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OfflineAlnico
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Most profound experience of my life.
    #6564963 - 02/13/07 10:34 PM (17 years, 1 month ago)

Just before I start: this is not really a trip report, but I am asking a question about something that happened to me on the trip.

I did acid for the first time last night. I began by eating 1 and a half hits then after about 2 hours ate another half. Because I waited to take the last half, the trip lasted around 12 hours. I don't know if this was really good acid, or if I was just really susceptible to it or something, but I was tripping pretty hard. For the first 8 or so hours, my trip was similar to what i was used to with mushrooms. More ups and downs that normal and different visuals but still similar.

Then something happened that I did not expect. It happened while me and some friends were watching a movie, late into the trip. I was focusing on the movie when all of a sudden my mind entered a meditative state of some sort. I can no longer understand exactly what happened, but it seems that one idea fired off and triggered other ideas and all of a sudden as I looked deeper into my mind millions of ideas sparked and began spark exponentially more ideas. Then suddenly I saw something that I don't understand any more. It was an equation or a realization, and it was the result of all those ideas coming together. I saw it so clearly at the time and I was instantly completely terrified. The next few seconds stood still then I sat straight up. Everything in life was undoubtedly completely meaningless. I was trying to gather the power to talk and tell my friends to call the hospital. I feared that I saw a truth I was not meant to see. I frantically then tried to focus on the movie and enjoy it.

Then suddenly another realization that I understand even less came to me. I was suddenly free and experienced the bliss of just being. I felt like a god in my own universe. This calmed me down considerably. I ran to get a piece of paper and a pencil so I could write down my thoughts. I began to realize that my ego had disappeared and that these ideas would not make any sense when it returned, but when I thought what to write, there were no words that came to mind. My ego had returned.

I tried to refocus on the movie and for a while I was actually able to. When I did establish focus I would return to that meditative state but on a slightly lower level. I began to piece it together and what I have written in this post is how I understand it, although it's cloudy now. I don't know what to believe right now.

Can anyone on these boards help me with this? Right now my mind is in chaos and I need to know how to deal with this. I am torn between believing that the first realization is true reality or if the second one is. I need to get some sleep for now. Sorry if this doesn't make any sense.

edit: (3 weeks later) I am just gonna edit this post to let people know that this experience was one of the most profound and helpful experiences in my life. I was a bit shaken after it, hence the fearful sounding post, but it has taught me many invaluable things, and has showed me what true tripping is.

Edited by Alnico (03/08/07 12:14 PM)

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Offlinenewlife
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Re: Most fucked up experience of my life. Need help [Re: Alnico]
    #6564979 - 02/13/07 10:43 PM (17 years, 1 month ago)

You must realize that you were tripping your balls off and that if what you thought of made you so uncomfortable, why would it be true? That might make you feel more comfortable about it.

Edited by newlife (02/13/07 10:56 PM)

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InvisibleFeanor
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Re: Most fucked up experience of my life. Need help [Re: Alnico]
    #6565004 - 02/13/07 10:51 PM (17 years, 1 month ago)

You sort of sound like I sounded after my first Ego Death. The best advice I can give you is to just relax and mull things over by yourself. It seems to me as if all of your original sets of beliefs got completely demolished! It's not a bad thing, but rather a good one. Your mind will most likely be racing for some time. Have fun, your going to be feeling pretty psychedelic. I love the way an Ego Loss tosses you back into the world. It makes you feel as if you're starting fresh.


--------------------

May Terence McKenna Live Long

The DMT Chronicles

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Invisiblefigment
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Re: Most fucked up experience of my life. Need help [Re: newlife]
    #6565010 - 02/13/07 10:51 PM (17 years, 1 month ago)

what you experienced is what acid is all about. some acid is better than others. ive totally flipped out on 2 hits before.

THIS reality you are in is the real one. the correct one. just get some sleep dude. you'll feel better tomorrow.

what you described was acid induced neurosis. if you would have acted out physically or verbally it would have become psychosis...and that is the socially accepted norm of a "bad trip."

what you described according to "my" interpretation would be that you were on the very, very teetering edge of having a bad experience and possibly hurting yourself or someone else.

be careful next time. know how strong the acid is before you take it. and most of all....be ready for it.


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Offlinenewlife
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Re: Most fucked up experience of my life. Need help [Re: Feanor]
    #6565016 - 02/13/07 10:55 PM (17 years, 1 month ago)

What you thought of isnt necessarily a bad thing, just something to think about. And if you felt that it was right and youve been wrong all before just realize that youve had insight that others including yourself cant comprehend. Id say thats pretty cool and I cant wait to try acid hopefully friday.

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Offline2859558484
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Re: Most fucked up experience of my life. Need help [Re: Alnico]
    #6565033 - 02/13/07 11:01 PM (17 years, 1 month ago)

Bro it sounds like you got some good acid. I wish i could do the same.


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Offlineyageman
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Re: Most fucked up experience of my life. Need help [Re: 2859558484]
    #6565077 - 02/13/07 11:18 PM (17 years, 1 month ago)

get some sleep

You are somewhat new to lsd and psychedelics I would gather.

You want to watch a movie, then thats fine.

You want to take it seriously, then I guess you got the hint.

Alot of bad lsd threads out there, recently.....

Dont go and think lsd is the cause for your confusion at such a dose.
Its an altered state of mind.
LSD doesnt directly bring about confusion.

Watching a movie and hoping to get your jollies is just you asking for it.

Im sure it sucks for you.
But did you really think the movie would be interesting? Did you really think the movie could save you?


--------------------
[quote]Me_Roy said:
You moron. Material is material is material.  No 'thing' fixes any situation.  If anything were so simple we would be living in a much better world.[/quote] <-----the dumbest thing I have ever read in my life.
Thanks shroomery.

Edited by yageman (02/13/07 11:36 PM)

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OfflineMauiGanjaMonster
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Re: Most fucked up experience of my life. Need help [Re: yageman]
    #6565096 - 02/13/07 11:27 PM (17 years, 1 month ago)

At this point I would have walked out side took some deep breaths and looked out at the night sky ( I am assuming) It always works for me sober or not.

I find its good to get out of a stuffy house and look and gods creation it brings a whole new perspective on things and can really change your train of thought.


--------------------
Trodding through creation in a irie meditation.

As they walk through my garden and steal my fruit, damn devils in a three piece suit.

yeah they walk through my garden and eat my fruit damn puppets, the boys in blue.

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OfflineAjna4201
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Re: Most fucked up experience of my life. Need help [Re: MauiGanjaMonster]
    #6565175 - 02/13/07 11:58 PM (17 years, 1 month ago)

I've had an experience that sounds like it might be the same thing.

I had been tripping and was trying unsuccessfully to get to sleep and, like you, every thought seemed to branch off into more and more, until I was completely lost in an infinite number of thoughts which somehow my brain was somehow processing all at once (seemingly). At a certain point it became overwhelming, and there was too much to make any sense of it anymore. All of the sudden it was like everything got sucked down to a single point. I had a vision of something beautiful, and felt (rather than heard) a voice say something. A realization was placed upon me that I was only able to understand for a split second, before I suddenly sat up, wide-eyed and in a cold sweat. As soon as I returned to reality I no longer understood what had happened, could not comprehend what had just been "shown" to me. All I knew was that it was huge.

I'm not trying to hijack your thread with my own story. But I feel like what you're describing is a lot like this (besides the fact that I didn't have two of these "realizations" like you did).

I can't really offer any help...I was a little shaken for a while, but it went away with time.


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OfflineKickleM
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Re: Most fucked up experience of my life. Need help [Re: Ajna4201]
    #6565326 - 02/14/07 12:39 AM (17 years, 1 month ago)

Don't sweat it. I went through a period of my life where I thought I was completely lost in the psychedelics. I didn't know which way to turn, where to look, who to talk to.

No one seemed to understand, and my mind kept racing.

Eventually things slowed down, and life took on a whole new look. I'm happy each and every day for that period of my life.


--------------------
Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction?
Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain

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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: Most fucked up experience of my life. Need help [Re: Alnico]
    #6565625 - 02/14/07 03:32 AM (17 years, 1 month ago)

when we discuss psychedelics two things are involved fundamentally
set (short for mindset)
and
setting.

mindset refers to attitude, but also all the underlying thought potentials which may at any moment become 'triggered' by association, either through thought linkages or environmentally stimulated triggers.

setting refers to the environment and all of it's potentials for the duration of the trip.

we say these are important because we try to select gentle and positive environments (supportive of good trips) and we consider that a positive outlook is beneficial since, when tripping, ideation tends to resonate much longer than normally, and we would most appreciate good ideation resonating than unpleasant ideation going on and layering into whatever comes up.

(sometimes we refer to those uncanny aspects of the looking glass world where if you try to run from any jabberwock, you end up running back into its clutches, because the effort to avoid retriggers the enduring image of what you want to avoid...)

However, set and setting are not so much about controlling the trip as they are about understanding the trip and the self, and what tripping is.

you can actually watch the process of ideation, thought, and experiencing while it is happenning. Often you can watch more than one thread progress simultaneously, its connections with underlying potential thought, relations with incoming triggers, synchronicities in the environment as harmonious elements enter the ideation dance.

you probably will experience crescendoes of arizing thoughts and images with overwhelming concurrence and resonance and you will intuit that these are therefore truths.

I have to caution all fellow trippers, that epiphanies and intensely magnificent concurrences and synchronicities are not "truths" though they are compelling and rewarding to experience. OR they are "truths" but "truths" that, in themselves, are not more than concurrences with an epiphanic nature, and need not become the seeds of "religious" or political movements simply because you are so moved by them on an acid trip.

being so moved by concurrent dances of ideation and synchronicity are at the core of the psychedelic experience:
valid shifts in perspective do come from this. "truths" however belong to a different economy than psychedelic mentation; at best, we get wider understanding, deeper appreciation, higher aspiration, and longer orgasms.


--------------------
:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:

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Invisiblebudmanman
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Re: Most fucked up experience of my life. Need help [Re: redgreenvines]
    #6565641 - 02/14/07 03:51 AM (17 years, 1 month ago)

Shrooms have caused me this in a very similar way so this should be normal id suspect but I have not had an opertunity to do acid.


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Everything I have ever said is total bogus bs I am full of crud therefore everything I say should never be taken literal.

And I am mentally unstable.

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OfflineAlnico
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Re: Most fucked up experience of my life. Need help [Re: Alnico]
    #6567087 - 02/14/07 02:17 PM (17 years, 1 month ago)

I got some sleep and feel a bit better.

I think some of you misunderstand what I'm saying here. My last last mushroom trip had led me to take an interest in meditation, but I never really got much farther than a few seconds of concentration. Still... I've been reading lots about it.

When I started to focus on the movie I entered some kind of meditative state. I was focused on the movie but my mind was solving problems and looking deep into my mind. I wasn't thinking about the movie. The movie was just the southpark movie... nothing deep. Like I said, pieces of logic or ideas started to come to me and grew exponentially until they formed some kind of truth or equation. It was like millions of ideas reflecting off of each other. I saw it completely clearly and there was no confusion while I was in this state. I instantly became terrified by the meaning of this. I should also mention there was something infinite or looping about this... sorry, I can't explain it better than that.

At this point I tried to turn my attention to the movie and try to enjoy it to prove the equation wrong. At first it didn't work for a few seconds (time was practically standing still so it seemed like a long time). I don't know if this eventually worked or what happened, but all of a sudden my fear shattered and I felt like a god in my own universe. I experienced the joy of being.

When I came to the first realization I think that was when I lost my ego. Maybe thats what the equation was? the equation for ego? does that make sense? The confusion came as my ego returned... somehow I knew I wouldn't be able to understand it when my ego returned. Thats why I was trying to write it down, but there just weren't words to explain this, it was way too complicated. I could feel myself slowly loosing the perfect mindful state I was in.

I was no longer scared when that second realization came. It was beautiful. It felt like an understanding that was above that first realization. It didn't disprove it necessarily, but it freed me from the meaninglessness of it. I realized that the nature of life is pure. Thats why I wanted so badly to write it down. I didn't want to descend back into my egotistical way of thinking. I didn't want to return to a state that could no longer understand this way of being.

I admit I could be wrong about this, but at the time I entered this state of consciousness there was such clarity and it was unmistakably true. This was the only point in the 12 hour trip when I felt like this. Does anyone know what I saw specifically?

Edited by Alnico (02/14/07 02:18 PM)

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OfflineCepheus
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Re: Most fucked up experience of my life. Need help [Re: Alnico]
    #6567188 - 02/14/07 02:33 PM (17 years, 1 month ago)

You saw a glimpse of what everyone is trying to achieve.

That utter truth, bliss and harmony is whats known as enlightenment.

Its completely unobtainable through drugs, they just give you tantalizing views. If you really want to dive deep into this, stop trying to meditate and meditate. If you're trying to its not going to happen.

Exist.

It might even take your whole life time, but you've seen the view. :grin:


--------------------
"I only ever hope to reach equilibrium, in Nature's matrix, in line with the meridian" ~ Jehst

:sun: "...and I know that I have to keep breathing, as tomorrow the sun will rise, who knows what the tide will bring?" :sun:

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Send any spare spore prints you might have and help the distribution :grin:

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OfflineAlnico
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Re: Most fucked up experience of my life. Need help [Re: Ajna4201]
    #6567207 - 02/14/07 02:37 PM (17 years, 1 month ago)

Ajna4201,
That does sound kind of similar to what happened in a way. I realize my current shaken state will go away eventually. My plan is to stay away from psychedelics until I have a better understanding of what happened.

Edited by Alnico (02/14/07 02:48 PM)

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OfflineAlnico
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Re: Most fucked up experience of my life. Need help [Re: Cepheus]
    #6567231 - 02/14/07 02:42 PM (17 years, 1 month ago)

aManEater
I think you may be right... but what was the first realization? Why did everything seem so meaningless. What was that equation?

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OfflineKodos
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Re: Most fucked up experience of my life. Need help [Re: Cepheus]
    #6567240 - 02/14/07 02:42 PM (17 years, 1 month ago)

you had a mystical experience, moving past the individual ego and experiencing the infinite cyclical unity of reality. use it to enrich your life within your ego when in the normal experience of consciousness, but never forget that you actually are that same unification with the rest of reality.

Quote:

I didn't want to descend back into my egotistical way of thinking. I didn't want to return to a state that could no longer understand this way of being.




until you finally die you will always normally be locked into the ego way of thinking, but you have now been given a glimpse into the true way of being, you should meditate on this in the normal mental state to try to understand it better. it sounds like you understand it pretty well though...

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OfflineKodos
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Re: Most fucked up experience of my life. Need help [Re: Alnico]
    #6567257 - 02/14/07 02:46 PM (17 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Alnico said:
aManEater
I think you may be right... but what was the first realization? Why did everything seem so meaningless. What was that equation?




it probably was the equation of your ego and the restriction that it puts on consciousness. you had to figure out that the essence you is something besides your ego, before you could get past it

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OfflineAlnico
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Re: Most fucked up experience of my life. Need help [Re: redgreenvines]
    #6567260 - 02/14/07 02:46 PM (17 years, 1 month ago)

redgreenvines,
My set and setting were wrong from the start. It was stupid to trip but I was excited to try acid at this time, but surprisingly most of the trip went well. Until I came to the end, most of the trip was relatively smooth.

However, when i lost my ego, none of that mattered. what does mindset or setting matter when you don't have an ego? It was while I was ego-less that I came to these realizations.

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OfflineAlnico
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Re: Most fucked up experience of my life. Need help [Re: Kodos]
    #6567276 - 02/14/07 02:51 PM (17 years, 1 month ago)

That makes sense to me right now Kodos. Like I said, I'm going to take a break from psychedelics for a while. I want to get my head straight. It may be a while till I can effectively meditate. My head is still spinning.

Edited by Alnico (02/14/07 02:53 PM)

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