crazy farmer bitch -- PART TWO! (must read...)

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Anonymous

crazy farmer bitch -- PART TWO! (must read...)

#705966 - 06/27/02 03:44 PM (24 years, 1 month ago)

okay, i might as well share with everyone what i managed to get myself into today. i went back to that same field, the one with the crazy farmer bitch. i went during the day. big mistake. i really should have known better. anyway, i get to the field and i'm doing a quick sweep. found like 10 above-average-sized Copes. i spend about ten minutes altogether, and then i'm off. i start making my way to the street when i notice a group of 3 people waiting at the fence, as well as the dreaded red truck. there's some random guy telling me that there is a problem. the other two people -- crazy farmer bitch (looking uglier than ever) and crazy farmer bitch's friend (or maybe her lover... this lady was just as ugly, if not worse!!). CFB tells me that if I try to escape, she'd cut me with her knife. I look down at her side and she is holding a FUCKING MACHETE! I swear to god this is the honest truth. keep in mind, there is a barbed-wire fence between us. she starts waving the thing in the air, telling me that her nasty butch dike friend is on the phone with the Deputy Sheriff. i say to her, "Ma'am, I was just hiking along taking some pictures. I am an amateur photographer. this is my camera (i had one). blah blah blah (the best lying that i could come up with)." she doesn't give any kind of damn at this point and is barking at me like a rabid dog. she must be 60 years old, 4 feet tall, thick glasses, and ugly. oh i already told you that. anyway...
i stealthily chuck the ole bag o' shrooms and i start BOOKING. i mean hauling some serious ass. anywhere. i was frantic. i knew i had to get the fuck out and fast. my first attempt is toward the front gate, but then i realize that she would be blocking my way to get to my car. i decide that's no good, and start running toward the back of the field. bear in mind, this is central florida and it's a bit warm and humid here. just a bit. so i'm sweating like the out-of-shape 22 year old that i am. very heavy breathing which might be attributed to my pack a day cig habit and heavy weed tokage. anyway, i make it to the back fence and hop it as quickly as possible without destroying myself with barbed wire. i land in a dense patch of forest. i figure the deeper in i go, the better my chances of escaping will be. i'm stumbling and tripping on just about every branch i see. finally, i find a suitable hiding spot that is kind of surrounded by foliage. i crouch down and wait. and wait longer. but not long enough. i make my way deeper through the forest where it eventually opens up to a main road. i figure that i'm home free and start walking casually down the street, thinking that it's their word against mine. how could they fuck with me now? not even 2 minutes go by when a Seminole County Sheriff pulls up onto the curb directly in front of me. oh shit. he asks me if i was just tresspassing onto some lady's cow field? i'm like "No officer. I am just walking around taking pictures and such." he starts huffing and puffing about "Now you can make this hard or you can make it easy for yourself" and "I'm giving you the choice now to admit it" and we have witnessed who will ID you" and on and on. he was pissed at me. he thought that i had an attitude. i was almost yelling at him, telling him that i need to get to class by 6:00 PM (which i really did have to get to). i was like "what reason do you have for stopping me?" and "why are you accusing me of something" and shit like that. he tells me to wait. cop car #2 rolls up. this pork-product looked more important than the first. like he had more power or sumthin. they're yapping it up about rights and witnesses and "he fits their description" and shit. cop #2 comes up to me and says "You're not going to like how they fuck you up the ass in jail. big black guys who are gonna fuck you in the ass". i grimace. "you're going to arrest me?" i asked. "as soon as we get a positive ID from those ladies". they tell me to wait. the ladies pull up in the red truck. cope #3 arrives. he looks even more important than the first two slices of bacon. they chat for a while. then cop #2 comes over to me and tells me to turn around, he's placing me under arrest. at this point i am trying to remain completely calm. i have never been arrested before. well not put in cuffs before. they have me in friggin cuffs, the bastards! i keep telling them that i don't know what's going on and that they got the wrong guy and that this is outrageous. the cops keep trying to make me fumble into telling them that i *had* actually jumped this lady's fence so they could charge me with the misdemeanor crime). i stick to my guns and lie like a champ. i mean, i got nothing on me and it's my word against theirs. the three cops *finally*, after much deliberation, decide to let me go. they write down all my information. then the CFB walks up to me and says "I won't remember a name but I always remember a face". I say "Look, I'm sorry lady. I'm sure whoever it was that you saw in your field won't come back again."
ha!! in her face. i got off completely. not even a written warning. i thought i was done for. i guess the shroom gods were good to me. they didn't send me to jail. i am definitely taking a break from hunting and am going to spend a bunch of time on cultivation. damn. it sure is crazy out there!!

peace,
rafi

Extras:

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