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Invisibleblo0mz
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Emotional Breakdown Incoming: Serious Help Needed
    #5872371 - 07/18/06 04:52 AM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Back when I was little, I had what I pictured the "perfect family". It consisted of my mother, my father, my dog Mookie and I (my sister was not yet born). We lived in a somewhat poor neighborhood but I was extremely happy regardless. My parents loved and cared for me, I played sports with my dad and little league baseball, and my mother was always there to support me and talk to me. She helped me with my homework and made sure I did well in school. I was a straight A student. Everything was great.

A few years later, we moved to a new town. My parents began to argue consistently. They would shut the door and all I would hear was yelling and screaming. No physical violence, but witnessing the vulgarity scarred me emotionally. I still remember the feelings of dread as I witness them shouting at the top of their lungs. I cried. A year later, my father, an attorney, moved to an apartment a town away. There was a lot of turmoil and my mother warned me that my parents might get divorced. This scared the shit out of me. While they never got legally divorced, they have been separated for around three years now. They are as distant as could be. They both claim to love and care about me but our relationships are nonexistant. The only time I talk to my mother, who I live with, is when I want food or money to go out and do drugs with my friends. My father, who I do not live with, often stops by and he too makes small talk sometimes but that's the furthest extent. Once in a while he'll theorize about where I could go to college or something but nothing more than that. I sit in my room all day on my computer or go out with my friends. Not to mention my grades have gone to shit.

I have memories of my father enraged. He's punched holes in the walls when I took a detour when I was supposed to meet him at my Grandma's because I thought I saw a suspicious gang. He's smashed a rolltop desk in front of me while screaming at the top of his lungs because I misplaced after he bought me a video card. He's literally kicked my ass up the stairs of my house- hard too. He's flipped out on MANY occasions like this; these are just the ones that come to mind. I am forever frightened of my father. I am literally fucking afraid of him.

A few minutes ago I was caught sniffing Oxycontin outside my house by mom who I apparently woke up. She screamed at me and went back to bed. I find it ironic that she should yell at me for waking her up and not even care that I was sniffing drugs right in front of her.

My parents:
-Buy me _everything_ I want. No questions asked.

-Cook for me.

-Take me places.

-Look at my report card when it comes.

That's about it. I feel like they don't give a shit about me at all. I have no aim in life and I don't know what to with myself and they haven't given me any guidance or support whatsoever. It's been like this for several years now. They claim to love me and my mom obligates me to hug and kiss her all the time but I really think she is just a zoloft dependent bitch who's afraid of being seen as a "bad mother". My parents do not talk to each other ever really and I believe they are both dating other people (I have no clue if they actually are or not - like I said, we rarely talk.)

My mother put me in therapy and insists that I am prescribed to some sort of anti-depressant. I think she just wants to give me a "quick fix" and not realize her own faults. I don't think any drug in the world could possibly mend this shattered relationship. It feels terrible and like I stated earlier, I'm more fucking confused than I've ever been. Guess I'll keep playing computer games and doing drugs all day. I don't know what else to do. Fuck this.

I really need help from someone, somehow. I'm going insane. I've considered taking my own life before but I don't think that I'd actually commit to it. I'm too much of a pussy. Oh yeah, and I have court tommorrow in three or four hours for possession of marijuana that I didn't even have, the cop straight up lied. I can't stand this anymore. Help me. Someone.

This Oxycontin is at least making things seem a hell of a lot easier. I feel a LITTLE bit less like a worthless piece of shit right now. Maybe I will go jerk off to porn as I'll never get laid myself let alone kiss a girl.


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InvisibleAcidic_SlothM
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Re: Emotional Breakdown Incoming: Serious Help Needed [Re: blo0mz]
    #5872404 - 07/18/06 05:13 AM (17 years, 6 months ago)

how old are you?


i suggest you lay off the drugs, they will only cause depression to be worse (at least that has been my experience, and i have a lot of experience with severe depression). you should talk with your parents about how you're feeling. tell your mother how you feel about her, don't let her talk, just make her listen to what you have to say. do the same with your dad, tell him how you are afraid of him, and let him know what you are going throught. sometimes they are just so caught up with their own lives, they don't realise that the one person they love the most (their son) is having a bitch of a time dealing with life.

if you can't talk to your parents, you should talk to one of your friends. you need to at least talk to someone who will listen, or even pretend to listen because it really does help.

i wish you the best, take care of yourself.


--------------------
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:heart: :todcasil: :heart:


Edited by Acidic_Sloth (07/18/06 07:28 AM)


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Offlinesoulcircus
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Re: Emotional Breakdown Incoming: Serious Help Needed *DELETED* [Re: Acidic_Sloth]
    #5872512 - 07/18/06 06:23 AM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Post deleted by soulcircus

Reason for deletion: .



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OfflineDrunkenAttempt
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Re: Emotional Breakdown Incoming: Serious Help Needed [Re: soulcircus]
    #5872517 - 07/18/06 06:25 AM (17 years, 6 months ago)

no no no no, he needs ecstacy and lots of it  :wink:


--------------------


Nature is my God, Science is my religion.


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InvisibleHELLA_TIGHT
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Re: Emotional Breakdown Incoming: Serious Help Needed [Re: soulcircus]
    #5872547 - 07/18/06 06:53 AM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

soulcircus said:
definatly keep away from the anti depressents, its the worst situation to use them in and will not help you at all.





ur a doctor irl?!?!?


--------------------




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OfflineLily_Morgan
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Re: Emotional Breakdown Incoming: Serious Help Needed [Re: HELLA_TIGHT]
    #5872588 - 07/18/06 07:13 AM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Well, what I'm going to say might actually offend some people, but since I'm speaking from personal experience I'm not too worried about it.

Kid, you have your whole life ahead of you. It would be incredibly stupid for you to take your own life because your parents don't love you like you want to be loved. In all honesty, when you move out and start working a job and paying bills and living your own life, what your parents do isn't going to mean shit to you. And seriously, I think if you were doing something more productive than playing computer games and sniffing painkillers you would have more to worry about and this wouldn't seem like such a big deal anyways.

Not to minimize how you're feeling in the slightest, but there are people who definitely have bigger problems with their parents than the typical "they don't love me enough" scenario. Not always, but a lot of the time when someone's parents split up that is the FIRST thing that they start thinking. I get that your dad is an angry bastard, and he has smashed walls when you were late coming home...but hon, there are worse things. My dad smashed my FACE when I would get anything less than an A- on school work.

I think you're at a point in your life where you need to pick your battles. For example, maybe instead of thinking about how not perfect your home life is, you could concentrate on bringing up your grades? Or try and get off the drugs? Trust me when I say that once you have more things to occupy your mind this is going to seem like small potatoes.

Also, I really don't think that anyone on here without a medical degree should be giving medical device, that's incredibly misleading...


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OfflineHerbus
...

Registered: 10/19/04
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Re: Emotional Breakdown Incoming: Serious Help Needed [Re: blo0mz]
    #5872743 - 07/18/06 08:42 AM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

tool_head said:
Back when I was little, I had what I pictured the "perfect family". It consisted of my mother, my father, my dog Mookie and I (my sister was not yet born). We lived in a somewhat poor neighborhood but I was extremely happy regardless. My parents loved and cared for me, I played sports with my dad and little league baseball, and my mother was always there to support me and talk to me. She helped me with my homework and made sure I did well in school. I was a straight A student. Everything was great.

A few years later, we moved to a new town. My parents began to argue consistently. They would shut the door and all I would hear was yelling and screaming. No physical violence, but witnessing the vulgarity scarred me emotionally. I still remember the feelings of dread as I witness them shouting at the top of their lungs. I cried. A year later, my father, an attorney, moved to an apartment a town away. There was a lot of turmoil and my mother warned me that my parents might get divorced. This scared the shit out of me. While they never got legally divorced, they have been separated for around three years now. They are as distant as could be. They both claim to love and care about me but our relationships are nonexistant. The only time I talk to my mother, who I live with, is when I want food or money to go out and do drugs with my friends. My father, who I do not live with, often stops by and he too makes small talk sometimes but that's the furthest extent. Once in a while he'll theorize about where I could go to college or something but nothing more than that. I sit in my room all day on my computer or go out with my friends. Not to mention my grades have gone to shit.

I have memories of my father enraged. He's punched holes in the walls when I took a detour when I was supposed to meet him at my Grandma's because I thought I saw a suspicious gang. He's smashed a rolltop desk in front of me while screaming at the top of his lungs because I misplaced after he bought me a video card. He's literally kicked my ass up the stairs of my house- hard too. He's flipped out on MANY occasions like this; these are just the ones that come to mind. I am forever frightened of my father. I am literally fucking afraid of him.

A few minutes ago I was caught sniffing Oxycontin outside my house by mom who I apparently woke up. She screamed at me and went back to bed. I find it ironic that she should yell at me for waking her up and not even care that I was sniffing drugs right in front of her.

My parents:
-Buy me _everything_ I want. No questions asked.

-Cook for me.

-Take me places.

-Look at my report card when it comes.

That's about it. I feel like they don't give a shit about me at all. I have no aim in life and I don't know what to with myself and they haven't given me any guidance or support whatsoever. It's been like this for several years now. They claim to love me and my mom obligates me to hug and kiss her all the time but I really think she is just a zoloft dependent bitch who's afraid of being seen as a "bad mother". My parents do not talk to each other ever really and I believe they are both dating other people (I have no clue if they actually are or not - like I said, we rarely talk.)

My mother put me in therapy and insists that I am prescribed to some sort of anti-depressant. I think she just wants to give me a "quick fix" and not realize her own faults. I don't think any drug in the world could possibly mend this shattered relationship. It feels terrible and like I stated earlier, I'm more fucking confused than I've ever been. Guess I'll keep playing computer games and doing drugs all day. I don't know what else to do. Fuck this.

I really need help from someone, somehow. I'm going insane. I've considered taking my own life before but I don't think that I'd actually commit to it. I'm too much of a pussy. Oh yeah, and I have court tommorrow in three or four hours for possession of marijuana that I didn't even have, the cop straight up lied. I can't stand this anymore. Help me. Someone.

This Oxycontin is at least making things seem a hell of a lot easier. I feel a LITTLE bit less like a worthless piece of shit right now. Maybe I will go jerk off to porn as I'll never get laid myself let alone kiss a girl.





Make of it what you will, after reading your post about 3/4 the way through I smoked some marijuana.

Do not kill yourself, you know what it is you wish to do.

You like drugs? I like drugs, I hate my mother whom I live with, and my father isn't seen much, despite deep down being as of yet the only person I feel any "divine connection," or "love" towards... I've had an addiction specialist comment in a positive light about my drug use...

If you have lots of spare time and you're already way into drugs, (such as oxy, which I was into when I had a job last year and could support heavy-abuse) you should consider putting forth some research and embarking on that wonderful journey of self-sufficiency.

I don't know your property, but research various plants and begin to look for areas to put them.

Growing plants, just the action of cultivation, is relaxing in itself, you have something to tend for, something to wait for, something to stay for... you can develop a little relationship with the plants. If you can get lost in plant cultivation you're GTG, despite perhaps morphing into a "weird" eccentric plant-lover, you'll be happy.

You can learn your psyche better through isolation, and other venues, just explore it. Learn to regulate compulsory-drives to modulate your neurochemical comstituency, learn to work -WITH- the effects of a lower dose, learn how to take drugs in the safest manner...

I'm still working on these things, as humans we're quite prone to mistakes... ok, well, it didn't work: try a different code. *

Don't be stupid though, don't do anything illegal... riiiiight?

A certain Papaver begin to flower after the death of my close cousin. Sometimes "they" time it quite well.

If you like computers, try considering the world a big program*, you have the ability to interpret, receive and project code... use the right code and you create something new, or fix an old problem, etc... or create new ones. Regardless, it's probably a big fucking cosmic game the consummation of which is much more unexplanable than often made out to be, but certainly nothing to worry about; and nothing to rush to either.


--------------------
...


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OfflineDrunkenAttempt
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Re: Emotional Breakdown Incoming: Serious Help Needed [Re: blo0mz]
    #5872758 - 07/18/06 08:50 AM (17 years, 6 months ago)

People have it alot worse than you man....like fuck, your parents buy you anything you want?? If you don't want to jerk off all day and sit around on a computer than do something about it...it's a big ass world out there...you probably think i come off as an asshole but i am trying to help you, but you have to help yourself too.


--------------------


Nature is my God, Science is my religion.


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OfflineBloodNOil
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Re: Emotional Breakdown Incoming: Serious Help Needed [Re: blo0mz]
    #5877735 - 07/19/06 01:11 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

I like how straightforward this problem seems. Human beings need love and human contact,
and from what you've said you're not getting much. Friends, especially drug friends, are
usually a poor substitute.

Unfortunately I can offer only an interpretation and not a solution. Best of luck.


--------------------
It's like a koala bear crapped a rainbow in my brain!


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Offlinetheuser
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Re: Emotional Breakdown Incoming: Serious Help Needed [Re: BloodNOil]
    #5877755 - 07/19/06 01:18 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

I have found when I'm super stressed or whatever either smoke some bud and watch some funny ass shows or take a walk in the woods. Or take a 5-htp and a day later take uppers or e.

:shrug: The above is prob bad advise but it works for me... I'm always happy! :crazy2:


--------------------
:heart:


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InvisibleDNKYD
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Re: Emotional Breakdown Incoming: Serious Help Needed [Re: blo0mz]
    #5877760 - 07/19/06 01:19 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Mommy and Daddy buy you shit and don't love you? Awwww you poor thing.

Get up and do something about it. I realize you're looking for kind words of encouragement, but get off your fucking ass and do something. YOU are the one that has to make the decision to make a change in your life. GET A JOB! MOVE OUT! START YOUR OWN LIFE! Stop being your Mommy's little emotional playtoy, stand up, be a fucking MAN and MOLD YOUR OWN FUCKING DESTINY.

There are people out there with problems that are way more serious than yours. Don't take your life like the easy-out pussies do. Tough it out, set goals and achieve them, and make something out of your life. I said YOU are the one who has to make the decisions and I'm serious. It seems like you're waiting for Mommy and Daddy to hold your hand as they walk you down the successful path of life.


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OfflineClammyJoe
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Re: Emotional Breakdown Incoming: Serious Help Needed [Re: theuser]
    #5877795 - 07/19/06 01:30 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Alright, everyone has been through this once or twice in their teen years, its alright man. Be thankful that your parents care enough about you to let you sit on the computer all day and buy things. But that has to change. Not only are you going through a depression, but I wouldn't doubt if both your parents are as well.

You need to (from my experience)

1. Kick the drugs for now, they will do you no good
2. Get out, take some walks, get some exercise
3. Computers are fun and all, but don't spend your days on them
4. Maybe get a little part time job, something for you to do on the weekends that productive, and hell, if your ambitious, go for something full time.
5. FIND A GIRL, its not that hard, you just have to be yourself with people, and if you like a girl, give her some hints, shit will work out.
6. Don't worry about your parents, once you start getting your own life, you will understand a lot more, and your relationship with them will become healthier in a way.


Edited by TheMadConductor (07/19/06 01:31 PM)


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Offlinetheuser
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Re: Emotional Breakdown Incoming: Serious Help Needed [Re: ClammyJoe]
    #5877820 - 07/19/06 01:35 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

TheMadConductor said:

5. FIND A GIRL, its not that hard, you just have to be yourself with people, and if you like a girl, give her some hints, shit will work out.




Don't take chicks seriously until 23+ I say! ( just to add to your sage advise TMC :wink: )


--------------------
:heart:


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InvisibleKingOftheThing
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Re: Emotional Breakdown Incoming: Serious Help Needed [Re: blo0mz]
    #5877832 - 07/19/06 01:38 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

you sound a little too young to be getting yourself into opitates, especially oxy. that is serious shit


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OfflineClammyJoe
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Re: Emotional Breakdown Incoming: Serious Help Needed [Re: theuser]
    #5877838 - 07/19/06 01:39 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

heh, and to add even further, theres a difference between not taking them seriously, and being a pig.

Different people play the game different, do what feels right to you.

If you feel like taking a girl out on a few dates, and then seeing were it goes, do that.

If you feel like finding a girl, getting her drunk, and fucking her brains out, go for it.


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Offlinetheuser
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Re: Emotional Breakdown Incoming: Serious Help Needed [Re: KingOftheThing]
    #5877848 - 07/19/06 01:41 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

pharms are bad mmmkay!


--------------------
:heart:


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OfflineClammyJoe
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Re: Emotional Breakdown Incoming: Serious Help Needed [Re: KingOftheThing]
    #5877850 - 07/19/06 01:41 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

I was gonna say, kick the opiates at least, but it couldn't hurt laying off all the drugs for the time being. Drugs will make a depression so much worse, and if you get an addiction to oxy, your gonna have one fucking hell of a time getting off of it, and could land yourself in rehab simply because of your depression combined with withdrawals will be too much.


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Offlinesoulcircus
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Re: Emotional Breakdown Incoming: Serious Help Needed *DELETED* [Re: HELLA_TIGHT]
    #5878218 - 07/19/06 03:29 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Post deleted by soulcircus

Reason for deletion: .



Edited by soulcircus (07/19/06 03:31 PM)


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OfflineSik
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Re: Emotional Breakdown Incoming: Serious Help Needed [Re: soulcircus]
    #5878242 - 07/19/06 03:38 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

smoke your parents up, or something.
Then they'll be happy :-)


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Offlinenotapillow
I want to be a fisherman
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Re: Emotional Breakdown Incoming: Serious Help Needed [Re: Sik]
    #5878438 - 07/19/06 05:03 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

dude
life is fucking hard
its always gone be hard. and usualy it gets hardder as you go. you gotta take a step back and not veiw things with such a anilitical eye. you are you, they are them. dont try to change them or you.
there is alot of good advise for you in this thead already
you have to realise that you are the one who controls your life. start thinking. start creating. start growing . become who you want to be



also dont be afraid of your father. i used to be
untill i was about 12 then i realised that i was already more mentaly sharp then he was
my dad drank his life brain and liver away
he never hit me but he has flipped oout in very similer ways as you described
by acting like that my dad just showed me he was still a little boy inside.
you are the bigger man


--------------------




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InvisiblePrisoner#1
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Re: Emotional Breakdown Incoming: Serious Help Needed [Re: soulcircus]
    #5878464 - 07/19/06 05:11 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

soulcircus said:
and the main basis of western medicine seems to be to releive the syptoms, hide the roots.




try telling your doctor that, they suspected my mom had a heart attack and
wanted to give her a stress test, she assumed it would be a little time on a
tread mill and a few other things, she got there and was handed a form listing
some drugs that they'd give her for this test,she's smart and reads the fine
print

the drug was supposed to expand her heart and possible side effects included
heart attack and death, she declined the test figuring that if the drugs are
worse than the symptoms, why bother. fuck a bunch of doctors


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Invisiblefearfect
Registered: 01/15/04
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Loc: Flag
Re: Emotional Breakdown Incoming: Serious Help Needed [Re: blo0mz]
    #5878482 - 07/19/06 05:17 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

sounds familiar. shit happens. there are and have been millions of guys just like you. you don't know whats going on. you don't know what's supposed to be going on. you think you're automatically supposed to feel happy all the time. but as i said, shit happens. and until you realize and really understand/embrace this simple phrase it'll still be hard. all the friction you encounter is what makes it worth living. trust me, if you haven't seen the good parts yet, you're bound to see them soon.

happiness is like an unreachable asymptote. normally you're stuck at zero, but those times where you spike upwards toward infinity make it all worthwhile.

wow that was lame


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InvisibleKrishna
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Re: Emotional Breakdown Incoming: Serious Help Needed [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #5878494 - 07/19/06 05:21 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

whoa that's fucked up pris, what year was this, and what drugs, do you know?

tool_head- existence is definitely intense and confusing to cope with. but with that intense madness can also come intense beauty. just look around, and i'm sure you'll see both everywhere.


--------------------




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Offlinenotapillow
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Re: Emotional Breakdown Incoming: Serious Help Needed [Re: Krishna]
    #5878499 - 07/19/06 05:22 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

perfectly put krish :gd_icon:


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