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InvisibleDiploidM
Cuban


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 01/09/03
Posts: 19,274
Loc: Rabbit Hole
ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women)
    #7099167 - 06/27/07 02:44 PM (16 years, 8 months ago)

My ex just sent this to me:

HIM:

1. Pull up to ATM

2. Insert card

3. Enter PIN number and account

4. Take cash, card and receipt

5. Leave

HER:

1. Pull up to ATM

2. Check makeup in rearview mirror

3. Shut off engine

4. Put keys in purse

5. Get out of car because she’s too far from machine

6. Hunt for card in purse

7. Insert card

8. Hunt in purse for tampon wrapper with PIN number written on it

9. Enter PIN number

10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes.

11. Hit “cancel”

12. Re-enter correct PIN number

12a. Hit "cancel"

12b. Call boyfriend to get correct PIN number

13. Check balance

14. Look for envelope

15. Look in purse for pen

16. Make out deposit slip

17. Endorse checks

18. Make deposit

19. Study instructions

20. Make cash withdrawal

21. Get in car

22. Check makeup

23. Look for keys

24. Start car

25. Check makeup

26. Start pulling away

27. STOP

28. Back up to machine

29. Get out of car

30. Take card and receipt

31. Get back in car

32. Put card in wallet

33. Put receipt in checkbook

34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook

35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook

36. Check makeup

37. Put car in gear, reverse

38. Put car in drive

39. Drive away from machine

40. Travel 3 miles

41. Release parking brake


--------------------
Republican Values:

1) You can't get married to your spouse who is the same sex as you.
2) You can't have an abortion no matter how much you don't want a child.
3) You can't have a certain plant in your possession or you'll get locked up with a rapist and a murderer.

4) We need a smaller, less-intrusive government.

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InvisibledrSE
Pseudo Reality
Male User Gallery


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 4,432
Loc: Twighlight Zone
Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: Diploid]
    #7099179 - 06/27/07 02:46 PM (16 years, 8 months ago)

:rofl:


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Grow Room


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InvisibleWhiskeyClone
Not here
Male User Gallery

Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,509
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Canada ...
Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: Diploid]
    #7099203 - 06/27/07 02:51 PM (16 years, 8 months ago)

:yesnod:


--------------------
Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:

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Invisiblejewunit
Brutal!
Male User Gallery
Registered: 01/11/07
Posts: 34,264
Loc: Ohio Flag
Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: Diploid]
    #7099208 - 06/27/07 02:51 PM (16 years, 8 months ago)

I thought this was going to be about finishing an ass to mouth session.


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!

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InvisibleAcidic_SlothM
Acidic poly-Sided Di-slothamide
 User Gallery

Registered: 05/29/02
Posts: 43,732
Loc: ainrofilac Flag
Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: Diploid]
    #7099216 - 06/27/07 02:53 PM (16 years, 8 months ago)

:rofl2:


--------------------
-- Accept my heart warming gift of TREE SCRATCHIES!!! I absolve thee!! --

JaP: 30,000 lines of gay, cock, and fag can't be wrong
Ped: only in #shroomery is "smuggle opium in her ass" followed by "i don't want shitty opium" which is followed by " *** Joins: PENISSQUAD"
--
JaP: What would this place be without random sluts?
JaP: Nothing, I tell you.


:heart: :todcasil: :heart:

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InvisibledrSE
Pseudo Reality
Male User Gallery


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 4,432
Loc: Twighlight Zone
Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: jewunit]
    #7099217 - 06/27/07 02:53 PM (16 years, 8 months ago)

that would have been a better ending


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Grow Room


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InvisibleBanez
Stranger
Male User Gallery


Registered: 09/23/05
Posts: 15,181
Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: drSE]
    #7099532 - 06/27/07 04:14 PM (16 years, 8 months ago)

ATM- ass to mouth.. that was brillant jew.

no i hate how unprepared for life females are.. my fiancee is about 9 months younger than me, yet still doesnt have her GED, just got her temp license, and doesnt have a car. not to mention she doesnt work.

so yeah.. i know where u are coming from.. i fucking hate how we will wait in line for like 10 mins at the grocery store, watch the clerk scan all the groceries, and when shes paying.. she waits until the clerk asks her to pay to start looking for her debit card. drives me nutz.

im one of those kind of people that has their car keys in my hand when i walk out the door.. not in my pocket. always prepared.


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Banez' PF Tek For Beginners

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Invisibleadrug

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 15,800
Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: Diploid]
    #7099553 - 06/27/07 04:18 PM (16 years, 8 months ago)

That's hardly funny....

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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
Male


Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 61,026
Loc: the sky
Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: adrug]
    #7099559 - 06/27/07 04:19 PM (16 years, 8 months ago)

Drive-through ATM's? This exists?


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis

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InvisibleBanez
Stranger
Male User Gallery


Registered: 09/23/05
Posts: 15,181
Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #7099566 - 06/27/07 04:21 PM (16 years, 8 months ago)

hell yes it does..

here in ohio we also have drive thru carryouts for alcohol and tabacco. sometimes weed depending on who is working.

Amen for Drive-Thru's.


--------------------
Banez' PF Tek For Beginners

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Invisibleadrug

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 15,800
Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #7099574 - 06/27/07 04:22 PM (16 years, 8 months ago)

Are you joking?

You've never seen a drive thru ATM?

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InvisibleOneMoreRobot3021
Male


Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 61,026
Loc: the sky
Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: adrug]
    #7099580 - 06/27/07 04:23 PM (16 years, 8 months ago)

I mean I guess it makes sense.


--------------------
Acid doesn't give you truths; it builds machines that push the envelope of perception. Whatever revelations came to me then have dissolved like skywriting. All I really know is that those few years saddled me with a faith in the redemptive potential of the imagination which, however flat, stale and unprofitable the world seems to me now, I cannot for the life of me shake.

-Erik Davis

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Invisibleadrug

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 15,800
Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #7099584 - 06/27/07 04:25 PM (16 years, 8 months ago)

God forbid people have to park and get out of thier cars, right?

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Invisiblebuckwheat
Cynically Insane


Registered: 12/09/02
Posts: 11,179
Loc: Not Enough Characters to ...
Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: OneMoreRobot3021]
    #7099623 - 06/27/07 04:40 PM (16 years, 8 months ago)

lol thats pretty amusing that you didn't know that.


any way im pretty sure there was a better version of that joke i don't know why someone had to fuck with it.

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OfflineDigs
Stranger
Male


Registered: 07/06/03
Posts: 1,291
Loc: aca
Last seen: 14 years, 28 days
Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: adrug]
    #7099640 - 06/27/07 04:47 PM (16 years, 8 months ago)

40-41 were cute~

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OfflineHelixx
Mood:Fragglerocked
Male User Gallery


Registered: 06/07/07
Posts: 1,623
Last seen: 10 years, 4 months
Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: Digs]
    #7099654 - 06/27/07 04:54 PM (16 years, 8 months ago)

26-30 are so true lol

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InvisibleDiploidM
Cuban


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 01/09/03
Posts: 19,274
Loc: Rabbit Hole
Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: adrug]
    #7099758 - 06/27/07 05:19 PM (16 years, 8 months ago)

That's hardly funny....

You're just saying that cuz you're a girl. :razz:


--------------------
Republican Values:

1) You can't get married to your spouse who is the same sex as you.
2) You can't have an abortion no matter how much you don't want a child.
3) You can't have a certain plant in your possession or you'll get locked up with a rapist and a murderer.

4) We need a smaller, less-intrusive government.

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InvisibleLayYouIn
Taurus
Male User Gallery


Registered: 09/28/06
Posts: 4,402
Loc: Organ
Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: Diploid]
    #7100059 - 06/27/07 06:40 PM (16 years, 8 months ago)

:lol::thumbup::thumbup:

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InvisibleGumby
Fishnologist
 User Gallery


Registered: 06/13/01
Posts: 26,656
Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: Diploid]
    #7100086 - 06/27/07 06:46 PM (16 years, 8 months ago)

LOLOL.... I'm gonna send that to my ex.

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InvisibleGumby
Fishnologist
 User Gallery


Registered: 06/13/01
Posts: 26,656
Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: adrug]
    #7100116 - 06/27/07 06:50 PM (16 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

adrug said:
Are you joking?

You've never seen a drive thru ATM?




Dude he lives in NYC. You never need to drive there.

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OfflineToTheSummit
peregrinus
 User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 08/22/99
Posts: 9,126
Loc: Las Vegas
Last seen: 1 month, 22 days
Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: Diploid]
    #7100907 - 06/27/07 09:18 PM (16 years, 8 months ago)

In all fairness I'll post this one. First saw it a few years ago..

Women Vs. Men - The Oil Change

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent: Oil Change $20.00 Coffee $ 1.00 Total $21.00

Oil Change instructions for Men:

1. Go to auto parts store and write a check for $40.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in process.
12. Clean up mess.
13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
16. Beer.
17. Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26. Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.
27. Drink beer.
28. Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
29. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
30. Drink beer.
31. Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32. Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33. Begin cussing fit and throw wrench.
34. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December in the left boob.
35. Beer.
36. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
37. Lower car from jack stands and accidentally crush one.
38. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
39. Beer.
40. Test drive car.
41. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
42. Car gets impounded.
43. Make bail.
44. Get car from impound yard.

Money spent: Parts $40.00 DWI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1500.00
Beer $25.00 Total $4140.00 ----


--------------------
You invented the wheel....You push the motherfucker!!

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Offlinekosmic_charlie
Truckin' in style
Male User Gallery

Registered: 03/18/01
Posts: 5,203
Loc: Deep Elem
Last seen: 2 months, 23 days
Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: ToTheSummit]
    #7100944 - 06/27/07 09:22 PM (16 years, 8 months ago)

:lol:

I prefer the womens' way of changing oil.


--------------------

Goin' where the water tastes like wine.

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InvisibleDiploidM
Cuban


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 01/09/03
Posts: 19,274
Loc: Rabbit Hole
Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: ToTheSummit]
    #7101279 - 06/27/07 10:22 PM (16 years, 8 months ago)

8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
31. Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
:rofl:


--------------------
Republican Values:

1) You can't get married to your spouse who is the same sex as you.
2) You can't have an abortion no matter how much you don't want a child.
3) You can't have a certain plant in your possession or you'll get locked up with a rapist and a murderer.

4) We need a smaller, less-intrusive government.

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Invisibletiny_rabid_birds
Nocturnal
 User Gallery


Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 15,653
Loc: estados unidos Flag
Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: Diploid]
    #7101314 - 06/27/07 10:28 PM (16 years, 8 months ago)

this was rather funny. i chuckled


--------------------

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Invisiblejewunit
Brutal!
Male User Gallery
Registered: 01/11/07
Posts: 34,264
Loc: Ohio Flag
Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: ToTheSummit]
    #7101385 - 06/27/07 10:53 PM (16 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

ToTheSummit said:
1. Go to auto parts store and write a check for $40.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.





What kind of fucking auto parts store is that?


--------------------
!

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InvisibleDiploidM
Cuban


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 01/09/03
Posts: 19,274
Loc: Rabbit Hole
Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: jewunit]
    #7101425 - 06/27/07 11:07 PM (16 years, 8 months ago)

Kitty litter is the best thing to soak up liquid messes. You must never have changed the oil in your car yourself, eh? :tongue:


--------------------
Republican Values:

1) You can't get married to your spouse who is the same sex as you.
2) You can't have an abortion no matter how much you don't want a child.
3) You can't have a certain plant in your possession or you'll get locked up with a rapist and a murderer.

4) We need a smaller, less-intrusive government.

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Invisiblejewunit
Brutal!
Male User Gallery
Registered: 01/11/07
Posts: 34,264
Loc: Ohio Flag
Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: Diploid]
    #7101432 - 06/27/07 11:08 PM (16 years, 8 months ago)

Hell no, I do it the way the chicks do.


--------------------
!

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OfflineToTheSummit
peregrinus
 User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 08/22/99
Posts: 9,126
Loc: Las Vegas
Last seen: 1 month, 22 days
Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: jewunit]
    #7103625 - 06/28/07 02:08 PM (16 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

jewunit said:
Hell no, I do it the way the chicks do.



If that ain't signature material right there.... :smirk:


--------------------
You invented the wheel....You push the motherfucker!!

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Invisibleimplicitli
Female User Gallery
Registered: 09/18/06
Posts: 3,027
Re: ATM Withdrawals (Men vs. Women) [Re: jewunit]
    #7103632 - 06/28/07 02:10 PM (16 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

jewunit said:
I thought this was going to be about finishing an ass to mouth session.



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