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Rahie
Stranger

Registered: 04/01/06
Posts: 3,524
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Funniest Joke you ever heard?
#5886900 - 07/22/06 07:25 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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I cant remember what mine was, but I usual get cracked up by some good racial jokes.
Edited by Rahie (07/22/06 07:28 AM)
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RandalFlagg
Stranger
Registered: 06/15/02
Posts: 15,608
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: Rahie]
#5886912 - 07/22/06 07:44 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Joke: What is it like to attempt to get Shroomerites to do something?
Answer: It's like trying to herd cats.
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adamj
Superhero


Registered: 11/11/03
Posts: 1,562
Loc: Ontario, CAN
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: Rahie]
#5887052 - 07/22/06 09:42 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Mother, father and young son are visiting the circus. The elephants walk out into the circus ring and the little boy says to his mother, "What's that?"
"That's the elephant's tail," she replies.
"No, under the tail," says the youngster.
The mother is clearly embarrassed and says, "Oh, nothing."
The boy turns to his father and repeats the same question.
His father looks and says, "That's the elephant's penis, son."
"So, why did mum say it was nothing?" asks the boy.
The father draws himself up to his full height and says, "Son, I've spoiled that woman."
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Rahie
Stranger

Registered: 04/01/06
Posts: 3,524
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: adamj]
#5887069 - 07/22/06 09:52 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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LMAO
Yeah I hear yeah about shroomeys lol
The father must be gifted like me.
Edited by Rahie (07/22/06 10:19 AM)
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Asante
Mage


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,795
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: adamj]
#5887136 - 07/22/06 10:27 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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An Englishman, an American and a Frenchman walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says: "What is this, a joke?"
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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Simisu
taken by gravity


Registered: 08/08/03
Posts: 5,435
Loc: Israeli in
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: Asante]
#5887169 - 07/22/06 10:44 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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the one that has always stuck with me was this:
[an abriviated castrated verstion i must add]
during WW2 these two jews get into an argument at the shower when one of them gets angry picks up the soap and throws it at the other one. the second one says "hey, lets not envolve perents in this argument"

holocust jokes are the best! (there are far better ones but this one is a classic for me)
--------------------
   Shr mery    Visit & Support Free Spore Ring Earth Please help spread live Salvia Divinorum
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MrNatural
The infamousguru of goingnowhere


Registered: 03/10/06
Posts: 322
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: Simisu]
#5887173 - 07/22/06 10:47 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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That soap could have been my grandparents.
Daaaaaaammmnn that ruined my day.
-------------------- Oh man, I can't wait to see the look on those little Eichmanns' faces when they hear this crunchy groove.
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Rahie
Stranger

Registered: 04/01/06
Posts: 3,524
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: MrNatural]
#5887182 - 07/22/06 10:50 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Hey my Grandfather died in the camps!
he fell out of a guard tower.
I am just joking and holocaust was terrible.
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Silversoul
Rhizome


Registered: 01/01/05
Posts: 23,576
Loc: The Barricades
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: Rahie]
#5887187 - 07/22/06 10:52 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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The following is an announcement by the National Association of Apple Growers:
"Fuck pears!"
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Harmonic_Order
Nshudimasupatogata


Registered: 02/13/06
Posts: 412
Loc: Out on the Street
Last seen: 17 years, 3 months
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: Silversoul]
#5887264 - 07/22/06 11:29 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Jackie the Jokeman told this one: Two bananas are sitting on a riverbank, having a picnic. A turd floats by on the river, calling out, "Hey bananas! Come on in, the water's great!" One banana turns to the other and says, "You believe that shit?"
--------------------
.oOo. Are you high? .oOo..oOo. You look like you're on some kind of drug .oOo.
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bhamlaxy
Shroomerite


Registered: 01/23/05
Posts: 714
Loc: Nevada
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
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One day little 7 year old Johnny approaches his mother and asks, "mommy I know you are Jewish and dad is black, so am I more black or more Jewish?"
Johnny's mother looks at him in shock and says, my "Johnny where in the world did that come from.
Go ask your father and see what he says." So little Johnny waits until his father gets home from work and says, "daddy am I more black or am I more Jewish?"
Johnny's father looks at him surprised and asks "why would you ask something like that son?"
Johnny looks up at his father and says, "well daddy Bobby down the street is looking to sell his bike for 20 dollars.
I'm just wondering whether I should Jew him down to 15 or wait until it's dark and steal the fucking thing..."
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Harmonic_Order
Nshudimasupatogata


Registered: 02/13/06
Posts: 412
Loc: Out on the Street
Last seen: 17 years, 3 months
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: Rahie]
#5887301 - 07/22/06 11:46 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Actually, I found this one even funnier.
Three Texas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed. One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident. I reattached them, and 8 months later he perfomed a private concert for the Queen of England." One of the others said, "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident. I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in field events at the olympics."
The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago, a cowboy, who was high on cocaine and alcohol, rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat. Now, he's president of the United States."
--------------------
.oOo. Are you high? .oOo..oOo. You look like you're on some kind of drug .oOo.
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Rahie
Stranger

Registered: 04/01/06
Posts: 3,524
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: bhamlaxy]
#5887302 - 07/22/06 11:47 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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lol thats a good one
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Amatoxin
Injected With A Poison


Registered: 03/27/05
Posts: 1,934
Loc: Not So Great Britain
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: Rahie]
#5887321 - 07/22/06 11:57 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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What would you call the Flintstones if they were black?
Niggers.
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Sectioned Under The Mental Health Act Sat 20-10-07 to Thurs 01-11-07 for playing TECHNO music
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Deadmaker
Stranger


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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: Amatoxin]
#5887329 - 07/22/06 12:02 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Haha, funny, I was just gonna post that joke about the Flinstones....I just heard it the other day.
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barfightlard
tales of theinexpressible



Registered: 01/29/03 
Posts: 8,670
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: Rahie]
#5887332 - 07/22/06 12:03 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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--------------------
"What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?" - Bill Hicks
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Rahie
Stranger

Registered: 04/01/06
Posts: 3,524
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: barfightlard]
#5887348 - 07/22/06 12:09 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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fudge_shorts
Stranger
Registered: 07/11/06
Posts: 26
Last seen: 16 years, 3 months
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: barfightlard]
#5887351 - 07/22/06 12:10 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Whats the difference between a black man and a bucket of shit?
The bucket. hahaha, i laughed when i heard that one. IN NO WAY AM I RACIST OK.
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Silversoul
Rhizome


Registered: 01/01/05
Posts: 23,576
Loc: The Barricades
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: Rahie]
#5887359 - 07/22/06 12:13 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Why can't Stevie Wonder read?
Because he's black.
Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
Because she was a woman.
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Amatoxin
Injected With A Poison


Registered: 03/27/05
Posts: 1,934
Loc: Not So Great Britain
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: Silversoul]
#5887380 - 07/22/06 12:24 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling? He doesn't know he's black.
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Sectioned Under The Mental Health Act Sat 20-10-07 to Thurs 01-11-07 for playing TECHNO music
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Amatoxin
Injected With A Poison


Registered: 03/27/05
Posts: 1,934
Loc: Not So Great Britain
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: Silversoul]
#5887407 - 07/22/06 12:31 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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What do Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles have in common?
They're both niggers.
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Sectioned Under The Mental Health Act Sat 20-10-07 to Thurs 01-11-07 for playing TECHNO music
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hoopershroomer
Bonafide Oneironaut


Registered: 03/30/06
Posts: 1,704
Loc: WA
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: Amatoxin]
#5887424 - 07/22/06 12:35 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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i got one....but listen, and soon as i ask the jk question, answer in your head asap without too much thinking or it wont work say "silk" 3 times, fast........
what do cows drink?........i bet 75% of you said "milk", lol am i right? its water!
say shop, 3 times fast......
what do you do at a green light?.......lol, funny huh?
i cant really think of any real funny ones right now
-------------------- "Life lived in the absence of the psychedelic experience that primordial shamanism is based on is life trivialized, life denied, life enslaved to the ego." "You teach the world how to treat you, by showing the world how you treat yourself." A well developed sense of humor is far superior to any religion" "Everything you could want and could be, you already have and are."
&
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fudge_shorts
Stranger
Registered: 07/11/06
Posts: 26
Last seen: 16 years, 3 months
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: Silversoul]
#5887427 - 07/22/06 12:36 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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How do u starve a black man? Hide his food stamps in his work boots.
What do you call a black man having sex? Rape.
Why is there no mexican olympic team? All the mexicans who can run, jump or swim are in the U.S.
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bhamlaxy
Shroomerite


Registered: 01/23/05
Posts: 714
Loc: Nevada
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: fudge_shorts]
#5887490 - 07/22/06 01:00 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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What can a pizza do that a black man cant?
Feed a family of four!
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Scratcher
Stranger

Registered: 01/05/00
Posts: 2,323
Loc: eH
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? *DELETED* [Re: bhamlaxy]
#5887566 - 07/22/06 01:24 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Post deleted by Scratcher<p>Reason for deletion: funny but racist
Edited by Scratcher (07/22/06 08:01 PM)
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kilroy69
POKER GOD


Registered: 11/19/00
Posts: 1,303
Loc: Jackson,MI. And not in pr...
Last seen: 8 years, 4 months
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: Scratcher]
#5887612 - 07/22/06 01:41 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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It was right after MJ's dad got killed and he quit basketball to play baseball.
Q.How do you get MJ to quit playing baseball?
A. Kill his mom.
-------------------- Yeaaa im still alive.
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Newbie
User of semicolons.


Registered: 07/18/04
Posts: 24,710
Loc: SoCal
Last seen: 1 day, 19 hours
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: kilroy69]
#5887623 - 07/22/06 01:45 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Q: What did Abraham Lincoln say the morning following the Civil War party?
A: I freed the what?!
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the_END
Mr. E



Registered: 07/05/06
Posts: 241
Last seen: 6 years, 4 months
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: Newbie]
#5887642 - 07/22/06 01:55 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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want to know about the time i realised i was god? so, there i was in my room praying to god, when i had noticed i was just talking to myself.
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splifner180
Student


Registered: 03/24/06
Posts: 1,288
Loc: USA, East Coast
Last seen: 1 year, 3 months
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: the_END]
#5887661 - 07/22/06 02:03 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Godel and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar.
Heisenberg looks around and says, "Because there are three of us and because this is a bar, it must be a joke. But the question remains, is it funny or not?"
Godel thinks for a moment and says, "Well, because we're inside the joke, we can't tell whether it's funny. We'd have to be looking at it from the outside to know."
Chomsky looks at both of them and says, "Of course it's funny. You're just telling it wrong." _______
splif
-------------------- First Grow: Ecuador -> LC -> HPoo/Straw -> Monotub Build a Do-It-Yourself Magnetic Stirrer in thirty minutes with no money.
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splifner180
Student


Registered: 03/24/06
Posts: 1,288
Loc: USA, East Coast
Last seen: 1 year, 3 months
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: splifner180]
#5887671 - 07/22/06 02:06 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Rahie writes: "I don't get it?"
Read me.
splif
-------------------- First Grow: Ecuador -> LC -> HPoo/Straw -> Monotub Build a Do-It-Yourself Magnetic Stirrer in thirty minutes with no money.
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Rahie
Stranger

Registered: 04/01/06
Posts: 3,524
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: fudge_shorts]
#5888566 - 07/22/06 06:56 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Oh I got it, I was just repeating what one of the south park characters said at the end.
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Amatoxin
Injected With A Poison


Registered: 03/27/05
Posts: 1,934
Loc: Not So Great Britain
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: Rahie]
#5888586 - 07/22/06 07:05 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Why don't nigger kids play in the sandbox? Cats keep covering them up.
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Sectioned Under The Mental Health Act Sat 20-10-07 to Thurs 01-11-07 for playing TECHNO music
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supra
computerEnthusiast
Registered: 10/26/03
Posts: 6,446
Loc: TEXAS
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: Rahie]
#5888592 - 07/22/06 07:07 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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What do you call 4 white guys pushing a car down a road?
White Power
What do you call 4 black guys pushing a car down a road?
Black Power What do you call 4 mexicans pushing a car down a road?
Grand theft auto
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Amatoxin
Injected With A Poison


Registered: 03/27/05
Posts: 1,934
Loc: Not So Great Britain
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: supra]
#5888615 - 07/22/06 07:17 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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How come there aren't any Mexicans on Star Trek?
They don't work in the future, either.
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Sectioned Under The Mental Health Act Sat 20-10-07 to Thurs 01-11-07 for playing TECHNO music
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boatlaunch
Sex Educator


Registered: 10/16/02
Posts: 1,143
Loc: Never You Effin Mind
Last seen: 13 years, 7 months
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: Rahie]
#5888622 - 07/22/06 07:20 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Rahie said: I cant remember what mine was, but I usual get cracked up by some good racial jokes.
Why do they stuff that ball of cotton into pill containers............
To remind the niggers that before they were pill poppin' drug addicts, they were cotton pickers.
Cheers.
-------------------- ----------------------------------- My Favorite Line: "I mean, I've had a hand up inside me a time or two, but I'm not a puppet." SAVE A DRUM - BANG A DRUMMER!
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Asante
Mage


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,795
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: boatlaunch]
#5888641 - 07/22/06 07:30 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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what's with the race jokes, people
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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905
Stranger

Registered: 08/26/02
Posts: 790
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: Asante]
#5888657 - 07/22/06 07:36 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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I agree racism is uncool.
What the difference between god and doctors? God doesn't think he's a doctor.
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blissedout


Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 22,320
Loc: Yonder
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: Rahie]
#5888710 - 07/22/06 07:52 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi are talking, discussing matters, when the Catholic priest suddenly asks the rabbi, "So, you notice my new altarboy?". The rabbi answers, "Why yes, I did notice him!", to which the priest replies, "You wanna screw him?". The rabbi looks baffled. "Out of what?"
--------------------
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Amatoxin
Injected With A Poison


Registered: 03/27/05
Posts: 1,934
Loc: Not So Great Britain
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: Asante]
#5888726 - 07/22/06 07:57 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Wiccan_Seeker said: what's with the race jokes, people
I just find racist jokes funny for some reason 
I'm definitely not racist though, quite a few of my friends are Jamaican and I often get invited around to sample their Jerk chicken/curried goat etc. Can't beat Caribbean cuisine!
--------------------
Sectioned Under The Mental Health Act Sat 20-10-07 to Thurs 01-11-07 for playing TECHNO music
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HELLA_TIGHT
Madge the Smoking Vag


Registered: 08/19/03
Posts: 84,387
Loc: Afghanistan
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: Amatoxin]
#5888739 - 07/22/06 08:00 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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What's purple, squealing, and covered in pus?
A peeled baby in a bag of salt
--------------------
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Rahie
Stranger

Registered: 04/01/06
Posts: 3,524
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: HELLA_TIGHT]
#5889261 - 07/22/06 11:01 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl was frantic.
Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?" Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.
"Mmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma. "I think I'll have some myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But you're so old... how do you do it?"
Grandma replied, "Oh, it's quite easy, sonny... I just remove my dentures and suck 'em dry!"
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butane
bioresearcher


Registered: 04/02/06
Posts: 113
Loc: Minnesota, USA
Last seen: 14 years, 9 months
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: Rahie]
#5889327 - 07/22/06 11:40 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Damn that one was good Rahie!
-------------------- "...but by and large it was a simple intoxication with most things seeming quite hilarious. The intoxication was also quite extreme."
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LouiseLouise
starstruck


Registered: 11/02/04
Posts: 3,898
Loc: Searching w/my good eye c...
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: butane]
#5889385 - 07/23/06 12:06 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Very good, I like the flintstones one, LOL.
A black kid who just started 8th grade comes home and tells his father about PE class and how they have to take a shower together. The father knows what he is eluding to. The kid says "Is it b/c I'm black dad?" The father replies "No son, it's b/c your 18"
Websters definition for confusion: Father's Day on Harlem
How do you get 30 Jews into a VW bug? Throw a quarter in How do you get them out? Tell them Hitler's driving
Good or bad? 5 niggers in a caddy goin over a cliff?
Bad, you can get 10 niggers in a caddy
-------------------- "That's why you get in close to them, and then take the picture!! Don't be a pussy!" ~CC
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Rahie
Stranger

Registered: 04/01/06
Posts: 3,524
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: LouiseLouise]
#5889429 - 07/23/06 12:26 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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How do you start a black parade?
roll a 40 down the street.
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LouiseLouise
starstruck


Registered: 11/02/04
Posts: 3,898
Loc: Searching w/my good eye c...
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: LouiseLouise]
#5889457 - 07/23/06 12:38 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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^^ good one
Staying true to the title, I've always considered these two to be the best I've heard:
A german, an itailian and a pollock in the woods. The German guy says, boy, I gotta take a shit. Italian: Whatta ya gonna wipe yer ass with? German: I dunno, some leaves or something. He comes back and he says: Man, I feel so much better, ahhh. The Italian guy says: Yeah, you look it, what did ya wipe yer ass with? German: I couldn't find any good leaves, so I used a dollar bill, it worked good. So the Italian says "Imma go take a shit, too" He comes back and says "Ahhh, I feel so much better. The dollar bill was a good idea." So, the pollock says "You guys look so relieved, Imma go take a shit, too" He comes back a little while later with shit all over his hand. The Italian and German are laughing and saying "What'd you wipe yer ass with, your hand?" The pollock says, "Nah, I didn't have a dollar bill, so I used a buck in change" 
The other I like alot:
A botonist comes up with some good ways of growing fruit that is multiflavored: So, he goes to the patent office. Tells the man "I have an orange that tastes like grapes" Man: BS He says, "No, really, here, try" The man takes a bite and says "WOW, it does!" He says, "Flip it over, it tastes like grapes" The man does, "WOW, incredible!" The guy says "I got lots more, heres a pineapple that tastes like bannanas" Man: "WOW" The first guy says "Flip it over, it tastes like peaches" Man: "Just incredible!" The First guy says "I'm just gettin warmed up. I got an apple that tastes like a pussy." Man "Now, your pullin my leg, this I gotta see" "Here, try" The man bites into it and starts spittin it out >pttui, ptui, pt pt pt, YUCK! IT TASTES LIKE SHIT!" The guy says "Well, flip it over!"

Hope you got a kick outta that, I did.
peace
-------------------- "That's why you get in close to them, and then take the picture!! Don't be a pussy!" ~CC
Edited by LouiseLouise (07/23/06 12:39 AM)
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Rahie
Stranger

Registered: 04/01/06
Posts: 3,524
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: LouiseLouise]
#5889525 - 07/23/06 01:15 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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lmao Flip it over! he should have made it take a shower first
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LouiseLouise
starstruck


Registered: 11/02/04
Posts: 3,898
Loc: Searching w/my good eye c...
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: Rahie]
#5889529 - 07/23/06 01:16 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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-------------------- "That's why you get in close to them, and then take the picture!! Don't be a pussy!" ~CC
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Meat_Log_Smurf
FumbDuck

Registered: 01/31/03
Posts: 1,144
Loc: BFE
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Re: Funniest Joke you ever heard? [Re: LouiseLouise]
#5889538 - 07/23/06 01:26 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Racists but still funny.
Whats yellow and black and makes people laugh?
A busload of niggers goin over a cliff.
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Meat_Log_Smurf
FumbDuck

Registered: 01/31/03
Posts: 1,144
Loc: BFE
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Whats the 3 shortest books ever written?
1) Jewish Business Ethics
2) Polish Wit & Wisdom
3) Negros I've Met While Sailing (Yatching)
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HELLA_TIGHT
Madge the Smoking Vag


Registered: 08/19/03
Posts: 84,387
Loc: Afghanistan
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What's up with white people and eating dick?
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