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Registered: 05/14/02
Posts: 21
Last seen: 18 years, 8 months
The thing is...
    #637011 - 05/19/02 09:14 PM (22 years, 1 month ago)

Day by day i learn more and more of what really happend that night.

Last night i smoked some salvia, i was in a room of friends and suddenly everything got weird. I was tak, i was alive, i was in a room with my friends. It was all happening, but the rules i knew and understood were gone. I was sinking into the ground, not the ground, but into that part of the grid. All i wanted to do was roll around on the ground into things. It is a hard thing to explain, but i felt like a creature with no nerves. I would just roll around and do whatever till whenever. It seems like this was the point that nothing mattered. I would roll around into shit, puking whatever...till i die. I live till a die. I was not thinking nothing mattered. I knew nothing mattered.

Now my question comes up. One day on 2ct7 + E I had a bad trip, ended up in the hospital. I was led to believe(by my mind) that durring this whole trip it was a closed-eye type thing. Not really closed eye, but no contact with physical reality, i was in my world. Now i think its diffrent...everything was there, but it was so strange, diffrent, and everythign else. I just did not understand. I saw my friends and i get into a car. In real life we were getting in to drive somewhere(normal) in my mind i was being watched on the ultimate television. I was the reason and the only reason. I felt like i was in the Trueman Show, or whatever that flick is. Me, my friends, the house, the car...everything seemed to be in touch. I knew everything as well as i know myself. It was all like i was watching old videos of me, remembing "i did that" But not being able to place it either. It was to the point where it was everything and nothing at once. I knew this scenario all too well, so well it was scary. What was it? It was IT. It was the only reason at all. It just WAS. but then again i had no knowledge of it, or what it was or what it meant so for knowing, i sure did not know.

The whole time, i was in 'ecstacy' as my mind told me. When i say that im not refering to the associated high that feels oh so great. It was pure bliss, on such a higher level. My body did not feel good. I was not happy. Those are so petty on this scale. All my problems went away. The problem of life disappeared. I was not life anymore, i was an infinate number of lives. I could see each and every life like it was a atom on earth. Infinate numbers, all so small. Or so they seemed. They were so small to me standing on the outside, but when im sitting here typing, its ME, its cars,houses,friends...its EVERYTHING. How can everything be such a small spec on the plane of infinity. Ouch. Thats when i relized...none of the small shit matters. I could live billions of years. Or i could die in the hospital at birth. Either way... It was flowing through me in an eternal trance. It was everything and nothing once again. I was infinate. The answer to every possible problem was erasing it. Not 'erasing' but starting over maybe. Imagine being in a room. When you enter the room you get either a 'good' feeling, or a 'bad' one. Now once you get into the room, the very first thought that comes to your mind will be answered. Good thought, bad thought, it all will be answered. As soon as you entered, you think your thought, and suddenly you are in the room again. It feels good. It was the answer to your question, however you dont know the question or the answer. You are stuck in the infinate loop. Thats kinda what it felt like, it was real nice, nicer than you could ever possibly feel, on such a higher level too. Then I wanted to stop. I ask to leave, it takes me back. There is no out, i was stuck for eternity. With every thought in my mind was an intense 'feeling' aswell as alot of other stuff. I was in a trance with the pain flowing the speed of thought, and i couldnt get out. The nice turned to evil, and it hurt. It was the most horrible pain ever. It sucked.

Ok. Now for the real question maybe. Enough rambling.

Diffrent drugs make me feel diffrent ways. But after that experiance, alot of drugs make me feel that way. They all seem to get me there. Just like it was then, it feels way good at first, but it can get there... Am i just paranoid, because i can do drugs, have a wonderful time, even related trips i have a good time, it just shows up, i stare at it in the face and wonder why its there. Is it my brain dying, is it just my perspective on reality, what. It triggers some weird thoughts, and opens my mind up to alot of information, but this information is biased, and will usually flow the way my brain told it to while on drugs. I may have the answers, but how am i to know that they are not just the drug influenced im insane haha answers. :[

I really dont know, its not that big of a deal but fuck



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Registered: 05/14/02
Posts: 21
Last seen: 18 years, 8 months
Re: The thing is... [Re: t_a_k]
    #637020 - 05/19/02 09:27 PM (22 years, 1 month ago)

Another thing that trips me out is...

When im dreaming, i may be living a life that seems so real. It all happens just as it is, but then something weird goes on. Any dream really...you create the world, anything can happen. Why can this not happen in reality? Even though dreams are in our mind, who says that we are not a dream either. Not ust that, but i dunno. In a dream when rules change i accept it an just go with the flow. In reality when rules of the universe change, i think "man im on drugs" and think that other people wont see these changes, its only me. It pisses me off.



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Carpal Tunnel

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 04/23/00
Posts: 5,015
Re: The thing is... [Re: t_a_k]
    #637541 - 05/20/02 08:53 AM (22 years, 1 month ago)

There is no spoon!

"There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving and that's your own self. So you have to begin there, not
outside, not on other people" - Aldous Huxley

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Divine Hermit of the Everything
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Registered: 02/19/02
Posts: 7,575
Loc: border of Canada and Mexi...
Last seen: 1 year, 5 days
Re: The thing is... [Re: phrozendata]
    #637548 - 05/20/02 08:55 AM (22 years, 1 month ago)

then how the hell do you eat soup?

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Error: divide byzero

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 04/27/01
Posts: 23,480
Loc: Caribbean
Last seen: 4 months, 6 days
Re: The thing is... [Re: t_a_k]
    #637574 - 05/20/02 09:08 AM (22 years, 1 month ago)

> but how am i to know that they are not just the drug influenced im insane

I used to have the same question. One day I asked for proof and was surprised to actually get it. My proof will only convince me, so I won't bore you with the details. The next time you are walking the edge of bliss ask for proof and see what you get.

Just another spore in the wind.

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Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 07/12/99
Posts: 4,805
Loc: On the Brink of Madness
Re: The thing is... [Re: Seuss]
    #638385 - 05/20/02 07:19 PM (22 years, 1 month ago)

How can I be sure the drug isn't just making me insane?
I wrote a post on this in '99 (I think). Somewhere.....
There is more than one way to figure that you aren't being driven insane... many ways.

Note: In desperate need of a cure...

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Registered: 05/02/02
Posts: 47
Last seen: 21 years, 11 months
Re: The thing is... [Re: Sclorch]
    #640926 - 05/22/02 06:56 PM (22 years, 1 month ago)

i seen something similar to what your describing on shrooms, not as intense. I realized the meaningless, i am only one atom in the universe with no meaning, the infinite universe. I asked myself why i would go home after the trip, is that my real home or is my home somewhere else? Since then i feel like a bystander watching everyone else. I couldnt figure out life and why people do the shit they do, and frankly i still cant and i am fucked up for life, or mybe i'm more normal than other people. Your insanity is more real than reality, i cant wait to shroom again, or mybe ill try that dxm.

"oh to be a kid again, not a worry in the world except mybe the lack of bubbles in the bath tub"

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