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InvisibleKingOftheThing
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its summertime: beware of the muffin top
    #5829510 - 07/06/06 09:24 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)




Muffin-top mayhem!

Can you smell what's cooking in New York? It's a
fresh batch of muffin tops — summer's new faux pas

By MARK ELLWOOD
DAILY NEWS WRITER


Ladies, it's time to admit the pants don't fit...


...Trash 'em and keep your spare tire under wraps.


Kelly Clarkson looks great, usually. But what was up with this getup at a recent concert?

Forget wearing white after Labor Day - there's a new fashion violation in town.
It's called a muffin top: that unsightly roll of flesh that spills over the waist of a pair of too-tight pants, like a muffin bursting out of the pan. And this fashion affliction hits celebrities as much as civilians, according to In Touch magazine's Jarrett Weiselman. "Queen of the muffin top is Courtney Love," he says. "And before she got pregnant, Britney Spears was also guilty."

Christina Aguilera is a reformed muffin topper, often spotted onstage during her wild-child period in a pair of badly fitting pants accessorized with an ample tummy roll. Kelly Clarkson is also a repeat offender. "Especially when Kelly first won 'American Idol,' the muffin top was the one thing that was common in everything she wore - nothing fit right." And her tummy can still be seen rising over the pants she's poured herself into on tour this month.

And it isn't just femme fatales that shop at the belly bakery; screen hunks can sometimes fall victim, too. Their condition? Stud-muffin top.

Matt LeBlanc has been known to top-out, and at the "Wedding Crashers" premiere, Vince Vaughn was hanging out a bit over his pants.

Midriff-bearing men needn't worry as much as their girlfriends, though: the problem's less acute in guys, says Shop Etc's fashion editor Kate Dimmock. "It definitely can happen, but isn't as exaggerated: Men are less inclined to force something. While women will say, 'I'm going to wear this no matter what,' men will say, 'This doesn't fit me, so I won't wear it."

Dimmock's point is crucial. The muffin-top problem isn't about fat but about bad fit: Even skinny supermodels can risk a tummy crust if they jam themselves into the wrong pair of jeans.

"If you don't dress right for your body, it doesn't matter what you're wearing," Weiselman notes. "Unless you have abs of steel, wearing anything that's too tight will immediately result in a muffin top."

And low-rise jeans have made things only worse: Where traditional jeans had a thinning silhouette, hitting at the waist, low-riders sit at the hips - or what Life & Style's Tamara Glenny calls "the bulging point."

Glenny also cautions that ill-fitting tops are as deadly as too-tight pants. "Tight stretchy tops are a problem, even though we always think of stretch as a good thing," she explains. "There's only so much stretch can do: if there's a lot of you, and not enough stretch, it actually enhances the muffin top."

Of course, that muffin top tends to occur just after you've gained weight (that extra hamburger or two on the barbecue all summer can pile on the pounds). If you are a little heavier than usual, you have a choice. Either admit it to yourself, buy a larger size and look as good as ever, or deny it entirely, squeeze into the same old jeans and show the whole world your bakery special.

"People think that wearing something tighter is going to be more flattering, when it's just the opposite," says Dimmock.

But those who follow every fashion rule and still suffer from a little tummy crust needn't worry - it does have one tasty benefit, according to Dimmock. "Men seem to like it," she says. "My husband likes to grab my muffin top and give it a little squeeze."

* * *

Summer's least tasty fashion violation is busting out all over town. Here's how to avoid it.


Tip 1: Minimize, sister!

Pick up the same magic underwear that Gwyneth Paltrow used to stay skinny-looking in the weeks after Apple's birth. "When Gwyneth still had some baby flab, she wore these amazing minimizer things called Spanx body shapers - like a tube, they can roll over any spot on your torso," Life & Style's Tamara Glenny says. Get 'em at www.spanx.com.

Tip 2: Get waist-ed

If you're still devoted to those hipsters, "look for a wider waistband on the trouser, or wear a wide belt with them - it holds you in a little bit more," says Kate Dimmock of Shop Etc.

Tip 3: Junk the hipster jeans


"There's a return to a higher rise right now - a lot of the super, uber-cool people aren't wearing tight, low-rise jeans anymore," says Glenny. For men, Dimmock suggests jeans by James Cured by Seun, which have a special, muffin top-fighting feature: an extra inch of room in the crotch for a comfier, less-constricting fit.

Tip 4: Cover it up

Wear floaty summer dresses, since they always offer a muffin-top-free silhouette. "Longer, Empire-waisted tops are also very trendy now, and they help everyone," says Glenny. "Made from soft, silky material, they hang gracefully instead of gathering tightly at the waist." You can still wear a midriff-baring baby doll; just remember to slip it on over a longer waisted tee, which then holds in any flab.

Originally published on July 21, 2005


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InvisibleKingOftheThing
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Re: its summertime: beware of the muffin top [Re: KingOftheThing]
    #5829515 - 07/06/06 09:26 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)




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OfflineRedstorm
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Re: its summertime: beware of the muffin top [Re: KingOftheThing]
    #5829522 - 07/06/06 09:27 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

:lol:

:thumbup:


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InvisibleKingOftheThing
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Re: its summertime: beware of the muffin top [Re: Redstorm]
    #5829529 - 07/06/06 09:29 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

nothing sexier than tight jeans on a fat chick :smirk:


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Invisiblekake
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Re: its summertime: beware of the muffin top [Re: KingOftheThing]
    #5829607 - 07/06/06 09:47 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

lol this article is so true. girls are stupid. i dont mind a big ass, as long as its in some jeans that fit it. the muffin top says to me 'ignorance' - either of the size on the jeans, or of their growing ass.


--------------------
The answer to 1984 is 1776.


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Offlinedebianlinux
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Re: its summertime: beware of the muffin top [Re: kake]
    #5829629 - 07/06/06 09:52 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

*people are stupid.


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OfflineScarletFox
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Re: its summertime: beware of the muffin top [Re: debianlinux]
    #5829635 - 07/06/06 09:54 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

:lol:


--------------------
"I will only complicate you - trust in me and fall as well." - TOOL



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InvisibleRandalFlagg
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Re: its summertime: beware of the muffin top [Re: KingOftheThing]
    #5829645 - 07/06/06 09:58 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

God...this is so true. Only really skinny girls should wear stuff like that. Conversely, only really buff guys should wear muscle shirts and shit. Do women want to see scrawny guys like me showing off their guns? Hell no.


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Offlineleery11
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Re: its summertime: beware of the muffin top [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #5829718 - 07/06/06 10:15 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

they might want to. you never know.


--------------------
I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo!

....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human......
Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!


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OfflineScarletFox
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Re: its summertime: beware of the muffin top [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #5829719 - 07/06/06 10:15 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)



--------------------
"I will only complicate you - trust in me and fall as well." - TOOL



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InvisibleKingOftheThing
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Re: its summertime: beware of the muffin top [Re: ScarletFox]
    #5829762 - 07/06/06 10:26 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

yuck!


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Offlinedebianlinux
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Re: its summertime: beware of the muffin top [Re: ScarletFox]
    #5829768 - 07/06/06 10:28 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

okay, i'm normally out when it comes to picking at people's looks and dress. that pic, however, crosses the line. i would actually be offended to see that IRL. i mean, even if the girl was 100lb lighter i'd still be offended. it's just wrong.

btw, why the hell does every single girl get her goddamned tattoo in that same hump-me spot? it's beyond passe.


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InvisibleLe_Canard
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Re: its summertime: beware of the muffin top [Re: ScarletFox]
    #5829782 - 07/06/06 10:31 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

ScarletFox said:





Scary! :eek:


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Invisibleeligal
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Re: its summertime: beware of the muffin top [Re: Le_Canard]
    #5829791 - 07/06/06 10:32 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

dammit, stop makin me look at that pic!!


--------------------
\m/ Spanksta \m/

"do you have the freedom to do with your nervous system what you want?"

"MolokoMilkPlus said:
I'll respect you if you let me give you a blow job"

"tactik said:
respect the can."



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OfflineToTheSummit
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Re: its summertime: beware of the muffin top [Re: debianlinux]
    #5829794 - 07/06/06 10:33 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

debianlinux said:
btw, why the hell does every single girl get her goddamned tattoo in that same hump-me spot? it's beyond passe.



Those aren't tattoos, they're bullseyes.  Something to aim at when you pull out.... :smirk:


--------------------
You invented the wheel....You push the motherfucker!!


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Invisibleeligal
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Re: its summertime: beware of the muffin top [Re: ToTheSummit]
    #5829799 - 07/06/06 10:34 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

:lol:


--------------------
\m/ Spanksta \m/

"do you have the freedom to do with your nervous system what you want?"

"MolokoMilkPlus said:
I'll respect you if you let me give you a blow job"

"tactik said:
respect the can."



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OfflineKonnrade
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Re: its summertime: beware of the muffin top [Re: ToTheSummit]
    #5829800 - 07/06/06 10:35 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Anyone who finds themself pulling out of Moby Dick needs to do themself a favor and cut their own dick off right then and there.


--------------------

I find your lack of faith disturbing


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Offlinedebianlinux
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Re: its summertime: beware of the muffin top [Re: ToTheSummit]
    #5829802 - 07/06/06 10:35 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

i know it's wrong of me and quite narrow minded but the first thing i think when i see one is SLUT and/or ATTENTION WHORE. i really wish this were not the case.


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OfflineKonnrade
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Re: its summertime: beware of the muffin top [Re: debianlinux]
    #5829811 - 07/06/06 10:37 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Same thing comes to my mind, really.


--------------------

I find your lack of faith disturbing


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Invisibleeligal
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Re: its summertime: beware of the muffin top [Re: Konnrade]
    #5829816 - 07/06/06 10:39 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Konnrade said:
Same thing comes to my mind, really.





you sick bastards!!!  :mad:


but yea I get the same...


--------------------
\m/ Spanksta \m/

"do you have the freedom to do with your nervous system what you want?"

"MolokoMilkPlus said:
I'll respect you if you let me give you a blow job"

"tactik said:
respect the can."



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Offlinemikeownow
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Re: its summertime: beware of the muffin top [Re: eligal]
    #5829877 - 07/06/06 10:55 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Hey my girl friend is fat, but she covers up =X


--------------------
No statements made in any post or message by myself should be construed to mean that I am now, or have ever been, participating in or considering participation in any activities in violation of any local, state, or federal laws. All posts are works of fiction.


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OfflineScarletFox
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Re: its summertime: beware of the muffin top [Re: mikeownow]
    #5829881 - 07/06/06 10:56 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

mikeownow said:
Hey my girl friend is fat, but she covers up =X




It's not weight. Thongs hanging out, bad tramp stamp tattoos, and pants 4 sizes too small aren't attractive on anybody.


--------------------
"I will only complicate you - trust in me and fall as well." - TOOL



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OfflineKonnrade
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Re: its summertime: beware of the muffin top [Re: ScarletFox]
    #5829911 - 07/06/06 11:03 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

ScarletFox said:
Quote:

mikeownow said:
Hey my girl friend is fat, but she covers up =X




It's not weight. Thongs hanging out, bad tramp stamp tattoos, and pants 4 sizes too small aren't attractive on anybody.




Indeed.


Of course, clothes that are too small do tend to look worse on someone whose billowing folds of obesity are just accentuated by being shrink wrapped in them.


I'm not offended when I see a chubby girl who is dressed sensibly, what bothers me is when 50 pounds of blubber is hanging out of every opening in whatever they happen to be wearing. I don't even see how someone can be so delusional that they wear clothes so undersized for them. it makes them look a hell of a lot worse than if they wore the right size.


--------------------

I find your lack of faith disturbing


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OfflineGillette
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Re: its summertime: beware of the muffin top [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #5831840 - 07/07/06 02:00 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

RandalFlagg said:
God...this is so true. Only really skinny girls should wear stuff like that. Conversely, only really buff guys should wear muscle shirts and shit. Do women want to see scrawny guys like me showing off their guns? Hell no.




come on Randal show me the guns!


--------------------
~Earth is the Insane Asylum of the Universe~

A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.


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InvisibleaNeway2sayHooray
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Re: its summertime: beware of the muffin top [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #5831927 - 07/07/06 02:22 PM (17 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

RandalFlagg said:
God...this is so true. Only really skinny girls should wear stuff like that. Conversely, only really buff guys should wear muscle shirts and shit. Do women want to see scrawny guys like me showing off their guns? Hell no.




You fish for complements more than any women I have ever known.I see you putting yourself down quite often only to have one of these shroomery girls say,oh randal you are hott,sexy,ect..

No offense.


--------------------
Mad_Larkin said:  Death is just a thang.
:clementine:
MrJellineck said:  Profits, prophets. That's all you jews think about.
sheekle said: life is drugs... and music... and cat... :snowman:


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