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HighGuy
Stranger

Registered: 12/08/05
Posts: 333
Last seen: 8 years, 7 months
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Can't Talk To People
#5955887 - 08/12/06 08:46 AM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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Hey Shroomery, I've been experiencing a very bothersome problem for the past few months. I can hardly hold a conversation with people. Whenever I am in a conversation usually it just consists of them talking and me saying yea, alright, ok a lot. I used to be pretty outgoing and stuff but now I'm just not the same. I have no idea what to talk about or anything to talk about, even when I'm with friends. I guess you could say when I'm chatting on AIM or whatever I can usually say lots of funny shit, and have a lot to talk about. In real life though I am always worrying what people are thinking about me and things like that, even though I tell myself 100 times its not important. Is this SAD or just low self esteem or what?
-------------------- http://www.lp.org Start making America free again.
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RandalFlagg
Stranger
Registered: 06/15/02
Posts: 15,608
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Re: Can't Talk To People [Re: HighGuy]
#5955920 - 08/12/06 09:23 AM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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This sounds like classic social anxiety disorder. Maybe you should seek professional help for it?
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Mike_yy


Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 7,253
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Re: Can't Talk To People [Re: RandalFlagg]
#5955938 - 08/12/06 09:34 AM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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Yeah it sounds like it. Have or are you using stimulants regularly ?, i used to use E alot and that caused me act paranoid and it gave me alot of anxiety. If you are i'd knock it on the head straight away.
If smoking dope makes you worse in these situations i'd avoid that aswell.
Try not to reassure yourself so much, just chill. Constantly talking to yourself like that must be making things alot worse. Just be yourself, if you feel paranoid take a deep breath and think confidently.
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HighGuy
Stranger

Registered: 12/08/05
Posts: 333
Last seen: 8 years, 7 months
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Re: Can't Talk To People [Re: Mike_yy]
#5955996 - 08/12/06 10:12 AM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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I'm not really a big fan of the shrinks. Haven't helped me before when I dealt with depression, and the only thing I've heard about SAD medications is bad news. I use Adderall occasionally but am kicking that habbit. I was staying up for 2-3 nights every other week dosing on it to help me pass my drug tests. And yes smoking weed makes it way worse. All of my friends smoke all the time though, I still hang out with them and don't smoke, it's just not really any fun though. I'm not on the same page as them.
-------------------- http://www.lp.org Start making America free again.
Edited by HighGuy (08/12/06 10:15 AM)
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trunksan
PsyChicken


Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 291
Loc: UK, Hellas
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Re: Can't Talk To People [Re: HighGuy]
#5956016 - 08/12/06 10:24 AM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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Same thing here. However, it's not because I feel nervous of what to say. I usually haven't got any interesting conversation.
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xDuckYouSuckerx
xBannedx


Registered: 05/25/06
Posts: 1,410
Last seen: 17 years, 5 months
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Re: Can't Talk To People [Re: HighGuy]
#5956073 - 08/12/06 10:44 AM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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"Classic" SAD? When was "SAD" invented, a few years ago when some pharmaceutical company invented the cure for it? The problem here is low-self esteem and a lack of confidence. It's nothing that a pill will help you with, it's just another response to depression. You need to do things that make you feel better. I think personally that working out helps a lot. When you are confident in your body, that confidence is noticable.
I'd say start off by hanging out with people in 'familiar territory'. Invite a few people that you work with over to your place, learn about them and get to know them. Then move up.
-------------------- Unions are the bastions of the mediocre. - luvdemshrooms
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HighGuy
Stranger

Registered: 12/08/05
Posts: 333
Last seen: 8 years, 7 months
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Yeah I think I need to get motivated and start working out / bulking up. I only weigh 135 lbs and am 6' tall.
-------------------- http://www.lp.org Start making America free again.
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demiu5
humans, lol


Registered: 08/18/05
Posts: 43,948
Loc: the popcorn stadium
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Re: Can't Talk To People [Re: HighGuy]
#5956272 - 08/12/06 12:05 PM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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it doesn't really sound like you have anxiety or anything, just that you have nothing in common with the people you are around. Try finding new people with similar interests, and believe me, I know it can be hard.
-------------------- channel your inner Larry David
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xDuckYouSuckerx
xBannedx


Registered: 05/25/06
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Re: Can't Talk To People [Re: HighGuy]
#5956284 - 08/12/06 12:09 PM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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Yup, do what you can to get yourself confident. I like working out because the more you do it (properly!) the better your body looks. So you gain confidence and you look more attractive to opposite sex type people
-------------------- Unions are the bastions of the mediocre. - luvdemshrooms
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HighGuy
Stranger

Registered: 12/08/05
Posts: 333
Last seen: 8 years, 7 months
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Yeah, no one around here really has similar interests as me other than drugs and sports. But their views on drugs are more just take them to get fucked up, while mine are more on the spiritual side, especially shrooms.
-------------------- http://www.lp.org Start making America free again.
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The_Hobbit
Bilbo Baggins


Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 1,382
Loc: The Shire
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Re: Can't Talk To People [Re: HighGuy] 1
#5957468 - 08/12/06 07:55 PM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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Don't say that you can't talk to people. You can. Saying you can't talk to people is a useless thought. Don't mind that kind of thought. Look at things logically. Open your mouth and say a word. That's talking.
Don't feel obligated to be anything. Just focus on the other person's convo. Show them respect and love. Realize that you are there.. breathing. Your heart is beating. You are really there.. standing and talking to somebody else. They are not the only thing, but they are your friend so you should give them your main attention. You will have to find out for yourself what is the best way to focus on them based on how the conversation is going, but you should keep in mind that everything else is there, too.
It's like something falling out of a tree - a leaf or a flower. When it falls, you watch that one thing. That one thing is your focus. It's almost as if the tree that it fell from dissapears. However, that is not the case. You just chose to focus on that falling object. That is how a conversation is. People say stuff and you can choose to focus on it intently, but the conversations that you have will never be a perfect flow (for many reasons that I will not elaborate on). That is Ok. Up or down, happy or sad, it is what it is. Appreciate it for what it is. Realize that it's actually happening. Don't see a downward flow as something bad because the conversation, as a whole, is good.
Don't see yourself from a 3rd person view, judging yourself. Simply be yourself. If you were standing there by yourself, would you be intently focusing on some object around you - feeling anxious and worried about what it is and what it's doing? Would you feel that way about a bird? Nope. You know what a bird does. It hops on the ground and eats stuff and chirps and flies away whenever it feels like it.
The solution is to realize your freedom. It is an experience to be appreciated, contemplated, associated, debated and more. It is a reason to smile, a reason to laugh, a reason to express, a reason to gasp. It's whatever it is - whatever you interpret it to be. How can you possibly know what it is if you are not even focused on it? How can you understand what's going on when you only think about yourself?
Don't think that you don't know how to act. You do. If you have to stand there confident, focused, grateful, understanding, and engaged for 20 minutes just to have that one moment - literally one moment where you suprise yourself with your own action or where you get to see your friend do something wonderful...
That is why you cannot judge yourself needlessly. You cannot judge your friend needlessly. You cannot judge needlessly at all - or it will envelope you like the night sky. You have to be there as what you are.. you have to have a good outlook - a good posture that is ready to do what it is that you're doing. Love, to me, is an abstract concept. However, it is real. When you love yourself, you can love another. When you define what love is by doing something together, as a part of the same whole, it will become easier to say or do anything. That is what friendship is all about. You build up trust and respect and love for one another. You cannot be impatient. You cannot be afraid. It's already hard enough to build without those things to halt you in your tracks.
Think of how hard it is to run a few miles. Do you try to do long multiplication in your head while running? Do you try to rub your belly and tap on your head at the same time while running? Obviously not. You'd feel lucky to even make it those few miles. That is how a conversation is. Don't complicate things. Don't get sideways. Stay straight-forward. Be open and honest. Only with consistancy will you get anywhere. That is why you have to find the reason to go on. Stopping is never an option. Think of yourself as a train. It's hard to start up a train. It takes a huge amount of power. When it get's going, though, it can glide along with relatively little effort. Now, think about how much effort that you shunned in order to forget to go when you were already going (not that much, you already had momentum). Think of how much effort you put forth in order to stop (alot). Now what have you done besides create a huge struggle to get going again? Why did you stop? I bet you - it was no good reason. Don't forget the good reasons that you are going. Don't be afraid to breath. Don't be afraid to see everything. Don't be afraid to take a moment to understand. That is what friends do. They trust themselves and trust eachother. There is no reason to stop, even when you cannot find the words to say. There is always something to be aware of. There is always a way.
It is not easy for anyone. We all get lost sometimes. The mark of a good man is the character traits that enable him to understand when he is found.
That being said, you need to work on yourself as a whole. Everything ties into everything. Start sleeping right, eating right, exercising right.
Check out this site and hit up the forums for some good info. www.bronzebowpublishing.com This site is also cool. www.dragondoor.com
-------------------- Smoking my hobbit leaf... Please keep in mind that I am just a human being. Please read my posts carefully and interpret their meaning for yourself.
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Jackattack
Stranger

Registered: 01/16/06
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Last seen: 17 years, 2 months
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Re: Can't Talk To People [Re: The_Hobbit]
#5957593 - 08/12/06 09:02 PM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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I can't talk to people either. I hope one day I will be able to.
Edited by Jackattack (08/12/06 09:03 PM)
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The_Hobbit
Bilbo Baggins


Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 1,382
Loc: The Shire
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Re: Can't Talk To People [Re: Jackattack] 1
#5958106 - 08/13/06 12:23 AM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Jackattack said: I can't talk to people either. I hope one day I will be able to.
Do it.
-------------------- Smoking my hobbit leaf... Please keep in mind that I am just a human being. Please read my posts carefully and interpret their meaning for yourself.
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Grok
Has Been a Bad Boy


Registered: 12/03/03
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Re: Can't Talk To People [Re: The_Hobbit]
#5967066 - 08/15/06 06:15 PM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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IMO most of the things your typical person talks about aren't even worth discussing. Most people just like to hear themselves talk. Don't even worry about it man. Accept who you are. Maybe you aren't a big talker. Nothing, yep NOTHING wrong with that. Don't let other people make you think something is wrong with you. It's ridiculous.
I used to be the same way. Started eating mushrooms at a young age and became spiritual. Something not many of my friends could relate to at all. I became really reclusive, lurking these boards and others until I was out in the world and met other like minded people. They are out there.
-------------------- Entropy is increasing. To send me a PM, go to my journal
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RedNucleus
Causal Observer


Registered: 02/26/01
Posts: 4,103
Loc: The Seahorse Valley
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Re: Can't Talk To People [Re: HighGuy]
#5969184 - 08/16/06 11:19 AM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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You've described how I was to a T. even with the being more creative on AIM. I'm skinny and weak too.
Anyway I think having a supportive relationship with someone you can be really open and honest with even if it's vulnerable uncomfortable stuff, can be a big help. Hang out with friends who are girls more often. Don't think of them as potential hook ups, and that will ease you. Girls are sensitive about feelings and what not and have way better supportive things to say, I feel.
Making friends with shy people is also good. A lot of outgoing people are actually very insecure and shy underneath their exterior.
What helped me most to stop being so curled up in my shell all the time was my girlfriend genuinely liking and loving me.
I still have nothing interesting to say when I wish I did, often. But I just let it slide that way. I don't have to entertain everyone. I don't have to be the center of attention. I don't have the wits for that. It's ok. When even a tiny number of people know you well that's all you need. I have 2 close friends. One guy and my girlfriend. The rest don't know nearly as much about me. It's good that way. That's all I need.
--------------------
Namaste
Edited by RedNucleus (08/16/06 11:28 AM)
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Corporal Kielbasa

Registered: 05/29/04
Posts: 17,235
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Re: Can't Talk To People [Re: HighGuy]
#5969273 - 08/16/06 11:55 AM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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Its a part of life. People run out of things to say. Either find more like minded people to chit chat with or start making up stoories.
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Viveka
refutation bias


Registered: 10/21/02
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Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
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Re: Can't Talk To People [Re: HighGuy]
#5969285 - 08/16/06 12:02 PM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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Your name says it all, dude.
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Corporal Kielbasa

Registered: 05/29/04
Posts: 17,235
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Re: Can't Talk To People [Re: Viveka]
#5969465 - 08/16/06 01:36 PM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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i also agree with that. Stop getting high and your mind will find new ways to be creative and express its self.
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eligal
Noobie


Registered: 05/25/05
Posts: 7,021
Loc: California
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Re: Can't Talk To People [Re: HighGuy]
#5973644 - 08/17/06 05:32 PM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
HighGuy said: Hey Shroomery, I've been experiencing a very bothersome problem for the past few months. I can hardly hold a conversation with people. Whenever I am in a conversation usually it just consists of them talking and me saying yea, alright, ok a lot. I used to be pretty outgoing and stuff but now I'm just not the same. I have no idea what to talk about or anything to talk about, even when I'm with friends. I guess you could say when I'm chatting on AIM or whatever I can usually say lots of funny shit, and have a lot to talk about. In real life though I am always worrying what people are thinking about me and things like that, even though I tell myself 100 times its not important. Is this SAD or just low self esteem or what?
This sounds alot like me. I think it has to do with a lack of self-esteem, different interests, and paranoias of what people are thinking of us (as you mentioned). I was told I just need to practice talking to people again (supposedly when I was young I could talk to anyone about anything). I dont know man, small talk just seems to be so hard, I can never find words to say. Maybe we need to think less of what we are saying and just start rambling.... Sounds really damn stupid, but when I listen to other people talk/chit-chat thats basically all they are doing.... Maybe its not really important what we say, rather that we show the effort of trying to be social with the person we are talking to.
-------------------- \m/ Spanksta \m/ "do you have the freedom to do with your nervous system what you want?" "MolokoMilkPlus said: I'll respect you if you let me give you a blow job" "tactik said: respect the can."
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Placeholder
Invisible manwith thesee-through mind


Registered: 05/31/06
Posts: 163
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Last seen: 14 years, 9 months
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Re: Can't Talk To People [Re: HighGuy]
#5974074 - 08/17/06 07:40 PM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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You have taken the words right out of my mouth. I find it really hard to meet people and make new friends now, and i feel intimidated by alot of people, even when i have no reason to be. Good luck man.
To hobbitcg: that all makes perfect sense man, thanks for writing that, it seems like it could help alot... +5
to eligal: exactly, smalltalk is the worst. When with someone i don't know that well, and even sometimes with good friends, i just stop talking, i just start thinking of things to say, but i draw complete blanks, its like my mind just stops functioning, and i hate it.
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The_Hobbit
Bilbo Baggins


Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 1,382
Loc: The Shire
Last seen: 16 years, 10 months
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Re: Can't Talk To People [Re: Placeholder]
#5974466 - 08/17/06 09:34 PM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Placeholder said: You have taken the words right out of my mouth. I find it really hard to meet people and make new friends now, and i feel intimidated by alot of people, even when i have no reason to be. Good luck man.
To hobbitcg: that all makes perfect sense man, thanks for writing that, it seems like it could help alot... +5
to eligal: exactly, smalltalk is the worst. When with someone i don't know that well, and even sometimes with good friends, i just stop talking, i just start thinking of things to say, but i draw complete blanks, its like my mind just stops functioning, and i hate it.
Rather than thinking of things to say, you can think about what they're saying. Thoughts will always be popping into your head about what to say. That happens whether you try for it or not. The thing that doesn't happen without your effort is focus. You have to listen to the other person. Use your brain and understand what they mean. Do not get away from that one point. FOCUS. When you lose that, you lose the one thing that matters most. Just pay attention. When it's your turn, then talk. You may not have much to say, but mean what you say. Just say it - let loose and be passionate about it.
Not every conversation is going to be deep. You cannot assume things. Don't judge yourself by thinking that you need to live up to some illusion that you can't even comprehend in the moment. That is fear.
Realize that you are not perfect and things will not always work like you think they should. That's why you have to have the love for yourself and love for everyone else. That will leave no other option than to do your best in the moment. Then you will see what you're made of.
-------------------- Smoking my hobbit leaf... Please keep in mind that I am just a human being. Please read my posts carefully and interpret their meaning for yourself.
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QuantumMeltdown
Space Monkey



Registered: 10/31/01
Posts: 4,962
Loc: Ft. Lauderdale, FL
Last seen: 5 months, 10 days
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Re: Can't Talk To People [Re: Placeholder]
#5974499 - 08/17/06 09:43 PM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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Try drinking/drugging thats what myself and probably other shroomerites do and we make plenty of friends but thats not exactly good for you physical or mental well being now is it?
-------------------- -QuantumMeltdown Total abstinence is so excellent a thing that it cannot be carried to too great an extent. In my passion for it I even carry it so far as to totally abstain from total abstinence itself. -Mark Twain "The time has come the walrus said, little oysters hide their heads, my Twain of thought is loosely bound I guess its time to Mark this down, Be good and you will be lonesome Be lonesome and you will be free Live a lie and you will live to regret it That's what livin' is to me That's what livin' is to me" Jimmy Buffett
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davidiusthebeast
Stranger


Registered: 05/10/06
Posts: 120
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hey friend, i have the same situation except i smoke all the time, sometimes if i smoke a ton of dope i can feel myself going crazy, other times im pretty much alone so its all good but when im in public ppl can see into my soul
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The_Hobbit
Bilbo Baggins


Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 1,382
Loc: The Shire
Last seen: 16 years, 10 months
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Quote:
davidiusthebeast said: hey friend, i have the same situation except i smoke all the time, sometimes if i smoke a ton of dope i can feel myself going crazy, other times im pretty much alone so its all good but when im in public ppl can see into my soul
That's true when you're not high, too. Now, what's the most important lesson to learn from that? Accept the fact that you are a part of everything.
-------------------- Smoking my hobbit leaf... Please keep in mind that I am just a human being. Please read my posts carefully and interpret their meaning for yourself.
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