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ShroomOmatic
Ethno Apprentice

Registered: 10/14/04
Posts: 2,373
Loc: Sailing the Seas of Chees...
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Suicide? *2nd post*
#5902479 - 07/26/06 05:33 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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I'm sorry I accidently posted this in the wrong section before and have just now moved it.
For just about as long as I can remember I have been depressed. I have thought about suicide so much these last couple of years. I'm not trying to act "emo" or anything, because I'm not looking for sympathy. I have tried going on medication for the depression, just about all the medications made me even more depressed. I'm really not sure what to do at this point. I have tried therapy with no success. There have been a few things in my life that are impossible to forget, but also hurt me very deeply. A year ago I was looking into killing myself and I attempted it. I made a noose in my garage over a wooden beam on the ceiling, prepared the noose and hung myself. One of my buddies (who I didnt know was close by and was on his way over) cut me down and called 911. I woke up in the hospital. Like I had been saying though this depression is just getting worse and worse, today I took out my Grandpas 1911 (that was given to me) and I was debating using it or not. I'm just looking for some opinions on what I should do, or what has helped some of you deal with this depression?
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leery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
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moved my reply from the other thread to here
its not that real. you just have to dig in and tear all the shit out of you, even if you almost metaphorically bleed to death in the process.
what are your views on life? how does your desire to kill yourself relate to views on: religoin relatoinships family afterlife pain future goals problems
?
What do you hope to gain? What do you hope to lose? Do you think you will be better off if you do it? Have you done psychedelics? Have you meditated?
i can tell you that you're basically turning in your cards for another hand. if you hate the game of cards this isn't going to bring you much solace. and frankly though you will get another chance i don't think you will be better off where you go next.
(and i assume you will get a better chance, I don't know. Maybe Christianity is the right way and there isn't rebirth. who knows.)
I could also recommend listening to Tool's Lateralus and a perfect circle's 13th step if you haven't.
really all you want is complete and total freedom, unity, and bliss. reality however has systematically denied most of us that since birth.
you're willing to throw your life away. this can be a good thing if you guide it in the proper direction. it kind of means you've realized things, but it means you have the wrong perception. You could just as well: go far far away and experience the life of homelessness. Join a monastery and practice mastery over your mind. Spend a lifetime doing nothing but studying martial arts, taking up a craft [pottery, fishing/hunting, sewing, dancing....... ] or a sport.
give away everything you have, figure out how to get some cash [legally] and travel the country. go study abroad. be payed to teach english in foreign countries.... throw yourself away from society and go with the flow, and learn to swim... and see how you can get by on just your wits and a sense of adventure.
you want escape? Look to the people with bald heads. They do that pretty well. Sit down and breathe...... for such a long time..... and when you need to move your body, do it, and still breathe. then sit down and breathe more.
your breath will uproot any shit that is lodged in your mind if you give it enough time. spend an entire day in meditation even if you don't know how. spend 4 hours in it. hell spend 1 hour in it.
go find a stranger and tell them they are a great person, that they matter in this world, and ask if there is anything you can help them with.
if you are an escapee, escape is through meditation, through a spiritual life. it is rewarding, and i think it's the only way to really get OUT.
if you jsut aren't satisfied with life, that's good, because you can find what DOES satisfy you.
don't let anyone be an authority but yourself man. do what you feel. but you can't hurt yourself.
-------------------- I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo! ....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human...... Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!
Edited by leery11 (07/26/06 05:56 PM)
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rod
Ψ


Registered: 06/29/05
Posts: 3,727
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sorry you feel this way. But what your feeling is today, things will get better. Everyone goes thru bad times. I,ve had crap happen to me in the past, and I tried to kill myself also, but every day, I wake up, and take in a breath, or see the beautiful things that this world has to offer, I thank God that it did go wrong. Good luck man, I will pray for you.
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The_Hobbit
Bilbo Baggins


Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 1,382
Loc: The Shire
Last seen: 16 years, 10 months
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Re: Suicide? *2nd post* [Re: rod]
#5903361 - 07/26/06 10:11 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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There is a right way and there is a wrong way.
Sometimes you don't know what to classify your way as. Just try. If you try, you will get there. Do your best and you will see what it means to be right.
It doesn't help to focus on the problem. It helps to understand the problem and focus on the solution.
-------------------- Smoking my hobbit leaf... Please keep in mind that I am just a human being. Please read my posts carefully and interpret their meaning for yourself.
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MOTH
Wild Woman


Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
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Take it easy on yourself...you deserve it.
Sending love your way.
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Fractalated
There's no onehome up there...

Registered: 07/22/06
Posts: 640
Last seen: 17 years, 4 months
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"Try not to be your own enemy." - Wisdom from a beer cap
I have heard people say that if just they were something else, such as a pine tree, they wouldn't suffer. It's very naive to think that pine trees don't suffer.
It is the first noble truth that life basically is just suffering. There is joy, certainly, but it is fleeting.
You can try to run away from it, you can try to end your subjective experiencing of life, but ultimately, you will never get anywhere. The way to transcend suffering is to first embrace your suffering. Don't pretend it doesn't exist, don't try to run away from it, but embrace it, and recognize it for what it is. Love it as though it is a misguided child.
The second noble truth is that there is an end to suffering. It is possible to transcend suffering. It has been done by many men, and it is possible for anyone to do it.
The third noble truth is that the way out of suffering is the Eightfold Path.
And the fourth noble truth is that the Eightfold path consists of Right View, Right Thinking, Right Speech, Right Mindfulness, Right Concentration, Right Action, Right Diligence, and Right Livelihood.
(the word "Right" in this context is synonymous with wholesome or healthy).
If you don't live by the eightfold path, then there will be suffering.
There IS an end to suffering, but you must take action in order to achieve it, and ending your life will not bring you any closer to achieving it.
-------------------- "Now that the principalities and the powers stockpile weapons of mass destruction, contaminate the earth with their feverish industry, release floods of images to trigger insatiable desires, treat animals and humans as commodities and functions of a market, the devil must be grinning from ear to ear."
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redtailedhawk
Explorer of the Mystery


Registered: 11/24/04
Posts: 559
Loc: The Old Continent
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I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. I understand how difficult it must be for you're to contemplate suicide. From my own struggle with deep despair and suicidal thoughts I would like to reassure you that no matter how hopeless things get (and they get utmost hopeless as you know) there is a way out - and it's not through suicide.
Your suicidal feelings and thoughts are there for a reason and the reason is that your Soul is screaming - as you've said - to recognize your unmourned losses, pains, hurts and find new meaning in your life.
It is a hard and dark road to travel, yet I believe you can do it. I suggest you get your hand to the book 'Healing Through the Dark Emotions' by Miriam Greenspan and read the chapter on despair. You will learn and many people have faced the same unbearable feelings as you do and that they have found meaning and health through facing their darkness.
I understand that you cannot live with this despair anymore, yet the thing is you don't have too. Reach out to compassionate friends, family members and therapist that will support you and help you on this journey. You are worth it and it can be done. It feels like it can't, but it can!
Take good care of yourself my friend! There is meaning and hope waiting for you. Don't give up.
Love and peace!
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"Who are you who live in all these many forms? You're death that captures all. You too are the source of all that's gonna be born. You're glory, mercy, peace, truth. You give calm a spirit, understanding, courage, the contented heart."
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e3k
Stranger

Registered: 02/20/04
Posts: 72
Last seen: 14 years, 8 days
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yoga. - 5 tibetans every morning, after a month i felt significantly better..
Edited by e3k (08/04/06 12:01 AM)
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trunksan
PsyChicken


Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 291
Loc: UK, Hellas
Last seen: 10 months, 4 days
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Re: Suicide? *2nd post* [Re: e3k]
#5930870 - 08/04/06 09:25 AM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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Some things that helped me feel better about myslef and my life in general in the past:
Decorate your personal space (put lively colours, things you enjoy, pics of naked women.... anything that makes you happy). Try doing a google on the internet about the position that your bed should be.
Take care of yourself: Exercise,Sleep well but not too much, get some nice clothes, take care of your hygiene, eat well, meditate if you can
Do things you enjoy doing alone or with other people.
BE NICE TO OTHER PEOPLE
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Mike_yy


Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 7,253
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That sounds tough, ive had some really hard times and i know how it feels when you feel you've had enough. It gets that way that all you want is peace. counseling didn't help me much but i never really gave it a chance. i believe the only way it does work is if you put yourself in their hands on a daily basis and literally let them tear you apart, they need to know EVERYTHING about you and your thoughts before they can work effectively.
IMO i think it would be a good thing for anyone to go through that whole process of dragging out all the old demons. Even if their problems don't seem so extreme to them, resolving old issues has to be a benefit to anyone.
So i would recommend that type of extreme counseling.
I think i helped myself by thinking as straight and clear as i could, stepping back from my situation and advising myself using common sense. I haven't resolved all my old issues ( some still seem very fresh ), but my way of coping with them has improved. Whenever things get too much for me i come here and discuss, i find that helps me massively. So make as many posts as you need too !, we are all here to help each other.
I believe now that even the pain we feel is worth living for, it's part of what makes us human. I know it's the worst feeling but at least your still alive, and that feeling will fade and you will enjoy things once again ! Suicide means you will miss out on so much, we don't live for very long as it is.
Life is a gift given to you, even when it sucks you can still smell, taste and see. There's beauty everywhere if you look for it, that in itself is a reason for living. I remember someone saying recently something like " life is short, then your dead for a long time " So make the most of the life you have, even when it's at it's worst it's still worth living !
My first advice is to go for the intense counseling if you can, but if you can't you can DEFINITELY help yourself. Try taking a step back from your problems and advise yourself from a clear thinking, straight to the point 'point of view'. You will get better at it in time. Just remember any advice that sends you into despair is bad advice and probably your depression talking.
In that situation i'd reassure myself and try to calm down, cos you never think straight when depression is hitting your hard like that ( which is why acting on any thoughts you have at that time is a really bad idea ).
Try and change the way you think about things when you are thinking straight, and do it in a way that isn't going to damage yourself. Think clear and give yourself impartial advice.
Besides that keep reminding yourself of all the things out there that are worth appreciating. We get so used to things we take them for granted. 
I wish you all the best !, if you ever need to talk about ANYTHING come back here. You seem like a nice person, we need people like you with us.
Take care now,,
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RandalFlagg
Stranger
Registered: 06/15/02
Posts: 15,608
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I can't make my depression go away. It's always with me. I need to learn to live with it I guess.
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cerpinjc7
LegalizationAdvocate


Registered: 04/18/06
Posts: 56
Loc: SomewhereBetweenReality&F...
Last seen: 15 years, 4 months
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Re: Suicide? *2nd post* [Re: RandalFlagg]
#5931593 - 08/04/06 02:12 PM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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don't take the ouick way out, in time you'll look back on your attempt and found it kind of foolish. thats how i felt now looking a couple years back on my half hatred attempt. if you think about, you'll realize that you have put all that effort in self preservation to waste, you'll show weakness to your enemies and they will not remember you. just learn to love yourself, i sometimes feel like I'm a buffoon but i love myself regardless learning to laugh at my own faults and find ways to improve myself. i don't know, everyones different but STAY AWAY FROM GUNS because, well you know... well peace out and much love brother!
-------------------- "I have only provided the keys, it is up to you to awaken your third eye and unlock the portal of your mind..." - MARILIZE LEGALJUANA
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