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Diploid
Cuban
Registered: 01/09/03
Posts: 19,274
Loc: Rabbit Hole
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ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women)
#7099167 - 06/27/07 02:44 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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My ex just sent this to me:
HIM:
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Insert card
3. Enter PIN number and account
4. Take cash, card and receipt
5. Leave
HER:
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Check makeup in rearview mirror
3. Shut off engine
4. Put keys in purse
5. Get out of car because she’s too far from machine
6. Hunt for card in purse
7. Insert card
8. Hunt in purse for tampon wrapper with PIN number written on it
9. Enter PIN number
10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes.
11. Hit “cancel”
12. Re-enter correct PIN number
12a. Hit "cancel"
12b. Call boyfriend to get correct PIN number
13. Check balance
14. Look for envelope
15. Look in purse for pen
16. Make out deposit slip
17. Endorse checks
18. Make deposit
19. Study instructions
20. Make cash withdrawal
21. Get in car
22. Check makeup
23. Look for keys
24. Start car
25. Check makeup
26. Start pulling away
27. STOP
28. Back up to machine
29. Get out of car
30. Take card and receipt
31. Get back in car
32. Put card in wallet
33. Put receipt in checkbook
34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook
35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook
36. Check makeup
37. Put car in gear, reverse
38. Put car in drive
39. Drive away from machine
40. Travel 3 miles
41. Release parking brake
-------------------- Republican Values: 1) You can't get married to your spouse who is the same sex as you. 2) You can't have an abortion no matter how much you don't want a child. 3) You can't have a certain plant in your possession or you'll get locked up with a rapist and a murderer. 4) We need a smaller, less-intrusive government.
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drSE
Pseudo Reality
Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 4,432
Loc: Twighlight Zone
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Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: Diploid]
#7099179 - 06/27/07 02:46 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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-------------------- Grow Room
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WhiskeyClone
Not here
Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,509
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Canada ...
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Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: Diploid]
#7099203 - 06/27/07 02:51 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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-------------------- Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it. ~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"
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jewunit
Brutal!
Registered: 01/11/07
Posts: 34,264
Loc: Ohio
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Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: Diploid]
#7099208 - 06/27/07 02:51 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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I thought this was going to be about finishing an ass to mouth session.
-------------------- !
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Acidic_Sloth
Acidic poly-Sided Di-slothamide
Registered: 05/29/02
Posts: 43,732
Loc: ainrofilac
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Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: Diploid]
#7099216 - 06/27/07 02:53 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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-------------------- -- Accept my heart warming gift of TREE SCRATCHIES!!! I absolve thee!! -- JaP: 30,000 lines of gay, cock, and fag can't be wrong Ped: only in #shroomery is "smuggle opium in her ass" followed by "i don't want shitty opium" which is followed by " *** Joins: PENISSQUAD" -- JaP: What would this place be without random sluts? JaP: Nothing, I tell you.
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drSE
Pseudo Reality
Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 4,432
Loc: Twighlight Zone
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Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: jewunit]
#7099217 - 06/27/07 02:53 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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that would have been a better ending
-------------------- Grow Room
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Banez
Stranger
Registered: 09/23/05
Posts: 15,181
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Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: drSE]
#7099532 - 06/27/07 04:14 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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ATM- ass to mouth.. that was brillant jew.
no i hate how unprepared for life females are.. my fiancee is about 9 months younger than me, yet still doesnt have her GED, just got her temp license, and doesnt have a car. not to mention she doesnt work.
so yeah.. i know where u are coming from.. i fucking hate how we will wait in line for like 10 mins at the grocery store, watch the clerk scan all the groceries, and when shes paying.. she waits until the clerk asks her to pay to start looking for her debit card. drives me nutz.
im one of those kind of people that has their car keys in my hand when i walk out the door.. not in my pocket. always prepared.
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adrug
Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 15,800
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Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: Diploid]
#7099553 - 06/27/07 04:18 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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That's hardly funny....
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OneMoreRobot3021
Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 61,026
Loc: the sky
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Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: adrug]
#7099559 - 06/27/07 04:19 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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Drive-through ATM's? This exists?
-------------------- Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake. -Erik Davis
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Banez
Stranger
Registered: 09/23/05
Posts: 15,181
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hell yes it does..
here in ohio we also have drive thru carryouts for alcohol and tabacco. sometimes weed depending on who is working.
Amen for Drive-Thru's.
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adrug
Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 15,800
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Are you joking?
You've never seen a drive thru ATM?
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OneMoreRobot3021
Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 61,026
Loc: the sky
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Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: adrug]
#7099580 - 06/27/07 04:23 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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I mean I guess it makes sense.
-------------------- Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake. -Erik Davis
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adrug
Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 15,800
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God forbid people have to park and get out of thier cars, right?
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buckwheat
Cynically Insane
Registered: 12/09/02
Posts: 11,179
Loc: Not Enough Characters to ...
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lol thats pretty amusing that you didn't know that.
any way im pretty sure there was a better version of that joke i don't know why someone had to fuck with it.
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Digs
Stranger
Registered: 07/06/03
Posts: 1,291
Loc: aca
Last seen: 14 years, 28 days
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Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: adrug]
#7099640 - 06/27/07 04:47 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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40-41 were cute~
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Helixx
Mood:Fragglerocked
Registered: 06/07/07
Posts: 1,623
Last seen: 10 years, 4 months
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Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: Digs]
#7099654 - 06/27/07 04:54 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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26-30 are so true lol
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Diploid
Cuban
Registered: 01/09/03
Posts: 19,274
Loc: Rabbit Hole
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Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: adrug]
#7099758 - 06/27/07 05:19 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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That's hardly funny....
You're just saying that cuz you're a girl.
-------------------- Republican Values: 1) You can't get married to your spouse who is the same sex as you. 2) You can't have an abortion no matter how much you don't want a child. 3) You can't have a certain plant in your possession or you'll get locked up with a rapist and a murderer. 4) We need a smaller, less-intrusive government.
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LayYouIn
Taurus
Registered: 09/28/06
Posts: 4,402
Loc: Organ
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Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: Diploid]
#7100059 - 06/27/07 06:40 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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Gumby
Fishnologist
Registered: 06/13/01
Posts: 26,656
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Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: Diploid]
#7100086 - 06/27/07 06:46 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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LOLOL.... I'm gonna send that to my ex.
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Gumby
Fishnologist
Registered: 06/13/01
Posts: 26,656
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Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: adrug]
#7100116 - 06/27/07 06:50 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
adrug said: Are you joking?
You've never seen a drive thru ATM?
Dude he lives in NYC. You never need to drive there.
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ToTheSummit
peregrinus
Registered: 08/22/99
Posts: 9,126
Loc: Las Vegas
Last seen: 1 month, 22 days
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Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: Diploid]
#7100907 - 06/27/07 09:18 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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In all fairness I'll post this one. First saw it a few years ago..
Women Vs. Men - The Oil Change
Oil Change instructions for Women:
1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change. 2. Drink a cup of coffee. 3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent: Oil Change $20.00 Coffee $ 1.00 Total $21.00
Oil Change instructions for Men:
1. Go to auto parts store and write a check for $40.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree. 2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard. 3. Open a beer and drink it. 4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. 5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. 6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it. 7. Place drain pan under engine. 8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench. 9. Give up and use crescent wrench. 10. Unscrew drain plug. 11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in process. 12. Clean up mess. 13. Have another beer while watching oil drain. 14. Look for oil filter wrench. 15. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off. 16. Beer. 17. Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow. 18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. 19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18. 20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday. 21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer. 22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface. 23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine. 24. Remember drain plug from step 11. 25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. 26. Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug. 27. Drink beer. 28. Uncover hole and sift for drain plug. 29. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. 30. Drink beer. 31. Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame. 32. Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31. 33. Begin cussing fit and throw wrench. 34. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December in the left boob. 35. Beer. 36. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil. 37. Lower car from jack stands and accidentally crush one. 38. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23. 39. Beer. 40. Test drive car. 41. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence. 42. Car gets impounded. 43. Make bail. 44. Get car from impound yard.
Money spent: Parts $40.00 DWI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1500.00 Beer $25.00 Total $4140.00 ----
-------------------- You invented the wheel....You push the motherfucker!!
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kosmic_charlie
Truckin' in style
Registered: 03/18/01
Posts: 5,203
Loc: Deep Elem
Last seen: 2 months, 23 days
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Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: ToTheSummit]
#7100944 - 06/27/07 09:22 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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I prefer the womens' way of changing oil.
-------------------- Goin' where the water tastes like wine.
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Diploid
Cuban
Registered: 01/09/03
Posts: 19,274
Loc: Rabbit Hole
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Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: ToTheSummit]
#7101279 - 06/27/07 10:22 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench. 9. Give up and use crescent wrench. 31. Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
-------------------- Republican Values: 1) You can't get married to your spouse who is the same sex as you. 2) You can't have an abortion no matter how much you don't want a child. 3) You can't have a certain plant in your possession or you'll get locked up with a rapist and a murderer. 4) We need a smaller, less-intrusive government.
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tiny_rabid_birds
Nocturnal
Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 15,653
Loc: estados unidos
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Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: Diploid]
#7101314 - 06/27/07 10:28 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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this was rather funny. i chuckled
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jewunit
Brutal!
Registered: 01/11/07
Posts: 34,264
Loc: Ohio
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Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: ToTheSummit]
#7101385 - 06/27/07 10:53 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
ToTheSummit said: 1. Go to auto parts store and write a check for $40.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
What kind of fucking auto parts store is that?
-------------------- !
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Diploid
Cuban
Registered: 01/09/03
Posts: 19,274
Loc: Rabbit Hole
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Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: jewunit]
#7101425 - 06/27/07 11:07 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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Kitty litter is the best thing to soak up liquid messes. You must never have changed the oil in your car yourself, eh?
-------------------- Republican Values: 1) You can't get married to your spouse who is the same sex as you. 2) You can't have an abortion no matter how much you don't want a child. 3) You can't have a certain plant in your possession or you'll get locked up with a rapist and a murderer. 4) We need a smaller, less-intrusive government.
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jewunit
Brutal!
Registered: 01/11/07
Posts: 34,264
Loc: Ohio
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Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: Diploid]
#7101432 - 06/27/07 11:08 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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Hell no, I do it the way the chicks do.
-------------------- !
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ToTheSummit
peregrinus
Registered: 08/22/99
Posts: 9,126
Loc: Las Vegas
Last seen: 1 month, 22 days
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Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: jewunit]
#7103625 - 06/28/07 02:08 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
jewunit said: Hell no, I do it the way the chicks do.
If that ain't signature material right there....
-------------------- You invented the wheel....You push the motherfucker!!
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implicitli
Registered: 09/18/06
Posts: 3,027
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Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: jewunit]
#7103632 - 06/28/07 02:10 PM (16 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
jewunit said: I thought this was going to be about finishing an ass to mouth session.
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