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malarki
Master Jack ofAll Trades,Realist


Registered: 06/17/06
Posts: 200
Loc: Ashittown, USA
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Smack, Here's my REALITY...
#5889258 - 07/22/06 11:00 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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It's like the smack in the face hey this is reality, "all these people you used to like think they know you, but now you are different inside and out. Now you truly know yourself for the first time ever. Now you are so different people don't even recognize you." SO I took a year or so off. I lost 75 lbs, (not from drug use actually I never tried them until Nov last year- merely marketed them) To fix my mental problems from my divorce/ dealing with loss of a father figure/ realization people in my life were worthless/ and bettered myself through ways I knew bore I lost control. Now I have knowledge, peace, new ways of thinking, and enlightenment of magnitude I couldn't have comprehended at younger ages even though meditation and martial arts.
It's like my other half said last night on the way home from his old boss's b-day party. "I told Jason he was right tonight, A year or so ago he told me 'you are going to find you are so intelligent people will not want to be around you.' I am finding this to be true now also. Maybe its the realization that people really do suck now. All these people that were 'friends' were really just customers... Now that we have not products to sell and my 'ebay store' is closed. I find two people are still there.. Mom and the other half. It's a sad realization I was excited to see people that used to be "true" in my eyes and really they are more "fake" now that I have more intelligence. I was telling Sig other "I am beginning to realize our knowledge is a gift that has eliminated the worthless people in our lives, they have done nothing but cause us grief. At least when we are rich with out legit buis we will not shower the worthless with our appreciation" You see this all came about through a realization we had Friday afternoon. We are sitting at the pond eating lunch (while I am facing my bird fear in slow steps.. they came w/ in 20 feet w/o me running a marathon) and we are talking about random things. What we are going to do when the buis takes off and what we want to do in a year when we are more settled with things... Then he looks at me after 15min or so of silence... "What happened to everyone?" After listing each of our 'friends' we/ I realized ... each of them were customers... posing as friends... only with one intention... what hurts is that one of them was what we considered our one TRUE friend. The one friend we'd do anything for. After a small vacation a few weeks ago and his girl flipping crazy style on him we realized he had a drug problem. So we say "You have a drug problem and you are not getting anymore..". 3 people said things to us upon our return of... @*)@* has a problem you need to help him. He tells us, "I don't want to do drugs anymore" after second guessing him, seeing if she put him up to it or not, we conclude yes this is true... so you cant do anymore... you are cut off. For a couple of months now 'the ebay store is closed' and for the last 3 weeks 'as far as we are concerned we have no product to sell' to the only person we were letting visit. Phone calls stopped he seemed fine... but then... what is that??? utter silence... no calls... no one left... They have no use for us, when we are around they feel dumb... so no one calls... but today.. phone rings... its the TRUE ONE... or so we thought... 2 calls and 4 texts later.. "you have anything?" We don't answer, no reply... not worth the effort of talking or typing... So we are left here... alone (OK with us for now) but realize... when this is all over and we are traveling doing things we like and want to do... who is going to be there with us??? no one.. what is the point of being able to do what you want if no one can enjoy it with you... I am just thankful I have him, and everyday It scares me to know it could be the last I fall asleep in his arms...
-------------------- ~*~I'm also an educated guesser, and knowledge seeker If I haven't done it, I know someone who has. IF I don't know, I know someone who does! I am a realist so deal with it, if you don't like it you can choose to not read it!
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fireworks_god
Sexy.Butt.McDanger


Registered: 03/12/02
Posts: 24,855
Loc: Pandurn
Last seen: 1 year, 13 days
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Re: Smack, Here's my REALITY... [Re: malarki]
#5889275 - 07/22/06 11:11 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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One thing that life has brought me to understand and actively realize is that I cannot be too attached to much, more than what is necessary. Before I left to Norway for a year, I remember not wanting to leave. I had a friend that I practically lived with, always over there hanging out, and I remember leaving that last time... I had got so set into the routine that I wanted to continue that - and it is like, you can't. Things change, you can't relive events and relive relationships with people. I dealt with the same thing when I left overnights at work, when I was promoted...
Its been painful sometimes, because I have been so emotionally attached to certain things, but it is great to realize this and transcend it. People come and go. How fucked up is that? Someone you have been great friends with for years will one day sort of just drift away - and it is entirely detrimental and futile to attempt to cling to them.
It is initially painful to deal with this, but that pain is simply evident of some aspect of oneself that is denying the nature of reality, as it has presented itself. One is free to act in this moment and in subsequent ones as one wishes, but one needs to fully accept reality for what it is up to and during the point at which one chooses how to interact with reality.

 Peace.
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If I should die this very moment I wouldn't fear For I've never known completeness Like being here Wrapped in the warmth of you Loving every breath of you
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lemon_lw
Stranger

Registered: 10/17/04
Posts: 3,622
Loc: That Way
Last seen: 16 years, 4 months
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Re: Smack, Here's my REALITY... [Re: malarki]
#5889284 - 07/22/06 11:13 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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alright im stalking you around the boards, jk. but you said you have a true friend who is giving up drugs. now is the time he will need you. it could be very well that he is just withdrawing and while doing this he is withdrawing from everthing. so go stand by your friend its a 2 way street. i dont know if i am on the point in anyway. i guess im the tired one in this coversation. i have been buried in stephen king for the last 5 days with minimal sleep so i have a slightly skewed perception of reality right now (both from lack of sleep and fucking stephen kings twisted universe). but yeah it looks like you have a great deal of change going on in your life while having a great deal of change for your future, and im sure it is getting just a little hazy but rest assured that everything works out how its supposed to in the end.
-------------------- In the belly of the Leviathan, one can either despair and perish, or be cheerful and persevere.-Dean Koontz
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malarki
Master Jack ofAll Trades,Realist


Registered: 06/17/06
Posts: 200
Loc: Ashittown, USA
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Re: Smack, Here's my REALITY... [Re: fireworks_god]
#5889310 - 07/22/06 11:26 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Very much true. I have always tried to not get attached, But with the scene we were a part of and the group it's hard not to trust them. I mean I moved 3 hrs on a whim when I met this group b/c I was so compelled to want to learn more about them and get to know them. I could not get enough of my friends.. I quit my job (b/c finicaly i could) and moved to another city while still paying for old apt. Left all my things... Took some clothes and never went back) Because I felt it was the right thing to do. (It was b/c it led me to my other half and w/ out him I wouldn't have been able to get as far w/ myself as I have) I honestly thought for the first time I met people I could relate to, and they were as real and honest as me. The more I got to know them, the less I liked them. SO we stopped going out.. Only kept this one close. So when you lose the only one you have left (other than each other) what do we have left?? We looked at each other like this "what the fuck? what do we do now?" then we both said "we are going to do what we need to do to reach our goals and hopefully we'll find some new true people in the process" But it is hard to let go of the attachment w/ out having resentment..> I shouldn't be emotional it should be a logical decision.. I should be able to dismiss and detach myself and say that is fine if he chooses to to that. But we realize you are using us now, and we cannot allow it. And we don't allow it. BUT>>> there is still emotion involved and feelings are hurting I want to
We must learn to see attachment and clinging as the main cause of suffering, like a chain which continuously ties us to samsara. Then there will arise a strong renunciation of the suffering realms of samsara. The Dharma practitioner will want to seek lasting happiness and not temporary happiness. This is seeking final liberation from the suffering of samsara. With this realization of samsara we will enter the path to full liberation or enlightenment. I need to meditate...
-------------------- ~*~I'm also an educated guesser, and knowledge seeker If I haven't done it, I know someone who has. IF I don't know, I know someone who does! I am a realist so deal with it, if you don't like it you can choose to not read it!
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malarki
Master Jack ofAll Trades,Realist


Registered: 06/17/06
Posts: 200
Loc: Ashittown, USA
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Re: Smack, Here's my REALITY... [Re: lemon_lw]
#5889316 - 07/22/06 11:32 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
lemon_lw said: alright I'm stalking you around the boards, jk. but you said you have a true friend who is giving up drugs. now is the time he will need you. it could be very well that he is just withdrawing and while doing this he is withdrawing from everthing. so go stand by your friend its a 2 way street. i dont know if i am on the point in anyway. i guess im the tired one in this coversation. i have been buried in stephen king for the last 5 days with minimal sleep so i have a slightly skewed perception of reality right now (both from lack of sleep and fucking stephen kings twisted universe). but yeah it looks like you have a great deal of change going on in your life while having a great deal of change for your future, and im sure it is getting just a little hazy but rest assured that everything works out how its supposed to in the end.
Honestly? I don't think thats true. It's been 3 weeks since he's gotten anything. And it's not a physically addictive drug. Mentally yes, but he had been on/ off of it for years. Always making the decision on his own and can go with/with out them. But he doesn't call for anything. Not to hang out. Only to get shit. I called yest when he got home *lives on floor below me* and asked for help w/ something important and asked if he was home. WE were ignored until the next day and when he finally did call it was for shit.. NOT to help.. When we ALWAYS help him. He failed us in other ways as a friend, and he knows it. Almost like he is from us.. And we try to talk to him, but he resents us because he know he's failed/ failing 
I know I should meditate but I think I want to see what a few of you say before it's to late and no one is on. My trip to the bahamas in my mind usually takes me out of order for a while.
-------------------- ~*~I'm also an educated guesser, and knowledge seeker If I haven't done it, I know someone who has. IF I don't know, I know someone who does! I am a realist so deal with it, if you don't like it you can choose to not read it!
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