its not that real. you just have to dig in and tear all the shit out of you, even if you almost metaphorically bleed to death in the process.
what are your views on life? how does your desire to kill yourself relate to views on: religoin relatoinships family afterlife pain future goals problems
?
What do you hope to gain? What do you hope to lose? Do you think you will be better off if you do it? Have you done psychedelics? Have you meditated?
i can tell you that you're basically turning in your cards for another hand. if you hate the game of cards this isn't going to bring you much solace. and frankly though you will get another chance i don't think you will be better off where you go next.
(and i assume you will get a better chance, I don't know. Maybe Christianity is the right way and there isn't rebirth. who knows.)
I could also recommend listening to Tool's Lateralus and a perfect circle's 13th step if you haven't.
really all you want is complete and total freedom, unity, and bliss. reality however has systematically denied most of us that since birth.
you're willing to throw your life away. this can be a good thing if you guide it in the proper direction. it kind of means you've realized things, but it means you have the wrong perception. You could just as well: go far far away and experience the life of homelessness. Join a monastery and practice mastery over your mind. Spend a lifetime doing nothing but studying martial arts, taking up a craft [pottery, fishing/hunting, sewing, dancing....... ] or a sport.
give away everything you have, figure out how to get some cash [legally] and travel the country. go study abroad. be payed to teach english in foreign countries.... throw yourself away from society and go with the flow, and learn to swim... and see how you can get by on just your wits and a sense of adventure.
you want escape? Look to the people with bald heads. They do that pretty well. Sit down and breathe...... for such a long time..... and when you need to move your body, do it, and still breathe. then sit down and breathe more.
your breath will uproot any shit that is lodged in your mind if you give it enough time. spend an entire day in meditation even if you don't know how. spend 4 hours in it. hell spend 1 hour in it.
go find a stranger and tell them they are a great person, that they matter in this world, and ask if there is anything you can help them with.
if you are an escapee, escape is through meditation, through a spiritual life. it is rewarding, and i think it's the only way to really get OUT.
if you jsut aren't satisfied with life, that's good, because you can find what DOES satisfy you.
don't let anyone be an authority but yourself man. do what you feel. but you can't hurt yourself.
-------------------- I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo! ....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human...... Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!
Edited by leery11 (07/26/06 05:41 PM)
|