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Offlinevigilant_mind
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Re: suicidal attraction [Re: vigilant_mind]
    #6564532 - 02/13/07 08:33 PM (16 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:


i just don't want them trying to give me prescriptions of antidepressants, because i've been on a few, and i've hated them all.




You don't have to do anything they tell you to. Remember, cooperation is completely up to you.

In my opinion, antidepressants result in a pyrrhic victory. They may medicate some of the symptoms of depression but largely cause more harm than good. This is not true for everyone (which many of you voracious debaters may tell me after I post this). What is most effective in helping with depression and suicide is psychotherapy, and I am specifically referring to Cognitive-Behavioral therapies.

From one human to another, realize that life is fragile; it is finite; it only happens once. If you take your life you are making a huge gamble on what comes next. I am not a psychologist and I am not a psychiatrist, I am just one person telling another that no matter what you're going through, someone else somewhere in the world has worked through it. Although right now all seems meaningless and hopeless, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, you just can't see it yet.


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Offlinewearejellyfish
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Re: suicidal attraction [Re: vigilant_mind]
    #6564561 - 02/13/07 08:39 PM (16 years, 11 months ago)

i wish i found someone at my school that thought the same way i do.

i miss not having my best friend.
i feel really fucking lost without him..

i don't think i'll ever be able to find someone like him, it's not like i'd ever want to replace him, but having a friend that's on the same level as me would still be nice.
but i've only lived here in oregon, going to this university since late september, and i am picky with who i want to hang out with, and picky with who i want to talk to, also being a bit antisocial, therefore i don't really have any friends here, yet? that i can talk to about real things.
and i only hope i can find someone real soon.
i just don't know how to go on about it?
it usually just has to 'happen'.


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Offlinefireworks_godS
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Re: suicidal attraction [Re: wearejellyfish]
    #6564649 - 02/13/07 09:00 PM (16 years, 11 months ago)

Well, the best approach might be to not be as selective as to who you might talk to. You have nothing to lose as far as talking to anyone goes, and if the type of person you are interested in meeting is a rare find, then you'll need to start talking to a lot of people to increase your chances of finding them. :wink:

The cool thing about talking to people is that you'll learn about them and yourself in the process.


--------------------
:redpanda:
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you

:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:


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Offlinewearejellyfish
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Re: suicidal attraction [Re: fireworks_god]
    #6564748 - 02/13/07 09:30 PM (16 years, 11 months ago)

that's true.
the only people i really talk to are people in my hall. i don't really have the ability to talk to many people in my classes.
i should try going to more school held activities.. like.. outdoor program stuff.
i think i should start doing that to meet more people..


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OfflineMrBuzin
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Re: suicidal attraction [Re: wearejellyfish]
    #6564782 - 02/13/07 09:43 PM (16 years, 11 months ago)

i can tell you one thing... antidepressants wont do shit... most depression isn't a chemical imbalence, it's the shit in your life, andobstacles the obstacles to be overcome. i'm still working on both. sometimes your will does get weak yes... but i am one, to believe, every human goes through these times, some more some less


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OfflineViveka
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Re: suicidal attraction [Re: wearejellyfish]
    #6564895 - 02/13/07 10:13 PM (16 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

i don't want to stop, i don't mind it. it's not like i've tried to commit, and i'm not going to until i know it's the complete end for me.
but i've got a while.




So at this point, the simple fact is you're not interested in changing this attitude or behavior. I doesn't matter whatever solid advice is given to you, like the suggestions in this thread from FG and others, because for now, you don't want to change.
You're looking for someone to indulge in this mood with you. You seem to understand that life holds a lot more value than you're willing to give it credit for, but for now, you are enjoying this attitude, so you maintain the same self-destructive inner dialogue and you aren't interested in changing your awareness in any way, unless it contributes to your seductive mood of "suicidal attraction". It is self-indulgence and you probably won't change unless you decide to stop indulging.


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Offlinefireworks_godS
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Re: suicidal attraction [Re: Viveka]
    #6564955 - 02/13/07 10:32 PM (16 years, 11 months ago)

Clearly someone who is contemplating suicide is going through some difficult times, regardless of what is causing it or what choices they are making. Honest, straight-up good advice might sound very reasonable and practical to those who are not in the situation, yet to those who are suffering it is not the same.

This thread perhaps might be better suited for the Physical and Mental Well-Being forum, yet the original poster did post it here, and I feel that the responses that they are receiving are quality and beneficial. I would like to see this thread continue here, so I think it would be appropriate to reference an aspect of the P&MWB rules. As a preventive action, these hereby apply to this thread. :wink:

Quote:


That being said, please take a look at our Forum Guidelines for some general use rules pertaining to how one should behave in this forum. It should go without saying that we must take caution in how we react to other's deep inner emotions. Tactless, careless, and otherwise negative behavior will not be tolerated in this forum. This forum is designed to help improve our lives, and negativity certainly won't help many reach their desired comfort level. So keep that in mind and post thoughtfully and respectfully.




I'm not stating that anyone who has already posted is in violation of these rules, but simply ensuring that this situation is handled appropriately. If anyone has any concerns or objections to this, I can just as easily move the thread to that forum and leave a link here, which is what I will probably do anyways once discussion here starts to slow down. :grin:


--------------------
:redpanda:
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you

:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:


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Offlinesadspacemonkey
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Re: suicidal attraction [Re: wearejellyfish]
    #6564983 - 02/13/07 10:44 PM (16 years, 11 months ago)

In my experience, suicidal thoughts can be strangely comforting and addictive. I used to have them every single day, researched a number of overly complicated methods as a hobby, daydreamed the comfort I would feel when it was finally over, etc etc..

It's a difficult thing to wrap your head around if you've never experienced this. Depression totally warps perception and disables the very strength and hope you need to pull yourself out. I totally understand missing/craving a friend who understands the logic that grows out of being in near constant pain.

When I was on anti-depressants, they kept me together enough to function..therapy is only as useful as the skill of your therapist- I've seen a number and most of them were not helpful at all, but if you find someone you click with, hold on tight.

I agree getting outside and getting active can help. Throwing yourself into something creative can be great if you can manage it.

I also agree that part of the problem is getting stuck in certain thoughts- habits of thinking that can be extremely powerful. Maybe affirmations would help you, though they did little for me. Paying attention to what triggers you and the various patterns of your mood can help put you on guard against all that bad stuff.

Not sure if any of that helps..I'm really sorry for your loss and I wish you the best. :heart:


--------------------

"I can't be told by anyone how to live. If I said to the minister 'Move from your home' he would think I was mad." Bushman : Botswana


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OfflineMrBuzin
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Re: suicidal attraction [Re: sadspacemonkey]
    #6565142 - 02/13/07 11:45 PM (16 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

sadspacemonkey said:
In my experience, suicidal thoughts can be strangely comforting and addictive. I used to have them every single day, researched a number of overly complicated methods as a hobby, daydreamed the comfort I would feel when it was finally over, etc etc..

It's a difficult thing to wrap your head around if you've never experienced this. Depression totally warps perception and disables the very strength and hope you need to pull yourself out. I totally understand missing/craving a friend who understands the logic that grows out of being in near constant pain.

When I was on anti-depressants, they kept me together enough to function..therapy is only as useful as the skill of your therapist- I've seen a number and most of them were not helpful at all, but if you find someone you click with, hold on tight.

I agree getting outside and getting active can help. Throwing yourself into something creative can be great if you can manage it.

I also agree that part of the problem is getting stuck in certain thoughts- habits of thinking that can be extremely powerful. Maybe affirmations would help you, though they did little for me. Paying attention to what triggers you and the various patterns of your mood can help put you on guard against all that bad stuff.

Not sure if any of that helps..I'm really sorry for your loss and I wish you the best. :heart:



totally agree man. depression is a killer, even if the hopes are right in front of you, you're oblivious to it.


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Offlinewearejellyfish
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Re: suicidal attraction [Re: sadspacemonkey]
    #6565144 - 02/13/07 11:47 PM (16 years, 11 months ago)

as soon as spring hits here, i'll hopefully be outside every day photographing. outside in nature's beauty seems to be the place i feel most comfortable.
and although it would be amazing to have someone to experience the same feelings of the outdoors as me, i'm most likely going to go to these places alone, which is okay, for now, i guess.

When I was on anti-depressants, they kept me together enough to function
what made you stop taking them?


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OfflineMrBuzin
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Re: suicidal attraction [Re: Xtals]
    #6565150 - 02/13/07 11:49 PM (16 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Xtals said:
I contemplated suicide for about 8 months, years ago. I had a specific plan (was going to drink 750 mL of vodka, take 1500 mg of DXM and jump off the local bridge). A few times I actually decided to go ahead an do it, then changed my mind on the way. I came pretty close and it's not a period in my life that I'm fond of remembering. I haven't had those thoughts in years, however (and I'm very glad of that).



yeah man i had a suicidal idea about a week ago. i was gonna get a lot of morphine pills, buy a half gallon from my friend and extract some dxm. i was gonna cover myself in gasoline, drink the alcohol and dxm extract and when i start to feel its onset(would be quick i was thinking about taking a killer high dose of both) i would rail the morphine try to hang on for a little bit than strike a lighter... like i said it was all day dream and it was last week when i was really in the slumps, i doubt i would of followed through with it, i still have hope, and i feel better this week.

if you're feeling like commiting suicide, always wait a week, tell yourself this. you'll be surprised.


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Offlinewearejellyfish
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Re: suicidal attraction [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6565162 - 02/13/07 11:54 PM (16 years, 11 months ago)

the covering yourself in gasoline always reminds me of that part in waking life, where some guy did so.


the way i think would be the best for me would be to do it skydiving, before i hit the ground.. i'd eat a bunch of pills, whatever i thought would do the job of making me feel infinite or something.. i'd jump out of the plane, open the parachute, float around for a bit, to enjoy the sky. then cut the parachute.
of course, though, i'd have to find a sneakier way of doing all that.

i want to get a skydiving liscense. but skydiving cost a megaload.. the first two times i have to do tandem, but then six solos until i can get a liscense.. god, imagine it, i could fucking skydive anywhere i wanted with a liscense basically..


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OfflineMrBuzin
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Re: suicidal attraction [Re: wearejellyfish]
    #6565191 - 02/14/07 12:02 AM (16 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

wearejellyfish said:
the covering yourself in gasoline always reminds me of that part in waking life, where some guy did so.


the way i think would be the best for me would be to do it skydiving, before i hit the ground.. i'd eat a bunch of pills, whatever i thought would do the job of making me feel infinite or something.. i'd jump out of the plane, open the parachute, float around for a bit, to enjoy the sky. then cut the parachute.
of course, though, i'd have to find a sneakier way of doing all that.

i want to get a skydiving liscense. but skydiving cost a megaload.. the first two times i have to do tandem, but then six solos until i can get a liscense.. god, imagine it, i could fucking skydive anywhere i wanted with a liscense basically..



hehe creativity... see, use your creativity to create art, do something, be something, floating by is the number one killer in people with depression. but if you're content with that, that's fine, but then i wouldn't see a reason to be depressed. if it you give it a try you'll start to see differences, differences lead to more, think of it like the oppisote of a downward spiral. not trying to assume anything about you.

and just remember, you're not alone my friend. lots of people have been in your shoes and gotten through it.

edit: by the way where in oregon do you live? i live in tigard... next to portland


Edited by MrBuzin (02/14/07 12:03 AM)


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Offlinewearejellyfish
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Re: suicidal attraction [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6565242 - 02/14/07 12:16 AM (16 years, 11 months ago)

yeah photography seems to be the only thing i truly care about, that and travelling, but i can't do so much travelling yet.

i live in eugene, i attend university of oregon.
i came here from florida. complete change of everything.
unfortunately all those changes didn't really change me.
at least i can actually go outside without sweating within five minutes, like in florida.


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OfflineEpigallo
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Re: suicidal attraction *DELETED* [Re: wearejellyfish]
    #6565256 - 02/14/07 12:20 AM (16 years, 11 months ago)

Post deleted by bradleycny

Reason for deletion: drunken regrets



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OfflineMrBuzin
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Re: suicidal attraction [Re: wearejellyfish]
    #6565274 - 02/14/07 12:24 AM (16 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

wearejellyfish said:
yeah photography seems to be the only thing i truly care about, that and travelling, but i can't do so much travelling yet.

i live in eugene, i attend university of oregon.
i came here from florida. complete change of everything.
unfortunately all those changes didn't really change me.
at least i can actually go outside without sweating within five minutes, like in florida.



awesome man, keep at it, get yourself a partner if you don't already have one

nice, eugene has some crazy people living there... okay... during the summer me and my friend went down there to stay with his brother thats going to university of oregon, we stayed at his apartment. later that night we both ate a half 8th on a pizza, smoked fat weed, and decided to go exploring. i saw a lot of tweakers, people randomly starting conversations with us, and when we walked by the hospital, on the other side of the street, i hear yelling from above and i look up and some guy is yelling "leave me alone or i'm gonna jump!" and kept screaming all sorts of stuff... i yelled back up "come down here... wait.. no.. not this way.. go down the stairs and walk to the hospital they can treat ya" we left dunno what happened to him.. way different vibes than here

point of the story

maybe, i thought it was all weird (besides the jumper dude) because i was on mushrooms :P


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Offlinewearejellyfish
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Re: suicidal attraction [Re: MrBuzin]
    #6565289 - 02/14/07 12:28 AM (16 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

MrBuzin said:
awesome man, keep at it, get yourself a partner if you don't already have one

nice, eugene has some crazy people living there... okay... during the summer me and my friend went down there to stay with his brother thats going to university of oregon, we stayed at his apartment. later that night we both ate a half 8th on a pizza, smoked fat weed, and decided to go exploring. i saw a lot of tweakers, people randomly starting conversations with us, and when we walked by the hospital, on the other side of the street, i hear yelling from above and i look up and some guy is yelling "leave me alone or i'm gonna jump!" and kept screaming all sorts of stuff... i yelled back up "come down here... no not this way go down the stairs and walk to the hospital they can treat ya" way different vibes than here

point of the story

maybe, i thought it was all weird (besides the jumper dude) because i was on mushrooms :P




yeah since i like exploring a lot, it would probably better to find someone else to come with me.. my dad isn't too keen when he finds out i'm going to these forests or meadows by myself.
and as an 18 year old girl, he's probably right for the most part.

people can get really weird here, like, creepy old guys.
but besides that, people are usually really nice.
are you going to school up in tigard?


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Offlinewearejellyfish
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Re: suicidal attraction [Re: Epigallo]
    #6565293 - 02/14/07 12:29 AM (16 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

bradleycny said:
i think about it, i think everyone must. don't take my words too seriously. the way i see it is that i've gotten this far; to the point of contemplation. nah don't throw it away. it's everything, love is so deep, as deep, deeper, and deeper. I love you, deeper and deeper, how I love. I realize. Too late to throw it away. That's all.

what a dream this is

this is wonderful




i'm still waiting to feel that love.


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OfflineNova

Registered: 10/16/02
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Re: suicidal attraction [Re: wearejellyfish]
    #6565569 - 02/14/07 02:48 AM (16 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

wearejellyfish said:
so for a few years now, i have had suicidal thoughts. about every day, maybe skip a few days, but it usually always crosses my mind.
it's not really like, god i hate my life, i'm going to just fucking kill myself.
it's kind of like, it's just the way it's going to be. when i'm totally ready, i'm for it.
i always think of different ways i'd kill myself as well.
and my best friend and i would always chat online or in person about different ways to die or how we'd die and we'd talk about doing it together.
he was the only one i could ever feel comfortable enough to talk about that with and not have to worry about him freaking out that i'm talking about suicide, mostly because, he, as well, thought the same way as me.
but then a year ago, february 21, 2006, he mixed two different pills that shouldn't have been mixed. and passed away.
it was an accident.
he was into all sorts of drugs and pills. he knew what he was doing, but since he's done so much shit, he didn't think that would be the one to kill him.
but it did.
and that was that.
that's as far as i want to get into it.. because this is besides the point of this post..

and now that i don't have my best friend to talk about death anymore with, i feel like it's building up so much inside.. but there's no one i can talk about that with.
and it's not like i want to talk to some therapist or something about this, i would never ever admit to someone i know personally, that i think about suicide, especially on a daily basis.
i don't want to stop, i don't mind it. it's not like i've tried to commit, and i'm not going to until i know it's the complete end for me.
but i've got a while.

also, anytime i hear about a suicide, i always find myself attracted to it, and i want to find out more information about this person's life.

anyway. i guess i'm kind of just wondering, is there anybody else that thinks this way?
i know there has to be, it'd be nice to know i have some company.





I'm the same way. There really isn't anything wrong with my life at all. I'm attending a university, good grades, a couple close friends, hobbies etc, overall just pretty content. I also have a friend who feels/thinks the same as me and it is nice to have someone to talk to. We are pretty introverted/antisocial and like to just sit and talk about random stuff (philosophy, psychology, sociology). We both always talk about how meaningless life is and talk about suicide a lot. Our conversations usually start with some observation about ourselves or other people then we keep analyzing it deeper and deeper and pretty much everytime we both end up being like 'meh i just want to die'. I guess we both don't really like the world we live in too much.


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Offlinewearejellyfish
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Re: suicidal attraction [Re: Nova]
    #6565607 - 02/14/07 03:07 AM (16 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Nova said:
I'm the same way. There really isn't anything wrong with my life at all. I'm attending a university, good grades, a couple close friends, hobbies etc, overall just pretty content. I also have a friend who feels/thinks the same as me and it is nice to have someone to talk to. We are pretty introverted/antisocial and like to just sit and talk about random stuff (philosophy, psychology, sociology). We both always talk about how meaningless life is and talk about suicide a lot. Our conversations usually start with some observation about ourselves or other people then we keep analyzing it deeper and deeper and pretty much everytime we both end up being like 'meh i just want to die'. I guess we both don't really like the world we live in too much.




exactly.
you are very lucky to be able to have that person to talk about all that with you right now.

that sounds like how my bestfriend and i were too.
mm the memories.


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