|
whichits
Stranger
Registered: 01/14/06
Posts: 22
Last seen: 16 years, 3 months
|
Feeling Guilty... Neighbor Died
#5968807 - 08/16/06 07:49 AM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
|
|
Feeling Guilty here, Neighbor Died, I have given the old fart CPR several times, yet today his Wife called for help and my phone was busy... THe coroners toook him away.... felt I Shouldnt have been on the phone.... my spiritualty is weakend by this...... Should I feel Guilty or not?
|
CosmicFool
Psychoholic


Registered: 05/14/06
Posts: 9,581
Loc: 203
Last seen: 22 days, 15 hours
|
Re: Feeling Guilty... Neighbor Died [Re: whichits]
#5968809 - 08/16/06 07:53 AM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
I have given the old fart CPR several times
You have clearly done more than most... You shouldn't feel guilty There was no way for you to know when/if it would happen again
--------------------
|
LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
|
Re: Feeling Guilty... Neighbor Died [Re: whichits]
#5968810 - 08/16/06 07:54 AM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
|
|
If I were you I would get call waiting.
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
|
flower_child
Dawson


Registered: 12/13/05
Posts: 677
Last seen: 5 years, 20 days
|
Re: Feeling Guilty... Neighbor Died [Re: LunarEclipse]
#5968812 - 08/16/06 07:56 AM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
LunarEclipse said: If I were you I would get call waiting.
Wouldn't do much good now. If you saved him several times before, then you should not feel guilty. It may have been no accident that you were on the phone. Perhaps it was just his time.
-------------------- Today while walking up the stairs I met a man who wasn't there He wasn't there again today Oh how I wish he'd stay away
|
Sinbad
Living TheMoment


Registered: 12/23/04
Posts: 2,571
Loc: Under The Bodhi Tree
|
Re: Feeling Guilty... Neighbor Died [Re: whichits]
#5968815 - 08/16/06 07:58 AM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
|
|
He was old, there is nothing wrong with death and nothing for you to feel guilty about.
--------------------
|
LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
|
Re: Feeling Guilty... Neighbor Died [Re: flower_child]
#5968830 - 08/16/06 08:11 AM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
|
|
Come on, call waiting is only $ 10 a month, that's just 33 cents a day. You will sleep better tonight getting the call waiting if you are feeling guilty today for being on the phone when the old guy died yesterday.
As for the old guy, unless you were his care giver or promised to not make a phone call in case he called, I would say you are off the hook and shouldn't feel guilty. Why indulge your what could have been ego in this? Go comfort his widow...
Dying isn't so bad when you get old, that's what is supposed to happen.
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
|
fireworks_god
Sexy.Butt.McDanger


Registered: 03/12/02
Posts: 24,855
Loc: Pandurn
Last seen: 1 year, 12 days
|
Re: Feeling Guilty... Neighbor Died [Re: LunarEclipse]
#5968845 - 08/16/06 08:18 AM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
|
|
Honestly, if your "spirituality" has been weakend by the fact that someone died, in such a way that you would have not been able to prevent it in any way, then it wasn't solid "spirituality" to begin with.
If nothing else, this is a great opportunity to realize that you have inner work that needs to be done. I equate spirituality with a direct perception of reality and a sense of emotional fufillment. If a situation, especially one in which you are not at fault, casues you to lose that sense of fufillment and peace, then you need to do some mental reprogramming.
 Peace.
--------------------
If I should die this very moment I wouldn't fear For I've never known completeness Like being here Wrapped in the warmth of you Loving every breath of you
|
mr_kite
The Watcher


Registered: 09/16/02
Posts: 2,577
Loc: shambhala
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
|
Re: Feeling Guilty... Neighbor Died [Re: whichits]
#5968846 - 08/16/06 08:20 AM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
|
|
Stop beating yourself up mate. It's easy to feel guilt like that but it's usually completely illogical and nonsensicle.
From the info you have given only you know whether you should feel guilty. If you promised them to stay off the phone, then you broke your promise. However my guess is there was no agreement that you should never use your phone (which would be a silly agreement anyway - if he needs that much attention he should be in 24/7 care) in which case YOU KNOW IT WASNT YOUR FAULT.
-------------------- let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love
|
why_not_me
I live tranquilized


Registered: 12/03/04
Posts: 1,223
Loc: Fluffy opiate cloud
Last seen: 10 years, 8 months
|
Re: Feeling Guilty... Neighbor Died [Re: fireworks_god]
#5968862 - 08/16/06 08:39 AM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
fireworks_god said: Honestly, if your "spirituality" has been weakend by the fact that someone died, in such a way that you would have not been able to prevent it in any way, then it wasn't solid "spirituality" to begin with.
If nothing else, this is a great opportunity to realize that you have inner work that needs to be done. I equate spirituality with a direct perception of reality and a sense of emotional fufillment. If a situation, especially one in which you are not at fault, casues you to lose that sense of fufillment and peace, then you need to do some mental reprogramming.
 Peace.
exactly
-------------------- Feed Your Head.
|
fireworks_god
Sexy.Butt.McDanger


Registered: 03/12/02
Posts: 24,855
Loc: Pandurn
Last seen: 1 year, 12 days
|
Re: Feeling Guilty... Neighbor Died [Re: mr_kite]
#5969109 - 08/16/06 10:50 AM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
mr_kite said: Stop beating yourself up mate. It's easy to feel guilt like that but it's usually completely illogical and nonsensicle.
If it is not logical and sensible, then it probably isn't spirituality. 
 Peace.
--------------------
If I should die this very moment I wouldn't fear For I've never known completeness Like being here Wrapped in the warmth of you Loving every breath of you
|
MarkostheGnostic
Elder


Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 2 days
|
Re: Feeling Guilty... Neighbor Died [Re: whichits]
#5969977 - 08/16/06 04:00 PM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
|
|
You do not need anyone to make you feel badly now, but you really need to know that there is a world of difference between real guilt - when one is actually culpable for some wrongdoing, and neuotic guilt, which is what you are suffering from. In neurotic guilt, one assumes guilty 'feelings' which may be fed from childhood problems of perfectionism, poor parenting which caused feelings of insecurity, incompetance, etc. You are registering feelings that are inappropriate to the situation, since you are in no way responsible for the death of your neighbor. In fact, one might even ponder that you kept him from an appointment with his Maker on earlier occasions Sadness is certainly understandable, but not guilt.
"Should I feel guilty or not." Therapists like to say: "don't should on yourself." The question of 'should' or 'ought' is an ethical question, and feelings do not come under the control of ethics - actions do. We may require help when our feelings arise inappropriately, and the situation needs to be 'reframed' - placed in another perspective.
I suggest that you reflect on your heroic intentions of the past, when you were available, and feel good about yourself, as well as feeling sadness for the death of someone you had a relationship with.
|
Huehuecoyotl
Fading Slowly


Registered: 06/13/04
Posts: 10,685
Loc: On the Border
|
Re: Feeling Guilty... Neighbor Died [Re: whichits]
#5970497 - 08/16/06 06:46 PM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
|
|
During my years as a firefighter/EMT I gave CPR to 2 people who did not make it. CPR as a rule is not successful, it is just better than doing nothing, and sometiomes it works. Guilt has no place here. There is no guarantee that you would have had any success.
-------------------- "A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda
|
Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
|
Re: Feeling Guilty... Neighbor Died [Re: whichits]
#5970636 - 08/16/06 07:22 PM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
whichits said: Feeling Guilty here, Neighbor Died, I have given the old fart CPR several times, yet today his Wife called for help and my phone was busy... THe coroners toook him away.... felt I Shouldnt have been on the phone.... my spiritualty is weakend by this...... Should I feel Guilty or not?
Your spirituality is weakened by what? What did you have to do with anything that happened? You need an attitude adjustment IMO.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
|
RRRR
Rapture Ready


Registered: 07/26/06
Posts: 170
Last seen: 16 years, 9 months
|
Re: Feeling Guilty... Neighbor Died [Re: whichits]
#5970686 - 08/16/06 07:34 PM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
|
|
You had no way current way of knowing you were even needed, guild would be absurd.
-------------------- Now when He was asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would come, He answered them and said, "The kingdom of God does not come with observation; nor will they say, 'See here!' or 'See there!' For indeed, the kingdom of God is within you." Luke 17:20-21 (New King James Version)
|
Huehuecoyotl
Fading Slowly


Registered: 06/13/04
Posts: 10,685
Loc: On the Border
|
Re: Feeling Guilty... Neighbor Died [Re: Icelander]
#5970784 - 08/16/06 07:57 PM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
|
|
"Your spirituality is weakened by what?"
I can tell you what it was weakened by....self importance. It is the root of irrational guilt.
-------------------- "A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda
|
waixingren


Registered: 03/14/05
Posts: 2,644
Loc: SW Florida
Last seen: 9 days, 11 hours
|
Re: Feeling Guilty... Neighbor Died [Re: whichits]
#5971844 - 08/17/06 01:16 AM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
|
|
it was just his time man. be proud of his advance and be proud of your assistance while he was around.
--------------------
|
fireworks_god
Sexy.Butt.McDanger


Registered: 03/12/02
Posts: 24,855
Loc: Pandurn
Last seen: 1 year, 12 days
|
Re: Feeling Guilty... Neighbor Died [Re: waixingren]
#5972314 - 08/17/06 08:41 AM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
waixingren said: be proud of his advance
Be proud of his death? You'll have to elaborate on that one, unless you are referring to being proud that natural processes carry themselves out. I am proud to be a natural process.
 Peace.
--------------------
If I should die this very moment I wouldn't fear For I've never known completeness Like being here Wrapped in the warmth of you Loving every breath of you
|
888
Stranger


Registered: 11/22/05
Posts: 149
Last seen: 17 years, 4 months
|
Re: Feeling Guilty... Neighbor Died [Re: whichits]
#5973283 - 08/17/06 03:42 PM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
|
|
birth and death are natural....... he will be born again
|
|