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Offlineqwertymkonji
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Ultimate pain/Infinite bliss * 1
    #5992547 - 08/24/06 12:26 PM (17 years, 7 months ago)

Ultimate pain/Infinite bliss



This is my first trip report on here. I've been thinking about this trip and the intense power of it since it has happened. I think I should finally go ahead and type it all out and see who else has experienced what I have. I've been scouring the internet for a while now and have found many people to experience a lot of the same things I did. And I find that amazing. It makes me feel less crazy.

I only took 10 Hawaiian Baby Woodrose seeds, but there must have been a few VERY potent seeds out of those 10 or something, as even with 13-15 (even after a couple weeks) I still have not been able to experience this again, nor have I found many people to experience what I did. This was also my first time taking them, so I'm sure that played some sort of role in it. I really don't know.

I'm not sure of exact times of events so I'm just going to try and pinpoint them the best I Can.

Also, I hadn't had anything to eat for at least 6-8 hours.

45min: Anyways, I got the usual stomach cramps and inner thigh pains commonly associated with this substance about 45 minutes into it.

1hr 30min: Starting to feel as if my body has been sortof poisoned, and I lay on the floor, bored, to find that my muscles (mainly) and entire body can relax, but it's a weird relaxing, sortof like it wants to flatten to the floor and die or something. Limpness. I find that bouncing my fingers on the ground is oddly fun, to make them look like they're alive and actually jumping.

2hr 15min: Starting to get sleepy and more nauseated. I decide not much else is gonna happen, and I'm just going to trip mildly without visuals. I go lay down in bed, but cannot fall asleep. I lay there, waiting. Waiting...Waiting..

2hr 45min: Amazing. Starting to see these weird connected patterning surrounded by square glowing wiring with my eyes closed. I find that if I focus, I can pan left/right/up/down and zoom in & out on them.

3hrs: I realize for some reason that I can control my nausea with "mind over matter". Instantly, I realize "no, I'm not gonna feel sick." and it goes away as soon as I think that. I was amazed that my mind could do such a thing. Instantly I jumped out of bed and felt AMAZING. I ran out to the living room and turned on the lights to see if I was indeed starting to trip more with my eyes open. And I was. This was similar to a low level acid trip. Things were moving/flowing. Colors and light were much brighter, etc. I was amazed at the power of the seeds so far, even if it wasn't very intense. I laid on the couch and watched things "do their thing". I could look at something and sortof gaze and not try too hard to focus, and everything in my vision sortof looked like it were in a painting.

3hr 15min: I'm not really too sure what happened next, or when it really happened, but I'll try to describe it the best I can. Apparently, I got stuck in some sort of time loop. My mind went into a sort of eternity/timeloop/mindfuck type state where it would repeat the past 5-10 minutes as if it were happening over and over and over. I thought my wife was experiencing this with me, and I was being tricked by something. But it felt like it was real, and that this was my reality, or my hell. I really didn't know what was going on. I think maybe I thought I was in another reality, or something took me over, and I thought nothing could happen to me no matter what I did because everything reverted back to normal once the loop started over. For some reason (and I'm not really a crazy/violent person), I began envisioning myself punching things and smashing things and I could ACTUALLY SEE IT HAPPENING. I remember motioning like I was hitting the sliding glass door to the porch, and it shattering, and feeling the pain of glass in my hand, and seeing the blood. But when I looked back at it again, it was back to normal as if it never happened. This was seriously fucking with my head. I thought I was invincible. I also thought I was going to jail for smashing a sliding glass window. I was sure the cops were coming to get me. I kept imagining them busting through the door to take me to jail. I ACTUALLY SAW THEM COME THROUGH THE DOOR when I imagined these things. My mind was way too powerful, and I had no grasp on this normal reality. I could not control my desire to destroy things and destroy and hurt myself. I didn't want to do or experience these things. I felt possessed. Somehow I got up onto the couch and I guess I was staring at the TV. My awareness was expanded as to where I felt all the pain and suffering of all the individuals on the planet. I felt myself being mutilated, burned, crushed, tortured, any possible pain you could imagine. And it felt REAL. I would feel this OVER and OVER and OVER in a seemingly neverending time loop. It was a heart-stopping pain, and I hope I never experience it again. All I could do was just take it in. I thought life had played a trick on me and this was my eternity. I know the TV was on though, and I thought the man from America's funniest home videos and people from other various shows were showing me the wrongdoings and pain caused by the human race. And in return for all the pain we have caused, I was going to experience all of this over and over for eternity. That was our/my punishment. All I could do was just sit there and stare off and experience all this torture. It felt real. Too real. It hurt so bad. I wished to be saved from this eternal place, and truly felt sorry for everything the human race has done bad. If there is "hell", I was in it. I felt like we, as a human race, and all the pain we've caused, have been VERY bad. It was like I was suffering for the faults/wrongdoings and pain caused by the entire human race. As if I were all of these people, experiencing their death and destructions. Maybe I am. Maybe we really are one.


At one point: I remember seeing my entire life flash before my eyes. Like I was actually experiencing it all again but on fast forward. I felt all of my past emotions and feelings and everything I had experienced in my life. It was my life on fast forward. I was also feeling intense empathy for everyone that had been around me in my life and I was feeling what they felt too, and experiencing it through their eyes as well as mine, AT THE SAME TIME.


An eternity later: Eventually all the pain I kept feeling was no longer being felt in a normal time dilation, but it kept speeding up, faster and faster and faster, hurting more and more and more. I felt as if I were coming out of this karmic hell for some reason, and all would be ok, and that I/we would be forgiven. I thought maybe I was going to just come out of this and forget everything, and become a baby again and be reborn. I didn't even care if I had to experience life again so long as the pain was gone. I knew all I had to do was get through this (not like I could do anything about it anyways) and I would be ok. And everytime I felt more pain, and realized I was coming out of it, this brilliant white light would become brighter and brighter after each loop. There was a humming noise that also came with the light. I kept thinking "oh my god, the big bang." I eventually "merged" with the sound and the white light/collective consciousness/higher self and everything was PURE. INFINITE. BLISS. More bliss than you can imagine. More than any drug can give you on this planet. I know this may sound cheesy to you, but I don't care. I felt the meaning of life was love. I was love. I was made of this pure, infinite love, and I could experience anything I wanted. I didn't even have to think about it. It wasn't really a need to make an effort to even think, things just happened. It seemed as if I were my subconscious and my subconscious just *knew*. All of the horrible images and feelings of pain and torture were gone completely. I had an understanding of the universe and life at that point that is so hard to relay into words. I was everything. And I felt the feeling of being everything. It was like I was remembering a forgotten memory, and to experience life, I HAD to forget this to obtain an original experience. Everything seemed so very clear.

When I finally came out of it, it gave me a whole new outlook on life, yet I yearned for the intense "power" and awareness I had just experienced, and I thought the only way to experience it was to die. At that point, I was sure I was going to kill myself to regain that power. For some reason, I can't and won't do it though. Maybe I really am not done here yet. Eventually, I think it will be granted to me again in death. I can wait for it. I'm pretty sure I know what happens when we die now. There really is nothing to fear. Although, I do know there is a possibility it was just all a giant hallucination, I do believe that experience is more true than words. Such an experience, to me, does not seem like it could not be real. I really don't know, though, and I will continue to explore and further my experience with ayahuasca, as it seems to be the best psychedelic to bring on this state of consciousness/awareness.

qwerty

Edited by qwertymkonji (08/24/06 12:41 PM)

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InvisibleWholefoods
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Re: Ultimate pain/Infinite bliss [Re: qwertymkonji]
    #5993057 - 08/24/06 03:58 PM (17 years, 7 months ago)

Wow... I can relate to you with the time loop part of it in the fact that I also actually believed that I may be stuck in that state for all eternity(i really remember thinking that). I also hope never to experience it again, atleast not for a while.


--------------------
later gator

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Offlineezsefix
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Re: Ultimate pain/Infinite bliss [Re: Wholefoods]
    #5993312 - 08/24/06 05:33 PM (17 years, 7 months ago)

I'd be careful with that whole killing yourself thing. I don't think that's a very wise investment.


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I am a fictional character

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InvisibleWholefoods
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Re: Ultimate pain/Infinite bliss [Re: ezsefix]
    #5993785 - 08/24/06 07:36 PM (17 years, 7 months ago)

Also, after reading this again. I am quite interested in trying these. Seems I can purchase about 100 high quality Hawaiian woodrose seeds for $25.

Would you say you desire to trip in this way again?


--------------------
later gator

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Offlineqwertymkonji
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Re: Ultimate pain/Infinite bliss [Re: Wholefoods]
    #5994416 - 08/24/06 10:49 PM (17 years, 7 months ago)

Yes, I have been yearning to experience that again ever since it happened. Ayahuasca seems to be the best way to get me there, I think. A lot of people have felt what I did on ayahuasca.. So that's next on my list.

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Invisiblemecreateme
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Re: Ultimate pain/Infinite bliss [Re: qwertymkonji]
    #5995849 - 08/25/06 12:12 PM (17 years, 7 months ago)



--------------------
No ONE wants to know the ultimate TRUTH, as soon as YOU find IT out, YOU want to forget IT.

You are everything's way of feeling itself.

Happy Schwag, everygodly!

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InvisibleWholefoods
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Re: Ultimate pain/Infinite bliss [Re: qwertymkonji]
    #5996234 - 08/25/06 02:18 PM (17 years, 7 months ago)

Where did you get them? and what strain?
I am looking at the ones here from iamshaman but since they can't really answer questions about "potency" it is hard to get info about them.

I am wondering if the Ghana seeds are so much cheaper because they actually have less potency or because of what it says on the site which is that they have a lower germination rate but same potency as the expensive ones. I wonder. .__.


--------------------
later gator

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Offlineqwertymkonji
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Re: Ultimate pain/Infinite bliss [Re: Wholefoods]
    #5996418 - 08/25/06 03:18 PM (17 years, 7 months ago)

Get the hawaiian strain if anything. They're the most potent. And I got them for IAS.

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Offlineleery11
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Re: Ultimate pain/Infinite bliss [Re: qwertymkonji]
    #5996485 - 08/25/06 03:38 PM (17 years, 7 months ago)

the way you wrote this, it sounds like you did not mind even the torture? is that so, or is that just a reflection of the you that survived it?

wow though "I know the TV was on though, and I thought the man from America's funniest home videos and people from other various shows were showing me the wrongdoings and pain caused by the human race. "

did the TV make you go to hell? What America's funniest home videos does is make you laugh at people's suffering. Sure no one is getting tortured but they are getting hit in the groin and falling over and being injured, and it's really a miserable thing for them to go through, yet millions of people sit there and laugh at them at their expense.

now think about this though when someone gets shot we don't care and we watch. (doesn't matter that it's fictional does it? Because it's still someone getting shot and we enjoy seeing it) and then if an enemy nation gets bombed we feel better because it's better them than us, and wish them death, and that TV facilitates this.

and then when some poor kid gets kidnapped we are like "oh my how horrible" but we sit and watch every second of it. And you know, then we watch cartoons where someone can be graphically hurt and we're like "haha that is hilarious!" you know like say simpsons or itchy and scratchy or something..... tons of violence there and we sit and laugh and enjoy.

think you experienced the TV dude? Not that this shit isn't happening the real world, but it's also happening in the TV.

I can only tinily relate. I smoked super super dank 1/2 hit herb, and about 3-4 BIG hits of it at a party.... I fell through all my normal perceptions and had to go through hell until I came back down.

One of the biggest things was Hitler. Now I was still in the party room of course but I was mentally experiencing this stuff..... and there's this FROZEN image of Hitler forever frozen in time, his face in agony being completely consumed..... in hell.... and I just prayed and prayed for him..... please let Hitler be forgiven......... and I was in this hell too. It hurt but it didn't.... it was real but it wasn't...... but I couldn't seem to extricate myself from it at all......

and it was so bad because it was like, it was the TV....... the TV was doing sinister ass shit....... and it was communicating to me how I was going to die if I drove home, and it kept having commercials for this show called SAFE RIDE... repeatedly, telling me don't you dare drive home.... and EVERYTHING was synched like that telling me I was going to die unless I got a ride home....

and so anyway..... I felt the presence of an infant.... a poor infant who is tripping completely, completely vulnerable in this alien environment, and he comes into a world and instead of hearing the voices of his parents he hears the TV, and the TV and all the scary noises, sounds, violence, cruelty, it is his music, it is his Mozart...... and sure his parents are there but wherever he goes its the TV, and he just wants so much for the damn thing to be quiet! And it's just so horrible on him....... and he's born into life this way and he cannot stop focusing on the TV, becuase TV requires complete passivity and you're just a baby you can't run away from it or reach up and turn it off

(little did I realize that my parents had the TV on rather incessantly when I was an infant, I saw a home movie of me going up and staring at it, and now it's like I remember what it was like. Not too bad once you're walking at least, then it's just an interesting thing to play with... I'm not sure if it affected me in this way in my infancy or if I am just imagining what it can be like for a hell being.)

and anyway so.

poor Hitler was just stuck in hell.... but not always, I influenced him by my judgements of whether I thought he was in hell or not. I guess he was only there because I assumed so, sometimes his face would flash stable and not in agony.

falling through the tv is fucked becuase then you start filtering delusions by only letting your conscious brain hear certain clips and phrases from the underlying tv conent, like a drunk driving commercial a cop comes over and you see a guy get handcuffed and you're like OH MAN THE COPS ARE GONNA ARREST ME THIS IS SO EVIL!!! and you just feel the complete terror of being vicitmized by the police like you're an animal being eaten by a lion and yet all the passive tv watchers are like "haha whatever its just a commercial" then in the tv show the family goes to court and they're like "you're gonna go to jail" and it's the WORST feeling in the world to think about that and you're like "no please, that is so terrible" and yet this is a COMEDY show and people laugh at the idea of a member of a dysfunctional family going to jail.

that's something that would bring families to tears, why do we accept it?

at the same time that TV is hell it is also complete neutrality though, I guess it really depends upon your perception. I think it is raping society's minds but at the same time it's just noise and it's devoid of any charge other than what you give it. and just a distraction at best. but an annoying one.

there's also positive content on it.

and what you are seeking is the clear light of the first bardo, it doesn't have to have anything to do with hell perse, hell was probably just your karma being extinguished, or perhaps somehow you tuned into the collective hell of all of humanity, maybe faciliated by the tv or maybe you were just "meant" to ? if we look at the world in terms of astral planes and mental self-created hells, the tv can be a direct portal into the realms of our worst suffering, both in the physical world and in the astral (in the form of fictional ideas which are hellish, yet people subscribe to these hellish realities).

so yes this stuff is real and it's going on both in our imaginations and in our realities, but it's only one of possible scenarios.

perhaps an individual could ahve experienced the summation of all human beings making love, caring for children, loving their pets, having compassion, etc, and then transitioned into the unity of all consciousnes, indiscriminate, all barriers dissolved, the clear light of first bardo?

at any rate the Tibetan Book of the Dead instructs one to meditate upon a loved deity or family figure while in a state of terrifying visions lest he be reborn as a hell being if he recoils in horror and refuses to accept [in this case it would mean coming back to do your ego as a neurotic perhaps, being scarred by a bad trip] and to remember that the hell visions have a flip side (heavenly visions) and to consider that instead of experiencing torture you are experiencing bliss. To call upon Christ, teachers, etc, and meditate upon them that you may go back to the source and then gravitate peacefully back to normal and healthy rebirth.

easier said than done? Quite possibly so.

Another approach would be to try to shove it all down into your heart chakra, visualizing a pure white A in the middle of the heart, so that you can experience the root of hell (karma in a formless nature) rather than the fruits of the hell.... but again well, if you're tripping on a huge dose maybe all you can do is surrender.

sounds like you surrendered perfectly. it's said in such instances focus upon the observer, who is this person that is experiencing these things? but the one thing you can never do is fight, resist by using a mantra maybe but you can't fight or reject or it can cause insanity..........

also low doses are your friend. all you need is enough headspace to explore new territory by your own volition and momentum. like 3 seeds instead of 10.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!

Edited by leery11 (08/25/06 03:50 PM)

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Offlinebrian-trousers
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Re: Ultimate pain/Infinite bliss [Re: qwertymkonji]
    #20418251 - 08/14/14 02:53 PM (9 years, 7 months ago)

Commenting to read later

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