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Simisu
taken by gravity


Registered: 08/08/03
Posts: 5,435
Loc: Israeli in
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Fate?
#5904453 - 07/27/06 05:57 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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you guys know i spend ALOT of time at home, mainly on the shroomery... it's my choice of interaction with people that usually understand and respect what i have to say, where in different situations i usually don't feel as comfortable speaking about my life and the ideas that run rampant inside my cranium! i still go out sometimes but having no job and no real circle of friends means i don't really do much. save one friend, she's my oldest and best friend... I've known her since i was three! she's always been like a sister to me and we're much alike!
lately I've been going on these nightly walks just to move a little, i listen to music and sort of get lost in my city (there are VERY few streets i haven't walked through) i let my legs lead me to where ever. a while ago I've read this trip report by Kaniz, he took 3 strong hits of acid and walked around for hours... i could only imagine the things he saw and the places he'd been to (being in a MUCH bigger city then mine and getting to NEW places). ever since i read that, which is almost two months now (and was a few days after my previous trip at the Roger Waters show) I've been wanting to take a "trip"! simply to pack my bag eat some mushrooms and see where i get to...
I've been wanting to, but on the other hand in my first two trips i felt very lonely and communicative so i didn't want to trip on my own. but there is no one i can share this with unfortunately... so last night with the help of Bliss and Hella i finely said "fuck it" and went for it... i packed my bag with a bottle of water, my Iriver, a big OLD bed cover which we always used as a rug for outdoors (the beach, picnics and festivals) my new Frisbee and couple of passionfruits (i picked my self from a bush somewhere near my house) i measured 4.1 grams of my mushrooms and another 1.5 dose in case i wanted to up the dose and went out of the house.
it was nearly 12 when i started walking, munching on my mushrooms and decided to relieve some of the nastiness with one of the passionfruit (it worked wonders on the taste and provided some moisture in my mouth, which refused to produced saliva as if it has an agenda against these mushrooms ) for some reason the song "A punch up at a wedding" kept going through my mind which kinda annoyed me since it wasn't what I'd call a proper theme for a mushroom trip...
when i decided to trip i thought maybe I'd walk all the way to the beach or maybe I'd even take my Rollerblades but decided against that idea (having no idea how capable of dealing with cars and the weight of the roller blades on my back once i removed them) but i needed a sort of goal so i decided to reach this remote garden on the opposite side of my city, its an AMAZING garden with a big verity of trees bushes and cacti... it has this deserted house in the middle of it (i wish i could buy the place and live there!) it's surrounded by groves of Clementine trees and has a big lawn shaded by trees... i think I've been dreaming about the place for a while.. it's in my thoughts allot and i just knew i wanted to get there and drape my self with my old blanket, maybe sleep maybe listen to music maybe dance?
i took a little detour because i didn't want to get there before my peak, i walked around trying to relax and breath. when the come up started to really hit me i stopped for a drink of water and put on my headphones (i put on "black lung" this minimal dark trance ) and decided to start heading for this garden, pretty soon i was starting to realize that life was raging in me and that someday all this will end... i guess i had a sort of panic attack but it's nothing new regardless of the mushrooms so i tightened my backpack and started running until the feeling passed away leaving me simply ALIVE and breathing to the beat of the music.
the energy was building up to where i simply had to let loose... i found a quite places and did some kondelini yoga type relaxation (shaking the body to promote blood flow) and then proceeded to dance, stomping the ground... i felt so primal, so,... (this gremlin needs to have dilated pupils )
once i felt a little more relaxed and in the flow of things i kept on walking mainly getting lost in the music... i was probably thinking all sorts of things but i can't quite recall. i reached this dark ally and then reality hit me smack in the face... i was no longer walking from point A to point B i was simply WALKING and THERE I WAS!!! i thought "here i am, this looks like a dream scape, so REAL and it IS indeed real" and stood there for a while just taking in the space around me and interacting with it (a sort of meditative state you'd achieve in a Japanese rock garden) another thing that hit me was "fate" and while i refuse to believe it exists and there's a path we all follow it was HARD to shake off the feeling as if I've already BEEN here, done THIS, and thought these exact same thoughts.... a deja vu i guess but it's SO strong and lasting   
when i reached the end of the ally i was sweaty and touching my forehead felt so strange, the cold sweat was almost dripping off of me. i was definitely peaking and my body was asking me to sit down so i did... i sat on a bench and the body load was intense, i guess people get used to it but it's all new to me and this weird feeling emanating from inside my stomach was all encompassing... i pushed my belly aside and it felt like i had pushed the core of my being (when usually i attribute it to my head) that made me think about communicating with the mushrooms, as if they have something i need to see but the signal is too weak and I'm not familiar with the language... i closed my eyes and detached my self from the world.
now this is the first time i felt like i was "actually" hallucinating... i saw faint structures of light, a sort of spinning cylinders of fractal light (but FAINT... as if there wasn't enough light in the "room") it was interesting but i couldn't focus or let loose... this bench was too exposed, cars were passing by and demanding attention. i was a little apprehensive about reaching this garden now (i was pretty close but i felt glued to the bench and wasn't sure that i could handle it right now) but, once i stood up my feet simply took over in that direction having not accepted "going back"
a police car went by and "fate" hit me again... I've been here... I've done this before... i keep walking and i remember the small dose i took just in case and there's "fate" again only this time i question it the memory is right? i remember doing this walk with a gram of weed in my bag and heading for this garden a long time ago so maybe this isn't it? did a police car went by that time also? i don't know
now i reach this "bad" neighborhood i have to go through to reach this place... there's nothing to be scared of but I'm lonely, i long for some interaction with other thinking beings... there's a guy walking out of his car and going home I'm too far to make eye contact, i keep walking and i hear a female's voice and immediately change my direction towards the sound and there it is again, now i KNOW I've been here and i try to figure out who she is before i can actually make her out. I'm thinking "this is a girl arguing with her boyfriend" and i have an image in my mind of the situation and how she's gonna look when i come closer. only when i pass it's a different situation but still a familiar one as if it was always in my mind
i was getting near now and it felt like coming home after a long absence. visually things were different but it wasn't anything like the things i was expecting, still not morphing breathing or a distinct change in color perception  now to reach the garden there's this big patch of land that used to be a field of some sort but now its just full of these tall weeds (i wish i knew their name) it was dark but there was a little light from a couple of strong HIDs in the distance... i took my earphones out and soaked the space around me for a while. i couldn't make out where i was stepping nor did i care but i saw just enough and everything was magical, these weeds are alive! i felt like a proper human... in the "bush" the weeds were brushing against my legs and it was like ghosts passing near me...
i had finely reached my spot! i felt so relieved and happy... it was quite over here. away from fluorescent lights buzzing and power lines oscillating my mind. i hurried to take my sandals off, opened my backpack and got my heavy blanket out. i wrapped my self with this quilt and finely laid on the ground. i felt like going to sleep but pretty soon my mind was racing and again i longed for companionship... i thought about different people and my relationships with them and after much deliberation with my self i decided that despite the fact that i know it's not a good time to call anyone Shani might be up and "she'll understand" and whatever happens is going to be OK so i shouldn't hold back.
i took my cell phone out, it was 2:20 AM now... "Shani? hey... did i wake you?" her groggy voice answered "yeah, I'm sleeping now. bye." "Shani?..."  oh well, it's all good, there's not much she could have done for me right now anyhow...
i lay there in the dark half trying to sleep half trying to make out my surroundings in the dark. it was hard to focus on anything... i felt tired as if i was just woken after a short sleep, daizy and looking to lay my head and continue to sleep.
i don't remember what made me get up but i put my sandals back on and put my backpack on wrapped my self in the blanket and started pacing aimlessly around the garden... eyes closed half of the time my head leaning to the side as if i was still sleeping. i started talking to my self out loud, i talked to friends and family i talked to the world at large. i was cleaning out the mess in my thoughts! i felt like a philosopher from hundreds of years ago, pacing around a garden and contemplating the meaning of life and everything i talked poetry and politics... i talked to my mom and dad... i talked in Hebrew and i talked in English. i didn't leave anything behind, no emotional baggage about anything!
i felt invigorated and fresh again and decided to start heading back into the city. i have found what i came looking for and now there was no fear and no questions, only what was and IS.
on my way back i kept talking to my self, musing and pontificating about whatever... i passed some kids on my way out of that neighborhood which look at me as if i came from mars or something (i was dressed rather hippie like and my dreads were all over the place, they're natural dreads and quite frankly rather messy... i usually tie them but right then i didn't give a rats ass) the one looking most like a monkey asked me how's it going so i smiled and said "GREAT"! i took a couple of steps before i decided I'm gonna see what these people have to say about life and everything 
i asked them "can i meddle with your lives for a while?" they were quite surprised and found it hard to figure out what the fuck i was actually asking they started asking all sorts of questions and i gave them all sorts of answers they were not really expecting and yet could not disagree with... i told them i came back from the garden and of all things they asked me "and no one murdered you?" WTF? I'm a peaceful man, i never even think of anyone randomly taking my life... unless i have to get on a bus or be somewhere where terror might strike 
i asked the monkey man if he seen anyone killed, he said "yes i have" and when i started inquiring about it he quickly changed his story (clearly trying to show off as a bad ass or something...... i used to be intimidated be twats like him but there was none of that now... I'm much more respectful towards people in general and right then i felt like i wanted to help people enjoy life like i was enjoying my self, to except it and LIVE IT) we had a short conversation and when he felt uncomfortable with my contemplative pause he said his good bye and offered his services if i ever wanted to come for a toke  i thanked them and continued on my way...
now i was feeling even better... i decided i was gonna interact with anyone i meet on my way (and since it was about 3AM i figured most people i meet would be kids hanging out or coming back from a night out...) i was coming down but still felt altered and open. in the center of town i met these five 18YOs sitting around a hookah and joined them for a smoke... we got into this intense conversation about life and drugs and whatnot and then i remembered what was in my backpack! i pulled out the Frisbee and everyone was psyched  that was fun as hell... then this beautiful girl shows up and they ask me where i live so i point in my general direction and they ask me if I'd mind walking her home.. fuck no! i don't mind at all 
so i packed my stuff and gave one of them the shroomery card i had in my wallet... it just seemed like the right thing to do and one of the other kids gave me a "Jesus is coming, look busy!" button 
she was fucking CUTE but oh so young she tried to tell me something but for the life of me i had no idea what she was talking about... something about cows and city kids VS garbage and farm boys  her mom called to check where she was and i demanded to speak with her, i felt so goofy and amused my self... i told her her daughter will be home soon and there's nothing to worry about "i ain't no wacko" 
it was twilight now, the first inclination of morning and i decided it was time to listen to some Radiohead because "A punch up at a wedding" was still going through my head and that's the only cure... i put on my head phones and headed home. on my way i passed a couple of guys and girls on a bench so i nodded at them and one of them wanted to ask me something so i turn back and take my head phones off and of all the things in the world he asks me "tell me... how would you like to live your life?" 
we got into this long discussion about self sufficiency, money, parental care, god, life! the girls left after a few minuets and we continued to talk... after a while when we found our common ground and there was nothing more to say i pulled out the Frisbee again and we headed for a nearby park to play with it. we played for like an hour while the sun went up and loads of dog walkers went by, each with his own puzzled look...
it was time to go home... i was dirty and my pants were torn (from all the playing, the edge was wet and dragged on the ground... i looked really scruffy ) i said my good byes and told these guys i might see them Monday if the wanted to throw the Frisbee around. it was about 6:30 AM and now the streets were filled with old people and kids on their way to the army... the looks i got REALLY amused me, i saw this air force guy in the distance and motioned with my Frisbee towards him in the hops he'll want to catch it but he just lowered his gaze and when i went past him i noticed he was a little cross-eyed so i guess he's not into this kind of game 
i came home to find the house buzzing with music... my mom was sitting on youtube watching some video clips. i ate some food, checked out the shroomery for a while and finely went to sleep 
it took me a couple of days to write this report... and it's not even everything that's happened, it's certainly lacking in the thoughts department i sure wish i could remember what i talked about in that garden! but i hope it was at least somewhat entertaining? i found it really hard to talk about with Shani, i had no idea where to start or what to say... she felt bad about hanging up but i reassured her it was fine! i think she's finely ready to keep me company on my next trip (although she says she'd rather do it in day time... i like the quite of night and i can't imagine tripping at home so i dunno)
i still don't know what to make of "fate" or deja vus... i guess I'll never know  i certainly feel more fearless about life and specifically tripping  i feel there are good times a head  thanks for reading!
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   Shr mery    Visit & Support Free Spore Ring Earth Please help spread live Salvia Divinorum
Edited by Simisu (07/27/06 09:58 AM)
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snuffmcnasty
Stranger
Registered: 01/29/06 
Posts: 19
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Re: Fate? [Re: Simisu]
#5906870 - 07/27/06 08:56 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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fate = your life as you choose to live it 
edit: and a little more
Edited by snuffmcnasty (07/27/06 08:59 PM)
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Sik
Stranger
Registered: 07/12/06
Posts: 27
Last seen: 16 years, 6 months
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It sounds like you had an awesome adventure man. Come hang out with my circle of friends .
Also, I find it rather funny how many more friends you can make while on drugs, or by doing them, then by being sober... well at least in high school for me.
I hope my second trip will be awesome, I'm hoping it's spiritual and I could talk to my friends about life.
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microsporum
:(


Registered: 04/02/06
Posts: 176
Last seen: 10 years, 15 days
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Re: Fate? [Re: Sik]
#5912391 - 07/29/06 03:32 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Beautiful report! Sounds like a real intresting time.
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blissedout


Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 22,320
Loc: Yonder
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Re: Fate? [Re: Simisu]
#5914697 - 07/30/06 11:19 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Awesome report, Simisu! I told you everything would be alright!
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Cubenisseur
Mad Props


Registered: 12/04/05
Posts: 1,392
Loc: Indian Land
Last seen: 13 years, 10 months
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Nice report...Good reading!
This particularly made me laugh-
Quote:
and motioned with my Frisbee towards him in the hops he'll want to catch it but he just lowered his gaze and when i went past him i noticed he was a little cross-eyed so i guess he's not into this kind of game
LOL
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Simisu
taken by gravity


Registered: 08/08/03
Posts: 5,435
Loc: Israeli in
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thanks for the kind words everyone!
it's been a little over a week since this trip and it seems like years ago already! years away from that lively feeling and fearless existance...
i've finelly got some hash (after about nine months i haven't had any) and of course i smoked some last night.. i could see my self getting confused and stressed like i used to, i had a pretty depressing talk with shani last night... if it wasn't for this trip though i would have had a very bad time last night! but i didn't... i was able to remember some of those feelings of fearless existance and use it!
i'm happy about that but it's a little frustrating not being able to be so clear all the time...
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   Shr mery    Visit & Support Free Spore Ring Earth Please help spread live Salvia Divinorum
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YESSUP
In The Thick Of It


Registered: 06/26/05
Posts: 2,774
Loc: SE Tex
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Re: Fate? [Re: Simisu]
#5935290 - 08/05/06 07:29 PM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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Right on Sim....
Wish we could take a trip togather
-------------------- Gut Feeling leads to anxiety, Anxiety leads to fear, Fear leads to anger,And anger leads to regret.
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Gomp
¡(Bound to·(O))be free!


Registered: 09/11/04
Posts: 10,888
Loc: I re·side [primarily] in...
Last seen: 10 months, 23 days
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Re: Fate? [Re: Simisu]
#5942852 - 08/08/06 12:27 AM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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"Have faith in fate! ..make/let it happen." -Unknown :p
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Simisu
taken by gravity


Registered: 08/08/03
Posts: 5,435
Loc: Israeli in
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Re: Fate? [Re: Simisu]
#8737853 - 08/07/08 07:40 AM (15 years, 5 months ago) |
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Wow... two years since this trip... so good to have this reminder, this was a very nice read in retrospect  a very nice trip all in all!
i think it's worth a bump now that i've read it again.
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   Shr mery    Visit & Support Free Spore Ring Earth Please help spread live Salvia Divinorum
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