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Invisibleshroomphunker
what an asshole
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Registered: 07/14/06
Posts: 805
9 things I hate about everyone
    #6011079 - 08/30/06 11:07 AM (14 years, 8 months ago)

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna kick their asses!

5. When people say, while watching a film, "Did you see that?". No, Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya, Sunshine?

7. When something is "new and improved!"...Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, so it couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever experiences!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Dumb-ass?



posted by Moelicious on funny.com



I'm going to get a poster made of this. Can anyone add to it?


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InvisibleBoom
just a tester
Male
Registered: 06/16/04
Posts: 11,252
Loc: Cypress Creek
Re: 9 things I hate about everyone [Re: shroomphunker]
    #6011134 - 08/30/06 11:44 AM (14 years, 8 months ago)

That's funny shit :thumbup:


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Invisiblegema
Freedom from the Known

Registered: 10/24/04
Posts: 1,767
Loc: t(here)
Re: 9 things I hate about everyone [Re: shroomphunker]
    #6011172 - 08/30/06 12:04 PM (14 years, 8 months ago)

Take your show on the road.


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InvisibleCracka_X
Spiritual Dirt Worshipper
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Re: 9 things I hate about everyone [Re: shroomphunker]
    #6011185 - 08/30/06 12:11 PM (14 years, 8 months ago)

I have one.

Someone says they have True Story... well to me it's either gonna be true or a story.


--------------------
The best way to live
is to be like water
For water benefits all things
and goes against none of them
It provides for all people
and even cleanses those places
a man is loath to go
In this way it is just like Tao        ~Daodejing


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InvisibleDark_Star
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Registered: 08/21/04
Posts: 31,859
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Re: 9 things I hate about everyone [Re: shroomphunker]
    #6011307 - 08/30/06 12:59 PM (14 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

shroomphunker said:
Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?





:rofl:  :rofl:  :lol:  :rofl:  :rofl:


--------------------


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InvisibleGumby
Fishnologist
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Registered: 06/13/01
Posts: 26,655
Re: 9 things I hate about everyone [Re: shroomphunker]
    #6011334 - 08/30/06 01:14 PM (14 years, 8 months ago)

All of these lines belong to a single comic. I've seen the stand up, just can't remember who did them at first. It might have been Robin Williams, or maybe it was a few people.


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InvisiblePapaverS
Madmin Emeritus?

Registered: 06/01/02
Posts: 26,880
Loc: Radio Free Tibet!
Re: 9 things I hate about everyone [Re: shroomphunker]
    #6011338 - 08/30/06 01:15 PM (14 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya, Sunshine?




:grin:


--------------------


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Invisibleshroomphunker
what an asshole
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Registered: 07/14/06
Posts: 805
Re: 9 things I hate about everyone [Re: Cracka_X]
    #6011357 - 08/30/06 01:21 PM (14 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Cracka_X said:
I have one.

Someone says they have True Story... well to me it's either gonna be true or a story.




not bad.

gumby,
I tought they sounded familiar but I couldn't remember so I credited the guy that posted it on funny.com.
If you happen to remember who's rant that is, let me know.


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Invisibleeligal
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Registered: 05/25/05
Posts: 7,021
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Re: 9 things I hate about everyone [Re: shroomphunker]
    #6011358 - 08/30/06 01:22 PM (14 years, 8 months ago)

:rofl:


--------------------
\m/ Spanksta \m/

"do you have the freedom to do with your nervous system what you want?"

"MolokoMilkPlus said:
I'll respect you if you let me give you a blow job"

"tactik said:
respect the can."



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InvisibleRoadkillM
Retired Shroomery Mod
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Registered: 12/11/01
Posts: 22,674
Loc: Montana
Re: 9 things I hate about everyone [Re: shroomphunker]
    #6011372 - 08/30/06 01:26 PM (14 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

shroomphunker said:

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?".

If the bus came would I be standing here, Dumb-ass?








They should have Moron written on their forehead!~



People that have less than 10 items taking up the regular lines in the grocery store...

yet the fucking Express Lines are empty!~

and you and I can't use them because we have too many items!~

:crazy:


tc


--------------------
Laterz, Road

Who the hell you callin crazy?
You wouldn't know what crazy was if Charles Manson was eating froot loops on your front porch!


Brainiac said:
PM the names with on there names, that means they have mushrooms for sale.



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InvisibleGumby
Fishnologist
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Re: 9 things I hate about everyone [Re: shroomphunker]
    #6011392 - 08/30/06 01:32 PM (14 years, 8 months ago)

After some googling, I found out that it was Billy Connolly who came up with this list. It originally had 14 points and was more vulgar:

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Fucking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the fucking floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What the fuck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fucking does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, " Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, knobhead?

10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So what did they used to be? Ears, Wellington boots?

11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.

12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need.

13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering.....It's has to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger get blank looks. Well I'll have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you fucking McTosser.

14. When you involved in a accident and someone asks 'are you alright?' Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.

http://www.henrythornton.com/article.asp?article_id=3814


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Invisibleshroomphunker
what an asshole
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Registered: 07/14/06
Posts: 805
Re: 9 things I hate about everyone [Re: Roadkill]
    #6011403 - 08/30/06 01:34 PM (14 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Roadkill said:


People that have less than 10 items taking up the regular lines in the grocery store...

yet the fucking Express Lines are empty!~

and you and I can't use them because we have too many items!~






That bugs the shit outta me too, especially when it's the ONLY line open that's not express.

I was in the store yesterday for 2 items. Old lady in front taking her sweet ass time writing a check, lady behind me with armfulls of crap like she's too good for a cart. Well, the express lane opens and the guy looks at me and says, "I'll help the next person here". The girl behind me (with dozens of items) walks over there, cutting me and my 2 items off. The clerk doesn't care, he just wants to get the lines moving. I ended up standing in a checkout line for almost 15 minutes for 2 freakin' things.


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Invisibleshroomphunker
what an asshole
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Registered: 07/14/06
Posts: 805
Re: 9 things I hate about everyone [Re: Gumby]
    #6011410 - 08/30/06 01:37 PM (14 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Gumby said:
After some googling, I found out that it was Billy Connolly who came up with this list. It originally had 14 points and was more vulgar:

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Fucking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the fucking floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What the fuck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fucking does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, " Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, knobhead?

10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So what did they used to be? Ears, Wellington boots?

11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.

12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need.

13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering.....It's has to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger get blank looks. Well I'll have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you fucking McTosser.

14. When you involved in a accident and someone asks 'are you alright?' Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.

http://www.henrythornton.com/article.asp?article_id=3814




I suck at google. Every time I google something, it gives me porn sites.

But shit, I actually remember that now. It was the first in the list that I couldn't stop thinking was familiar.


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Invisiblekake
The answer to1984 is 1776.
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Re: 9 things I hate about everyone [Re: shroomphunker]
    #6011596 - 08/30/06 02:28 PM (14 years, 8 months ago)

I guess its just me, but I don't really find much of those funny -- its nothing but saracasm, which any asshole can spit.


--------------------
The answer to 1984 is 1776.


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OfflineCaRnAgECaNdYS
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Re: 9 things I hate about everyone [Re: shroomphunker]
    #6011861 - 08/30/06 03:58 PM (14 years, 8 months ago)

I saw this a couple of years ago.

I know that with MY T.V., I have to have the remote for certain features, otherwise it WON'T work.


--------------------

The secret to being funny is to say smart things stupidly, or is it stupid things smartly? Whatever..it's not rocket surgery...or something like that.


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OfflineHitman203
Stranger
Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 680
Last seen: 14 years, 5 months
Re: 9 things I hate about everyone [Re: shroomphunker]
    #6011908 - 08/30/06 04:12 PM (14 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

shroomphunker said:

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.


4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna kick their asses!

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Dumb-ass?



posted by Moelicious on funny.com



I'm going to get a poster made of this. Can anyone add to it?





2. Because you need to find the remote at some point anyways and i dont like to half ass things.

4. you didnt qoute it right. Its the last place youd think to look.

9. Maybe you saw the bus leaving or maybe your waiting for someone to get off the bus


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OfflineCaRnAgECaNdYS
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Posts: 11,505
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Last seen: 4 years, 6 months
Re: 9 things I hate about everyone [Re: Hitman203]
    #6011913 - 08/30/06 04:14 PM (14 years, 8 months ago)

Good point.


--------------------

The secret to being funny is to say smart things stupidly, or is it stupid things smartly? Whatever..it's not rocket surgery...or something like that.


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OfflineAsanteA
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Re: 9 things I hate about everyone [Re: shroomphunker]
    #6012037 - 08/30/06 05:03 PM (14 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

I suck at google. Every time I google something, it gives me porn sites.




You might have suckware.

Download Spybot Search & Destroy 1.4 and run it. It might well be that the pr0n sites have worked their evil on your puter, sabotaging your searches.


--------------------
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Offlineboatlaunch
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Registered: 10/16/02
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Last seen: 10 years, 11 months
Re: 9 things I hate about everyone [Re: shroomphunker]
    #6012474 - 08/30/06 07:14 PM (14 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

shroomphunker said:


13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering.....It's has to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger get blank looks.  Well I'll have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you fucking McTosser.






lol , that's phuckin' McAwesome!!
:congrats:


--------------------
-----------------------------------
My Favorite Line:  "I mean, I've had a hand up inside me a time or two, but I'm not a puppet."  




SAVE A DRUM - BANG A DRUMMER!


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InvisibleMike_yy
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Registered: 10/28/05
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Re: 9 things I hate about everyone [Re: boatlaunch]
    #6012716 - 08/30/06 08:11 PM (14 years, 8 months ago)

Billy Connolly is very funny..
British too,,,well scottish but i'll forgive him.
:smile:


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