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OfflineTodcasil
rogue DMT elf
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Registered: 08/08/99
Posts: 16,381
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Last seen: 9 years, 6 months
Re: To stay friends with your EX or NOT. [Re: Iamthewalrus]
    #5812045 - 07/02/06 10:24 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

:todcasil:


--------------------
Men look at themselves and they see flawed humans, we look at women and we see perfect
GODDESSES
Women look at themselves and they seem utterly human, when looking at men they see proud
GODS.


~Casil



:cactus:

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OfflineIamthewalrus
every evening Idied and everynight I wasreborn
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Registered: 03/24/04
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Re: To stay friends with your EX or NOT. [Re: Todcasil]
    #5812065 - 07/02/06 10:37 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

lol is that some dude from megaman?

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OfflineTodcasil
rogue DMT elf
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Registered: 08/08/99
Posts: 16,381
Loc: Crawling on the floor...
Last seen: 9 years, 6 months
Re: To stay friends with your EX or NOT. [Re: Iamthewalrus]
    #5812069 - 07/02/06 10:39 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

no way its my greamlin!  Todcasil

:ashamed:


--------------------
Men look at themselves and they see flawed humans, we look at women and we see perfect
GODDESSES
Women look at themselves and they seem utterly human, when looking at men they see proud
GODS.


~Casil



:cactus:

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OfflineIamthewalrus
every evening Idied and everynight I wasreborn
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Registered: 03/24/04
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Re: To stay friends with your EX or NOT. [Re: Todcasil]
    #5812108 - 07/02/06 10:58 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

hes my hero!

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Offlinerawtoxic
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Registered: 10/06/02
Posts: 2,097
Loc: smokey mountains
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Re: To stay friends with your EX or NOT. [Re: Iamthewalrus]
    #5813095 - 07/02/06 05:46 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

thanks for the advice everyone.

i am still working through the motions today but I did leave her a message that I want to be at peace with her and we both leave with only good memories.

just call it 'yeah we'll still be friends' even though it is total bullshit is just a nice way of handling things but this time I thought I'd try a different approach and really what I learned it: 1) it's over 2) nothing I say changes anything 3) being spiteful will have no positive impact on either party 4) so be nice end things peacefully and you may cross paths again.

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Invisibledemiu5
humans, lol
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Registered: 08/18/05
Posts: 43,948
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Re: To stay friends with your EX or NOT. [Re: rawtoxic]
    #5813160 - 07/02/06 06:24 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

I don't know your whole situation, nor do I care to. But I've been through personal hell and back with a girl. I've known her for 4 years. We have been together twice. She basically left me for no reason, then the second time fucked me over pretty bad; fucked me up for a while. I hadn't seen her in 2+ years. We hung out last night and into this morning at a small show and it all seems so stupid as to why we weren't talking. We're both working from the point of putting our past behind us. Turns out she wants to hang out more often, which I would like to, but time is not on either one of our sides and there is a small drive (30 miles from one city to the other) between us.

I don't really know what the point is, but time has changed a lot of shit in both of our lives. I never saw this coming, but I have my old friend back. Don't do/say something that can make things difficult in time if time works out your differences.


--------------------
channel your inner Larry David

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InvisibleGumby
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Re: To stay friends with your EX or NOT. [Re: Veritas]
    #5813176 - 07/02/06 06:36 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Veritas said:
I think that it is only possible to be friends after a breakup if you were friends before the breakup. It does not sound to me like you were actually friends with your ex. It is probably best to move on & process the lessons that are available to you through this experience.




You speak the truth. The only ex's that I'm friends with now are the ones that I was friends with before.

I was in a relationship for 3 years with my last ex. The break up went well, nothing bad happened. Then she really pissed me off after the break up when we were still in the "fragile" stage. I told her off hardcore. I after that I didn't speak to her for about 2 months. I just talked to her on the phone last week and it was like nothing had changed. The relationship part of it wasn't there anymore. It was like we had never been in a relationship, but I know we both still have some kind of feelings. I guess it's love, I don't know though.

The ex before this girl, I just jumpped right into a relationship with her. I was actually a rebound guy... sucked for me. Relationship ended pretty nasty. I don't really talk to her at all anymore. Nothing more than the causal small talk, and that's maybe once every six months.

It's definitely possible to be friends with your ex if you were friends prior to the relationship. Although after that email you sent her, I'd be surprised if she's still interested in being friends. Either way, you guys need some time apart. Not just a few weeks. Maybe a few months, that's what worked best for me. Gave us both time to get our lives back in order.

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Offlinesplifner180
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Registered: 03/24/06
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Re: To stay friends with your EX or NOT. [Re: Gumby]
    #5813222 - 07/02/06 06:50 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

I'm friends with every ex I've ever had but 2. But whether or not that's your style is entirely up to you. Nobody can tell you that.

splif


--------------------
First Grow: Ecuador -> LC -> HPoo/Straw -> Monotub
Build a Do-It-Yourself Magnetic Stirrer in thirty minutes with no money.

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InvisibleRhysaboveit
Day Tripper
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Registered: 05/26/06
Posts: 218
Loc: Miami Fl
Re: To stay friends with your EX or NOT. [Re: Gumby]
    #5813282 - 07/02/06 07:11 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

I couldnt have said that last paragraph any better.

I've been in a similar situation, 2 years of my life to a man i was so deeply in love with but there were things that he did that i just couldnt get past. I realize now he did what he thought was right, and tried to protect me from what he saw as things that could hurt me, not really considering the fact that he was basically smothering me with his controllive nature. The break up shook both of us up pretty bad. He never thought i would actually leave him, and i never thought i would actually do it. But it happened. Enough was enough. Sometimes love doesnt conquer all.

We still talk, but we were amazing friends before our relationship. It's hard. We're still fresh from breaking each others heart but we know the friendship is worth it. He was the only person i shared my deepest darkest s ecret too and I was the only one in turn he trusted enough to tell his. But despite our bond, we needed some time apart, to heal. It took us a month to be able to really speak to each other again. And even still.


Dont throw up impenetrable walls , you never know if later you may have need to bring them down.


--------------------
No point in mentioning these bats, I thought. Poor bastard will see them soon enough

"There's a uh, big machine in the sky, some kind of, I dunno, electric snake, coming straight at us."
"Shoot it."
"Not yet, I want to study its habits. "

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InvisiblePenguarky Tunguin
f n o r d
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Re: To stay friends with your EX or NOT. [Re: Rhysaboveit]
    #5813296 - 07/02/06 07:16 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Good post. 

I just did the same thing.  Talked to this girl I liked a lot for the first time in 6 months.  I miss her still and miss the time we spent together when there was the magic of knowing that you were gonna see eachother at the end of the night and just chill with eachother and relax.

Some of the best times where when we would get really high and give each other massages while listening to some sexy electronic music.  Man....I need to stop talking about her.... :smile:


--------------------
Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.

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Offlinesome1whoisntme
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Re: To stay friends with your EX or NOT. [Re: Rhysaboveit]
    #5813353 - 07/02/06 07:27 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Rhysaboveit said:

Dont throw up impenetrable walls , you never know if later you may have need to bring them down.




Very true. In fact, my best friend is actually a girl I went out with for a while. I think the romantic spark just went away and we realized we were better off as friends than lovers. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Just depends on the people, I guess.


--------------------
"Ignore the distortion you're forced to percieve and believe that what supercedes is love, but who agrees?"

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InvisibleSkunk420
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Re: To stay friends with your EX or NOT. [Re: rawtoxic]
    #5813451 - 07/02/06 08:14 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

No, I am not friends with her, why would I do that?...I havent seen or talked to her in years.  :smirk:

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InvisibleCorporal Kielbasa

Registered: 05/29/04
Posts: 17,235
Re: To stay friends with your EX or NOT. [Re: rawtoxic]
    #5813463 - 07/02/06 08:19 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

DUDE!! Your bitching over a fucking glass pipe. Its her property! Respect her decision not to let you take it to a show where it could possibly be confiscated. Roll a joint.....

I still talk with most of the girls i have dated. I go by the rules of love and respect. For them and myself.

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InvisiblePrisoner#1
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Re: To stay friends with your EX or NOT. [Re: rawtoxic]
    #5813645 - 07/02/06 09:02 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)


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OfflineIamthewalrus
every evening Idied and everynight I wasreborn
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Re: To stay friends with your EX or NOT. [Re: Penguarky Tunguin]
    #5814412 - 07/03/06 01:12 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Penguarky Tunguin said:
Good post. 

I just did the same thing.  Talked to this girl I liked a lot for the first time in 6 months.  I miss her still and miss the time we spent together when there was the magic of knowing that you were gonna see eachother at the end of the night and just chill with eachother and relax.

Some of the best times where when we would get really high and give each other massages while listening to some sexy electronic music.  Man....I need to stop talking about her.... :smile:




dude...your a lil all over the place with this eh? one minute u say she was like great and shit...the other shes completely fucked and u don't wanna get back involved...make up your mind my friend! :laugh: seriously tho I know how tough it is and I have been in that exact position...one minute u see things as smiles and sunshine the next u see all the shit...I guess it comes down too...is she worth the shit and can u handle it

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OfflinexDuckYouSuckerx
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Re: To stay friends with your EX or NOT. [Re: rawtoxic]
    #5815138 - 07/03/06 08:55 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

rawtoxic said:
i was going to let this rest not talk to you, your
business card has been destroyed, all pictures
deleted, phone # lost,



Not really the way to start off a communication, honestly. I have lots of female friends and all of them seem to have boyfriends who send breakup letters like that. The psyche of "I'll never see you again!" is pretty lame when used as a threat, really. Also, "your business card has been destroyed" is just super gay. It would be one thing to take all of her shit and throw it away and never contact her,. It's kinda like the situation in Dr Strangelove, sorta, if you contact her to tell her you tossed all of her shit away, then you are obviously still concerned enough with her to try to take a dig on her. If you just destroy her shit and don't contact her, well, she doesn't know. The absolute best thing is to talk to her on the phone or in person, tell her how you feel without being overly emotional about it, then tell them you prefer not to speak with them again and that you won't call them and ask them to extend you the same courtesy. The only thing about this, you've got to really mean it. My friend Angela's ex said that to her at my house actually when I was upstairs, then he called her about 1 hour later to rant and bitch some more. It really loses effect when it's the fourth time you've told them that you'll never speak with them again. But still, thats a horrible way to open an e-mail unless you are a 15 year old emo myspace whore.
Quote:


then you called, why? to rub
it in? to give me some advice i don't care to hear?
why would I even listen to someone who won't give me a
chance with them?



Oh man, thats even worse. It's just pathetic begging now, honestly. If you REALLY DONT want to talk to her ever again, tell her that. My exg/f of four years cheated on me, I found out about it on a Friday night, confirmed it that Saturday, dropped her shit off at her house Sunday, a box with all the letters and shit shed written to me, pictures, all that stuff, grabbed my stuff and I haven't spoken with her since, thats been a year and a half ago. For the first bit, she called me about 3xa week, but she got the point when I never answered. You can't EVER pull the "I don't ever want to talk to you" bullshit if you then follow it up with some line baiting her into defending herself and trying to save the relationship.
Quote:


i mean i see you as a snobby little bitch that
wouldn't let me borrow her little piece of shit glass
pipe but she goes around saying "sharing is caring"
rest the time. i hope you REALLY like that pipe.




It also seems like a pretty petty incident, by itself. I'm sure that lots of other things happened as well and this was probably just the straw that broke the camels back. But I'd try to be general about things, rather than specific issues (unless she fucked another guy, in which case, be quite specific as to your reason).
Quote:


and your realness shit, you may think your super real,
you little hippy wannabe. did you read some book to
teach you to be REAL or just an EX-BOYFRIEND that left
you for not being REAL enough? your realness of
telling me what's on your mind everything a little
thing went wrong DROVE ME INSANE. maybe try keeping
your mouth shut and letting the little things slide to
make life a little more enjoyable.



OK, reasonably good paragraph, you told her what you thought, didn't get tied up in specifics and gave her some advice.
Quote:


fuck you and don't talk to me. it's water underneath
the fucking bridge. gone. go back to jersey.




You can't really make accusations, dangle "you never cared about me" in front of her and then tell her you don't wanna talk. If you really mean that, don't talk to her again, EVER. Don't answer her email don't send her letters don't call her and don't answer her calls. Most likely you won't do that because you seem to still care for her.
Quote:


sorry it turned out this way go fuck yourself




Yea, not the best way to end it. I worked through this dilemna when I found out that the whore was cheating on me. I figured that a well written letter with my concerns, the fact that I Was breaking up with her and the fact that I never wanted to speak with or see her again would be the way to go. I didn't use profanity, other than to describe an act i.e. "you fucked another guy", and I didn't dangle shit in front of her that she'd want to rebute and call me. I told her she was a worthless person and that she was no longer in my life. The thing is, you have to mean it. If you go on a four day cry binge and callher 20x a day telling her you'll never speak with her again, then you accept her back, you'll be a gigantic pussy for it.


--------------------
Unions are the bastions of the mediocre. - luvdemshrooms

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