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MarkostheGnostic
Elder


Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 2 days
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I Want to Die Alone
#5885663 - 07/21/06 08:24 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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When I was in elementary school, I remember hearing how my friend Bruce K.'s grandfather, living in a nursing home that backed up to a heavily wooded, undeveloped area, 'escaped' the nursing home. They found him a few days later, in the woods, lying down and dead. Years later I heard about a backpacker found in West Orange, New Jersey's South Mountain Reservation (near the house I grew up in) lying with his head on his backpack against a tree, looking through a break in the trees at the sky.
My third acid trip had me near the location of that backpacker, on a cold, gray, drizzly fall Saturday morning, staring into the gray sky and Experiencing Infinity - Very God!
I hope that I can be in a deciduous forest outside of Florida when my time comes. Spring would be best, but summer or fall would work. I would like to be tripping and I would like to be alone. Like other trips, I believe that curious birds and animals, probably aware of vibes and energies that we never perceive, will draw closer to me as they have while I've been on large doses of LSD. I fantasize that I'll begin to emanate the Rainbow Body that Bodhisattvas are said to manifest at death (probably visible only to birds in my case), and that the inner dynamics that I've visualized will begin: the central channel of energy will expand and become an Infinite Radiant space. The Red and White 'drops' in my Heart Center will unify to fill that Infinite Space with Unbearable Compassion, and that Unity will rise through the Crown Center as Compassion and Wisdom unite in a Cosmic Orgasm ot Transcendental Ecstasy. "Paradise." The Pleroma. Islamic Fana - extinction of separateness from God. Then, I will be no more the separate and suffering 'Spark' of Consciousness thrown from the Light of the Godhead into this world of longing, isolation and burning desire.
If I'm fortunate to be able to die at home (a warrior's stance will be needed to remain strong enough to do so) - I want any friends or helpers to give me a hug goodbye and leave so I can die in peace - even in the midst of possible pain and death throws. Have you never been really sick and Experienced the Witness benignly 'smiling' through your misery like the sun that shines through storm clouds? I have. The Buddhists say that strong emotions are like thunder-claps to the person who is dying consciously. I've always wanted to sit in the Siddha position (half lotus) which is more natural to me than full lotus, but that is perhaps a heroic fantasy. I would practice Yogic Pranayama, apply the Bandas (anal, abdominal and chin locks) and force my mind into my Heart Center. If I'm having a heart attack, my consciousness will be drawn to the intense pain, and hopefully I'll be able to use that pain to go within. A cerebral vascular event (e.g., a stroke) will f**k up all my plans, but if that is the case, then I'll just be meeting the Wrathful Deities of the Crown Center, head on, so-to-speak. I'll have to pass through the pains of hell attached to the Head Centers (which are fiercer than the Peaceful Deities of the Heart Center, despite the pain of a heart attack).
Of course, all this depends on the grace of a conscious death. Sudden death will allegedly be immediately disorienting, and one needs to recognize in the immediacy of the disembodied condition the openness - a non-verbal, non-cognitive, ontological sense of 'YES!' So, as the Boy Scout motto says, dear friends, "Be Prepared."
"Hey, remember that guy who called himself MarkostheGnostic?" "I hear he died." "Whoa! Really?" Annoying sometimes, but he could really be 'out there.' "Yeah...I wonder if he ever got what he was looking for." "Well, well never know...but one thing's for sure - he's dead." "Yeah, it's hard to doubt death, but I swear that when I was reading one of his ancient archived posts, the font kept turning from black 'Ariel' to rainbow colors - like something was wrong with the color setting on the monitor." "Ah! Probably your imagination, or a 'flashback' or your monitor is about to die." "Yeah, you're probably right. I thought it might be....nah." 
Peace and Love to One and All. -MtG
-------------------- γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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NariusFractal
Sat Chit Ananda


Registered: 12/19/02
Posts: 804
Loc: USA
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Death is a fascinating topic. Especially the thought of our own death. Thank you for sharing.
-------------------- You are the microcosm of the macrocosm.
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Fractalated
There's no onehome up there...

Registered: 07/22/06
Posts: 640
Last seen: 17 years, 4 months
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I think that when we die, we just die...our consciousness (which is made up completely of non-conscious elements) transforms into something(s) else.
I'd like to think that all that other stuff is just metaphor for the transformation process and an almost romanticized and self-serving point of view (you don't ACTUALLY die, you just become something else...very consoling indeed).
But, fuck if I know.
-------------------- "Now that the principalities and the powers stockpile weapons of mass destruction, contaminate the earth with their feverish industry, release floods of images to trigger insatiable desires, treat animals and humans as commodities and functions of a market, the devil must be grinning from ear to ear."
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Fractalated
There's no onehome up there...

Registered: 07/22/06
Posts: 640
Last seen: 17 years, 4 months
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Thank you for thanking him for sharing.
(+1)
-------------------- "Now that the principalities and the powers stockpile weapons of mass destruction, contaminate the earth with their feverish industry, release floods of images to trigger insatiable desires, treat animals and humans as commodities and functions of a market, the devil must be grinning from ear to ear."
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fireworks_god
Sexy.Butt.McDanger


Registered: 03/12/02
Posts: 24,855
Loc: Pandurn
Last seen: 1 year, 12 days
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Re: I Want to Die Alone [Re: Fractalated]
#5886715 - 07/22/06 05:03 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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I think that, if I was aware of my death and was able to plan it, I would be in Norway, and would have time to immerse myself in the surroundings, enjoy some psychadelics, and really send myself off... Float off into the fjords on a burning, wooden ship.... That would be a powerful experience, I think... 
 Peace.
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If I should die this very moment I wouldn't fear For I've never known completeness Like being here Wrapped in the warmth of you Loving every breath of you
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WIZOLZ
Poor with Needs


Registered: 03/20/06
Posts: 290
Loc: Monte Carlo
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Markos - Your thoughts and beliefs are facinating. I think the concept of death being a highly sacred experience of the consious and spiritual self is very real. Preperation is essential, atleast for the acknowledgement of the mysterious force for which governs it. I would think that in any person's final moments, having been lead to that place and time and collective fate, they will understand. My only fear is that I shall be taken before doing anything worthy on this world, or not leaving behind the gifts I had worked so meticulously at achieving in this short life of ours. Silence would be most desireable to accompany the parting soul, or even having triumphant music would be nice.
-------------------- ---------o----o----o-------o------------------------o--o-o- ---------------------------------------------------------------- Requim for a Dream - Paul Oakenfold --------------------------------------------------------------- "The mis/abuse of any form of power, is the worst form of ignorance" ------------------------------------------------------------- WIZOLZ - Lover with a Killer's Smile
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Fractalated
There's no onehome up there...

Registered: 07/22/06
Posts: 640
Last seen: 17 years, 4 months
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Re: I Want to Die Alone [Re: WIZOLZ]
#5887189 - 07/22/06 10:53 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Bach - Come Sweet Death always struck a chord with me.
-------------------- "Now that the principalities and the powers stockpile weapons of mass destruction, contaminate the earth with their feverish industry, release floods of images to trigger insatiable desires, treat animals and humans as commodities and functions of a market, the devil must be grinning from ear to ear."
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder


Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 2 days
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Re: I Want to Die Alone [Re: WIZOLZ]
#5887360 - 07/22/06 12:14 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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I had prepared a pretty long-winded response to your post before a lightning flash knocked out the power. Well, I can take a hint. Just as well for you, but I will say that your comment referring to regret reminded me of Irv Yalom's book Existential Psychotherapy (an atheistic, purely Existential and non-Ontological view). Without a sense of meaning derived from Transcendental Being - the 'creator' of existence, one may be left with (among other forms of existential malaise like isolation, meaninglessness, anxiety, etc.), existential guilt.
"Existential guilt goes beyond the traditional guilt whereby the individual regrets a real or fantasized transgression against another...it emanates from regret, from an awareness of the unlived life, of the untapped possibilities within one." (p. 319)
The antidote as I see it is to see one's 'relatively' free will intertwined with the Deterministic matrix of pure Being. BE HERE NOW espouses:
"YOU ARE A TOTALLY DETERMINED BEING. The very moment you will wake up IS TOTALLY DETERMINED. How long you sleep IS TOTALLY DETERMINED. What you will hear of what I say IS TOTALLY DETERMINED."
In other words, regrets must evaporate when one shifts to a primarily Ontological perspective from a primarily existential one. This is where Buddhism begins - with "Life [Existence] is suffering." The solution is Nirvana - a Transcendental Summum Bonum - Realization of Pure Consciousness - GOD. It is not what we 'do' that is of real consequence, it is a Way of Being that ultimately fulfills us and lends meaning to an otherwise meaningless existence.
Peace be with you.
-------------------- γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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aNeway2sayHooray
Cresley Wusher



Registered: 07/07/05
Posts: 7,653
Loc: Orphic Trench
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I really enjoyed your post.Thank you!
-------------------- Mad_Larkin said: Death is just a thang.
MrJellineck said: Profits, prophets. That's all you jews think about. sheekle said: life is drugs... and music... and cat...
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,534
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to markos; sometimes I guess your long wind can be refreshing. I may not have such a library of aspirations for death, and usually prefer bumpersticker length postage, but here you got under my skin with honesty and passion.
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_ 🧠 _
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Ego Death
Justadropofwaterinanendlesssea


Registered: 04/27/03
Posts: 10,447
Loc: The War Machine
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I will actively transcend you - no, no, you've transcended me...
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder


Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 2 days
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Quote:
redgreenvines said: to markos; sometimes I guess your long wind can be refreshing. I may not have such a library of aspirations for death, and usually prefer bumpersticker length postage, but here you got under my skin with honesty and passion.
Thanks.
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CosmicJoke
happy mutant


Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
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Do you think that your desire to die alone is in part a response to our cultural attitudes towards death? Could you imagine a scenario, though unavailable to you, where the aid of people would be an asset during your death (Tibetan monks, a realized being like Neem Karoli Baba, ________)?
Quote:
I hope that I can be in a deciduous forest outside of Florida when my time comes. Spring would be best, but summer or fall would work. I would like to be tripping and I would like to be alone. Like other trips, I believe that curious birds and animals, probably aware of vibes and energies that we never perceive, will draw closer to me as they have while I've been on large doses of LSD. I fantasize that I'll begin to emanate the Rainbow Body that Bodhisattvas are said to manifest at death (probably visible only to birds in my case), and that the inner dynamics that I've visualized will begin: the central channel of energy will expand and become an Infinite Radiant space. The Red and White 'drops' in my Heart Center will unify to fill that Infinite Space with Unbearable Compassion, and that Unity will rise through the Crown Center as Compassion and Wisdom unite in a Cosmic Orgasm ot Transcendental Ecstasy. "Paradise." The Pleroma. Islamic Fana - extinction of separateness from God. Then, I will be no more the separate and suffering 'Spark' of Consciousness thrown from the Light of the Godhead into this world of longing, isolation and burning desire.
In this scenario you're describing a Yogi like effort where you are exiting your body at will because you have completed your Sadhana here on earth, more-or-less, right? Your friend's grandfather reminds me of an instinctual drive, like the way a domesticated animal may choose to wander off into the woods to lay down and die. To be on par, how does this scenario come about? Readiness or necessity?
Quote:
If I'm having a heart attack, my consciousness will be drawn to the intense pain, and hopefully I'll be able to use that pain to go within. A cerebral vascular event (e.g., a stroke) will f**k up all my plans, but if that is the case, then I'll just be meeting the Wrathful Deities of the Crown Center, head on, so-to-speak. I'll have to pass through the pains of hell attached to the Head Centers (which are fiercer than the Peaceful Deities of the Heart Center, despite the pain of a heart attack).
Did you watch the documentary on Ram Dass - _Fierce Grace_? Ram Dass talks about what he found most surprising during his stroke was that he merely lied there staring at the pipes in the ceiling. He was not able to orientate himself to Spirit. Then he says to be able to orientate towards the Spirit in that situation is The Test. In spite of how seriously he considers The Test, he bubbles up with laughter when he then says "I flunked the test!" So in that sense he considers the brush with death Grace, as it showed him that he still has work left to do.
-------------------- Everything is better than it was the last time. I'm good. If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care. It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence. I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too. If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder


Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 2 days
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Re: I Want to Die Alone [Re: CosmicJoke]
#5892785 - 07/23/06 11:25 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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People are always gonna be a distraction to Yogic inner work. When I took intense trips I did so alone. How is a healthfully embodied individual gonna help? If I could die in a Tibetan Buddhist monastery? Is that what you mean? Well, yes - moreso than the emotional drama of say, Catholic monks. I don't want the opportunity to seek solace in regressive, maternal associations, neither would I want my romantic partner, though, if I'm very old, I can't imagine an erotic distraction How much control I'll have is unknown of course. Someone has to bust out the two San Francisco sugar cubes I've been saving all my life for the event. 
Good exam question! Ever read that Neem Karolie-Ram Dass tale about the kid who retired to a cave and died doing acid and pranayama? Baba said "He is with Christ" in a specific reference and consoling manner. The kid went off to push the limit where he wouldn't be disturbed. Suicidal? Instinctual? I once prayed for new neighbors. I asked for Indian people with Ph.D.s, and possibly mental health professionals (the house next door kept housing real low-life. Even rats began to appear.). God provided EXACTLY what I asked for - Indians with Ph.D.s, one of whom was a mental health counselor like myself!!! What are the chances? Impossible. No 'chance' at all!!! They told me of an 'asana' performed by the woman's father of sitting in lotus, under water, holding onto reeds. He forced his consciousness to leave the body (he was delusional and falsely believed himself to habe leprosy). He was found dead, but there was no water in his lungs. He did not drown. He did what I described and his prana re-entered the Cosmic Ocean of Prana, so-to-speak. He died consciously. It was contrary to instinct to do that. Similarly...
I read about his stroke, but did not see the documentary. What was the confusion? For the Zen monk simply lying in bed and dying, death is "the squirrel running on the roof." Why not pipes running along the ceiling? Problem for Ram Dass is his intellectual attraction to Zen, while initiated by a Hindu Yogi. Conceptions got in his way (but I'm happy that he did not die).
-------------------- γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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rod
Ψ


Registered: 06/29/05
Posts: 3,727
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Good post  Reminds me of the American Indian tribes, sending the old off into the woods to die. Thats how I want to go. I,ll like to go off into the Alaskan wilderness.
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MOTH
Wild Woman


Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
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It seems to me that it's impossible to NOT die alone. Who can you take with you when you die?
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,534
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Re: I Want to Die Alone [Re: MOTH]
#5894345 - 07/24/06 01:26 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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ellemy is right all that trouble for what?
--------------------
_ 🧠 _
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder


Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 2 days
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Re: I Want to Die Alone [Re: MOTH]
#5894355 - 07/24/06 01:32 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Teenagers routinely off themselves in cars, taking any number of their friends with them. Of course, they never tell their friends its gonna be that kind of ride. Additionally, you know what I mean People often want their loved ones around, a huge maudlin drama, crying, fainting, the whole nine yards. If fear needs to be kept away by that, so be it. I just happen to believe that the nature of one's state of mind at the time of 'cessation' has a profound effect on the quality of one's death.
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Huehuecoyotl
Fading Slowly


Registered: 06/13/04
Posts: 10,685
Loc: On the Border
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"I just happen to believe that the nature of one's state of mind at the time of 'cessation' has a profound effect on the quality of one's death."
Well, they are your last minutes so you might as well enjoy them. As for me, just give me a 6 pack of beer, a dozen hits of acid, and a case of dynamite to help me enjoy my last minutes.
-------------------- "A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder


Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 2 days
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Because if one takes Yoga philosophy and psychology seriously, the way in which the prana [life-force] exits the mind-body makes a difference in the post-mortem state (clinical death does not mean that nothing is happening, only that electronic devices fail to detect brain wave activity. Subtle processes that correlate with subjective inner experience may be no more detectable than the inner experience itself. Only the subject Knows for sure.
-------------------- γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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