane and the real world is waiting for me somewhere outside this 100 year trip?

I really didn't want any company, especially freaky Ji or Pole coming out and annoying me with their bullshit. I pretty much wanted to be alone just so I could reflect (I tend to have these little moments of wanting to reflect in solitude on shrooms) but I was really happy when Rob opened the door and came out and sat down and lit up a smoke.

"are you alright, man?" he asked. He wasn't asking as if he thought I was going crazy, he could just tell that something weird had happened to me and wanted me to let me in, and Rob generally has a pretty big interest in what goes on inside my head and I think he admires me a lot for the way I think about things like this.

I started out from the bottom.

"I dunno man, where have I been for the past couple of hours, you know? where do I go? when am I coming back, you know? in fact... what the fuck... where have I been for the past 5 years? where is my head since I've been taking drugs? where have I really been? really separated from the real world... engaged in this shitty fuckin trip... this drug bullshit..."

"I dunno man, I wonder too, sometimes," Rob said "like, you're the smartest guy I know. I don't know anyone who talks about any of the shit we do, like you know how we're kind of on that weirder level of whatever it is... I dunno, I just think that we're kind of crazy... like we ARE crazy... we're the outcasts of the world, with all this shit to say, but it's just completely irrelevant..." and then we trailed off and I was left feeling pretty confused. I got pretty convinced that I was somehow pretty insane. with all this philosophical shit rattling around inside my skull with no real valid ears out there in the world to listen to it. I could feel that I was slowly slipping down that descent... into the psychedelic oblivion... insanity.

The night wore on, Ji got slightly less insane and more...dwelling as the night wore on. The trip soon ended around dawn sometime and Pole just topped it off by saying "yeah... that was pretty much the most visually impressive trips I've had this year..." in a really ignorant manner, like he'd completely missed the point of the entire night, as a group, what we'd all just experienced... the fucked up bullshit that washed through the room (on a lighter note, I put down my own state of insanity to the fucking UV blacklight that was illuminating the room in this really other-worldly way... but I just couldn't turn it off, I was fixated on it... it was fucking weird... funny, scary, weird, fraky... yeah... but funny now that I look back on it... I just kept saying "It's this fucking light, I mean.. what the fuck" and then we'd all crack up laughing because noone really wanted to turn it off and resort to incandescent lighting.)

I responded to Pole's comment with a "pffft i dunno, man... I don't think it was really like that for me anyway, I wasn't really paying attention to the visuals"

dawn came, and went and neither I nor Robin slept at all the following day, although I tried numerous times I gave up and just stayed up all day until around midnight. The day was weird, and kind of awkward as I saw that Neh, Mej and Josh waking up looking really fresh who were free of the night of insanity, because they *subconsciously* knew what was in store for them if they delved  into where we just went.

It was kind of unnerving, but the day wore on and eventually exhaustion got the better of me. I hit the hay around midnight and slept pretty feverish, had some really bizarre, weird dreams but generally slept pretty well. Ji eventually calmed down and went home without a word, and so did my brother. Pole, Rob and myself just slept for a while and woke up the next day pretty refreshed.

Now, technically, this wasn’t a straight week of just solid shrooming, but it was pretty shroom focused. When I woke up the next day I remembered that I had three hits of acid in the freezer. I know what you’re thinking… and no, I didn’t. I felt like I was leaving myself open to something terrible, and I wanted to get those things as far away from me as possible, so I rang up a local pothead and sold him these smilies, of which he was pretty grateful (I rang him later that night and he was blowing out REALLY hard on half a hit).

So the next few days were spent jamming out pretty hard, we got our songs down and got to the point where we were sounding pretty fuckin tight if I do say so myself. The remaining shrooms (we barely even ate an 1/8th of what was picked) sat on top of the fridge for the next few days drying out, and I think it probably would have been about Wednesday night we heard that there was a gathering out at a girls beach shak about an hours drive from the boys house that I was staying at. At first I didn’t really want to go, and decided to stay back and just chill out. I was feeling pretty anti social and was a bit broke.
Everyone left for the party and I was pretty much left at the boys house by myself watching TV, whilst sitting alone I began to dwell on my current social surroundings. There was fun and drinking and good times going on at Hawley Beach, and I was sitting alone, by choice, sinking deeper into insanity. I sent Rob a message saying “man, fuck it. I’m coming out. Need me to pick anything up?” the only reply I got said “bring the shroomies!:)”

Well, I grabbed the shrooms off the fridge and dumped them in a bag. There were a lot more than I seemed to remember, I then jumped in my car and drove out to the shak.

When I got there, it was a drunken riot. There were kids running rampant absolutely smashed out of their skulls on cheap wine, vodka and the likes of crappy beer. I walked in and greeted my friends. We were the older group there, and we kind of stuck mainly to the table in the kitchen. The boys played chess, I played guitar, we sat there and smoked endless cigarettes and drank a little bit of wine here and there.
After a while, at about midnight, I pulled out the shrooms and offloaded them onto a plate. One of the drunken (REALLY drunk) younger girls came up to the table and said "ooooh! What's that?" I said "shrooms". She said "no they're not, they look like beans!".

I spent a fair while convincing her that they were not in fact beans, but magic mushrooms. When she was finally convinced she instantly dumped her hand into the plate and pulled out a couple and ate them before I had a chance to say no.

Then one of the other girls there, who just happens to be really fucked in the head (months of abuse from a boyfriend, heavy drug use, on the verge of complete psychosis pretty much. She sits there and talks to herself, does really weird and random movements and just sometimes bursts out laughing at absolutely nothing. All this while she's totally sober, as well) came up and took some shrooms, that was pretty much it, we snatched the plate of shrooms away from her before she even got the chance to have any more. I feel pretty bad for putting them there in front of these kids and giving them the oppurtunity to just grab them and eat them so easily. It was a pretty irresponsible thing of me to do, but either way, eh.

Moving on.

About an hour later, a friend came in and said "can one of you guys come out and help me with Jess? She's in hysterics!". I went outside to find the younger, drunk girl, lying on the concrete outside in the freezing cold absolutely PISSING herself laughing. I tried to help my friend lift her up, but she wasn't moving, she was close to vomiting, just laughing. We stood there for about 15 minutes just trying to get a word out of her, but she simply wouldn't stop laughing.  After a while I gave up on her and went inside. Rob said to me "hey man, let's dump a couple" so we each grabbed a small amount of mushrooms (not many at all, just enough to 'bump up the mood') and we dosed. We sat around for a while, and laughing girl simply would NOT stop laughing. She laughed non-stop for about 2 hours all up. Just laughed and laughed and laughed, and fell over a lot and laughed even more. It was hopeless. Eventually, she passed out, giggling, and would wake up every few minutes, giggle, and fall back asleep. Sometimes she'd jump up and run over to someone and go "ARE YOU REAL?" and then go back to sleep. Weird.

Anyway, so after dosing, we sat around and they began to take effect. The usual funny conversations came up, the weird mood and whatnot and we were thoroughly enjoying ourselves. About 2am rolls around and I said "fuck it" and dipped my hand in the plate and grabbed another small handful of shroomies. Not many at all, not more than the amount I first grabbed.

Rob turned to me and said "nah, man... why? You don't need it! You've found it! What are you looking for? You're there! You've got it!" I just said "yeah, well... fuck it" and ate my shrooms.

We lounged around for an hour or so until about 3.30am and we decided to hit the sack. The only people who were still awake were Rob and a couple of the girls, who were just standing in the kitchen talking about life, philosophy and whatnot. It was a conversation I really wanted to be a part of, but I was too tired to want to take part in it.
So there we were, about 8 people laying on a sea of mattresses and doonahs and pillows on the living room floor. It was pretty cosy, and the shak has a really nice vibe, a really kind of rustic, wooden, ornamenty semi-hippie feel to it. So anyway, I was lying next to this girl who began talking about how she was a virgin and whatnot. I was a little tipsy and still high from the small dose of mushrooms, so we  kind of began talking a little, flirting a little, then some handswent wandering, and yeah, that was pretty much it. We were talking and having a laugh and everyone had passed out except me and this girl. Eventually, around 4am, I decided it was probably a bad idea that I would do anything to this girl, as it was kind of morally wrong, so I just lay there and we talked a little more and, yeah.

After a while I was lying there and was just about to fall asleep when... oh FUCK no. I began to see faces behind my eyelids, all sorts of weird patterns and whatnot began forming in the darkness of my consciousness.
"Oh no... not now... I can't do this now... I just want to sleep.... fuuuuuck"

Pretty soon it became evident that this was the beginning of what was going to be a really long, rough ride. All of a sudden I REALLY needed to shit. REALLY bad. It was awful. It was the most intense shit pains I've ever had. I got out of bed and wakled up to the bathroom door, which was actually an ensuite that you had to walk through a bedroom to get to, but a couple of kids were sleeping in the bedroom and they had locked the door because they were sick of people walking in and out on them having sex. This made me really pissed off, and I walked into the kitchen and kept saying "how can they do this to me... I need to shit really fucking bad". The girl who owned the shak said "you can get into the bathroom through the window".

I didn't think I'd be able to manage to climb through a window, I had an image of this really tiny window high up on the wall. I asked the girl if she would come to the window to help me get through it, so we walked around the side of the house to the window, and I found that it was pretty much just a normal window that required no real effort to climb through. In the darkness outside I noticed I was starting to trip pretty hard, and when I finally climbed in through the window and stood in the darkness, really small but really ominous fractal hallucinations began appearing to me in the pitch black, and my entire vision was nothing but these tiny little fractals which kind of scared me, because I knew I had a long way of the trip to climb up into. This was only the bottom of the ladder.

I turned on the bathroom light and turned around and said "thanks for helping me" and I still remember the look on her face of absolute terror, like I had something growing off my head (later just found out she was really munted and fucked up and there was nothing wrong, but the look on her face disturbed me a bit)

So I took my shit (which REALLY fucking stank REALLY fucking bad... worst smell ever I believe) and cleaned myself up and stood in front of the mirror. I was tripping REALLY hard, but I still somehow knew that I wasn't tripping as hard as I was going to be pretty soon, I decided to get myself out of the bathroom and back to the safety of the bed before I did something terrible.  After a vicious struggle out of the window, I headed back into the house and stood in the kitchen.

"How are you feeling, man?" asked Rob.

"Not sure. Just starting. Don't think I'm going to be able to sleep."

"It's cool dude, I think I might finish this beer, have another cigarette, die a little bit more inside then go to bed". I pissed myself laughing at this, and I felt this feeling of connection to him, like we are these two little trooper kids on a journey through life, that have been together since the beginning of time.

"I fuckin love you, man".

he looked at me, smiled, and reciprocated.

Robin and I, as I said, have this really weird connection. I can't explain it. It's not at all homosexual or anything like that, but just this deeper understanding and appreciation of each other's minds. It's incredible and I feel so blessed to have it.

I tried to engage in their conversations but to no avail, I was tripping just too damn hard. I kept slipping sideways out of my own head. Reality was slipping away from me, but not too far, probably only a couple of inches outside of my mind. I went and lay back down and resumed my spot, trying to retain sanity by listening to Rob debating with some girl about the importance of deeper analytical thinking.

Then it began. The world as I knew it started contorting, as opposed to subtle visuals behind my eyelids, I started seeing INSANELY intricate geometric patterns, double helix's that would spiral out and form into squares, intenesly detailed patterns on the surfaces, with a lush landscape of intertwining alien vines behind them. I began seeing light flickering in my peripheral vision, like someone was flashing a strobe light in my face, which was a little uncomfortable, because I was kind of enjoying the helix's and whatnot, but the light was so bright that i had to open my eyes. The wooden roof and light bulb above me were morphing tremendously. Time began bending, I had opened my eyes to find that everyone had gone to bed, before Rob rolled over to sleep he looked over to me and said "you right, man?"
"not much I can do now. I'm going to have to ride this fucker out"

He told me to take care and went off to sleep. Let me tell you that the sound of 9 people snoring and breathing around you whilst tripping this hard (lvl 4 by shroomery standards) was not a pretty sound.
The world around me became foreign, encapsulating, like a prison. Here I was, alone, in a room full of sleeping people. The last thing I wanted to do was wake someone up and say "man, I'm tripping to hard, can you just sit there and make sure I'm still ok?" because I knew how inconsiderate it was.

I was alone.

The sounds of heavy breathing around me intensified and came in sloppy, confusing dollops and washed over me,dictating the hallucinations behind my eyelids. I was terrified, as I felt as if I was losing control of myself. I had a feeling that I was just lying there, completely still, wide eyed, looking around the room watching everything warp and morph in front of me, but really, my  mind was just stuck there whilst I was running around the room, killing people.
I began to feel like I was raping and strangling the girl next to me (this happened to me on my first shroom trip with my girlfriend), I thought I had killed her. I saw with my own eyes my hands reach out and grab her throat, then I came out of it and looked over and checked to see if she was still breathing, I was so relieved when I realised it was just a hallucination.

I started slipping deeper and deeper, the geometric images behind my eyes started changing from beautiful patterns and colours and shapes to images of my friends rotting before me, ageing a thousand years and falling apart. Pictures of my younger brother injecting heroin then overdosing and dying. Scenes of death and horror were taking over my thought processes. It was awful. I began to come back a little bit and thought "think happy thoughts... go to your happy place" and I began trying to visualise a Zen garden. I imagined a beautiful scene of rolling hills, ponds and trees, flowers and wildlife. I held it for a moment and was temporarily eased of my pain. It was beautiful. The images behind my eyes were amazing. I began to feel a little easy and forgot about the horrors, I thought I would be able to enjoy it from hereon in. Shpongle was playing over the stereo and 'Botanical Dimensions' had just come on (the CD was on repeat). I started getting more comfortable visualising this beautiful garden, when all of a sudden a giant hellish looking zombie-like creature appeared over the garden I was visualising, and tore it awway from me, and replaced it with melting corpses, horrifying images and spinning shapes and colours that were too intense.

I looked over to Rob who was sleeping peacefully, I saw him through the wicker-chair, and I started to feel as if my life had been slipping into this bastardly trip. Like from when I first dropped shrooms those 2 1/2 years ago, that I had actually 'left' reality and was stuck in this weird trip that is now my life, which is chasing the psychedelic experience, and all my friends are waiting for me outside of reality, waiting for me to snap out of this trip, this trip of being on drugs all the time. Like I'm 'missing out' on life because I'm always tripping in a way, even when I'm sober. Reality from this viewpoint looked so far away, and I heard Rob screaming from a distance "alex! snap out of it! WAKE UP!" (this was just a hallucination).

What had I been doing? Where was I really? These days I don't seem to care where I am, as long as I'm getting fucked up on something. Always chasing A drug. Always chasing THAT experience. Trying to force these weird ways of thinking into my head.

What's wrong with reality? Really?

I started slipping more, feeling like there was a little world outside of my trip, and although I felt like I was just lying there, I was really wandering around the room, making a mess, hurting people. None of this was, real, of course. I was simply lying there. Suffering this trip, but I knew that if I 'let go' then I would slip so far away that I would not return. It's not a matter of letting go, it's a matter of hanging on for dear life. I'm so fucking glad I did.

It started to get too much, all the noise of the snoring and the shit in my head was becoming too much. I went outside to take a piss, and walked around the side of the house. I had this awful feeling that although there were no people sitting around the fire, that there were people there, watching me piss, watching me make a fuck of myself. I closed my eyes and gave these invisible people the finger. Fuck em,I thought. If this is my trip, then fuck em. I don't care which end of reality I'm on.

I went back inside and lay down again, tried to get comfortable. I managed to find a good spot in the bed and just layed there and tried to hang on. It is so hard to describe truly how brutal it was. I felt like I had been in it for fucking HOURS. I started tripping at about 4.00am, and it felt like it had been decades, but it was only 4.30. This was going to be a long, lonely ride.

I remember the hardest bout of time dilation I experienced, I was lying there, and closed my eyes, and went off on this absolutely torturous thought loop that lasted infinity. I remember looking at the clock and it was 4.35, then I slipped away. I went off and contemplated anything. I'm insane. I'm insane. I'm insane. I'm insane. I'm insane. I'm fucking insane. This is it. Society has shunned me. I'm left out in the big bad cruel world on my own. I'm now an adult. Take care of yourself. I'm insane. I'm insane. I'm insane.

It was absolutely awful. I began to feel like this freak of society. This degenerate junkie who does nothing but causes inconvenience to all involved.

I'm insane. I'm insane. I am insane. When I am sober, I am insane. I am insane.

This went on for about 4 billion years, I slipped so far out of reality that I forgot who I was. It wasn't quite ego death, but it was damn near on the threshold. 

I started to return to reality, slowly, piece by piece. I had just embarked on a billion year journey, I was still tripping insanely hard, but the awful thought loop had ended.

I looked up to the clock.

4.35.

FUCK! It hadn't even been a fucking minute. Why did I do this to myself? I had noone else to blame for this and I fucking knew it. The shrooms were fucking kicking my ass for being so goddamned stupid. Absoulutely tearing me to shreds. Some of the most awful thoughts went through my head. my entire self had been deconstructed before my eyes, and all my thoughts, beliefs, personality traits, attributes, everything, was being reconstructed in this sloppy manner... proving to me just what a fucked up human being I really am, and how obscure and rediculous I seem to be.
It wasn't just that, every bit of it was true. It peeled away all the hopes that it was a lie. It's not a lie, it's the truth. 'You're one fucked up human being, me. You are so fucking weird. What is this? What is this thought? Why do you think that?'

I began to visualise Hunter Thompson, and understand why he would commit suicide. I began to see, through his eyes, suicide. I saw the gun going into my mouth. I felt the trigger beign pulled. I was convinced that I was some kind of reincarnation of Thompson, like his spirit somehow went into my head when he died, in a weird way, or a little bit of him at least. I felt petrified. I seriously wanted to kill myself to stop this madness. I didn't know how long I could take this any more. I began wondering if I could find a gun in the house, I wanted to quickest way out. I began wishing there was a gun, and then  being really glad that there wasn't a gun. I was so fucked up. I felt like my mind had completely turned against me. I started visualising and fantasizing about suicide. I just wanted it to end. By any means possible. I began to empathise with Thompson greatly, and understood why he would do it. Fuck it. It's not getting any better. Life can't go up from here. This is the edge. This is it. Death. Either suffer in the struggle, or let go and assimilate.

I tried to think of a way to escape the terror. I began thikning "perhaps if I focus the energy OUTWARDS as opposed to inward then I can escape the hell of my mind?"

I began trying to push the introspective bullshit outward. Tried focusing on the world outside, tried focusing on the beauty in the world, but it was no use. It all just kept crashing back down on top of me. It hurt so much. The pain in my head.

I started thinking shit... about the other night when I realised that I am me, when I was drivelling about God. "Holy fuck! Am I God? you know, created in his image, am I God? What the fuck? Is this God's confusion?

Then I heard something, this screaming that was getting louder and louder, it was Rob, and he was frantic. "HOLY FUCK! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" I opened my minds eye and I could see somewhere off in the distance that Robin and some other unknown people were standing around a table, and the girl I was lying next to was there dead.

All I could think was. "Am I God? Did I kill Bonnie? What did I do? Am I God?"

"YES! YOU'RE GOD AND YOU'VE FUCKING KILLED BONNIE!"

I slipped away again.

I literally went insane for damn near rest of the trip. Sick, twisted fantasies began seeping into my mind. Visions of me raping and killing the girl next to me. She'd been trying to touch me all night, and at one stage I was on top of her and we were making out, but it began to feel as if it were non-consentual and that I was in fact raping her (it was fine, but the trip just turned it nasty) so I realised it was a terrible idea and got off her and just rolled over and suffered some more.

There is an edge, as they say... and I went over it. I went well over it. Without actually having ego death, I died. I went insane. I felt the burden of insanity. The bounds of madness. The horror of the unkown. It was absolutely fucking terrible. I hated every second of it. They say the edge is the limit, but over that, there is no turning back. I left a piece of me back there that is going to be really hard to regain.

For the next agonising 6 or so hours, this continued well into the morning. I started coming down probably about 9am. The sun was up and it was a fucking beautiful day. There came a point when the madness just stopped and it just rested to gentle morphing and twisting of objects in the room. My thought process was back to as normal as it could be, but I was deeply traumatised by that experience. I realised what time it was and got out of bed, and felt absolutely haggard. I went and made myself a triple-strength coffee and sat down at the kitchen table and rolled a cigarette, then I pulled out my notebook.

I sat basking in the sun at the table and wrote down some notes.

This is what I wrote:

"First of all, an apology to those whom are forced to bare witness to this unfathomable creature that I am. A seemingless beast that is forever questioning everything. Perhaps I grow weary of the aimless quest I keep embarking upon.
Where is the excitement in testing the edges of insanity? Pushing the envelope to the furthest possible limit extreme?
There is creativity, and then there's just a whole new shade of fucked up where you'll never ever ever want to go, and no person should ever be subject to the immense power that is the human mind.
Solitude. Total and utter evil chaos.
Save me from this trip that is life."

I decided not to write any more, as I had just been drained of all energy. I was so fucking traumatised and scarred from the night I had just experienced it, but I blamed only myself. I felt like such a creature, but such an old creature at that.

People began to awaken around me, and eventually everyone was awake. I had nothing much to say to them other than "I'm sorry if I kept you awake with my thoughts", as I felt as if I had been disturbing people's dreams with the intensity of my thinking alone. They looked at me as if I were weird.

yeah, it's happening. I'm becoming weird.


I waited for Rob to open his eyes and said "Morning dude. Want a coffee?" and made him the most loving coffee ever.
He got up and drank his coffee. Everyone around me looked so young and fresh and full of life and potential. Blooming flowers in the garden of life, and I felt like this haggard, scattery drug fucked creature crashing around their delicate world spewing drugs and philosophical nonsense everywhere I go. What the fuck am I doing on this planet?

The trip eventually subsided and I was back to baseline, but very very very shaken and deeply traumatised. I can't convey how distraught I felt. Not so much physical anxiety or anything, just sheer trauma.

After Robin had woken up a little more he said "how are you feeling man? how did those shrooms treat you?"

I looked at him for a second.

"I dunno man. I went to a place no person should ever have to go. I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy. I went insane last night, man. I went over the fucking edge.
But you know, I think I fought a battle that needed to be fought. I don't know if I won or not, but I really went over the edge. Fucking scary shit."

Rob acknowledged this and agreed. He was really understanding. Eventually we went out onto the verandah and sat down and took in the sunlight. The world went about it's usual business as we sat there and recovered from our big night (everyone else was really hungover).

I felt like I had just landed on a strange planet. Like I had just gone on this realy strange voyage and all of a sudden the world looked so inviting, like, for fucks sake... what is wrong with reality? Why alter it like that? It's great to be able to see it from 'the other side' but this kind of abuse is just not tolerable for much longer.

Eventually we left and went back to the boys place. The car ride home was spent reflecting on the night. In fact, the rest of the day was spent reflecting. I felt so fucked up. I felt so unsure about myself, about my mind, about my reality. It is truly time to stop. This is it. This CANNOT go on.

When we returned, I spent the rest of the day awkwardly pottering around. I felt so distraught. I had truly confirmed my insanity. I had been awake all night, and it got to around 2am the next night and I still was far from sleep, every attempt just resulted in fever dreams that were had whilst I was still awake, and sick fantasies, and serious questioning of my sanity. I decided to go down and smoke some pot with Rob to try and calm my nerves and put me to sleep, I knew it would probably make me feel worse, but I didn't care. I needed to dull the madness a little.

Luckily for me, it worked. We went down to the shed and I smoked a couple of bongs. I talked to Rob about what I had experienced and he was a great help.

I told him about the moment when I was beginning to think I was god and he said something that was kind of scary.

"You know man, in a way... you kind of are God, well, to this group anyway. Everyone looks up to you. Everyone comes to you with their questions because you have the answers. You're the wisest fucking person I know, you have so much knowledge and wisdom that it defies belief", he rambled on like that for a while, but it didn't ease any of the confusion.

Was I God on the tail end of a shroom trip?

Sometimes I feel so superior, so much more aware, so weirdly familiar with the world that sometimes I think I am this little piece of God (before you question me, please read my "DMT+LSD+N20" report and "MEANING OF LIFE" report. I'm not saying I am 'God' as such, but, meh. Read those and you'll understand)


Was I God questioning his own sanity? (reminds me of a quote:

"I am a figment of my own imagination.
I am a part in this universe
.:
I am the universe experiencing itself.
I am the universe questioning itself. " - me)

After Rob told me this, I said "yeah, but man, after last night... I've decided I think I'm fucking insane. like, even when I'm sober I'm insane. I have such a fucked up perspective on things, and I think so far out there like this that it's just holding me back, I keep procrastinating in this retarded manner by sitting here like this and philosophising uselessly on retarded crap like the meaning and purpose of the universe, life, God, spirituality etc"

he said "yeah, but your view is so unique and credible that it's influenced the way I and a lot of our friends think. You've really blown us away sometimes"/

I don't know, but the weed was starting to take effect and I went to bed and slept for a good 20 hours, which was heaven because all I wanted to do was escape my mind in peaceful slumber.


I woke up the next day, and for the next week or so we spent jamming out tunes down in the shed which was really good and therapeutic.

The week tore on and my holidays were drawing to a close, but a couple of days before I left, Rob and I were drinking some wine and got real drunk, and randomly decided to eat a few shrooms.

He ate a lot more than he should have, and I watched him go through pretty much the same trip as I did the week before. I spent most of my night comforting him, and he was talking a lot about suicide and how he was fucking crazy and "it all comes back to WHY?". So many questions with no answers at all, unwanted madness, fraying thought patterns that prove useless, the ming blooming into a flower of insanity. And yeah, that was pretty hard, but I'm glad I was there for him because I know how hard it is doing that kind of thing alone.

So, this is pretty much my conclusion. I went to the fucking edge, no, I went well over the fucking edge. I left out 2 other shroom trips in this report because they are relatively unimportant but I will say now that they weren't that intense, but they were equally as fucking gay in events that happened, but this experience has left me deeply traumatised. I am ok now, but I still look back on it and it brings tears to my eyes to think of what I went through. This hasn't made me hate psychedelics, it has strengthened my respect for them. The shrooms fucking kicked my arse, but although it was horrible, I'm glad it happened. It was one of those things that needed to happen to snap me back into line.

however, on the downside, since then I think it has had a fair mental effect on me. I feel a lot slower (although perhaps half of this can be blamed on fatigue and lack of sleep lately because I stay up so fucking late on this goddamned computer) now and my attention span has shortened, and I am having trouble grasping conversation and concepts. I find myself trailing off on weird thought tangents and questioing myself and the universe. I have become a lot more aware of this universe and all other nothingness outside of it, the power of 'god', the power of love, the power of the mind (and also the weakness) and whatnot, but I definately left a part of myself in that trip somewhere that I hope someway to get back through wholesome means.

I have never questioned the power of the mushroom, but I have become careless lately with their use, but this lesson has truly shaken me hard. It has left me deeply hurt, but I'm glad it happened. Idon't condemn this experience, but like I said... it needed to happen.

Thanks for reading.

I apologise that this report isn't of my usual 'cosmic bullshit' standard, this is a lot more personal than my other reports, but if you found this interesting then I encourage you to read my other reports that can be found in my shroomery journal.


Think big.

-x

Edited by indica (03/18/09 10:57 PM)

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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: indica]
    #7135365 - 07/05/07 11:17 PM (16 years, 8 months ago)

thanks for writing it
a great read


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:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:

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OfflineJohn Smith
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: redgreenvines]
    #7141614 - 07/07/07 10:25 AM (16 years, 8 months ago)

great read indeed.

you are not insane. you are unsane.beyond insanity.:sun:

"I am the universe experiencing itself.
I am the universe questioning itself."


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I have no idea what I am talking about but I do know I say things you don't understand and if you do understand what I am saying then you are wrong.

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Invisiblemecreateme
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: indica]
    #7141745 - 07/07/07 11:05 AM (16 years, 8 months ago)

You must be me.

Great report. And how ironic that you have a disclaimer, this is definitely up to your standards.


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No ONE wants to know the ultimate TRUTH, as soon as YOU find IT out, YOU want to forget IT.

You are everything's way of feeling itself.

Happy Schwag, everygodly!

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Offlinehalf9
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: indica]
    #7144001 - 07/07/07 10:22 PM (16 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

xk3m_indica said:


however, on the downside, since then I think it has had a fair mental effect on me. I feel a lot slower (although perhaps half of this can be blamed on fatigue and lack of sleep lately because I stay up so fucking late on this goddamned computer) now and my attention span has shortened, and I am having trouble grasping conversation and concepts. I find myself trailing off on weird thought tangents and questioing myself and the universe. I have become a lot more aware of this universe and all other nothingness outside of it, the power of 'god', the power of love, the power of the mind (and also the weakness) and whatnot, but I definately left a part of myself in that trip somewhere that I hope someway to get back through wholesome means.


-x




I know exactly what your feeling, what your thinking about. I too have a hard time grasping conversation and concepts. I feel a bit slower but at the same time I look around me and see the universe.

The universe is talking to me, I am talking to the universe but people will never understand... The upside of this is that I feel more peace witht he world. It hardly takes much to make me happy, I rather be in good company with friends then getting "fucked up". Money means shit to me, I could care less what people say or think about me. I see things they dont see. I understand things they dont understand...

Its a very interesting world we live in...


--------------------
P.L.U.R.
Salvia Report - 50x

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Invisibleindica
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: half9]
    #7144999 - 07/08/07 02:41 AM (16 years, 8 months ago)

True, I could probably accept this but it means me ont being at peace with myself. I feel like I'm failing in my life if I keep doing these drugs, like I'm letting myself down, so therefore I couldn't be at peace with myself or the world because I'm disappointing it all, including myself.

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InvisibleRobMarley420
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: indica]
    #7154282 - 07/09/07 11:18 PM (16 years, 8 months ago)

Nice report.

Moderation is key!


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InvisibleFeanor
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: indica]
    #7203146 - 07/20/07 04:03 PM (16 years, 7 months ago)

Dude, that was a great read! :thumbup:

Don't worry, you're just as sane as I am. :smile:

Man, I now exactly how you felt when you had to take that monster shit! :yesnod: It's horrible having to take a shit during a trip, just downright horrible. A year or so ago, when I had a trip just like the one you did where you went quite literally insane, I had to take a massive shit. I had an Ego death and was just coming down from it. During this moment, taking a shit felt extremely fucked up. I believed that something didn't feel right, that perhaps I had been raped, and this was the reason as to why everything didn't feel 'right'. Yep, just like you, I had gone over the edge that night. However, just like you, as painful (I'm not talking about shit pains, but about mental pains :wink:) as the experience was, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

Keep up the exploration. I really enjoyed reading your report. To be honest, it was the best I've ever read. :sun:

You really remind me a bit of, well, me!


--------------------

May Terence McKenna Live Long

The DMT Chronicles

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OfflineDavid.Hulse
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: indica]
    #7228825 - 07/27/07 12:23 AM (16 years, 7 months ago)

You and your friends seem like an older version of me and mine... My friend T and I like to philosophize and bullshit.. another one, Tm, used to be there with us.. but he's drifted off into drunken driving and sex parties.. not our bag to say the least. Don't worry about being insane.. if you're as similar to us as I think you are.. you've thought about Unified Consciousness... you've hit the main nerve.. are you connected to everything? ARE you everything? You're you to me.. but you're me to you...

Edit: I forgot to tell you! I've had some wierd crap happen to me... once I took shrooms and went on a trip to a town about 30 miles away.. we went to someone's house that I'd never been before, luckily there was a person that I HAD met there so I had some way of knowing who I was dealing with.. but the whole thing freaked me out because I couldn't figure out if the guy who owned the place wanted me there and it was scaring the shit out of me.. the last thing I wanted to do was be giving off bad vibes when I could so easily be vibed in a bad way... Once we left we went to KFC before we drove back home and the drivethrough took what seemed like hours.. I looked behind us and there was a HUGE line of cars behind us and it was 1030 at night (kind of a smaller town... I've never seen so many cars in a drivethrough at that time) and I was convinced we were all fucked up because my friends had stolen my shrooms and we were about to get arrested (they didn't steal them... I sold them earlier I was just being a moron)... I waited... and I came to a resolution that freaking is what was going to make people call cops.. the only things that happen are the things you dream into reality so I changed my perspective until I got home.. when my other friend really started aggravating me. He started making empty excuses... that he couldn't go home, and he couldn't walk to a friends for a ride to my house because of curfew... needless to say I ended up driving my van home with him my first time on mushrooms and it was a terrifying drive. I pulled onto the highway without checking to see if cars were coming.. everything was fine.. but good lord we could have died then and there. The entire time I just needed some reassurance.. he finally gave it too me about halfway home I was freaking and he's like "DUDE.. JUST CHILL IT'S GONNA BE COOL!" and I did.. I just told him.. keep telling me it's alright.. and he did.. and I was fine.

Edited by David.Hulse (07/27/07 12:34 AM)

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Offlinechipotlee
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: David.Hulse]
    #7230758 - 07/27/07 02:24 PM (16 years, 7 months ago)

im big fan of hunter s thompson. I dont think he suicide because of this world life but the fact he was old and knew the end was near. so he just rush the process and rather not live shitting himself and be helpless and not being able to take care of himself.

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OfflineAtrocitY
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: David.Hulse]
    #7230826 - 07/27/07 02:42 PM (16 years, 7 months ago)

Thanks for the report dude. I think a lot of us have been through similar shit. Life can be rough, but don't give up. :mushroom2: :crazy2:

btw - read my sig, maybe you can take something from it.


--------------------
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass
It's about learning to dance in the rain

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Offlineskunkape
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: AtrocitY]
    #7232090 - 07/27/07 09:31 PM (16 years, 7 months ago)

you're a really good writer, I enjoyed reading what you had to say.
I once had a pretty horrible trip like that although it didnt feel as long as what you described. I started the trip by taking a walk through my woods, where I found some sort of cat skull (imagine big eye sockets and fangs) so I picked it up with a stick and took it back to the house where I stuck it in the garden. I was tripping hard by now. I went inside and began to believe that I was a rich man who had gone insane. I was sweating profusely and frantically serching for a way to ease the burden of the bad trip. I also had a thought loop that kept playing over and over in my head "the mushrooms...the mushrooms" but I never made the connection that I was even on mushrooms. Instead I went up to my room and tore up a shroom cake I had been growing and left it scattered on my floor. I also had thoughts of suicide while I was going through all this...it was so shitty. I later went back to the garden and chucked that little skull back into the woods where it wouldnt put off anymore bad vibes.
Gotta respect those mushrooms man


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OfflineDavid.Hulse
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: skunkape]
    #7232343 - 07/27/07 11:06 PM (16 years, 7 months ago)

lol.. I had thought loops the night I told you about. They went "I ate a mushroom, and now something is going to happen... I'll either die, or I'll go on a trip. I ate a mushroom, and now something is going to happen..."

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Offlineretrospect
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: David.Hulse]
    #7239023 - 07/30/07 03:05 AM (16 years, 7 months ago)

Your trip sounds exactly like mine. Maybe it's just the vibes from piss ups, cause I was at a party surrounded by drunks when I had an intensely bad trip. I was alone, I felt all those things you said you felt, that report reminded me very much of my trip. Great read, I thouroughly enjoyed it.

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OfflineSebastian23
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: retrospect]
    #7240456 - 07/30/07 04:11 PM (16 years, 7 months ago)

I always enjoy reading your trip reports. Another good read!


--------------------
"If the words 'life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness' don't include the right to experiment
with your own consciousness, then the Declaration of Independence isn't worth the hemp
it was written on."
-Terence McKenna
Marijuana Myths Debunked

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OfflineConnemaraMarble
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: Sebastian23]
    #7248081 - 08/01/07 03:48 PM (16 years, 7 months ago)

That was an amazing report, thanks for sharing it man.

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OfflineMrClam
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: ConnemaraMarble]
    #7263330 - 08/05/07 06:49 PM (16 years, 7 months ago)

Great trip report, I couldn't stop reading it.


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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: MrClam]
    #7266181 - 08/06/07 12:22 PM (16 years, 7 months ago)

Excellent report. Thank you for writing it.


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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: Syntaxerror]
    #7296811 - 08/15/07 07:59 AM (16 years, 7 months ago)

wow everyone thanks for all the feedback! I forgot to check the replies

It has now been about 2 and a half months since this whole experience and I can say I feel a bit better for it. I have notice that I haven't been writing as much as I used to, but I put it down to a weird schedule and just a general 'flat spot' in my life at the moment.

Although I'm definately feeling more stable than I was after this experience, it has still left me somewhat scarred and I look back on it with a weird feeling of sadness.

Thanks again, you're all great.

<3 shroomery

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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: indica]
    #7302849 - 08/16/07 10:16 PM (16 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

xk3m_indica said:

Although I'm definately feeling more stable than I was after this experience, it has still left me somewhat scarred and I look back on it with a weird feeling of sadness.

Thanks again, you're all great.






I've got a question. Why do you think you feel sad when you think about the experience?

BTW - Nah, man, don't thank us! Thank yourself for writing this excellent piece of art.


--------------------

May Terence McKenna Live Long

The DMT Chronicles

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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: Feanor]
    #7311155 - 08/19/07 03:39 PM (16 years, 6 months ago)

that was a great read, and well written.

Quote:

"It's cool dude" and then he said something that only Robin would say that made me laugh, I don't remember exactly what it was, but I felt this feeling of connection to him, like we are these two little trooper kids on a journey through life, that have been together since the beginning of time.

"I fuckin love you, man".





haha i love that part.

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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: Feanor]
    #7312619 - 08/19/07 11:32 PM (16 years, 6 months ago)

I'm not so sure. It's hard to explain. I look back on it with a certain aspect of sadness because, mostly, it was a very traumatic experience.

I am somewhat saddened that my mind has a hard time dealing and enjoying psychedelics. I ingest these substances somewhat frequently, and I constantly come back to the same thing:

"this is not for you" but there is something in there that I keep goingback to find. There is something there that I feel I will find, something in my mind.
I can't explain it that well, but I had a flash of insight on Saturday night when I was on some 2c-e.

I thought "I'm looking for that experience... where your perception is clear"
then I thought - DERRR - it's called 'reality' at about a dose of life milligrams.

Well, fuck.

I'm not sure I should still be doing these substances. It's not like I'm taking them all the time, I do a different substance probbaly once a month maybe less. But there is something I am yet tofind, and I feel that once I hit the DMT breakthrough, I will have reached the end of my drug intake.

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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: indica]
    #8333028 - 04/27/08 01:34 AM (15 years, 10 months ago)

It's a bit late to reply now, but I only read this report last night. As I was reading it I couldn't help but feel a connection to you, it's as if I wrote this myself man. I have a friend just like Rob and some of the stuff you experienced is eerily similar to what I have experienced over the past few years.
Great report, thanks for posting this.

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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: lukey2411]
    #8346489 - 04/30/08 04:31 PM (15 years, 10 months ago)

Cheers buddy. Thanks for the late reply.

I remembered what Robin said that night, he brought it up in conversation not too long ago.

As I was going to bed to try and sleep, I asked him what he was doing he said

"I dunno, maybe have another beer, smoke a cone, dunno... smoke a ciggie maybe and die a little bit more inside"

I fucking love that kid.

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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: indica]
    #8403313 - 05/14/08 11:13 PM (15 years, 10 months ago)

I have a similar quote.
Once I was discussing what I would take from my house if it was burning down; iPod and camera.

I asked him the same question to which he replied.

"I'd probably just stay."
It was pretty intense, but such a good call. haha

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Invisibleindica
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: lukey2411]
    #8418500 - 05/18/08 10:49 PM (15 years, 9 months ago)

where abouts in melb are you?

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Offlinelukey2411
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: indica]
    #8418787 - 05/19/08 12:15 AM (15 years, 9 months ago)

Eastern suburbs. Ringwood.

Still in Tassie?

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Invisibleindica
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: lukey2411]
    #8419076 - 05/19/08 02:36 AM (15 years, 9 months ago)

somewhere around that area.

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Offlinelukey2411
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: indica]
    #8419230 - 05/19/08 06:15 AM (15 years, 9 months ago)

Tassie or Ringwood?

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Invisibleindica
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: lukey2411]
    #8419246 - 05/19/08 06:28 AM (15 years, 9 months ago)

somewhere soouth of the equator

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Offlinelukey2411
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: indica]
    #8419253 - 05/19/08 06:33 AM (15 years, 9 months ago)

Oh, I know the place!

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Invisibleindica
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: lukey2411]
    #8419304 - 05/19/08 07:06 AM (15 years, 9 months ago)

yeh it's that little place just south of the northern hemisphere! you can't miss it! turn left at the big continent thingy

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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: indica]
    #8419305 - 05/19/08 07:08 AM (15 years, 9 months ago)

Yeah, just past the old milk bar right?

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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: lukey2411]
    #8419309 - 05/19/08 07:09 AM (15 years, 9 months ago)

Ringwood hey. You in my hood.


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"Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music." - George Carlin

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Offlinelukey2411
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: DepthToTheCore]
    #8419314 - 05/19/08 07:11 AM (15 years, 9 months ago)

This is MY hood fool. Ringwood East to be exact.

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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: lukey2411]
    #8419316 - 05/19/08 07:13 AM (15 years, 9 months ago)

Yeah im on the fringes of da north homie. Shrooms are abundant around here, get into it.


--------------------


"Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music." - George Carlin

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Invisibleindica
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: DepthToTheCore]
    #8419320 - 05/19/08 07:17 AM (15 years, 9 months ago)

why don't you two get a room?

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Offlinelukey2411
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: DepthToTheCore]
    #8419321 - 05/19/08 07:17 AM (15 years, 9 months ago)

Notorious, I'll PM you.

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Invisibleindica
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: lukey2411]
    #8419325 - 05/19/08 07:21 AM (15 years, 9 months ago)

haha

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InvisibleDepthToTheCore
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: indica]
    #8419330 - 05/19/08 07:24 AM (15 years, 9 months ago)

You are from Tasmania, you are jealous you can't be friends with us.

Poor little xk3m.


--------------------


"Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music." - George Carlin

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Invisibleindica
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: DepthToTheCore]
    #8419332 - 05/19/08 07:24 AM (15 years, 9 months ago)

:razz:

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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: indica]
    #8419333 - 05/19/08 07:25 AM (15 years, 9 months ago)

:sissies:


--------------------


"Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music." - George Carlin

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Invisibleindica
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: indica]
    #8419334 - 05/19/08 07:25 AM (15 years, 9 months ago)

sif i want to be friends with faggot melbourners and your faggot water restrictions

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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: indica]
    #8419337 - 05/19/08 07:27 AM (15 years, 9 months ago)

Desalinitation plant ftw!

Post whoring in fagboys journal ftl.

:bucktoothfattygangsta:

^xk3m


--------------------


"Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music." - George Carlin

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Invisibleindica
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: DepthToTheCore]
    #8419340 - 05/19/08 07:29 AM (15 years, 9 months ago)

getting stabbed at trainstations FTW

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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: indica]
    #8419343 - 05/19/08 07:32 AM (15 years, 9 months ago)

Getting bashed on a beach FTW!

:hillbilly:

^He did it.

Owned.


--------------------


"Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music." - George Carlin

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Invisibleindica
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: DepthToTheCore]
    #8419349 - 05/19/08 07:42 AM (15 years, 9 months ago)

bashed on a beach?

ummm wtf are you talking about? retard

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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: DepthToTheCore]
    #8421173 - 05/19/08 06:21 PM (15 years, 9 months ago)

Good read. I get a lot of the same things I think you have xk3m. I have strange connections with my one friend while my other friends always seem to just miss all the shit me and my friend are experiencing. I also have the feeling everytime of, "What are you looking for?" I feel like I've found everything I need to know, infinity and beyond. Yet, like you said, I have this urge to go back to this state of mind and I feel like I'm on the brink of discovery inside my mind. While, really, I know that this is just the road to true insanity, but it's almost like I want to take it. Life is fucking strange. I feel if I don't take this pathway I'm missing out on everything that means absolutely everything, but if I do keep it up I'll live a life of hell, one that I can't even imagine, just being fucked in the head. This is the sort of thought loop I often encounter where everything becomes nothing and I become lost in infinity. If that at all makes sense.

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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: strawedberry]
    #8423227 - 05/20/08 06:00 AM (15 years, 9 months ago)

that's pretty much the meat and potatoes of it all. :strokebeard:

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OfflineSurwin_Maxawow
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: Feanor]
    #8467523 - 05/31/08 02:24 PM (15 years, 9 months ago)

I do not have much time right now to really absorb all that was written in this post, and I have to run off to something important in about 1 minute.
I've just been able 'skim' over what really looks to be a very good, and
'Honest' post. I think real honesty from the heart speaks loud and clear to most people because its what we all need to hear.

So I'll definitely remember this post and come back to it later when I have more time.

Take care....and expect to see me later with a much better reply.

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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: Feanor]
    #9770328 - 02/10/09 03:06 AM (15 years, 1 month ago)

That trip report put me on a trip eh. Best one ive read to date. :thumbup:


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:mushroom2::mushroom2::mushroom2: BREAK FREE :mushroom2::mushroom2::mushroom2:

"Someone described insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result each time. That's a perfect description of the war on drugs."

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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: Stoi]
    #9774117 - 02/10/09 07:52 PM (15 years, 1 month ago)

Great read, Haven't seen xkem in a while. Wonder what hes up.


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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: DeathCompany]
    #9776649 - 02/11/09 01:45 AM (15 years, 1 month ago)

I speak to him regularly. He is working at sea, on a big cargo ship that hauls aluminium from Perth to Melbourne. He has got some time off in March i think so i won't be surprised if he pops his head in.


--------------------


"Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music." - George Carlin

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Invisibleindica
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: DepthToTheCore]
    #9865393 - 02/25/09 07:45 PM (15 years, 25 days ago)

"I think I might finish this beer, have another cigarette, die a little bit more inside"

Edited by indica (03/18/09 10:56 PM)

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InvisibleAltered States
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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: indica]
    #12774736 - 06/20/10 05:06 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

I think it's time to either buck up and be a man,stop fucking winning or quit tripping!!! There's nothing worse then listening to a child's nonsensical ravings about imaginary fears and danger!!!  Grow up, and get some balls dude!!! people like you give mind expansion a bad rap!!


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SUPPORT M.A.P.S. "MULTIDISCIPLINARY ASSOCATION FOR PSYCHEDELIC STUDIES"

DRUMMING ON THE EDGE OF MADNESS!!

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Re: A fortnight of shrooming - a deeply traumatic experience [Re: Altered States]
    #12776081 - 06/20/10 09:47 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Altered States said:
I think it's time to either buck up and be a man,stop fucking winning or quit tripping!!! There's nothing worse then listening to a child's nonsensical ravings about imaginary fears and danger!!!  Grow up, and get some balls dude!!! people like you give mind expansion a bad rap!!



:facepalm:


--------------------
¿Check out some art m8?


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