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InvisibleveggieM

Registered: 07/25/04
Posts: 17,538
War on Drugs Expands to Catnip
    #6328569 - 12/02/06 09:36 PM (17 years, 5 months ago)

War on Drugs Expands to Catnip
by Fred E. Foldvary
December 1, 2006 -  Progress Report

Drug warriors scored a virtual victory after the 2006 U.S. elections when they hurriedly extended the  War on Drugs to a psychoactive substance previously exempt: nepetalactone, the main psychoactive ingredient in catnip. It is well known that the sniffing of catnip makes some cats "turn on." Their eyes open wide, they roll over on the floor, they hug and bite the catnip toy and kick it with the feet, and they friskily run to and fro, similar to human beings who go crazy ingesting psychoactive drugs.

While catnip does not have the same effect on human beings, the advocates of banning catnip have pointed out that children who give their cats catnip and then see the cat being "happy" might get dangerous ideas about getting high. They think, if the cat can feel good, why not them too? Indeed, the first step to marijuana addiction may well be catnip! According to the drug warriors, catnip has been a major gateway to the human abuse of drugs, and yet there has been no prohibition.

The U.S. federal ban on drugs began in 1914 with the Harrison Narcotic Act to control opium. Alcohol was prohibited by the 18th Amendment in 1919, in an era where the U.S. Constitution was still respected, but the Amendment was repealed by the 21st Amendment in 1933.

In 1937, convinced that marijuana causes insanity, Congress passed the Marijuana Tax Act, which effectively prohibited that substance. The full-scale war on psychoactive substances started with Nixon's declaration in 1969 that such drugs were "America's public enemy number one." Congress formally declared the War on Drugs with the Controlled Substances Act of 1970. The agency that prosecutes this war is the Drug Enforcement Administration.

In 1988, the Reagan Administration created the Office of National Drug Control Policy to bring together all federal departments and agencies into a united war campaign. In accord with America's traditional admiration of the Roman dictator Caesar, the director of ONDCP is called the Drug Czar, and the recognition of the War on Drugs as America's number one bipartisan obsession was made clear by raising the Drug Czar to cabinet-level status by President Bill Clinton in 1993.

Now the last great loophole in the abuse of drugs by both children and adults has been closed. The enforcement of the prohibition of catnip will begin nationally with the first full eclipse of the sun in 2007, to symbolize the eclipse of the libertine and lascivious feline attitudes that have led to catnip abuse. Americans will receive orders to destroy all catnip in their homes before the eclipse.

The War on Catnip has started already as a pilot program in the so-called "red zone" of Washington, DC. The assistant to the Drug Czar for federal territory is Ima Tyrant, who was transferred to the ONDCP from the Federal Communications Commission's "Office of Philosophy and Economics," which has been enforcing a ban on philosophic and economic indecency.

Some Washington red-zone residents stubbornly refused to destroy their illicit catnip. For example, Dr. Felix thought that nobody would know that he still had some catnip in his cabinet. But Ima Tyrant sent dog patrols down the red-zone streets of Washington, hounds who were trained to detect minute particles of catnip. The dogs howled at Dr. Felix's front door, and the catnip SWAT teem stormed into the house and went through all the closets, cabinets and shelves, dumping everything on the floor until they finally found the catnip. Dr. Felix is now in federal prison on a life sentence for the possession of catnip.

But, like marijuana, there is also the problem of controlling the catnip plants, scientifically called Nepeta cataria. Catnip is a member of the mint family, and the plant grows all over North America. The 2006 Prohibition of the Possession of Nepetalactone and Catnip Plants Act makes it a federal crime to grow catnip on one's land, even if the landowner does not know that the plants are present. Large-scale spraying with toxic chemicals will occur during 2006 everywhere that satellites detect catnip plants. Unfortunately, sometimes spearmint and basil plants look like catnip, and these may also be sprayed. Americans will be warned to avoid ingesting any herbs of the mint family after the spraying.

"Catnip is a much greater drug problem than most people realize," said Ima Tyrant in a recently televised interview. "Some teenagers have experimented with smoking catnip. People also make tea from catnip, and have used it in folk medicines. We can no longer tolerate this big loophole in drug abuse. The prohibition of catnip will the "cat-stone" to America's War on Drugs.

"But why is alcohol not included in banned substances, as it causes much more trouble than catnip?" asked the interviewer. Ima Tyrant replied, "Alcohol is not really a drug. That's a myth perpetuated by those who foolishly want to legalize drugs. Alcohol is a normal drink, and like fatty foods, sure it can be abused, but to call alcohol a drug is sheer propaganda."

You hip cats have only a limited time to enjoy your cataria until the eclipse of your feline liberty. The dogs of war will then come barking, so beware.

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InvisibleveggieM

Registered: 07/25/04
Posts: 17,538
Re: War on Drugs Expands to Catnip [Re: veggie]
    #6328626 - 12/02/06 09:57 PM (17 years, 5 months ago)

I think this guy could use some catnip...


(Click for video)

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InvisibleDNKYD
Turtle!

Registered: 09/23/04
Posts: 12,326
Re: War on Drugs Expands to Catnip [Re: veggie]
    #6328655 - 12/02/06 10:09 PM (17 years, 5 months ago)

A bullet in its skull would do much better :smile:

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OfflineHighGuy
Stranger

Registered: 12/08/05
Posts: 333
Last seen: 8 years, 11 months
Re: War on Drugs Expands to Catnip [Re: veggie]
    #6328829 - 12/02/06 10:57 PM (17 years, 5 months ago)

Ima Tyrant.  :rofl2:


--------------------
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Start making America free again.

Edited by HighGuy (12/02/06 11:45 PM)

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Offlinethetonebone72
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Registered: 03/11/06
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Re: War on Drugs Expands to Catnip [Re: HighGuy]
    #6328879 - 12/02/06 11:17 PM (17 years, 5 months ago)

If this is for real my cats are gonna be pissed!! :sniperkitty:


--------------------
Hunt On, Good Fellow


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Invisibledaytripper05
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Re: War on Drugs Expands to Catnip [Re: thetonebone72]
    #6329090 - 12/03/06 12:19 AM (17 years, 5 months ago)

Time to stock pile the hell out of this shit. Man am I going to get 10-20 pounds of that shit. Pay in CASH. Perfect.

I fucking hate American goverenment. GOD DAMN THEM!!!!  Go ahead make catnip illegal and take a look at the statistics 5-10 year down the road. That will have ZERO effect on the overal outcome except the cats can't get something that is naturally attractive to them. How did this pass? Didn't someone in washington have a cat and say WHAT THE FUCK? And tell me something... How is it good to let ones kids watch them ingest anti-depressants all the time to have to feel good and still not really make a difference. How is that any different? Oh because the FDA says its ok. (BUT really it's just because it makes them LOTS of money.) But Catnip? I usually don't comment this much on the articles but this one.... It has really pissed me off.

I have been saying for years. I am getting the FUCK OUT of here before thats illegal too.


EDIT: I just ran back through the article one more time. He says alcohol is not a drug. What fucking moron. How many people are killing in drunk driving accidents alone vs catnip. And now I hope someone that knows somthing on the subject chimes in and says that this isn't true is got appealed or what ever the fuck they do.

:suicidebomber:

Edited by daytripper05 (12/03/06 12:25 AM)

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OfflineMolof
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Registered: 09/23/04
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Re: War on Drugs Expands to Catnip [Re: daytripper05]
    #6329321 - 12/03/06 01:36 AM (17 years, 5 months ago)

Can you not recognize satire when you see it? :smile:

This is good satire on absurd drug laws.

Just look at the names: Ima Tyrant? Dr. Felix?  :tongue2:

Edited by Molof (12/03/06 01:38 AM)

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OfflineDrewwyann
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Registered: 10/30/06
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Re: War on Drugs Expands to Catnip [Re: Molof]
    #6329703 - 12/03/06 08:23 AM (17 years, 5 months ago)

hahahaha this is friggen hilarious.

(i wrote to my senator to make him ban coffee);)

:naughty:


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InvisibleStroFun
Repeater

Registered: 07/11/06
Posts: 977
Loc: Mycotopia.net
Re: War on Drugs Expands to Catnip [Re: Drewwyann]
    #6329830 - 12/03/06 09:57 AM (17 years, 5 months ago)

LOL @ daytripper

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OfflineBooming
n00b psybot

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 71
Last seen: 17 years, 2 months
Re: War on Drugs Expands to Catnip [Re: StroFun]
    #6329899 - 12/03/06 10:36 AM (17 years, 5 months ago)

this is just getting out of hand... honestly...

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OfflineSDP
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Re: War on Drugs Expands to Catnip [Re: veggie]
    #6329996 - 12/03/06 11:31 AM (17 years, 5 months ago)

So is it all a satire or are they really banning catnip? Thats retarded... I'm not complaining, BUT, there are so many more loopholes for other stronger things, why are they so hell bent on closing down freakin catnip all of the sudden? :confused:


--------------------
Teonanacatl, open up my eyes
This sacrament, this prayer, beyond the world of lies
Guide me clearly through that which I dont understand
Give me strength to find the path
Help me fight any demons as you flow through me wholely
This is my prayer, that you protect me from evil, and bring me closer to peace
And open up my eyes, so i can see things as you do
Amen

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OfflineExplosiveMango
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Registered: 07/12/05
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Re: War on Drugs Expands to Catnip [Re: SDP]
    #6330170 - 12/03/06 01:13 PM (17 years, 5 months ago)

It's satire people... it's satire...


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Know your self.
Know your substance.
Know your source.

The most distorted perspective possible is the perspective that yours is not distorted.

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OfflineCptnGarden
fuck this site
Registered: 05/13/04
Posts: 11,945
Last seen: 15 years, 26 days
Re: War on Drugs Expands to Catnip [Re: SDP]
    #6330183 - 12/03/06 01:21 PM (17 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Large-scale spraying with toxic chemicals will occur during 2006 everywhere that satellites detect catnip plants. Unfortunately, sometimes spearmint and basil plants look like catnip, and these may also be sprayed. Americans will be warned to avoid ingesting any herbs of the mint family after the spraying.




EPA would not tolerate their own government spraying toxic chemicals all over the states. not that our government doesn't already but thats very publicly announced. plus why spray in 06 when the bans in 07?
the names are totaly a joke :lol:

good article :wink:

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InvisiblePinhead
Oregano
Male

Registered: 05/13/00
Posts: 1,819
Loc: Hootersville
Re: War on Drugs Expands to Catnip [Re: thetonebone72]
    #6330268 - 12/03/06 01:54 PM (17 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

thetonebone72 said:
If this is for real my cats are gonna be pissed!! :sniperkitty:



Yeah, this is for real people! They've already started pulling up catnip in my community. An officer came through the public schools in my town just the other day and showed the kids what to look for. According to the pamphlet they sent home with my kid, giving catnip to a cat is now considered "Animal cruelty"
  It's high time we take action against this crap. I'm just not going to put up with this any longer! :mad2:
  I'm about ready to go door to door with my protest!!

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OfflineMaverick
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Re: War on Drugs Expands to Catnip [Re: CptnGarden]
    #6330283 - 12/03/06 02:00 PM (17 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

"But why is alcohol not included in banned substances, as it causes much more trouble than catnip?" asked the interviewer. Ima Tyrant replied, "Alcohol is not really a drug. That's a myth perpetuated by those who foolishly want to legalize drugs. Alcohol is a normal drink, and like fatty foods, sure it can be abused, but to call alcohol a drug is sheer propaganda."




:grin:

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Offlinerubixcubies
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Re: War on Drugs Expands to Catnip [Re: Maverick]
    #6330877 - 12/03/06 05:45 PM (17 years, 5 months ago)

hey alcohol is not a drug i think that drugs are supposed to have some sort of use beyond impairing you


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OfflineBlindLemon
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Registered: 04/20/06
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Re: War on Drugs Expands to Catnip [Re: rubixcubies]
    #6331093 - 12/03/06 07:08 PM (17 years, 5 months ago)

i Loled


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Im a fucking spiral..

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Offlinethe_END
Mr. E
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Re: War on Drugs Expands to Catnip [Re: BlindLemon]
    #6331497 - 12/03/06 09:44 PM (17 years, 5 months ago)

"
Some Washington red-zone residents stubbornly refused to destroy their illicit catnip. For example, Dr. Felix thought that nobody would know that he still had some catnip in his cabinet. But Ima Tyrant sent dog patrols down the red-zone streets of Washington, hounds who were trained to detect minute particles of catnip. The dogs howled at Dr. Felix's front door, and the catnip SWAT teem stormed into the house and went through all the closets, cabinets and shelves, dumping everything on the floor until they finally found the catnip. Dr. Felix is now in federal prison on a life sentence for the possession of catnip."

lol wow...

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OfflineGastronomicus
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Re: War on Drugs Expands to Catnip [Re: the_END]
    #6331800 - 12/03/06 11:49 PM (17 years, 5 months ago)

Time to write a trip report about the 'nip. Man, that stuff lays you out for hours.


--------------------
Make my Funk the P Funk, I wants to get Funked up

LAGM2024

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Offlinemjgecko
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Re: War on Drugs Expands to Catnip [Re: Gastronomicus]
    #6332216 - 12/04/06 07:18 AM (17 years, 5 months ago)

We need to get tough on drugs. I will personally kill any cat seen using catnip.

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