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OfflineDrewwyann
Slayer of ticks
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Registered: 10/30/06
Posts: 4,077
Loc: Atlantis
Last seen: 7 years, 6 months
Breaking up
    #6669335 - 03/14/07 05:45 PM (14 years, 2 months ago)

Alright well im a big hole here. Im not sure if i still love this girl or not. Im pretty much the only thing that makes her happy, she doesnt have a lot of friends that she could fall back on either.

Shes got depression, and im the only thing that actaully makes her happy. I most certainly still love her, but not a relationship kind of love.

Her history is pretty bleak. She's attempted suicide in middle school, and was cutting herself for a while as well. She still does it every once and a while, but the frequency has slowed down a great deal.

I would like to remain her friend, althought i think it would be extremely awkward because we've been going out for over 2 years and it would be hard.

I've told her i wanted to break up before and it hasnt worked. I've become almost numb to her feelings and i hardly go out of my way to make her feel better anymore. It makes me sad just typing this because this girl has been my life for the past two years or so, but i know it would be best for both of us to just be friends, or to part ways.

Shes too dependent on me, and its unhealthy. I feel like im her supplement sometimes, and im not convinced that she knows how to deal with things herself. Shes a perfectionist and gets stressed out over the littlest things.

I've grown a pretty healthy relationship with her family as well. I know if i did it she would be completely devastated. We've just done too much stuff together and she tends to dwell on memories of people and things.

She remembers everything that happened in her life with vivid detail, and i feel like i'm completely stuck.

does anyone have any advice on how to break up, or fall back in love with her? Im begging you guys to figure something out. Im crying just writing this. this is definately the hardest thing i've had to do in my life up to this point.

Im not even sure if im ready to go through with this. Please give me some advice.


--------------------


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OfflineQuake3
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Registered: 08/31/06
Posts: 924
Loc: Relatively New York
Last seen: 9 years, 11 months
Re: Breaking up [Re: Drewwyann]
    #6669459 - 03/14/07 06:15 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

This post sounds familiar. I don't know if it was you, but somebody had a very similar problem. Maybe going back and reading his case and replies will be of some help.

First off, does she know you feel this way? Have you spoken to her about this? Sit down with her and talk, making sure she understands what you're saying and understands that you're serious. Maybe you can gradually give her signs that this relationship isn't working.

If you're posting this, then I'm pretty sure you just want out and have already tried talking things with her. If that is so, you can try talking to her parents about it, or one of her friends, siblings or relatives.

Rejection and breakup is something everybody should experience, because it teaches you a lot about life. It is of course very painful, especially if it is her first. Her physical safety is a concern, so after you do stomp on her heart, make sure she's being taken care of by family or friends. It's probably a bad idea to talk together after that, even if you both decided that you'll be good friends. She will probably find it hard to get over you and move on and be very hurt if another girl comes into your life.

On the bright side, you aren't married and have no kids together. Imagine what a husband/father must feel like if he was in your situation.


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Invisiblejack_straw2208
Doctor
Registered: 02/12/07
Posts: 1,337
Loc: yo mamma's house
Re: Breaking up [Re: Quake3]
    #6669726 - 03/14/07 07:34 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

buy ticket to mexico and a handgun, and tell her that you've found your true calling and you dont want her to get killed. guaranteed fail proof


--------------------
I'm pullin' steel wires out of my eyes
they're 20 miles long tangled up with my all insides

DieCommie said:
cut off her nose to spider face



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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
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Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: Breaking up [Re: Drewwyann]
    #6670072 - 03/14/07 09:10 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

does anyone have any advice on how to break up,

Sure, just tell the truth and let it be. If you can't do that then you're lost. Falling back in love is not an option. :rofl2: I don't mean to be flip but you're a drama junkie.:crazy2:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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InvisibleBrainiac
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Registered: 04/29/06
Posts: 13,259
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Re: Breaking up [Re: Icelander]
    #6670375 - 03/14/07 10:35 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

I hear break up sex is the best.


--------------------
:Awesketch:

:cool: Fair is Fair :devil:


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OfflineMuppet
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Re: Breaking up [Re: jack_straw2208]
    #6671578 - 03/15/07 05:56 AM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

jack_straw2208 said:
buy ticket to mexico and a handgun, and tell her that you've found your true calling and you dont want her to get killed. guaranteed fail proof



I was gonna say something serious about pawning her off on someone else...but this seems like a much better plan  :yesnod:


--------------------


:craven:  Ravings of a Madman  :craven:


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OfflineDrCamacho89
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Registered: 03/12/07
Posts: 1,981
Last seen: 13 years, 20 days
Re: Breaking up [Re: Muppet]
    #6673203 - 03/15/07 04:58 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

It's your first breakup, so I guess I get why you're asking for tips, but no tip will make this experience pleasent for you if that's what you're hoping. Just try to remember a time when you did care about her while you're doing it, use that emotion to be genuine to her that you do care about her, blame her ONLY in a way where it seems that you're really blaming yourself...for example, if you don't like that she's too dependent on you, you really are the one to blame because you allowed her to become dependent on you. Throwing stones at her during this time is not going to make it easier for her if that's what you're thinking.

Good luck, and be ready to second guess your decision right after you do it. It always happens, so make sure this is what you want before you do it. If not, just have a long discussion with her rather than a "breakup talk". You breakup with her now and then come crawling back, things will never get better which I once learned the hard way,


--------------------
"The Highways of Life are Paved with Flat Squirrels who Couldn't Make Up Their Minds"


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InvisibleWhiskeyClone
Not here
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Registered: 06/25/01
Posts: 16,503
Loc: Longitudinal Center of Ca...
Re: Breaking up [Re: Drewwyann]
    #6673327 - 03/15/07 05:25 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Your story here is incredibly similar to what mine was a year ago. It's uncanny... with only one or two exceptions, every sentence in your post could be used to describe my story.

The bottom line is that as insecure as she was, as much as she needed me, as excruciating as it was, I finally broke up with her. It was awful, but it's over now, and it was absolutely the right thing to do.

We tried to be friends but failed.

Just do it. Be respectful, but DON'T CHICKEN OUT!


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Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man.  For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire.  Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it.

~ R.W. Emerson, "Self-Reliance"

:heartpump:


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OfflineDrewwyann
Slayer of ticks
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Registered: 10/30/06
Posts: 4,077
Loc: Atlantis
Last seen: 7 years, 6 months
Re: Breaking up [Re: Icelander]
    #6673428 - 03/15/07 05:51 PM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Icelander said:
does anyone have any advice on how to break up,

Sure, just tell the truth and let it be. If you can't do that then you're lost. Falling back in love is not an option. :rofl2: I don't mean to be flip but you're a drama junkie.:crazy2:




im not a drama junkie. i just have no one to talk to about this, because im not really close to too many people.

but thanks for all the help, i just kinda needed to vent and now im thinking more clearly and all that good stuff.


--------------------


Anyone need a glass pipe? : http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002435158931

Love powerfully :peace::heart::peace:


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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: Breaking up [Re: Drewwyann]
    #6674975 - 03/16/07 12:35 AM (14 years, 1 month ago)

I don't mean drama junkie for talking with us about this. I'm talking about you hanging out in such a disfunctional relationship. You can do much better for yourself. Good luck.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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Invisiblegogrowgo123
all the same

Registered: 10/18/05
Posts: 249
Re: Breaking up [Re: Icelander]
    #6682394 - 03/18/07 03:08 AM (14 years, 1 month ago)

my man i know that situation all too well.


recently a 2 year relationship exactly like yours was ended on my half. its weird reading what you wrote, its my exact situation. my advice to you: let it all out. break up with her and make sure you let her know about her dependency issues (nicely). She may have to have a rock bottom of dependency thing before she learns to hold her own. gl, pm me if you wanna talk


--------------------
"For everything to be consummated, for me to feel less alone, I had only to wish that there be a large crowd of spectators the day of my execution and that they greet me with cries of hate."


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Offlineminorsixth
Stranger
Registered: 11/07/06
Posts: 14
Last seen: 12 years, 11 months
Re: Breaking up [Re: gogrowgo123]
    #6723722 - 03/29/07 11:01 AM (14 years, 1 month ago)

Keep in contact with her and let her know she'll always be loved (in a platonic sense) without suggesting any possibilty of reconcilliation.


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