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justAkid
Member of myCulture

Registered: 11/05/05
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My thoughts are too "great" for me
#5955260 - 08/11/06 11:10 PM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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In my past my thoughts have guided me toward Love and Peace. But the other night something changed in my mind. I'm not quite sure what happened but I heard someone speak like I think, and he cared what I thought, and he heard what I said. And he told me his story and it ignited something in me. It stirred rverything in the universe to reveal it self to me. Not all at once, but in sequence in my mind. These things seemed to be happening in my mind without me. I seemed not control my thoughts. When I finally got home that night I laid down to figure out what was happening to me, and I saw my room and I thought of myself in this room. I thought, in this universe there is this room, and in this room there is this mind, and with my mind I saw myself percieving reality, and I was intensely grateful for it. Then I felt some great pleasure flow from me. It was the greatest thing I have ever felt. I don't know how long it was but when I came to I began to contemplate the experience when it happened again. And when it was over I found myself drenched in tears. I thought I had been touched by god or something of that sort, which I now believe to be only myself.
I saw my experience and it seemed to be completely out of my control. I thought my thoughts and my feelings were being controlled by some sick being greater than me. Then my thoughts transversed into some sick mutation of greatness. They became doubt in everything and then they became a reestablishment of my beliefs and then doubt came again... ad infinum. It has been this ceaseless course of thought that leads me still to tonight when I sit down to explain this to myself and to you.
And I hope someone can read this and give me something so that I can hold on to reality. Because all I am is changing and fading, and I am being tormented by greatness I cannot handle, and sickness I am not ready for. My thoughts are endless, not like before... I'm lost and I don't know what to do or who to talk to. If I tried to explain this to anyone they would think I'm crazy and dismiss me at that. I'm lost and confused, but for some reason I have faith in you individuals who might try to know me and help me. At least I hope so, I hope you are different in that manner.
-------------------- Trust thyself.
Edited by justAkid (08/11/06 11:11 PM)
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eve69
--=..Did Adam and ...?=--


Registered: 04/30/03
Posts: 3,910
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Re: My thoughts are too "great" for me [Re: justAkid]
#5955318 - 08/11/06 11:33 PM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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When someone stopped a follower of Buddha and asked what Buddha taught, the follower said, Buddha teaches that whatever has a cause also ceases, but that which does not have a cause does not cease.
Your doubts are your protectors from reifying something which has a start and end, that is, your thought constructs. While you may have amazingly high thought constructs they are merely constructs and they will therefore cease. Thus your doubts which destroy those concepts protect you from establishing something which does not have ultimate validity as if it did.
In any case, to merely relax as fully as possible with awareness is as close to direct cognition - prajna - as one can come to full realization. As the work of relaxation commences and develops the perception of what does not have a cause or cessation refines.
The mind itself is like waves on the ocean, always moving, thus always also changing. Don't try to hold it still. The mind is not the ultimate unchanging nature. That ultimate unchanging nature is pure awareness free of object.
May these words benefit. Peace.
-------------------- ...or something
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder


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Re: My thoughts are too "great" for me [Re: justAkid]
#5955402 - 08/12/06 12:10 AM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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Whenever one begins to 'lose it,' it is crucial to 'come back to Center.' Loss of soul among so-called primitive peoples translates into loss of mind - losing one's mind. It is OK to let go of the cognitive, thought-producing mind during episodes like the one you're describing.
Coming back to center basically means (1) You're heart is still beating, and (2) You are still breathing. When I first learned Hatha Yoga my teacher kept saying in the midst of the most painful positions: "...And breathe," which I recommend to you. Simply sit and experience yourself breathing. And, on the most out-of-control LSD trips, I had to remind myself that no matter how much fear and confusion was going on in my thoughts and feelings, still, Who was this One Who calmly watched the whole tormenting drama? Who or What was this Witness, this All-Seeing 'I' that sat in my Heart like the Center of a hurricane where nothing at all was happening, whilst all about the Center all Hell was breaking loose?
More important than getting an answer as to Who? or What? is your own experience of the Center. You have a Center, now go inside and find it. It is the basis of normalcy and mental health. It is there - I Know it is with complete certainty because I Know that it is the essential you, just as this Witnesss is the essential me. THIS Center is special, because your Center and my Center is the SAME Center. It is the singularity through which we Know God.
[Click on and] Contemplate this mandala.
+++Peace be with you+++
-------------------- γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,534
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Re: My thoughts are too "great" for me [Re: justAkid]
#5955798 - 08/12/06 06:34 AM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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physical positions like the lotus or a head stand promote specific blood flow patterns that may generate heathful effects: the posture or the position affects all connected parts that are ready to flow. it is like turning on a tap
the mind has readiness too, some pent-up bits that have need of circulation which have been waiting to correspond with other bits; so you experience something or met somebody, and it is like you got stood on your head, the flow begins.
you can no more tell if it is toxic dump or serious life juices flowing madly in your mind streams, but it feels good and significant to come unlocked.
no blame in that.
you will need to slow down, and get some perspective on the event that triggered these activations, and on what they are before you make any commitments. keep options open, be able to go and come freely.
BTW I have no idea what happenned so my comments are FOS.
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_ 🧠 _
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Gomp
¡(Bound to·(O))be free!


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Re: My thoughts are too "great" for me [Re: justAkid]
#5955809 - 08/12/06 06:54 AM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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"The more you think about your thoughts, the more you got to 'think over'!" ... -Unknown :P
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eve69
--=..Did Adam and ...?=--


Registered: 04/30/03
Posts: 3,910
Loc: isle de la muerte
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Quote:
MarkostheGnostic said: matter how much fear and confusion was going on in my thoughts and feelings, still, Who was this One Who calmly watched the whole tormenting drama? Who or What was this Witness, this All-Seeing 'I' that sat in my Heart like the Center of a hurricane where nothing at all was happening, whilst all about the Center all Hell was breaking loose?
Mark, this sums up some of my first experiences of 'cosmic consciousness' which occurred not during my best trips on acid but during my worst trips. It is then that one affixes to the witness and realizes that the mind is not the ultimate reality of ones own being but rather, just a portion of it. I am surprised to hear someone else speak of this in the same words almost that I have formerly. Kudos, for what it's worth.
For myself, once I had that realization, I strove to then practice yoga and get more firmly centered in that being which does not change.
-------------------- ...or something
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1orange
people r strangewhen ur astranger

Registered: 07/23/06
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Re: My thoughts are too "great" for me [Re: eve69]
#5955851 - 08/12/06 07:46 AM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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i can feel for your situation but the entity that is pulling your springs is your higher self and the reason for your lower self is ?. about a year ago i unfolded myself on a very intense mushroom trip. i disolved one sunday morning and accended through various mind constructs each very different from the monkey mind but i don't think i became the truest.
and the reason for that i think that once you become the all you cant return and you might reject creation every asspect of the other.
thankfully for me as i was returning i walked down the stairs of my parents house and i walked into the living room and my family was all looking at me and smiling with this knowing look of acceptance and welcoming asif they knew all along and where waiting for me to become aware. they were watching a dvd with a slide show of family photos my grandparent wedding photos in black and white with this music playing over the top. it was one of the most intense feeling of love and higher emotions ive ever felt i almost broke down crying infront of them.
without them and moments like those i think i could become easily detached from this world and people. despite that gentle landing ive (ego) has had a difficult time putting the puzzel together going through a time of doubting wheather anyone was real if i was real what was happening in my life was just a joke.
its not pleaseant but its the process of waking up to yourself. you are not crazy you are one of the few that question reality and find more questions than answers
but the fear and despair that we feel is a construct of the human mind. its what you signed yourself up for the full range of emotions. and you wouldn't put yourself through this without knowing if you could survive it love and peace is your reward fear and anger and despire is just the course you run.
like shawshanks redemption you were once free and soon found yourself crawling chin deep throught 500yards of shit to feel the sand in your toes and sun on your face
with 2012 around the corned we can all return to the lighter side of life.
i hope this wasn't to much of a ramble but what you were saying sounds alot like what i felt i have been going through good luck on your journey and relax
http://www.crystalinks.com/emerald.html
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder


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Re: My thoughts are too "great" for me [Re: eve69]
#5956013 - 08/12/06 10:22 AM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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Eh, yup. Been rapping this cosmic rap for nigh unto 33 years now. Hey, once you Know...you 'Know.'
-------------------- γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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Cherk
Fashionable


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Re: My thoughts are too "great" for me [Re: justAkid]
#5956971 - 08/12/06 04:29 PM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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things will calm down again, one day you'll probably find yourself missing your current state, or at least looking back with great understanding and humility
spiritual progress is sometimes rapid and sometimes slow
the only way of knowing if something is true is to experience it or measure it against your doubts and realizations, this is the process of acquiring wisdom
it's ok to go crazy
--------------------
I have considered such matters. SIKE
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truekimbo2
Cya later, friends.


Registered: 12/08/02
Posts: 9,234
Loc: ny
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Re: My thoughts are too "great" for me [Re: Cherk]
#5957096 - 08/12/06 05:23 PM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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yeah i don't know if you were tripping, but i've had similar experiances while not tripping.
same as smoker for peace said, it'll go away with time. might as well use it to figure out what specific actions you want to make on earth.
edit: i don't know if its the same thing for you, but i experianced about a year of continously cycling through every thought i could think. or at least thats what it felt like. it became faster and faster, more and more automatic, now its only noticible if i take the time to look for it. i think i was just looking at myself too hard.
-------------------- You can check the last post in my journal for contact info.
Edited by truekimbo2 (08/12/06 05:25 PM)
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LightLifeLove
Living Wonderer

Registered: 08/13/06
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Re: My thoughts are too "great" for me [Re: truekimbo2]
#6000113 - 08/26/06 09:52 PM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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Here is your answer.
You are free to not see the simple.
To get lost in your head is to be lost.
Find Simplicity
Then life is Love.
You see, I know you see, that you are.
So let it be.
You dont need to know why, or how.
All you need to know is I AM
Say, "I am" and know that you make the rest of that sentence.
When it comes to knowing, you can know anything.
First you must be attuned to pateint calmness. Then you are ready for Exciting Limitlessness.
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