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OfflineSchwip
Never sleeps.
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Registered: 06/27/05
Posts: 3,937
Last seen: 11 years, 2 months
Apathy........ What have I become.
    #5876860 - 07/19/06 07:20 AM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Over the past year, I have had a bitch of time fighting my addiction to coke/crack. I have since attributed this struggle to most of my life's ills.

Seemed sensible enough, at the time, no?

Now truely looking back and even at present I'm starting to realize this is only part of the problem.

It seems even when not fucking around with the drug, I still seem to have no desire to do much more that just get by. Could this be a fall-out from the abuse?

I used to have dreams, desires, wanted to acheive things. But ive always been sort of a dreamer, and not one to really act much to achieve the things i want. Im content not being content?

So it becomes apparent this is the true root of my problem.

I lack focus. Have no disipline.

I guess what im asking, is how do i attain this?

I dont know.......I feel lost.


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" If the sky were to suddenly open up there would be no law. There would be no rule. There would only be you and your memories... the choices you've made, and the people you've touched. If this world were to end there would only be you and him and no-one else. "

..............

"MAN! You know there aint no such thing as left over crack!"



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OfflineDreamer987
The VerbalHerman Munster
Female

Registered: 04/15/03
Posts: 5,326
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 16 years, 1 month
Re: Apathy........ What have I become. [Re: Schwip]
    #5877503 - 07/19/06 12:07 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Find a hobby, or something that you can enjoy doing with your time.
Take up photography, or bikeriding or whatever.
Most importantly Quit that white bitch.


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OfflineSchwip
Never sleeps.
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Registered: 06/27/05
Posts: 3,937
Last seen: 11 years, 2 months
Re: Apathy........ What have I become. [Re: Dreamer987]
    #5877737 - 07/19/06 01:12 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

That is definitely something i need to do. A hobby. Something besides work to keep myself occupied.

Been kicking around the idea of getting a kayak. Or maybe just small aluminum boat....as I'm a pretty avid fisherman and love being on the water.


I know that I also need to meet some new friends also. As half the time I would never even be tempted to relapse if it weren't for the friends I keep.


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" If the sky were to suddenly open up there would be no law. There would be no rule. There would only be you and your memories... the choices you've made, and the people you've touched. If this world were to end there would only be you and him and no-one else. "

..............

"MAN! You know there aint no such thing as left over crack!"



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OfflineThe_Hobbit
Bilbo Baggins
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Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 1,382
Loc: The Shire
Last seen: 16 years, 10 months
Re: Apathy........ What have I become. [Re: Schwip]
    #5879954 - 07/20/06 12:36 AM (17 years, 6 months ago)

You will know what to do if you ask and answer questions.

Make a choice and follow through. One step at a time.


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Smoking my hobbit leaf...
Please keep in mind that I am just a human being. Please read my posts carefully and interpret their meaning for yourself.


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OfflineSyle
Kenai Sigh
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Registered: 10/16/05
Posts: 6,678
Loc: WA
Last seen: 10 months, 26 days
Re: Apathy........ What have I become. [Re: The_Hobbit]
    #5883787 - 07/21/06 07:25 AM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Schwip, pick up the book "Dialogue with Death" It will change your life. Good luck!


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https://kenaisigh.bandcamp.com/ <- Just completed the 2021 RPM challenge for February - An EP in one month (5 songs or 20 minutes). Check it out!


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OfflineSchwip
Never sleeps.
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Registered: 06/27/05
Posts: 3,937
Last seen: 11 years, 2 months
Re: Apathy........ What have I become. [Re: Syle]
    #5894723 - 07/24/06 03:36 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Very interesting book. I'll have to pick it up, for sure.
-----


This is getting ridiculous though,.... it so fucking easy to fall back into the hell i've created.

This past weekend, I had a pretty significant relapse. Don't know what prompted it really..

Friday night, went from going on a fishing trip, to spending a whole bunch of money on dope.
So end of the weekend comes and now I'm broke, riddled with guilt, and just in general feeling crappy.

and for what?

fuck.


--------------------
--------------------------------

" If the sky were to suddenly open up there would be no law. There would be no rule. There would only be you and your memories... the choices you've made, and the people you've touched. If this world were to end there would only be you and him and no-one else. "

..............

"MAN! You know there aint no such thing as left over crack!"



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Invisiblekorins
Antisocialite

Registered: 02/21/05
Posts: 221
Re: Apathy........ What have I become. [Re: Schwip]
    #5907724 - 07/28/06 01:33 AM (17 years, 6 months ago)

This probably won't help pragmatically, but might help your understanding.

Coke, meth, etc. make the dopamine (your brains pleasure chemical) levels spike to a very high point, probably unattainable naturally. Your brain begins to acclimate by reducing dopamine production and reducing the sensitivity. This is why recovering addicts have trouble finding pleasure in the things they used to for so long, and resort to relapse. It's a wonder anybody recovers really.

I'm sorry, but you have a hard path to traverse. Every use is digging the hole deeper. You can return to "normal" eventually though.

I wish you luck!


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