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Invisiblemusher_420
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Registered: 08/01/05
Posts: 2,691
Making life changes
    #6372644 - 12/15/06 03:24 AM (14 years, 4 months ago)

So I'm not really happy with my situation right now. There are a lot of things about my life I wanna change. I think if I stopped drinking all together (I've been getting drunk a couple times a week) I could really stick to my goals. The problem is everyone I know always wants to hang out at the bar or something or if you wanna get together with friends it seems mandatory to drink or else you will stick out like a sore thumb.

I guess I'm just going to have to become a recluse. I want to start hitting the gym like I used too and eating right again. I know what I need to do to reach my fitness goals but the problem is NOT DOING WHAT I NEED TO DO! I don't understand why I find it so hard to just do what's right for me.

Does anyone have any strategies you use to keep yourself on track? You know, like forward thinking and having a positive mindset.


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OfflineThe_Hobbit
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Re: Making life changes [Re: musher_420]
    #6372664 - 12/15/06 03:46 AM (14 years, 4 months ago)

Probably the best thing that you could do is to be timely about your goals. It's easy to say that you will do right, but can do you do right right now? If not now, then when?

If you want to work out, then get up in the morning and do that. If you want to do something cool with your friends like going hiking, then do that. Get the basic, easy, stuff down and that will create all kinds of motivation for new stuff. Sometimes it's better to just start doing something even if it's not exactly what you want because that is the tangible effect of necessity and motivation.


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OfflineChemiker
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Re: Making life changes [Re: The_Hobbit]
    #6372703 - 12/15/06 04:14 AM (14 years, 4 months ago)

I have had to stop drinking, but I still hang out with my friends who do drink. I just don't drink. That might be hard for you at first. Maybe you should avoid those friends for a few weeks and then try going out with them, just avoid drinking. Or don't get drunk.

I have personally found that regular alcohol use (ie. a few times a week) affects me in a profoundly negative way (which is why I don't really drink - I have a hard time finding a healthy balance, YMMV). Abstaining from alcohol for at least two weeks will help you regain perspective, probably.

However, and of course I can't speeak for you, I have found that after sustained periods of substance abuse, it takes me about 3 to 6 months before I "feel like me again." YMMV. Making changes along these lines in my life was very difficult and it was true to some extent what people say about needing to hit "rock bottom." I don't think you actually have to hit rock bottom, but maintaining your motivation to make changes can be very difficult simply because the physiological effects of the drug will resist such changes. From your perspective however, it seems to be "you" that is resisting those changes and you're "only" rationally aware that this is really the effect of a drug.

Hitting the gym is definitely a good idea. I think it's pretty universal that exercise helps improve mood and I have found that's the case for me. Also, you might want to tell your friends that you want to cut back on drinking in order to pursue your goals. Hopefully they will be supportive. My problems with alcohol had become so disruptive that I've had to have "heart to heart" talks with my closest friends, just asking them to remind me that I feel my life goes best without alcohol if they ever see me with a beer in my hand.

You might not be able to make the changes you want right away or on your first try (just like quitting smoking), but I believe that if you are really motivated to do so that you can make the changes you want. Good like.


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Offlinefreddurgan
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Re: Making life changes [Re: Chemiker]
    #6373424 - 12/15/06 11:50 AM (14 years, 4 months ago)

I manage to hang out with my friends when they get messed up all the time. It's actually really lame and I need new friends. But for the time being, just try it. If you can't stand being around them sober and they are never sober, get new friends. Life changes all around..


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Offlineleery11
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Registered: 06/25/05
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Re: Making life changes [Re: freddurgan]
    #6374023 - 12/15/06 02:48 PM (14 years, 4 months ago)

everything is a mirror.

people are generally stained mirrors.

your friends are beer stained, they cannot be of any use to you if you have higher goals in life that they do NOT share.

if they DO share these higher goals then you must discuss this with them and get them on the working out and eating healthy bandwagon, and that could be very good.

if they cannot and will not you have NO use hanging out with them UNLESS you simply want to get drunk.

that's the bottom line.

people are also programs. if you have a slight inclination to drink but hang out with people running binge drinking programs, your base value of drinking attitudes is going to amplify.

if you have a robot that hands you shots until you can't get up off the floor, you can't really ask the robot to not do this to you again "next time" because A. there is a next time, and B. the robot is so used to this behavior that it just might not see things your way. and C. you keep hanging out with the robot.

my philosophy is that without unconditional love, relationships aren't worth having...... perhaps until we are fully liberated we can only spiral closer to unconditional love, but some people might not be willing to even try to learn the dance with you. so why have crippled dance partners, do you want to join their dance, or do you want to have your own that resonates with who you should be as a self-actualized human being!?


Edited by leery11 (12/15/06 02:53 PM)


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OfflineRoosterCogburn
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Re: Making life changes [Re: leery11]
    #6374066 - 12/15/06 03:01 PM (14 years, 4 months ago)

In all seriousness, alcohol is bad news... It's only prevalent because it's legal. I was a pretty hard drinker in my 20's and for much the same reason... hanging with a crowd of drinkers.

After some doctor visits, I really learned how bad it was crushing my liver and adding tons of extra weight, hangovers and all around bad shit. I'm not against alcohol, but I am STRONGLY against the abuse of alcohol... It's just not worth all the bullshit side effects.

Go out and try to drink only 3 or 4 beers all night. At first, it seems like it's impossible, but that's only because you are USED TO drinking so much more.

I've switched almost completely to herb, but being illegal, you have to be WAY MORE RESPONSIBLE!! Keep your bong out of the car, if you know what I mean. I have a stealthy one-hitter and I couldn't be happier!

Now, I sit at the bar stoned drinking $10 worth of beers while my idiot friends spend $50+, act like assholes, ruin their livers and have to drive home drunk risking MAJOR $$$$$ penalties. Fuck that noise...


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OfflineChemiker
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Registered: 12/05/06
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Re: Making life changes [Re: RoosterCogburn]
    #6374511 - 12/15/06 05:24 PM (14 years, 4 months ago)

Though I won't agree that alcohol is bad news all around (it's definitely bad news for me), I do agree that marijuana is the far better choice for mentally healthy living. Of course, since it's illegal, RoosterCogburn is right, you have to be responsible and some people do develop problems with / due to marijuana, but I have never worried about problems with pot and can't say I notice negative effects on my emotional health due to it.

Also, someone above basically said that your friends might not be compatible with the changes you want to make. This is true and sometimes you just have to let go and make new friends.


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Invisibledblaney
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Registered: 10/03/04
Posts: 7,894
Loc: Here & Now
Re: Making life changes [Re: musher_420]
    #6374834 - 12/15/06 07:47 PM (14 years, 4 months ago)

It sounds to me like you know that those changes would be very beneficial, but you just lack the motivation to actually go through with making the needed changes.

Motivation is a tricky thing. I'd say just reflect some more on where you are and where you want to be. If you really want to be somewhere other than where you are, then you have to do the work in order to get there, there is simply no way around it. It's not always going to be fun. But if you seriously want to change and improve your situation, then you've got to make that commitment, even if you don't feel like it.

On the other hand, if you reflect and then are alright right where you are, then just continue what you are doing.

Either way, work is required. In the first case, it would result in you breaking through old habits and reaching towards some goals and general health and well-being. In the second case, it would result in you being just about where you are now, and it doesn't sound like you're terribly happy.

There is no secret or special thing to do or think, and no one can do it for you. You've just got to cultivate discipline and do what needs to be done.

Good luck man!


--------------------
"What is in us that turns a deaf ear to the cries of human suffering?"

"Belief is a beautiful armor
But makes for the heaviest sword"
- John Mayer

Making the noise "penicillin" is no substitute for actually taking penicillin.

"This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it." -Abraham Lincoln


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Invisibledblaney
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Registered: 10/03/04
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Re: Making life changes [Re: RoosterCogburn]
    #6374849 - 12/15/06 07:53 PM (14 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Now, I sit at the bar stoned drinking $10 worth of beers while my idiot friends spend $50+, act like assholes, ruin their livers and have to drive home drunk risking MAJOR $$$$$ penalties.




No disrespect man, but if you watch your friends just drive home drunk all the time, then you're being irresponsible too.

If I was walking or driving along and got hit by a car driven by one of them while they were drunk...and found out that their friend watched them leave, knowing full well that they would be driving home drunk, I would be fucking pissed!

I mean I don't know your situation, maybe you live in the middle of nowhere where there is no risk of hitting anyone. But still, driving intoxicated not only endangers the lives of everyone in the car, but the lives of all those other people on the road too.

Whether or not you do anything, that action or inaction does have an impact and influence your friends. I don't mean to offend you or anything, but I would question a friendship where a friend doesn't look out for the safety and well-being of his friends and those around them.

:peace:


--------------------
"What is in us that turns a deaf ear to the cries of human suffering?"

"Belief is a beautiful armor
But makes for the heaviest sword"
- John Mayer

Making the noise "penicillin" is no substitute for actually taking penicillin.

"This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it." -Abraham Lincoln


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Invisiblemusher_420
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Registered: 08/01/05
Posts: 2,691
Re: Making life changes [Re: dblaney]
    #6375433 - 12/15/06 11:48 PM (14 years, 4 months ago)

Thanks so much for the replies guys!

I had the most amazing experience tonight.  I powdered 4.5g of cubies and drank them with a freshly squeezed lemon.  It's hard to explain.  But I felt as if I found my rhythm.  I just took a step back for a moment and just let life happen. Now I realize what I need to do.  Things are clear.

It's strange too.  Usually my mushroom trips end with me being rather fuzzy and trying to "put the pieces back together"  But this trip was different.  It's like I just let go and let it happen and after some amazing visuals I felt whole not shattered. 

I really want to spread this mentality to my friends but I don't wanna come off to preachy.  I guess they are going to have to find a way up for themselves after they have hit the bottom.

And as far as sticking to my goals I see that it doesn't have to be an all or nothing movement.  I can't say I will never drink another beer that's unrealistic.  But I will avoid getting drunk.  One can abuse the most pure of things.  I guess I was a more abuseful person then I thought I was and need to change this.

I see that if I can't drive to the gym I can still always get a good workout at home.  Or at least just take the dog for a walk. God knows I've been neglecting her.

There's a matter of respect and being grateful for the people I have and lesser importance the things I have. 

All I can say is these mushrooms were EXACTLY what the doctor ordered  :1up:  :chillpill:


--------------------
My Humidifier Reservoir Expansion Tek

Must read links for beginners

Btw- You are not what you own!


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OfflineGreat Scott
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Re: Making life changes [Re: musher_420]
    #6375788 - 12/16/06 02:21 AM (14 years, 4 months ago)

Just do the small stuff initially.
Like if you plan to walk 5 miles a day, and then one day you are feeling not quite up to the task...then just walk around the block.
For the love of god, don't just NOT do ANY walking that day. That's how you fall off the track and into a rut.
Who knows, maybe that spin around the block will turn into a 10 mile jog.

Baby Steps, basically.


--------------------
:thumbup: :thumbdown:


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Invisibledblaney
Human Being

Registered: 10/03/04
Posts: 7,894
Loc: Here & Now
Re: Making life changes [Re: musher_420]
    #6376560 - 12/16/06 02:01 PM (14 years, 4 months ago)

:laugh:

Glad to hear about your great experience!


--------------------
"What is in us that turns a deaf ear to the cries of human suffering?"

"Belief is a beautiful armor
But makes for the heaviest sword"
- John Mayer

Making the noise "penicillin" is no substitute for actually taking penicillin.

"This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it." -Abraham Lincoln


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Invisibleohmatic
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Re: Making life changes [Re: dblaney]
    #6376611 - 12/16/06 02:25 PM (14 years, 4 months ago)

hey musher i know EXACTLY what you are talking about.

i also had a problem with alcohol and the only solution for me was to quit it completely,
the absolute downside however is, that u realise how fucking much alcohol EVERYBODY else drinks
like all the time.

going to bars gets incredibly annoying cause u see how everybody gets shitfaced except for you
and realise that this is what kept u going for the past years ..

wish u the best !


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OfflineChemiker
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Registered: 12/05/06
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Re: Making life changes [Re: ohmatic]
    #6378502 - 12/17/06 04:04 AM (14 years, 4 months ago)

ohmatic,

I got used to being to only non-drinker. After the summer of 2002, I gave up alcohol for three and a half years. I drink very seldom now, less than once a month.

During those three and a half years, I went from feeling that I wouldn't be able to go to a bar with my friends without drowning myself in alcohol, to being able to sit around and watch ten other people drink without being remotely tempted.

I agree though, it's almost disheartening to see how many other people drink and what people can be like when they drink. I think that this is probably the result of seeing a little bit of the worst in yourself in other people. The lowest point in my life was being an alcoholic and I think watching other people drink makes you see the reflection of a little bit of your worst in other people.

Regarding the drinking and driving thing, I agree to some extent. I recently lost a friend because he called me up, laughing and sounding like he was bragging when he said, "I'm drunk and stoned and I'm driving to my buddy's for a party." I haven't spoken with him since. At one point he told me to 'get off my high horse' because I had driven drunk many times, years ago. I was shocked that he didn't understand why his behaviour bothered me so deeply. I've expressed so much regret and sorrow over having behaved so irresponsibly that I don't know how a friend of mine could think that I would find it funny. I feel, that as someone who has driven drunk, I have a special responsibility to try preventing it whenever I even get a whiff of it. I guess that's the function of guilt.

Anyway, musher_420, I hope that your positive mood continues. I think that it's the earliest period of change that is the hardest. It gets easier with time. All the best and try not to lose perspective on the fact that you're trying to improve your life. Many of us here are behind you in spirit.


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