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 Lep
Stranger
Registered: 12/30/04
Posts: 5
Last seen: 19 years, 2 months
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 Need some insight 
#3574504 - 01/03/05 08:31 AM (19 years, 3 months ago) |
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I'm late 20's, married to a beautiful wife, just moved into a half million dollar home and I'm so f'in miserable. I feel like I'm living someone else's life. I feel dead inside if that makes sense. Sometimes I feel like this isnt the life I'm supposed to live. I even feel bad for my wife because I dont give her the emotional support she wants. Its just not in me at all to give her these things.
I feel like I've lived two lives. The younger me was carefree. I felt in control of everything. Now I feel controlled by a mortgage, bills, and carpayments (why we need two Lexus SUV's is beyond me i was happy with my old beatup pickup). My wife hates my old life and never wants to talk about it. It disgusts her. Some of my best friends are in jail and I havent spoken to them in years. She would have a fit and look down on them if she ever met any of them. We're definitely from two different worlds. I think thats the problem my outside is completely differnt from my inside. I've been able to fool everyone my entire life and I think I fooled myself into a life that wasnt meant for me.
Now I'm so damn confused. I have so much and came from such a shitty upbringing that I'm proud of what I have but misearble with who I am.
I dont even know what answers I'm looking for here. I know I should be happy with the way I've turned out but damn I feel like I'm living a lie.
Anyway I'll probably keep on living like this for awhile so what the fuck ever. At least I said it once even if its on a random msg board.
In closing I hope everyone has a good day.
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 Supernova
Stranger
Registered: 08/13/03
Posts: 3,151
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Re: Need some insight [Re: Lep]
#3574566 - 01/03/05 09:32 AM (19 years, 3 months ago) |
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I can relate a bit. My girlfriend and I have been together for years. We'll probably do the wedding thing this year to please parents and all that, but we're pretty much hitched together by a mortgage, cars, and other property as it is already. Having a permanent woman in your life means your giving up a lot of control. Those who don't are likely destined to fail in their relationship. I'm assuming you love your wife or you wouldn't have married her. You have to remember why it was you gave up your old ways. Also, why do you have to give them up completely? Why do you have to be materialistic? You have to drive a Lexus SUV? Maybe that's for her, and what you need is a truck or something much more down to earth than an overpriced SUV that isn't even made for utility. Let her have her things, and don't you overspend on yourself. Debt is horrible. Try to get out of debt and a lot of your stress will be relieved. So many people in the US are living so above their means that it's disgusting. It will be our downfall. It's why we're hated so much by others outside of the US.
Also, what exactly is it that you miss? Is it drugs, women, or what? You have to figure that out. Whatever it is, you gave it up for this woman, right? Because you love her, right?
Oh, and I think you may be overestimating your wife's hate for your "old life". She apparently loves you, and I assume she knew of your history when you married her. She married the package, including your old life. Just as you have to give some, she must give a bit. Talk to her about what it is you miss.
I don't know dude. Women are hard to figure out. Hope these random thoughts give you some ideas. Good luck.
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Lep
Stranger
Registered: 12/30/04
Posts: 5
Last seen: 19 years, 2 months
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Re: Need some insight [Re: Supernova]
#3574675 - 01/03/05 10:43 AM (19 years, 3 months ago) |
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I guess I miss it all. The drugs, the women, the carefree life. Before my wife I was alot different. She doesnt completely know everything about my past. I did things that were wrong but I was a damn good person. I do love her but theres times when I don't like her as a person. I mean I think I can be a cold person inside my head but I am always 100% nice to people but she can be downright mean to strangers. It makes me sick. She talks to almost everyone with a snotty attitude. Her negativity brings me down.
Now I dont know if I miss my old life or miss being in control of my happiness. Right now I live off of her mood swings. She can be a real bitch. We got married quick. Less than 8 months together. I dated an honest to god slut (she was a dancer and escort) before my wife who was a nicer person than I think my wife is. I think I got caught up in the whole "This is what a normal person strives for" and now a few years later people envy my life and I think it sucks ass.
The more I read I dont who's more messed up. I know my wife has emotional issues 9she takes medicines and sees a doc every month). And I feel like I have no emotions. It seems like a trainwreck. Which makes me think I would be better off alone where my happiness depended on how I wanted my day to go.
I'm confused as hell. There are some people that know of my "misery". I've had women who've seen how my wife treats me tell me to call them when I leave my wife. This is so fucked up. I cant believe this is happening to me.
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YidakiMan
Stranger
Registered: 09/28/02
Posts: 2,023
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Re: Need some insight [Re: Lep]
#3574980 - 01/03/05 12:31 PM (19 years, 3 months ago) |
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Marriage counselling, maybe?
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Lep
Stranger
Registered: 12/30/04
Posts: 5
Last seen: 19 years, 2 months
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Re: Need some insight [Re: YidakiMan]
#3575039 - 01/03/05 12:55 PM (19 years, 3 months ago) |
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Here's the thing. We already went to counseling. After a few sessions the counselor told me I didn't have to go anymore. She had my wife continue with the sessions alone for a few months. She then sent my wife to a psychiatrist who placed her on a high dosage of antidepressants. Its f'd up really.
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Supernova
Stranger
Registered: 08/13/03
Posts: 3,151
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Re: Need some insight [Re: Lep]
#3575074 - 01/03/05 01:09 PM (19 years, 3 months ago) |
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Sorry to hear it Lep. You did marry her for better or worse or whatever the language is. I'm not too hip on divorce, which is probably why I haven't gotten married yet. We'll probably tie the knot this year. My lady takes prozac and can be whacky at times, but I haven't met a person yet who doesn't have issues.
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shroom_me
Stranger
Registered: 10/06/06
Posts: 506
Loc: Usa
Last seen: 15 years, 6 days
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Re: Need some insight [Re: Supernova]
#6148474 - 10/08/06 10:45 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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You know your story is like every married person's story I have EVER heard! I am the ONLY person I know or have even met that has been thrown out of his parents house with nothing but his clothes he was wearing and had to do it all alone. I know am living in a nice apartment alone and i have a g/f of 2 years. But I thankfully am not looking to getting married for awhile,if ever. Why would you want to throw away your dreams like that? You can still be with someone without totally killing your dreams. Alot of the times this happens to people by getting their girl pregnant. THIS SCARES ME EVERYTIME! But seriously whats the rush nowadays with having kids and getting married!!?? Cant you go at life solo for awhile?? You will learn to depend on yourself that way. And you'll be able to figure out what you want and who you are!! Most people I know(actually all) dont even know these things, and are completely Dependant on others!! My parents especially!! and my brothers,and sisters!! I am an outcast in my family and circle of friends for this very reason. I will not compromise like them. This is a world of Co-dependants!
Edited by shroom_me (10/08/06 10:47 PM)
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Disco Cat
iS A PoiNdexteR
Registered: 09/15/00
Posts: 2,601
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Re: Need some insight [Re: shroom_me]
#6149053 - 10/09/06 02:01 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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You've bumped a really old topic, and I don't think that user has been here in almost a year. I hope things are better for him now tho. It sounds like he went into his marriage with an incompatible just to fulfill an image, rather than because it was the right thing to be doing.
I'm amazed that people do such things, just because they look like the thing to do. Don't people have a better perspective on life than that? It would only be self respecting to not behave submittingly to such fallacies.
The sad thing is that he appears to know exactly what he wants, what he likes, yet he's gone in the complete opposite direction just because it looked like "the thing to do."
Well, I'll pray the best for him.
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