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Invisibledaytripper23
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Again i look to you at the shroomery for your help.
    #6172418 - 10/15/06 06:22 PM (14 years, 6 months ago)

Hey ive been tripping a while, probably 50+ times. Ive always felt like each trip shows me deeper and deeper meanings of life. Lately my tripps have gotten to the point where i see reality as just an illusion, or a test, or a play, and as i see people living life this way and i see the meaning behind everything they do and how it affects other things in a big way.

When i see this i feel like i hold the universe in my hand, or that i am the universe. i begin to really worry about my family and feel like if i dont do something or other god or some cosmic force would somehow cause them death, or that im somehow tempting fate. On one particular bad trip all this made me feel like life is meaningless, because I no longer feel any joy in anything i do. i redeemed myself that trip by realizing we live for the joys of life, and life WAS in fact meaningless for me at that time, but it wouldnt always be because i wouldnt always be sad. My trip brightened up a bit, and i no longer felt like i had to be completely watchful of my family for the rest of the trip. Although my mind was still in this state where i saw reality for what it was, i dont know if i completely accepted it or something. These enlightening thoughts that came to me werent exactly caused by intellectuallizing, although intellectuallizing can trigger them. lots of times theyed just jump in to my head for no reason. and each time theyed jump in theyed be a bigger and deeper abstraction on how life is mabey just fake, or whatever. Just further and further in that direction. It is a scary very scary feeling when it catches me offgaurd. On my recent bad trip i remember all i wanted to do was stop thinking. I am almost completey sure that if i coould overcome this i would be alot happier. But also i feel like its almost a test of me and if i fail id become insane. I guess thats why the actual feeling is scary, it feels like insanity.

Lately ive been thinking that i should give up the psychedelics because ive gotten the message i need and meditation is all i need. But im obviously so close to this turning point. i feel like mabey i should at least confront and accept this feeling, because i get nowhere near this feeling with unaided meditation.

The problem is i feel like I have already accepted everything. I dont know what i have to let go of. But my life clearly reflects that i dont have everyhting figured out. Im moderately happy, but a recluse. I really beelieve in everyhting psychedelics have showed me, and this scary feeling is just me about to go nuts, and the psychedelics are just telling me to stop. I would appreciate some advice. So what do you think, if i keep tripping am i going to go insane?

Thanks alot for reading, i dont really have anywhere else to go for insight like this.


--------------------
Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
  The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
  The frumious Bandersnatch!


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InvisibleZippoZM
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Re: Again i look to you at the shroomery for your help. [Re: daytripper23]
    #6172446 - 10/15/06 06:34 PM (14 years, 6 months ago)

well, i would definately say slow down, seems like youre loosing yourself in the tripping reality, wich can cause some big problems in the real, non tripping world, ya know?

how often do you trip?


--------------------
PEACE

:mushroom2:zippoz:mushroom2:



"in times of widespread chaos and confusion, it has been the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m management, too much programming and control, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption"

"People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."


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InvisibleSilversoul
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Re: Again i look to you at the shroomery for your help. [Re: daytripper23]
    #6172454 - 10/15/06 06:38 PM (14 years, 6 months ago)

I'm with zippoz. Lay off the psychedelics for a while. Try meditation instead.


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Invisibledaytripper23
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Re: Again i look to you at the shroomery for your help. [Re: Silversoul]
    #6172554 - 10/15/06 07:01 PM (14 years, 6 months ago)

Its had a huge affect on my life. I can deffinatley attrribute my reclusiveness to how i reacted to mushrooms. But recently things have been getting better, all the while ive been tripping. but im nowhere near where i used to be though. I used to be a party animal...haha. i also had no respect for anything though either. The only reason i still use them now is to get over what delusions i have. Ive seriously debated stopping, but it feels like something really big is coming. I feel meditation is helping me, but its deffinatley a slow progress. Im 20 years old and i see oppratunitys and relationships flying by me. thats why i want to get out of this funk as soon as possible.


--------------------
Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
  The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
  The frumious Bandersnatch!


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InvisibleZippoZM
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Re: Again i look to you at the shroomery for your help. [Re: daytripper23]
    #6172595 - 10/15/06 07:11 PM (14 years, 6 months ago)

once you see what you have to see, you really dont need to keep using them. not to say quit forever, but for a while would probably be pretty good for you


--------------------
PEACE

:mushroom2:zippoz:mushroom2:



"in times of widespread chaos and confusion, it has been the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m management, too much programming and control, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption"

"People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."


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Invisibledaytripper23
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Re: Again i look to you at the shroomery for your help. [Re: daytripper23]
    #6172596 - 10/15/06 07:11 PM (14 years, 6 months ago)

I guess im just telling you guys how serious i am about the psychedelics and how much i respect them now. Ive been a recluse about a year and everything that Ive gone through on them since ive begun respecting them has had a positive effect on my life. I dont have HPPD and i feel very much in touch with reality. More so actually, and i think thats why im socially paranoid. do you guys really think i should lay off when im so close to whatever this is?

If i just knew what that scarry feeling was, whether it was clinging to permanence or actual fear of insanity i would deff know what to do


--------------------
Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
  The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
  The frumious Bandersnatch!


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Invisibledaytripper23
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Re: Again i look to you at the shroomery for your help. [Re: ZippoZ]
    #6172611 - 10/15/06 07:14 PM (14 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

zippoz said:
once you see what you have to see, you really dont need to keep using them. not to say quit forever, but for a while would probably be pretty good for you




thats the exactly what alan watts says about them, and what im trying to follow. I feel like im on the way up but do i need to see this next level? the way my life is now would say i need to see more, or ive already seen too much and saw something im not ready for. What this scary feeling sounds like complete ego loss. Part of me is pretty sure that by definition i have already gone through that. Ive never forgotten my identity though


--------------------
Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
  The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
  The frumious Bandersnatch!


Edited by daytripper23 (10/15/06 07:16 PM)


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InvisibleHolydiver
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Re: Again i look to you at the shroomery for your help. [Re: daytripper23]
    #6172654 - 10/15/06 07:22 PM (14 years, 6 months ago)

Walk away for awhile, that's the only thing I've really learned to do when stuff gets out of control like this. Been there more than once, and I can tell you now that you won't figure anything out by continuing this way--you need a break. Nothing like months, or years of normalcy to clear your mind and get you back in the mood for psychedelics.


--------------------
To find a place to live between the negatives and positives.


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Invisibledaytripper23
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Re: Again i look to you at the shroomery for your help. [Re: Holydiver]
    #6172715 - 10/15/06 07:32 PM (14 years, 6 months ago)

Hey thanks sooo much for reading and responding. I know iit probably sounds like any other confused hippys story, but you guys responded anyway.

Holydiver i dont know if im interpreting you wrong, but i have a huge curiosity for psycchedelics. Im certainly in the mood for them even though i am scared of their outcome.


--------------------
Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
  The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
  The frumious Bandersnatch!


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InvisibleInfested
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Re: Again i look to you at the shroomery for your help. [Re: daytripper23]
    #6172746 - 10/15/06 07:38 PM (14 years, 6 months ago)

Take psychedelics in moderation, take a break. Enjoy the reality for awhile. Do it only when you think you are mentally ready to continue your journey. Also before doing it again try meditation. Think about the things you usually do and enjoy doing. And whenever you feel like everything is meaningless, and you cant find what the point in life. Recall on what you do and enjoy doing.

I actually had a similar experience as you, but whenever i feel like that, i always take break. Sometimes i don't wanna learn more, if you know what i mean.

Remeber to always take psychedelics in moderation ^^


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Invisibledaytripper23
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Re: Again i look to you at the shroomery for your help. [Re: Infested]
    #6172799 - 10/15/06 07:56 PM (14 years, 6 months ago)

Ok so i didnt get the answer i wanted to hear but im starting to think you guys are right. The feeling of my unsureness that comes to me with these ideas about the universe and everything is perhaps saying im not ready? Thats kind of the feeling i meant when i said i felt like the psychedelics maybe telling me to stop. I guess i could deal with this seclusion a little while longer haha. Its not like im not getting anyhting done, its great for me in a way, i have lots of time to spend intellectualizing, reading and and pursuing music. But i am sure that one way for me to get out of my funk is through meditation, and psychedelics are deff tied to that. If it were just a matter of me pursuing enlightenment i would be completely happy just meditating. Im more worried about wasting my life. im going to lose my chance with a great girl. Im just afraid im gonna be 40 years old by the time im ready to be a real member of society, when i really should be settled down and doing all the stuff im doing now. thats why i want tto speed things up you know? but yea now i think a breaks the answer.


--------------------
Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
  The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
  The frumious Bandersnatch!


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InvisiblePenguarky Tunguin
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Re: Again i look to you at the shroomery for your help. [Re: daytripper23]
    #6174476 - 10/16/06 10:21 AM (14 years, 6 months ago)

"Psychedelic experience is only a glimpse of genuine mystical insight, but a glimpse which can be matured and deepened by the various ways of meditation in which drugs are no longer necessary or useful. If you get the message, hang up the phone. For psychedelic drugs are simply instruments, like microscopes, telescopes, and telephones. The biologist does not sit with eye permanently glued to the microscope, he goes away and works on what he has seen..."


-- Alan Watts


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Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.


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OfflineJackenobi
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Re: Again i look to you at the shroomery for your help. [Re: Penguarky Tunguin]
    #6174730 - 10/16/06 12:45 PM (14 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Penguarky Tunguin said:
"Psychedelic experience is only a glimpse of genuine mystical insight, but a glimpse which can be matured and deepened by the various ways of meditation in which drugs are no longer necessary or useful. If you get the message, hang up the phone. For psychedelic drugs are simply instruments, like microscopes, telescopes, and telephones. The biologist does not sit with eye permanently glued to the microscope, he goes away and works on what he has seen..."


-- Alan Watts




:thumbup:


Im gonna try and answer a few of the points you raised, in an order only of as they come to me!

This bit may be quite relevent to the above quote...

I feel that meditation in many ways (i refer you to some previous replies too here) is like a meditation on and in the usual reality. I have a spark for hallucinagenics which im sure you can relate to, but learning to focus and meditate could be good for you, for as long as you want before you return to psychadelics. It could be seen kind of like meditating on that glimmer of blue light from the door that has been left ajar, before returning again, in the time you feel is best (though periods of moderation are probably a sound principle) before you return to open it wide once more, with a trip.

Perhaps you will find this "big thing" you feel is approaching, perhaps it will be calm, serenity and simplicity! Perhaps it wont, perhaps it will be more bombastic. But anything more bombastic... I've been through a little of what you describe, feelings of seclusion. But what i am trying to teach myself is to live by feeling. Relationships and opportunities fly by me too sometimes, they seem to.

(Love by John Lennon came on while i was writing this, it feels kind of beautiful  :tongue:  :heart:)

But (whoops now its Mind Games! (great song) what i am trying to learn is to feel, beyond think, which i believe you spoke about. Thats the trouble with the seclusion, i never really felt it. You know, i felt i wanted to be out amongst the world and its love for me, and mine for it.

Umm... where was i?

Oh yeah! Meditation. Meditation, in my limited/formative/early experiences of it...

In a group it could feel quite epic (went to a buddhist group) and potent in its effects. No real point here, just saying  :wink:

On my own, i kinda feel that meditation is a serenity on waking up. I meditate to wake up. From the meditation itself and beyond. Life can also feel a meditation, this one to me feels more strongly an exercise in serenity and positivity and love until i look to the psychadelic door to educate and inspire me again.

Im not saying ive never had a bad trip, but the truly bad trip of my life wasnt borne of psychadelics explicitly...

Im not sure i answered your question, so i'll say this - maybe it would be cool to bypass the psychadelics for a bit and just trip balls on meditation and breaking down any barriers you may want to (easier said than done of course, but... y'know  :shocked:). If you do that, try to forget about them, focus on the rest, growth and fulfillment (not so hard, we are growing all the time!) until one day you go - 'sheesh ive not gone all psychadelic on myself for 18 months!' Then break out the badass trip. Just a thought! This advice is kind of what id give myself, on the basis of how its been for me. Im 23.

Good luck with it all and happy tripping, psychadelic or emotional or otherwise.

Peace and love  :heart:


--------------------
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OfflinegeokillsA
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Re: Again i look to you at the shroomery for your help. [Re: daytripper23]
    #6177321 - 10/17/06 03:50 AM (14 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

I guess im just telling you guys how serious i am about the psychedelics and how much i respect them now. Ive been a recluse about a year and everything that Ive gone through on them since ive begun respecting them has had a positive effect on my life. I dont have HPPD and i feel very much in touch with reality. More so actually, and i think thats why im socially paranoid. do you guys really think i should lay off when im so close to whatever this is?





My friend, you have used the word recluse to define yourself multiple times now - and while this is not necessarily a bad thing, you indicate that you find "opportunities and relationships" flying by you, which is why you "want to get out of [your] funk as soon as possible".  Well then, I would suggest that your psychedelic use - while it may have bestowed upon you certain revelation and understanding - ought to be deprioritized such that you may learn to apply these teachings into your day to day, sober and social life.  You may feel close to something, but I don't believe you will be able to figure out what that thing is without actual life experience.  A psychedelic may open the doors of perception, but to walk through them does not imply the consumption of additional mind altering drugs. 

In short, if you are feeling unease, a fear of insanity, scared, or otherwise in discomfort - it is time for you to evaluate yourself with a clear head; search for and understand the underlying problems that make you feel any negative emotion, learn your most intimate insecurities and know thyself completely, before you continue to manipulate your mind through the use of psychedelics.  These drugs are a tool, they are not the solution.  You have to find the answer for yourself, and sometimes that means taking a step back and reframing your experience in a different light - perhaps sobriety and sociality?

The time is ripe to experience the unknown.  Get out there and do the things you've been interested in.  Interact, and learn!

May you be fortunate, whichever path you choose to take. :heart:


--------------------

--------------------
··∙   long live the shroomery  ∙··
...π╥ ╥π...


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InvisiblePenguarky Tunguin
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Re: Again i look to you at the shroomery for your help. [Re: geokills]
    #6177753 - 10/17/06 10:19 AM (14 years, 6 months ago)

Great post Geo.

I completely agree.  That's what I had to do.  I was tripping once every two weeks for almost a year and after awhile I found that I could not hold a conversation with a random stranger because I always wanted to talk about what I had seen tripping and how everything else wasn't important or it was too bland and uninteresting to talk about.

I had to stop and take what I had learned about myself, my life and my surroundings and apply it to my "normal" state of being.  And it seems to have worked.  I've dated two women who were completley out of my league who, somehow, they were intrigued with me and thought I was one of the most interesting guys they've ever met, they told me this, by the way.  :grin:  Previous to tripping, I would NEVER have had the guts or the attitude to even talk to them, yet I had learned a few things about myself from tripping and I said fuck it and just started chatting with them...  :shrug:

I attribute it all to having had my trips, surviving them and intregrating them into my life.  Now I have to focus on myself even more 'cause I've learned somethings about my life that I need to change that I think psychedelics will have no cure for.

I will still use psychedelics in the future, but I haven't tripped in almost 6 months.  I will be tripping on my birthday however which is in November, so we'll see how that goes.


--------------------
Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.


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Re: Again i look to you at the shroomery for your help. [Re: daytripper23]
    #6177833 - 10/17/06 10:53 AM (14 years, 6 months ago)

There is an old saying that goes "Be glad you weren't born too smart or you'd be lonely."  Applied to tripping I interpret this as - you've seen the "great mushroom mountain" which most normal people haven't seen and therefore you are wiser in a different kind of tripping way.  You shouldn't socially dwell in that realm of knowledge however because you'll veer toward reclusiveness since no one will be able to relate to you. I'm 24 now and when I was you're age I felt the same way bro.  I was tripping and rolling with way too much frequency and intensity to function in reality with normal people without getting into deep, bizarre conversations.  I didn't do any drugs for a good 8-10 months, totally gave up pot, and within a couple months I found myself actually going to my classes, getting decent grades and happier than I'd ever been.  I use shrooms or whatever now to supplement my fun.  Just cause everyone is not as strong of a swimmer as you doesn't mean you can't jump in the pool and still have fun  :tongue2:


--------------------


"We know where they (Weapons of Mass Destruction) are. They're in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad and east, west, south and north somewhat."

-Donald Rumsfeld


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Invisibledaytripper23
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Re: Again i look to you at the shroomery for your help. [Re: Zogby]
    #6182396 - 10/18/06 02:15 PM (14 years, 6 months ago)

Hey thanks a ton you guys! You guys make alot of sense, gave me the motivation and perspective i needed.

That video of mike woods the schizophrenic played quite a role in my decision too. Made just a little too much sense... He seemed to have a deep understanding of everything in the same frame of thought as me. He even said he went through a point of paranoia as well. Scary... I guess i can assume that living as a schizophrenic is NOT fun, and knowledge of the universe will not make things easier untill i can intigrate them with my life.

you guys may have saved my sanity. That next level seems huge and i was about to pursue it, regaurdless of how scared i was.

first of all, Im gonna get rid of my huge morning glory stash, to be safe.

Ive also been going through this kind of method of seperating my ego from my music, because that seems to be the right thing to do. But pretty much all my ego was invested in my music so sometimes i would lose my direction, and sometimes not know what to do with myself. This is perfect, because now i can take some personal pride in being clean.

:grin:


--------------------
Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
  The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
  The frumious Bandersnatch!


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