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OfflineLimelight
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i feel like im goin crazy :p
    #5903363 - 07/26/06 10:11 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

sometimes, on bad days, it feels like i have no way to focus my energies. therefore my thoughts, when im not occupied by a relevant thought, will drift towards analyzing myself blindly. this very act of analyzing myself at all free opportunities makes me feel like im becoming mad because the thoughts are there in the first place. like driving a car not being able to steer.
sure i could find an outlet of interest, but unfortunately nothing interests me. this may sound absurd, but im on college and there really is nothing which truly gets me excited besides art. i like to draw, but only for short periods of time, and i dont think this in a future career would bode well wtih me. currently im in film because thats the LEAST non-interesting thing to me.


so its like im stuck and im not sure waht to do :/ i cant simply 'turn off my brain.' it doesnt work like that. and no i dont smoke weed.


--------------------
"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."


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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: Limelight]
    #5903385 - 07/26/06 10:18 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Relax... :hug:  Make a hobby, a contest, out of "going with the flow."  Try something new everyday.  Take up a physical activity you can stick to.  Sounds like you're just in a rut!  It happens...

(P.S.: is being "mad" really so awful?  Just have acceptance for whatever crazy tendences you display.  Make peace with your brain.  Self-analyzation is healthy, but in moderation.  Don't be obsessed with yourself or take yourself so seriously.  Become an observer of your thoughts, rather then a participant. :smile: )

:heart:


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OfflineLimelight
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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: MOTH]
    #5903449 - 07/26/06 10:31 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

thats a great way to put it... how can i better become an observer rather than a participant?

JUST right now a part of me, my mind, is trying to explain to myself (lol) why this wouldnt wokr blah blah blah. its trying to analyze how this might not apply to me. its analyzing this very analysis to figure out where it stemmed from in the first place. it just keeps goin and never ends >>> it feels impossible to stop sometimes, because the very act of trying to stop makes it keep going, and when i relax to bypass the thought pattern altogether  ... this is the paradox... it comes back and i cant figure out why. for example tomorrow all day i will feel just fine, i wont really have it severely. but then at night, or on bad days, or whatever it will come in full force. like nights are usually worst.

even though i know youre right in your statement, its ^^ that sort of internal dialogue that drives me FUCKING NUTS.. and i cant stop it in any ways ive tried (ive tried a lot). it just makes everything i read and see hard to believe because i just analyze the fuck out of it.. then i just analyze why im doing it in the first place and i have YET to find an answer. that is the root of my madness.. is not knowing where it comes from in the first place

what can i do :frown:

ps. i really do like that comment. you phrase things quite well.


--------------------
"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."


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OfflineLimelight
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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: Limelight]
    #5903456 - 07/26/06 10:33 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

i really do think i need to focus more on something.

i cant wait till school starts and im occupied. but why should the mind do this in the first place..? it should be able to go a few months without much direction without going insane.. yes?


--------------------
"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."


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Offlinetoastandjam
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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: Limelight]
    #5903512 - 07/26/06 10:48 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

It sounds a lot like you're chasing your tail.  I used to have difficulties a lot like what you're describing, if I'm understanding correctly.  The answer and the conclusion is in you.  You say you continually look inwards at yourself and analyze and end up looping back on the process.  You're analyzing and finding nothing.  But the process continues.  You've got to put something more in there to analyze.  Or retool your analyzing process.  Probably both.

I have a list on my wall with checkboxes next to the following items:
Taken Pictures?
Painted Pictures?
Practiced for at least an hour?
Played for at least an hour?
Learned something new?
Met someone new?
Talked with someone?
Read?
Did you didgeredoo?

I do at least one a day to feel accomplished.  The checkboxes never get filled, because I'm never done.  For me, in the past tense, it got so bad that it was turning into paranoia, depression, and social anxiety.  Be aware of these feelings-- they're all intermingled, for me at least.  I had to face them head on and now they're a memory.  For what its worth, I also miss the side effects of that mindset somewhat, but I'm glad that I am where I am.

I have a little book I keep around as a surface, but there contents are just as useful.  Does this sound like what you're describing?

"If you let go, something will happen.
Fear is always anticipation of the unknown.
Most human energy flow problems relate to
the inability to relax. 
Fear of letting go.
If you let go, something will happen.
Fear of the unknown.
Rational mind :: wants to make a deal ::
first tell me what will happen,
and then I'll let go.
    Fuck you.
No one ever knows whats going to happen.
Ever.
The future--next moment--is unknowable--unknown.
Rational mind won't believe that.
He is afraid to."

Sorry for length, hope this helps  :grin:


--------------------
Q: We wanted to see if you had the ability to expand your mind and your horizons... and for one brief moment, you did.
PICARD: When I realized the paradox...
Q: Exactly. For that one fraction of a second, you were open to options you'd never considered. That's the exploration that awaits you...not mapping stars and studying nebulae... but charting the unknowable possibilities of existence.

To carry yourself forward and experience myriad things is delusion. That myriad things come forth and experience themselves is awakening. -Dogen Zenji


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OfflineBobDole
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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: toastandjam]
    #5903596 - 07/26/06 11:05 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

im not sure if i had the same thing as you, but i used to get something similar a while back, where it felt like i was constantly fighting with myself inside of my own head. It got to the point where I took myself in for a mental evaluation because I thought that I was crazy. I think it comes from bad nutrition, drug abuse, or its just a psycotic disorder. If I were you I'd start eating better, quit any hard drugs if your on any, and after like 3 months if you don't feel better, go get a mental evaluation. During the time I thought I was hella crazy I was dieting to the point where i only ate once a day and i was running about 5 miles every night trying to get in shape. eating correctly solved the problem, but for a while i thought i was truely insane, and i probably was. We probably didn't have the same problem, but good luck on feeling better, i hated constantly fighting with myself in my own head.


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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: Limelight]
    #5903757 - 07/26/06 11:37 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

You just have an overactive mind, which many people are plagued with.  Fortunately, it just takes a little vigilence and effort on your part to quiet it down.  I used to be like you...I sometimes still am.  But so much thinking and overanalyzing was making me unhappy, so I knew I had to shift gears. 

The trick...just "be." Stop judging everything.  Stop trying to make sense.  If you are rationalizing, you are not in direct experience of your life.  Have a "be moment," where you take a few moments throughout the day to settle yourself and "just be."  If your thoughts are raging, let them come...just observe them and don't judge them.  Relax and let the thoughts flow through you.  Don't get hung up on them...that creates friction and stress, which you are experiencing now.  The secret is to simply "let go."  Surrender and accept. 

Remember that doing is much more valuable then thinking.  I'm a writer, and I used to have a problem where I would obsessively think about my story.  But I did so much thinking that by the time I needed to write...I was already sick and exhausted of what I had planned to write about.  I was thinking too much!

Just relax your mind.  Take on a "it's not a big deal," mentality.  Because really, it's not.  I suggest practicing deep and steady breathing.  Everytime your mind gets overexcited, focus on the inhale and exhale of your breath.  Just relax your body and everytime you get distracted by a thought(s), gently redirect your attention to your breath, or to the subject of your immediate experience.  It may take some time before you notice a difference.  Be patient with yourself...you're retraining yourself how to "be"! 

I'm just sharing what has worked for me.  It just takes practice to get to a state of mental peace.  "Go with the flow!!"  If you are hung up on your thoughts, you're stuck there, and you're not flowing.  And if you don't flow, there will be stress!  Unnecessary stress. 

You're a thinker.  :smile: Nothing wrong with that.  But your potential as a human being will be maximized if you make a committed effort towards quieting your overactive mind. 

Good luck...hope I helped.  :heart:


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Invisibleredtailedhawk
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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: Limelight]
    #5904433 - 07/27/06 05:36 AM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Some good answers here. Also you might want to try and focus on the here-and-now (lookout around and outside yourself) and also try to move your attention to your body instead of your thought processes.

Checking out books on Enneagram and type Five personality will also help.


--------------------

"Who are you who live in all these many forms? You're death that captures all. You too are the source of all that's gonna be born. You're glory, mercy, peace, truth. You give calm a spirit, understanding, courage, the contented heart."


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OfflineLimelight
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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: toastandjam]
    #5904702 - 07/27/06 09:22 AM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

toastandjam said:
It sounds a lot like you're chasing your tail.  I used to have difficulties a lot like what you're describing, if I'm understanding correctly.  The answer and the conclusion is in you.  You say you continually look inwards at yourself and analyze and end up looping back on the process.  You're analyzing and finding nothing.  But the process continues.  You've got to put something more in there to analyze.  Or retool your analyzing process.  Probably both.

I have a list on my wall with checkboxes next to the following items:
Taken Pictures?
Painted Pictures?
Practiced for at least an hour?
Played for at least an hour?
Learned something new?
Met someone new?
Talked with someone?
Read?
Did you didgeredoo?

I do at least one a day to feel accomplished.  The checkboxes never get filled, because I'm never done.  For me, in the past tense, it got so bad that it was turning into paranoia, depression, and social anxiety.  Be aware of these feelings-- they're all intermingled, for me at least.  I had to face them head on and now they're a memory.  For what its worth, I also miss the side effects of that mindset somewhat, but I'm glad that I am where I am.

I have a little book I keep around as a surface, but there contents are just as useful.  Does this sound like what you're describing?

"If you let go, something will happen.
Fear is always anticipation of the unknown.
Most human energy flow problems relate to
the inability to relax. 
Fear of letting go.
If you let go, something will happen.
Fear of the unknown.
Rational mind :: wants to make a deal ::
first tell me what will happen,
and then I'll let go.
    Fuck you.
No one ever knows whats going to happen.
Ever.
The future--next moment--is unknowable--unknown.
Rational mind won't believe that.
He is afraid to."

Sorry for length, hope this helps  :grin:




that is a good post, thank you :smile:

i guess my problem is slightly deeper because ive feltl ike this maybe since college? i will clarify, because i thought about it after i went to bed and how to phrase it. your post quote at the bottom seems to be worried about the future. mine mind is mainly worried about itself, and WHY it thinks so analytically. if i knew why it thought like that, then i could follow that path into fixing it (is it because i dont think 'hard' enough, and i believe whatever comes to mind? if thats the case, ill take add medication. is it because of my childhood? well, if thats the case it doesnt matter because its the past. is it because of my sleeping? ill just sleep better). the thing is.. i havent found WHAT the fuck is causing it. and that is whats starting it in the first place. if i knew, it would all disappear. i can say the answer is within myself but i have been thinking about this for ages.. just look at my past posts on the shroomery, they all have commong themes. the only conclusion that i could make.. which seems to fulfill ALL of the requirements is that im going crazy. but i suppose theres one requirement it doesnt. if im going crazy, then why the hell am i successfull at school, i have many friends, i am disliked by very few people, etc? this restarts the loops and i just keep going at it. unfortunately my mind is also slightly gullible i guess (or is it? :wink: ). who knows. but IF this were true, and its not a false tangent made by my mind, then a lot of reasons i come up with probably aren't even true. i have trouble distinguishing "is this REALLY why you are self analytical?".

so yeah. either way, i did learn something from this post. last night after i went to sleep, i really liked that quote that said observe and dont participate. whenever i started participating i just said the word observe (i still really dig that way of putting it. you really broke whats happening down in my head in a very easy way to grasp :laugh: )
anyway.. it was almost excrutiating at a point of telling myself to observe. the part that wanted to participate was basically trashtalking (lol) the part that was saying observe.. trying to find ways that observing would be an exact part of the paradox and to not try it. but i forced through it and it sort of clicked, and it all the sudden went away. i then was like whoa! and i could think of normal thoughts for about 10 minutes before it came back. i did it again and fell to sleep easily.

i woke up feeling good, but i read this post and it re-amped my analytical mind.. but i feel its necessary for the post. when im done im going to eat a bowl of cereal and do some more observing :smile:

ps. as a sidenote.. this has always really really bothered me. you see  in that list of reasons i am self analytical above, i often find points and counterpoints, and thats what keeps the cycle going (which also coincidentally makes the cycle worse, BECAUSE i cant stop it).
anyway, my last conclusion that ive come to must be because im crazy. thats at the end of the thoughtloop. i mentioned before my reasons against why im crazy. i obviously am not affected by it where anyone else can notice.. no one is like 'why are you zoning out?'. it only comes into play when im alone really.. or riding in a car etc.

BUT, there is one thing which does point to 'you are fucking crazy' .. and thats smoking weed. whenever i smoke with zero tolerance, i get so insane in my thoughts that i hate it. i love the visual and euphoric aspect. but when im BLITZED.. i just literally think myself into oblivion. its like i have NO direction and i think upon so many layers that i just want escape. sure i could say dont smoke, i dont, but it doesnt change that its there. im in college and EVERYONE likes to smoke. smart people, dumb people, ANALYTICAL people, non analytical people. they all seem to enjoy it. the ones who dont enjoy it usually just say they felt weird and thats why they quit. how am i the ONLY one (maybe not only.. but definitely 1/100 of the people i hang around), who feels like smoking makes me a madman. maybe because im different and really AM going crazy.
and to further that, i love shrooms. many people freak out on 1/8th and they dont like it. to me 1/8th is so wonderful nothing could go wrong. ive never had a bad trip on acid or shrooms or anything. they almost feel more harmonic ot me than real life. how can some substance which makes you go crazy feel better to me than most.. and pot makes me feel like shit while others it feels great?
i can only see there that maybe im goinc razy  :blush:

anyway.. fuck analytical posts. thats my last one. if you have a reply ill try to keep it short.


--------------------
"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."


Edited by Limelight (07/27/06 09:27 AM)


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OfflineLimelight
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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: Limelight]
    #5904707 - 07/27/06 09:24 AM (17 years, 6 months ago)

oops, i had the names confused. that was EllemyshShade that said that :laugh:


--------------------
"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."


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OfflineLimelight
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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: Limelight]
    #5904724 - 07/27/06 09:31 AM (17 years, 6 months ago)

oh yes, ill now post my counterpoint to the weed thing. about a year ago, after the summer, i handnt smoked all summer (before that i recall liking it). but i had one experience where i took 6 bong rips after being sober all summer. i was basically annhilated for a good 6 or 7 hours. during this point i think i planted so many bad seeds within myself.. it could be where it all stememd from. i know after that day, for like a week, i felt like i had 1000's of things wrong with myself. a lot of those faded, but maybe thats the root of it which lead to this point. then again ive thought of that before.. im not sure if i should believe that it was the cause. i doubt those things were true, who knows.

thats one more REALLY frusterating thing. i cant tell if that REALLY is the reason or not. i think thats just caused by going in a loop though.. so i automatically anticipate it not working. i think once i break free of it ill be so happy.

k sorry, that was the last post :wink: im going to eat cereal now.


--------------------
"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."


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OfflineLimelight
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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: BobDole]
    #5904732 - 07/27/06 09:33 AM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

BobDole said:
im not sure if i had the same thing as you, but i used to get something similar a while back, where it felt like i was constantly fighting with myself inside of my own head. It got to the point where I took myself in for a mental evaluation because I thought that I was crazy. I think it comes from bad nutrition, drug abuse, or its just a psycotic disorder. If I were you I'd start eating better, quit any hard drugs if your on any, and after like 3 months if you don't feel better, go get a mental evaluation. During the time I thought I was hella crazy I was dieting to the point where i only ate once a day and i was running about 5 miles every night trying to get in shape. eating correctly solved the problem, but for a while i thought i was truely insane, and i probably was. We probably didn't have the same problem, but good luck on feeling better, i hated constantly fighting with myself in my own head.




interesting. i thought of this at one point thinking it might be the cause, but i think i dismissed it as i eat OK i guess.. not too bad. i eat lots of chicken and spaghetti.

or it could be allergies..

o yeah, i also thought of another thing which makes me crazy. just in this one idea ive already come up with 3 sub-ideas. it freaks me out that i might waste SO much time and money on it being allergies or diet.. when really thats not it. i DONT FUCKING KNOW.. man its making me mad :frown:


--------------------
"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."


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OfflineLimelight
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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: MOTH]
    #5904750 - 07/27/06 09:39 AM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

EllemyshShade said:
You just have an overactive mind, which many people are plagued with.  Fortunately, it just takes a little vigilence and effort on your part to quiet it down.  I used to be like you...I sometimes still am.  But so much thinking and overanalyzing was making me unhappy, so I knew I had to shift gears. 

The trick...just "be." Stop judging everything.  Stop trying to make sense.  If you are rationalizing, you are not in direct experience of your life.  Have a "be moment," where you take a few moments throughout the day to settle yourself and "just be."  If your thoughts are raging, let them come...just observe them and don't judge them.  Relax and let the thoughts flow through you.  Don't get hung up on them...that creates friction and stress, which you are experiencing now.  The secret is to simply "let go."  Surrender and accept. 

Remember that doing is much more valuable then thinking.  I'm a writer, and I used to have a problem where I would obsessively think about my story.  But I did so much thinking that by the time I needed to write...I was already sick and exhausted of what I had planned to write about.  I was thinking too much!

Just relax your mind.  Take on a "it's not a big deal," mentality.  Because really, it's not.  I suggest practicing deep and steady breathing.  Everytime your mind gets overexcited, focus on the inhale and exhale of your breath.  Just relax your body and everytime you get distracted by a thought(s), gently redirect your attention to your breath, or to the subject of your immediate experience.  It may take some time before you notice a difference.  Be patient with yourself...you're retraining yourself how to "be"! 

I'm just sharing what has worked for me.  It just takes practice to get to a state of mental peace.  "Go with the flow!!"  If you are hung up on your thoughts, you're stuck there, and you're not flowing.  And if you don't flow, there will be stress!  Unnecessary stress. 

You're a thinker.  :smile: Nothing wrong with that.  But your potential as a human being will be maximized if you make a committed effort towards quieting your overactive mind. 

Good luck...hope I helped.  :heart:




this is good too :smile:

this seems to be like the BEST reason at the current point. therefore after i say this, im going to leave this thread and do it for a few days (i still havent eaten cereal yet. sigh).

the only thing that worries me about this.. is what if its something else cuasing it. but thats just me going mad again. it wouldnt hurt to try.

so on that note. ill see about this.

and one more thing. when you personally let a thought to, you dont pass judgment. doesnt it just make that thought go away? because the second you think about something, it passes some sort of judgement. so basically, when you say let the thoughts come but dont analyze them, youre basically saying take on a meditateive like mindset?


--------------------
"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."


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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: Limelight]
    #5904828 - 07/27/06 10:11 AM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Limelight said:
Quote:

EllemyshShade said:
You just have an overactive mind, which many people are plagued with.  Fortunately, it just takes a little vigilence and effort on your part to quiet it down.  I used to be like you...I sometimes still am.  But so much thinking and overanalyzing was making me unhappy, so I knew I had to shift gears. 

The trick...just "be." Stop judging everything.  Stop trying to make sense.  If you are rationalizing, you are not in direct experience of your life.  Have a "be moment," where you take a few moments throughout the day to settle yourself and "just be."  If your thoughts are raging, let them come...just observe them and don't judge them.  Relax and let the thoughts flow through you.  Don't get hung up on them...that creates friction and stress, which you are experiencing now.  The secret is to simply "let go."  Surrender and accept. 

Remember that doing is much more valuable then thinking.  I'm a writer, and I used to have a problem where I would obsessively think about my story.  But I did so much thinking that by the time I needed to write...I was already sick and exhausted of what I had planned to write about.  I was thinking too much!

Just relax your mind.  Take on a "it's not a big deal," mentality.  Because really, it's not.  I suggest practicing deep and steady breathing.  Everytime your mind gets overexcited, focus on the inhale and exhale of your breath.  Just relax your body and everytime you get distracted by a thought(s), gently redirect your attention to your breath, or to the subject of your immediate experience.  It may take some time before you notice a difference.  Be patient with yourself...you're retraining yourself how to "be"! 

I'm just sharing what has worked for me.  It just takes practice to get to a state of mental peace.  "Go with the flow!!"  If you are hung up on your thoughts, you're stuck there, and you're not flowing.  And if you don't flow, there will be stress!  Unnecessary stress. 

You're a thinker.  :smile: Nothing wrong with that.  But your potential as a human being will be maximized if you make a committed effort towards quieting your overactive mind. 

Good luck...hope I helped.  :heart:




this is good too :smile:

this seems to be like the BEST reason at the current point. therefore after i say this, im going to leave this thread and do it for a few days (i still havent eaten cereal yet. sigh).

the only thing that worries me about this.. is what if its something else cuasing it. but thats just me going mad again. it wouldnt hurt to try.

so on that note. ill see about this.

and one more thing. when you personally let a thought to, you dont pass judgment. doesnt it just make that thought go away? because the second you think about something, it passes some sort of judgement. so basically, when you say let the thoughts come but dont analyze them, youre basically saying take on a meditateive like mindset?




If you've had a thought, it's there, it doesn't "go away."  You usually know you've had it.  The key is not reacting to it.  "Meditative-like" mindset is sorta what I mean, but many people (including me) are intimidated by the word 'meditation,' so it feels better for me to imagine this state of mind as simply, "going with the flow." 

I don't know if you've ever read, 'Be Here Now,' but it's one of the most powerful books I've ever come across, and has done a great deal for me when it comes to "letting go" and learning how to simply "be."  There's a lot of solid advice in that book, and plus it's entertaining to read, relates to both your "tripping life" and "sober life."  (one in the same)

Now here is what I've done for myself.  You see, I used to obsess over my state of mind like crazy.  I was constantly taking my "mental temperature" and was quite convinced that I was "going crazy."  I thought for sure I must be schizophrenic because of the way that I think.  I went to see lots of doctors and was put on a lot of medication when I was younger.  I have several diagnosis' to my name.  None of it helped, and I was at a loss. 

I kept obsessing: "Am I going crazy??!  What's wrong with me??"

I figured it out.  Nothing's wrong with me.  I'm me.  :smile: I'm not "going crazy," I'm fucking crazy, a goddamned lunatic.  And suddenly, once I said, "yep...I'm one crazy bitch," and accepted who I am, I stopped worrying about it.  Being crazy became a good thing for me, because "I'm me!" :smile: The thing is, I realized that I'm sitting in the driver's seat when it comes to my own mind.  Thoughts can and do create our reality.  I believe in the power of recreation...I've changed my thoughts to change my perception and experience of reality.  So far, the experience is going fantastic.  Life gets better and better (and easier) every day.  I can honestly say I'm happy with who I am.  And this is coming from someone who has spent the better part of her life multilating her body. 

I owe it all to "going with the flow."  I am an observer of my thoughts and an experiencer of existence.  Thoughts have tremendous power.  I'm sure you realize that, which is why you're finding yourself in this quandry. 

"What if something else is causing it..."  So what.  Look around you.  Everyone is fucking nuts.  We are all loony in our own way.  We are each individuals, and some of it may be chemical, but if I had listened to my doctors, I'd be on countless prescriptions right now instead of enjoying life the natural way.  Instead, I've committed to changing my thoughts to change my reality.  I've even given up pot to experience sobriety to its fullest. 

Speaking of...it's not unusual for the mind to launch into "hyperactive" mode while on cannabis.  I enjoy this aspect of pot.  The same rules apply..."go with the flow, and let go."  Observer time.  I've gotten so high before that all I could do was just focus on my breathing, letting the storm of thoughts come and go.  Sometimes if a thought catches me in a particular way, I'll write it down, to remember it for later.  Maybe journaling will help you also. 

Your thoughts are neither good or bad.  Don't attach meaning or judgement to them.  That's your ego.  Your thoughts just are.  Accept them for what they are...your thoughts.  YOURS.  No need to deeply analyze them.  Just experience them, and let them go where they please. 

So what if you're mad.  :smile:  So are the rest of us.  Most people worry that they're going crazy.  What they fail to realize is that they already are.  What's wrong with that?  It's normal.  Or maybe nobody's crazy at all and we're all just ourselves.  Both options are probably true. 

Just remember: it doesn't matter if you're crazy, as long as you're kind.  :heart:


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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: MOTH]
    #5904843 - 07/27/06 10:18 AM (17 years, 6 months ago)

haha! thats great. i laughed out loud at "im one crazy bitch." :laugh:

btw.. i did this on my way to work. even my non-detrimental thought patterns which analyzed what im doing, which werent bad, but were annoying vanished when i just kept saying observe in my head.

i think this is my ticket out of this hell hole :smile: in retrospect i wonder why i could never do that before. i mean this has been going on for 2 years+. maybe i just never learned how to go with the flow or something. thats such a simple answer that i know i have thought of before, but the other concerns overpowered them and i guess it got washed over.

and now im at work and i forgot to eat cereal.. damnit.


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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: Limelight]
    #5904860 - 07/27/06 10:23 AM (17 years, 6 months ago)

and thank you! im saving that reply on my copmuter so i can read it whenever i have doubt :laugh: :sun:

ive bought probably 20 books within the last few months, figuring each of those were the solution to my problems. i half read all of them and none helped, but i really am going to buy that book you mentioned.


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"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."


Edited by Limelight (07/27/06 10:25 AM)


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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: Limelight]
    #5904892 - 07/27/06 10:36 AM (17 years, 6 months ago)



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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: Limelight]
    #5905043 - 07/27/06 11:30 AM (17 years, 6 months ago)

That's it.  :wink: 

You can open it up to any page and get something out of it.


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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: MOTH]
    #5907561 - 07/28/06 12:28 AM (17 years, 6 months ago)

wow sound exactly how i feel. should probably get some antianxiety pills but i'd rather be screwed up that take that shit. get an aquarium gives u something to do and u can watch it and its so relaxing.


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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: boosthappyvw]
    #5907925 - 07/28/06 03:32 AM (17 years, 6 months ago)

anti depressants make the world go round altough sometimes all u need is some good ol meditation


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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: DeathCompany]
    #5908420 - 07/28/06 09:34 AM (17 years, 6 months ago)

i dunno. i feel PRETTY good.. but even when imnot analyzing things.. i dont feel completely satisfied. its not like im in a good mood all the time. im not sad.. it just feels like im missing something, i dont have that little spark which makes you interested in conversations or joking around (unless im with certain people).

i dont usually have days though where something goes right and it makes me really happy, where i wanna just talk to everyone. i wish i had more of those :frown:


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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: Limelight]
    #5908826 - 07/28/06 12:32 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Get that book man(Be Here Now). If you bought 20 books and none of them helped in the least, you are shopping in the wrong section. I reccomended it to you in another thread for a REASON. Not so you could brush it off. :grin:

You should be able to find it at any Barnes and Noble/Books-A-Million/Borders or any other big bookstore.


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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: mecreateme]
    #5913784 - 07/30/06 01:47 AM (17 years, 6 months ago)

you know... maybe im depressed? i never thought about it before.. but perhaps it could be it. any time ive thought of 'being depressed' in the past ive just been like 'oh whatever, im definitely not depressed because im never really SAD.. " but then i thought about it.. and im not just HAPPY either. only when something stimulates me.


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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: Limelight]
    #5913866 - 07/30/06 02:35 AM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Well...this is something I've learned for myself.  It took a long time to "get" if you will.  Again...this is for me. 

Life is not constantly happy.  It's just not.  Many people believe (as I did) that because I was not in a constant state of happiness that I was depressed.  So I started to think of myself as depressed.  And once you begin to define yourself like that, it's all downhill from there.  I actually got caught in a neverending loop of depression and instability. My thoughts really did create that one. 

I just recently broke free.  Let the LIGHT come in.  Now my candle is burning, burning...and growing brighter.  I am almost never happy.  But I am at peace, content and satisfied (as long as I am doing what I need to do to be like that).  I am a very emotional person and just about anything can send me over the edge into emotional turmoil.  I experience great sorrow, rage, frustration and YES, even depression on occasion.  But I no longer let my FEELINGS define my state of being.  I simply experience them to the max, like a psychedelic trip, loving the fact that I CAN experience feelings of such potency. Not everyone has that ability because everyone is different.  I just happen to be emotionally unstable.  :laugh:

You don't want to be sedated, either.  If you are sedated to the point where you don't FEEL...yikes, you are missing out on an important part of LIFE. 

And if you feel like you don't feel ENOUGH...don't worry about it.  Look, there's no ONE WAY to *BE*, we're all different here.  There's no measuring stick for how often someone should feel what feelings.  That's silly.  Just find peace in who YOU are.  The most important thing is simply to be, and however you choose to be, that's the way you're gonna be.  But remember: it's not a big deal.  You have the power over you here.  You can change anything about yourself you don't like. 

Don't look for things to worry about.  If you feel you are missing something in your life, you likely need a lifestyle change.  I see many people who simply are not fulfilled in their hearts and they wonder why. It's probably because they're not listening to what their heart is whispering.  Or their ego is clouding the message.  Either way, there's really no one way of living or feeling, or experiencing.  We're all just as blind as the next person, or just as visionary. 

If you truly feel like you are stuck in the rut of depression...it takes POSITIVE ENERGY to pull out of it.  Energy, energy, energy, positive energy.  Spread it whereever you go, and it's sure to come back to you 

Good luck, Limelight, just a few of my thoughts.  :heart:


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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: mecreateme]
    #5914648 - 07/30/06 10:55 AM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

mecreateme said:
Get that book man(Be Here Now). If you bought 20 books and none of them helped in the least, you are shopping in the wrong section. I reccomended it to you in another thread for a REASON. Not so you could brush it off. :grin:

You should be able to find it at any Barnes and Noble/Books-A-Million/Borders or any other big bookstore.




i bought it the day i made this thread heh.
i read a little bit of the intro and it made sense. im right in the middle of 2 other books now so im trying to decide if i should start the third.


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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: MOTH]
    #5914668 - 07/30/06 11:05 AM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

EllemyshShade said:
Well...this is something I've learned for myself.  It took a long time to "get" if you will.  Again...this is for me. 

Life is not constantly happy.  It's just not.  Many people believe (as I did) that because I was not in a constant state of happiness that I was depressed.  So I started to think of myself as depressed.  And once you begin to define yourself like that, it's all downhill from there.  I actually got caught in a neverending loop of depression and instability. My thoughts really did create that one. 

I just recently broke free.  Let the LIGHT come in.  Now my candle is burning, burning...and growing brighter.  I am almost never happy.  But I am at peace, content and satisfied (as long as I am doing what I need to do to be like that).  I am a very emotional person and just about anything can send me over the edge into emotional turmoil.  I experience great sorrow, rage, frustration and YES, even depression on occasion.  But I no longer let my FEELINGS define my state of being.  I simply experience them to the max, like a psychedelic trip, loving the fact that I CAN experience feelings of such potency. Not everyone has that ability because everyone is different.  I just happen to be emotionally unstable.  :laugh:

You don't want to be sedated, either.  If you are sedated to the point where you don't FEEL...yikes, you are missing out on an important part of LIFE. 

And if you feel like you don't feel ENOUGH...don't worry about it.  Look, there's no ONE WAY to *BE*, we're all different here.  There's no measuring stick for how often someone should feel what feelings.  That's silly.  Just find peace in who YOU are.  The most important thing is simply to be, and however you choose to be, that's the way you're gonna be.  But remember: it's not a big deal.  You have the power over you here.  You can change anything about yourself you don't like. 

Don't look for things to worry about.  If you feel you are missing something in your life, you likely need a lifestyle change.  I see many people who simply are not fulfilled in their hearts and they wonder why. It's probably because they're not listening to what their heart is whispering.  Or their ego is clouding the message.  Either way, there's really no one way of living or feeling, or experiencing.  We're all just as blind as the next person, or just as visionary. 

If you truly feel like you are stuck in the rut of depression...it takes POSITIVE ENERGY to pull out of it.  Energy, energy, energy, positive energy.  Spread it whereever you go, and it's sure to come back to you 

Good luck, Limelight, just a few of my thoughts.  :heart:




that is great wisom, as always :smile: sometimes i wonder how you guys know so much. how old are you?

what would you recommend that i do on a realistic level so that my ego doesnt cloud the whispers (thats such a good way of putting it). in fact.. just this morning i went to take a piss (i always seem to have epiphanies while taking a piss), and i realized that in the past, a little voice told me to get to know this guy. hes a very scary looking guy (hes my roommate).. hes really anti-social, and from the ghetto. in my mind i think it whispered to do what i fear to better myself. not to be his good friend, but to just better my interaction with a bigger variety. i glossed over this voice almost like it didn't exist. i only realized it later that it created a tension.
the same thing with doing my laundry. i guess i do this a lot.. although i hardly EVER hear that whisper :frown:
but yeah, any ideas how how to fix this? will the Be Here Now book help? or is there anything else I can do.

i can see that i need positive energy, unfortunately theres not much here.

today isnt such a good day i feel like. i woke up and had a dream. i just bought a dream journal so i was excited to finally write my first dream. as i wrote it out.. i saw a lot of disturbing themes. i dunno if i should look into them or not, but its really odd. in my dream i was basically somewhat belligerent on a very subtle scale.
-someone waved me over and i said hi but then walked by w/o talking
-my clothes were really stained.. showing carelessness or something (or not doing my laundry. lol)
-when i went to the bathroom i pushed the door really hard and it bent.. (showing no patience?)

there were some more small things like that.

i have one more question. this was stated in my other post.. however it wasn't as clear. you said something to help me clarify it.
how do i know when its my real whisper talking, and when it's my ego warping it? this is the other very problem that drives me nuts.. because i cant believe anything i hear in my head which suggests things. there are way too many 'suggestions' and i dont know which i should follow.


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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: Limelight]
    #5914707 - 07/30/06 11:26 AM (17 years, 6 months ago)

im bored and i ran out of laundry detergent, so i drew this diagram in paint. lol...

keep in mind this is only when i think about it. or when i try to assess why i feel down.

for example right now i feel 'down.' i feel like someone took all the vertebrae in my spine and tightened them all 1 mm. its like i have a weight on me thats very subtle. its almost not like a physical weight.. but like a weight on my emotions, if that makes sense.

i think 'what is causing this?' and i think of 100 different things it could be.
my dream, the fact that im hungry, the fact that i made an ass out of myself the other day drinking, the fact that surgery is soon.

theres SOOOOO many things.. it cant be all of them. it COULD just as easily be one i havent thought of. until i realize what it is.. this feeling doesnt ever go away.

if i try to be here now, and dont think, the weight is still there, although, maybe im not doing it long enough. who knows.
ill just go for it and read this book, even though im in the middle of 2 other books. ill just read it because i have a feeling it will answer a lot of my questions, or else you wouldnt be recommending it so highly :smile:

just another thing i noticed. someone called my name as i was writing this. we talked about techno for like 20 seconds. during that time i was distracted, and i didnt feel 'down' because other things were on my mind. so.. i guess this is how it doesnt affect me in day to day life really, only when im walking by myself, hanging out with people when i dont say much, or right before bed. its cause during those times i dont have something to take my mind off of it. thats cool, i never realized that.



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"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."


Edited by Limelight (07/30/06 11:27 AM)


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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: Limelight]
    #5914844 - 07/30/06 12:29 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

btw, i dont mean to dismiss all your advice. im not :sun:

im just continuing to write things as i realize them for the first time.

its actually weird looking at that diagram. i knew what an ego was before, but now i think i actually KNOW. i think i do.. that picture i drew sorta put things in perspective.

the only thing that it tells me NOW is that - say i am living in the now. im bypassing my ego. therefore it cant get clouded in the first place. say i still have this emotional weight... then that means it can only be that my soul is damaged somehow, or its clouded by something deeper than my ego, or maybe at least the lowest depths of perception before it gets to my soul. i dont want to think its damaged because ive had certain days where i feel GREAT, so obviously im capable of doing that without drugs or any other stimulation.


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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: Limelight]
    #5915001 - 07/30/06 01:31 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Dude you should learn to play an instrument


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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: Dr_Mcgillicuddy]
    #5915127 - 07/30/06 02:25 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Dr_Mcgillicuddy said:
Dude you should learn to play an instrument




i have a SICK guitar, but i could never really get into it :frown:
for the same reason. ill have just ONE day where i wanna play for like 5 hours, but then all the rest of the time i just think about playing it and im like blah.
i played for 3 years and got to a point where it was the plateu. i would play and play and didnt get any better. i sorta fluttered out after that. i am no doubt gonna learn some day, because i have such a nice guitar.


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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: Limelight]
    #5915129 - 07/30/06 02:25 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

i do like to do art though :smile:

http://umich.edu/~travissk


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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: Limelight]
    #5916324 - 07/30/06 08:23 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

miss shade - read this after your PM.

just in the last 5 min, i read a PM from someone on a different forum who saw one of my posts about this very same topic (although not nearly as indepth).
he pm'ed me and at first i thought 'wow... this guy is JUST like me.' finally i have someone to give me _specific_ answers/guidance to my situation. i finally have someone who is that 1/1000 that is just as much as an oddball as me.
but he replied back and his reply was slightly off. just ever so slightly. even though we may be so close.. it feels still 10000000 miles away because his problem is not exactly as mine. therefore im back at square one. i was so close, yet so far. i once again have to figure out the problem on my own, and i feel like im not capable :frown: i can never really take faith in any advice someone gives me, because i always find ways which it doesnt apply to me.
so even in this situation, where the same advice may have helped.. i feel like its so distant because its not exactly like ME. and yet ir ealize its so STUPID to expect anyone to be just like me. its basically ALL UP TO ME. but then i think... "if its just up to me, what happens if the ME cant figure my problem out?"
im basically screwed, NO MATTER what advice people give me :frown:

and once again, it ALL goes back to "ok.. given that, who cares? this barely affects you in real life. how can you make such a big deal out of this?"

oh.. because its FUCKING THERE.. im not hiding from it.

its like a demon in my head fucking with me lol. sigh.

k well after that rant im going to watch a movie with my buddie, where i will be content and completely forget about this conversation. oh the irony.


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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: Limelight]
    #5916342 - 07/30/06 08:30 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

i should clarify. there are 2 states of mind.

in the loop.

out of the loop.

in the loop is during at nighttime, like now, when im posting on this board. my mind just goes wild.. this never applies to standard sober life, but i figure if its there in the first place i should recognize it, and not dismiss it. this is why it hink it is both important and not important at the same time.

out of the loop is during day to day life when im occupied. i NEVER think in these sort of loops. ic an get along iwth people 100% fine. but during this time i have an emotional haze that seems to be a weight, as i described before.

in the loop is as you see.. its huge rambling posts.

if youre wondering how this SAME problem applies to me outside of when im posting on this forum, its that when im OUT of the loop.. in that stupid cloud.. im always wondering how i can imporve me mood. so compare that to the question as when im IN the loop (why am i in this loop in the first place?). its almost like theres 2 versions of it. its like day to day, i feel like something is 'missing' but i can never figure out what it is... and so far nothing has helped. its almost like a more relaxed version of IN the loop.

so for advice -
i cant take advice from myself because i never believe anything i think.
i cant take advice from other people because i always find rationalizations why it wouldn't work for me. you can say 'why not try it' but my brain doesnt take that. it rejects it and thinks it could be something else.

FUCKlkajel;gkajew;lgkaje;lgkjawe;lgkjae;lgkj

this is all so stupid. if you saw me in real life youd NEVER think that i could EVER come up wtih such nonsense. just reading over that pisses me off because its all so trivial. fuclakeja;lekfj;aelkj

k im seriously leaving now


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"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."


Edited by Limelight (07/30/06 08:33 PM)


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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: Limelight]
    #5916343 - 07/30/06 08:31 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

it is kind of funny, to the people reading this. they prolly like "dude you are ALREADY fucking crazy"

hahaha :lol:


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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: Limelight]
    #5916369 - 07/30/06 08:40 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

one thing it boils down to is this. this is what freaks me out the most.

on this board it seems like im a complete nutcase. i feel like im crazy all the time. this is simple observation.

in real life, you can see that im completely normal. this is also simple observation. i am capable of doing tasks that i set my mind to, doing laundry when i feel i should, etc. just daily life. making friends etc. i dont EVER feel like im 'crazy'. i dont think its repression either. i honestly DONT think about it.. it just doesnt usually ever come up at all in my thoughts. if it does, its so distant.

basically, both are true, but HOW CAN THAT BE? anyone that is truly crazy like this cant be capable of doing things. i have NEVER met anyone who would EVERRRRRRRRRR make such ridiculous posts as this. yet in this material life i am no different from all my friends. it is very simply seen that i am just like other people. i am hardly anti-social. i LOVE to go out and do things.

and on the other hand if i AM thinking these crazy things, maybe im fooling myself.

its this duality which causes most frusteration. it ping-pongs back and forth and i think this is why my posts are so long. its like one part of me feels insane, and the other part of me sees that im really no insane and its fighting back holding shit together, because it SEES that in every day life, there really is NO FUCKING PROBLEM (aside from a slight emotional thing which can easily be fixed probably).

and yes, i could delete this post right now. but ill post it anway. im just posting a stream-of-consciousness.. and i just realized that. never thought of that before either.

*deep breath*


--------------------
"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."


Edited by Limelight (07/30/06 08:49 PM)


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OfflineLimelight
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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: Limelight]
    #5916376 - 07/30/06 08:42 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

duality can suck my balls.


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"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."


Edited by Limelight (07/30/06 08:44 PM)


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Offlineevolprim
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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: Limelight]
    #5918362 - 07/31/06 11:59 AM (17 years, 5 months ago)

if you think your crazy.. your probably not crazy


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OfflineGatesOfDawn06
its been a longstrange trip..
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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: evolprim]
    #5918408 - 07/31/06 12:17 PM (17 years, 5 months ago)

Crazy people dont know there crazy, so if you are in touch with your crazyness your probably not as crazy as you think.

just a tip: you should never trip, if you or a family member has any signs of scitzofrenia, you can open doors in your head never ment to be opened and seise to exist in your own thoughts, take Mr.Syd Barrett as an example


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OfflineLimelight
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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: GatesOfDawn06]
    #5918432 - 07/31/06 12:27 PM (17 years, 5 months ago)

well no one in my family ever had schizophrenia.

tripping actually clears my head out for a few days.


eshade- do you think ego loss would be wise at this point? maybe i should say fuck my stupid ego, it can dissolve by the almighty power of the shrooms. lol


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"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."


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OfflineClammyJoe
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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: Limelight]
    #5918474 - 07/31/06 12:47 PM (17 years, 5 months ago)

Its just you trying to find yourself, I'm pretty sure I went through this in high school


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OfflineLimelight
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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: ClammyJoe]
    #5918482 - 07/31/06 12:50 PM (17 years, 5 months ago)

im a late bloomer i guess :frown:


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"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."


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OfflineClammyJoe
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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: Limelight]
    #5918496 - 07/31/06 12:57 PM (17 years, 5 months ago)

Its ok, its a very interesting point in a person's life. It just goes away one day, and you wake up as you, and from then on, you define who you are.


Edited by TheMadConductor (07/31/06 12:58 PM)


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OfflineLimelight
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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: ClammyJoe]
    #5918535 - 07/31/06 01:11 PM (17 years, 5 months ago)

how long does this take? i feel like ive been going through it for a very long time.... what if i never find myself?


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"The worst mistake that you can make is to think you're alive when really you're asleep in life's waiting room."


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Offlineuprising
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Registered: 07/26/06
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Re: i feel like im goin crazy :p [Re: Limelight]
    #5918661 - 07/31/06 02:07 PM (17 years, 5 months ago)

dont focus on your thoughts, if they come naturally, let them go, and if they leave anturally dont worry, just smoke more weed...


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two for the show


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