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clorox
Crossing theDoors ofPerception
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Parents are getting divorced.
#6922282 - 05/15/07 10:32 PM (16 years, 10 months ago) |
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first off, let me start off by saying im 20, so dont comment on the juvenileness of this thread, cause i dont want to hear it.
ok. so sataurday i drove home four and a half hours from college to spend the summer with my family. about 2 hours before im home my dad calls me and to ask where i am and say he "cant wait to see me". about 15 minuets before i pull into the driveway he calls me and asks where i am and tells me to call him when i get home.
so i pull into my driveway and give him a ring, assuming he and my mother were out to dinner or something. first thing he says is "youll still be my son no matter what i say right?" so immediatley i knew something was up. he then proceeds to tell me OVER THE PHONE that he and my mother are split up and theyre getting divorced. i said "fuck you man" and hung up the phone. i proceeded to spend the next 15 minuets crying in my driveway (Fuck you if you think men dont cry, youve never had something terrible happen to you)
after that i go into my house where my mom and sister were, and just flipped out. my parents had been split up for over a month, and i had talked to both of them daily (im VERY close with my family, there the most important thing to me) and neither one of them even hinted that anything was wrong in the home. my sister new all along and she didnt tell me either. (shes 23)
i havent spoken to my father since, besides sending belligerent text messages and emails telling him how much of a failure and dissapointment hes is to me etc. etc. (immature i know, but i need him to know how bad hes made me feel)
my father was one of the most important and influential people in my life. he was the number one role model in my life.
and to find out he was CHEATING on my mother with some 23 year engaged slut (hes 56) from his office just broke my heart. ive been in a major depression since. i ate some strong L on sunday to take a hike up my favorite peak and think things over(i always do this to think things over, even when its depressing, i find it to help me find the real truth in things). it left me thinking that maybe im better off without someone like that in my life. but it hurts to think, that im better off without the man that brought me into this world.
sorry for the long meandering post, i just needed to speak some truth.
thanks, max
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Snypa187
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Registered: 04/22/07
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Re: Parents are getting divorced. [Re: clorox]
#6922315 - 05/15/07 10:40 PM (16 years, 10 months ago) |
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Hey brotha I hear ya. My dad died unexpectedly when I was 8. All throughout my teen years I've only had my crack head older brother to look up to as he was the only male role model in my life. In cases like this, you just have to take it for what it is.
It can make you stronger. I look back on how shitty my parents were and think about how my brother has spent 90% of the last 10 years of his 25 year old life in jails and now prison, and say "I'm a better man than that." Things like this make me strive everyday to be the best damn dad and husband I can be. If you learn to accept things for what they are, you can harness it and turn it into inspiration.
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Hyper_Panda_GO
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Re: Parents are getting divorced. [Re: clorox]
#6922328 - 05/15/07 10:41 PM (16 years, 10 months ago) |
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It's they're not there
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jewunit
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Re: Parents are getting divorced. [Re: clorox]
#6922338 - 05/15/07 10:45 PM (16 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
(Fuck you if you think men dont cry, youve never had something terrible happen to you)
Wrong.
If your dad was your number one role model I don't know why you got so mad at him. It's not like it's a damn cakewalk for him or something.
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SneezingPenis
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Re: Parents are getting divorced. [Re: Snypa187]
#6922344 - 05/15/07 10:45 PM (16 years, 10 months ago) |
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to this day my parents apologize (independantly) to me for getting divorced, and beat themselves up over what they perceived to be a selfish act. A few years ago I wrote a letter to them explaining how the perfect parent is one who fucks up from time to time. It has made me more independant and a better person all around I think. If I could go back and make the decision for them, I would still want them to get divorced, because they are happier for it, which in turn gave them more time to be happy, and focus on me, instead of expending so much energy fighting and creating hostility.
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clorox
Crossing theDoors ofPerception
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Re: Parents are getting divorced. [Re: jewunit]
#6922354 - 05/15/07 10:48 PM (16 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
jewunit said:
Quote:
(Fuck you if you think men dont cry, youve never had something terrible happen to you)
Wrong.
If your dad was your number one role model I don't know why you got so mad at him. It's not like it's a damn cakewalk for him or something.
im sure it was easy to unzip his pants. he walked out on my family and i.
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jewunit
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Re: Parents are getting divorced. [Re: clorox]
#6922359 - 05/15/07 10:49 PM (16 years, 10 months ago) |
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I must admit I missed the part about him cheating. I don't know if he "walked out on you" though. But I suppose I would understand not being too pumped with him after that.
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tjones381
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Re: Parents are getting divorced. [Re: jewunit]
#6922376 - 05/15/07 10:52 PM (16 years, 10 months ago) |
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MY parents have been divorced since i was 4, think what that doest to a kid, If you dad was so important then forgive him. People change, things change, its all apart of life, put you're self in his place. What if you're life sucked because of a bad marriage? would you stay in it? Maby this has been going on for a long time and you're parents kept it from you till they thought you were old enough( mature as well, obviously not) maby their lives have been 'secretly a living hell for some time? You are being rely selfish, i think cutting your self off from you dad is something you will regret....Give it time, HE isn't a different man just because you mom and him divorced...I know what i say doesn't matter, but maby i gave you some insight, I hope things get beter between you and you're dad.
-------------------- WV blue Foot season is In
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HeadTripVertigo
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Re: Parents are getting divorced. [Re: clorox]
#6922384 - 05/15/07 10:55 PM (16 years, 10 months ago) |
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get over it. if theyre getting divorced it's for a reason. their reason(s). my parents are getting divorced too. so what? they're still your parents. respect their decision and realize that they're likely better off doing that. don't be too hard on your dad, sure it's fucked up, but it happens. life is generally about the hot young poon.
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papixx
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Re: Parents are getting divorced. [Re: tjones381]
#6922393 - 05/15/07 10:58 PM (16 years, 10 months ago) |
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My parents got divorced when I was 9. Now I am 20 and everything is good. Like tjones said, people change and move on.
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jewunit
Brutal!
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Re: Parents are getting divorced. [Re: clorox]
#6922396 - 05/15/07 10:58 PM (16 years, 10 months ago) |
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By the way, there are far worse things that can happen. I have many good friends who have been through it (most of my good friends have, actually, kinda weird not too many of us have both parents still together/alive) and at first it might be kinda hard, but they're still both there. You'll live, you should ask your dad for some tips
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Divinatory
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Re: Parents are getting divorced. [Re: papixx]
#6922401 - 05/15/07 11:00 PM (16 years, 10 months ago) |
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I'm sorry that's sad to hear. hope all goes well!
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clorox
Crossing theDoors ofPerception
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Re: Parents are getting divorced. [Re: jewunit]
#6922409 - 05/15/07 11:02 PM (16 years, 10 months ago) |
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i know that it seems selfish, and i will admit that it is. its just that he had made all these plans to do this shit this summer, and he knew none of it was gonna happen, and just led me on. im just really dissapointed that someone i looked up to so much, would let me down me down so bad......
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DeathCompany
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Re: Parents are getting divorced. [Re: clorox]
#6922411 - 05/15/07 11:02 PM (16 years, 10 months ago) |
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I like how you think this problems about you and not about them. You dont even live with them so who fucking cares. And believe it or not divorce is usually for the better. My parents got divorced when i was 10 and it was the best decision they ever made. Quit being childish.
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clorox
Crossing theDoors ofPerception
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Re: Parents are getting divorced. [Re: DeathCompany]
#6922441 - 05/15/07 11:10 PM (16 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
DeathCompany said: I like how you think this problems about you and not about them. You dont even live with them so who fucking cares. And believe it or not divorce is usually for the better. My parents got divorced when i was 10 and it was the best decision they ever made. Quit being childish.
im just venting dude, bring your e-thuggery somewhere else
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jewunit
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Re: Parents are getting divorced. [Re: clorox]
#6922447 - 05/15/07 11:11 PM (16 years, 10 months ago) |
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Bring your problems somewhere else (Sucks when things work both ways, doesn't it?)
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DeathCompany
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Re: Parents are getting divorced. [Re: clorox]
#6922462 - 05/15/07 11:14 PM (16 years, 10 months ago) |
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the truth hurts doesn't it.
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40oz
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Re: Parents are getting divorced. [Re: clorox]
#6922792 - 05/16/07 12:27 AM (16 years, 10 months ago) |
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one day, your number one role model, your father, will be dead.
-------------------- - - - - tiny_rabid_birds said: "your avatar is dirty."
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DIRTYMAN
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Re: Parents are getting divorced. [Re: clorox]
#6922925 - 05/16/07 12:56 AM (16 years, 10 months ago) |
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I think there was a good reason your sister didn't want to tell you...
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blewmeanie
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Re: Parents are getting divorced. [Re: clorox]
#6923400 - 05/16/07 04:48 AM (16 years, 10 months ago) |
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I'm never fucking having children!
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haysoos
I'm DarthNihlius.
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Re: Parents are getting divorced. [Re: blewmeanie]
#6923496 - 05/16/07 06:08 AM (16 years, 10 months ago) |
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I know it sucks at first, but, it's prolly for the best. I kinda wish my parents would have gotten a divorce.
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Liz
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Re: Parents are getting divorced. [Re: clorox]
#6924924 - 05/16/07 12:38 PM (16 years, 10 months ago) |
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Well, I would be upset too, if they kept that from me for a month. I'm sure they were doing that to try to not upset you at school, but regardless...
I'm sorry that you're going through this right now, and I'm sorry that your father made an irresponsible, lousy decision to have an affair. All I can say is that I've seen couples stay together in unhappy marriages for the sake of their kids - and it's never pretty. I hope that you can forgive your father for his mistakes, and move on from there. It will be a big adjustment, but I think with some time, you will be able to do it.
-------------------- Remember, remember the fifth of November The gunpowder treason and plot. I see no reason why gunpowder treason Should ever be forgot.
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djfrog
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Re: Parents are getting divorced. [Re: clorox]
#6925043 - 05/16/07 01:05 PM (16 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
clorox said: thing he says is "youll still be my son no matter what i say right?" so immediatley i knew something was up. he then proceeds to tell me OVER THE PHONE
The whole reason they probably never told you earlier was so you could be told in person. It seems your dad was just putting off what he couldn't do right , as he still didn't tell you in person.
Quote:
i said "fuck you man" and hung up the phone. i proceeded to spend the next 15 minuets crying in my driveway (Fuck you if you think men dont cry, youve never had something terrible happen to you)
The was basically my reaction. Except I wasn't so witty as to tell my dad to fuck off. Yeah, its hard. My mom was completely broke down though emotionally and I had to close myself off from her, which is bad because she really needed love at that point.
Anyhow yeah that sucks dude. My relationship with my dad is still broken. Its right for him to live his life as he wants, but my mom doesn't have a lot of options. Don't get all pissed at everything though, this stuff happens.
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DrCamacho89
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Re: Parents are getting divorced. [Re: djfrog]
#6925132 - 05/16/07 01:27 PM (16 years, 10 months ago) |
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Take it from an someone who was raised by parents who should have been divorced but stayed together for the kids, divorce is not always worse for the children. You are 20, and I am not sure how old your sister is but it looks like your dad probably did the same thing by waiting until you were out of the house to end it. Sounds to me like he was thinking about you and your feelings more than you think.
As hard as it is for us to fathom, our parents are people just like us and sometimes relationships don't work out. That's just a fact of life. Sometimes there comes a time when one has to put his/her happiness ahead of other things. As shitty as that is to swallow, it's the truth.
Also, from a guy who lost his father recently.. there may come a time when you find yourself divorced and better able to relate to your father and what he is experiencing. By then, he may be gone and there is no turning back the clock. There are so many fucked up things my dad did and I spent much of my teenage and adult life hating him, and now those years are gone forever. You have every right to be pissed off at him right now, and I am sure you are mad at your mother as well for leading him to wander, but there does come a point in our lives where we have to forget about our parents' mistakes, make sure we learn from them in our personal life, and try to move on. Your relationship with him will never be the same, but perhaps a new understanding and relationship can arise and the two of you can learn to live with the past.
Good luck. Just be there for your mother and sister as much you can. If your father is too weak of a man to do so, then maybe this is a good time for you to step up to the plate.
-------------------- "The Highways of Life are Paved with Flat Squirrels who Couldn't Make Up Their Minds"
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Innominate
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Re: Parents are getting divorced. [Re: DrCamacho89]
#6925172 - 05/16/07 01:41 PM (16 years, 10 months ago) |
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Grown men cry yea, but because their parents are splitting up? I don't know man, you're 20, out of the house and starting your own life. Why are you so bothered over this? I can see how it would affect a child the same way, but this is about their life, not yours. I think it's wrong of you to think badly of your father just because of a divorce. I don't blame you for being pissed because he cheated on your mom but as far as I can tell you told him to fuck off over the phone even before you knew the details. Why is that? Is he not human? Because he is your father does his relationships not fail? Are your parents obligated to never get a divorce just because they are your parents? And yeah, it's not easy for them either you know, the best thing you can do for them is help them through it and not hold such a childish grudge. I hope you realize that if your father was cheating on your mother this is probably the best thing for them, it may not be for you, but this ISN'T about YOU. Be glad you grew up in a household with both parents, you have a lot more to be thankful for than most people.
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Iron_Hymen
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Re: Parents are getting divorced. [Re: clorox]
#6925203 - 05/16/07 01:49 PM (16 years, 10 months ago) |
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Man I wish I had close parents who I looked up to, but no wait... i don't...they're fucked up in the head because they're married to each other. I know my mom flirts one or two of her guy friends (also works on the same committee) but I could give a shit less..because every night I come home...and I'm 21---- I come home to eat dinner with them, and they end up bickering at each other, i can't wait to graduate, and find two jobs That's what I love about work, I hate it- but it takes my time away from their drama. Plus, marriages aren't ever long lasting. Once you're under oath, you own each others lives and see each other every damn day, expecting each other to be happy at the same time, and act so old...its just not worth it!
As your father's son, a role model, looking up to, etc etc, he needed to hear that from you. And thats pretty crazy how everyone had to hide that...you drove all the way and on your way you hear this over the phone- instead of talking face to face. But you just gotta think that every human fucks up, not everyone can be perfect- and you just gotta look up to yourself. its good to have families that provide for you, but then they'll drag you into the middle of their own problems- it never changes.
Edited by Iron_Hymen (05/16/07 01:56 PM)
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tyrannicalrex
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Re: Parents are getting divorced. [Re: Iron_Hymen]
#6926233 - 05/16/07 06:32 PM (16 years, 10 months ago) |
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Feel lucky that you had a father and a role model in one,some people do not get to have a father the whole time they are growing up.It probably is a shock right now,but you need to talk things out with him eventually,you may regret it if something happens to him before you get a chance to resolve your issue with him.Be strong as you can,good luck.
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moon_glue
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Re: Parents are getting divorced. [Re: tyrannicalrex]
#6926673 - 05/16/07 08:15 PM (16 years, 10 months ago) |
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my parents got divorced, and i didnt give a shit.
the bad part is dealing with the scum bags they both marry the second time.
that will fuck you up as a kid, living with step parents who treat you badly, and your parents acting like its not happening.
gives you a sense of what you are really worth to the world
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Felinor
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Re: Parents are getting divorced. [Re: clorox]
#8195221 - 03/26/08 03:32 AM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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Man, my parents are getting divorced at the moment, no cheating was involved, but if your dad still wants to be involved in your life you should let em, you dont want to spend your whole life regretting it. I wish my dad would call me or come see me sometime, Whenever i go to his house to pick up my things or something i always tell him to call me or that we should hang out like buds or something and he hasnt called as of yet though he tells me he will, its been about 3 months. Shit sux man but this stuff happens. I think you should go call your dad and talk to him about it if you havent already.
-------------------- The world itself is the will to power - and nothing else! And you yourself are the will to power - and nothing else! ~Friedrich Nietzsche
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Madtowntripper
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Re: Parents are getting divorced. [Re: Felinor]
#8195231 - 03/26/08 03:38 AM (15 years, 11 months ago) |
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His parents got divorced LAST FUCKING YEAR.
His dad probably has three new kids and his mom is probably a hooker by now.
Christ.
Bumping old threads FTL.
-------------------- After one comes, through contact with it's administrators, no longer to cherish greatly the law as a remedy in abuses, then the bottle becomes a sovereign means of direct action. If you cannot throw it at least you can always drink out of it. - Ernest Hemingway If it is life that you feel you are missing I can tell you where to find it. In the law courts, in business, in government. There is nothing occurring in the streets. Nothing but a dumbshow composed of the helpless and the impotent. -Cormac MacCarthy He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God. - Aeschylus
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Hyper_Panda_GO
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What the fuck I posted in this?
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