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Quoiyaien
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Registered: 06/08/04
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1 hit LSD with 24 hours of meditation
#5809178 - 07/01/06 08:47 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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I had planned a trip to see the value of LSD during long periods of meditation, and I just completed my first planned experiment (for more information see this thread). I must say it was a lot harder than I expected. I took the hit as soon as I lit the candles and incense at 11:00pm Wednesday night, June 28, 2006. I sat, and stared at the wall. I sat in 30-minute intervals with 10 minutes of kinhin between. The first round was all anticipation, waiting for the acid to kick in. I must say that it happened very quickly. Within 15 minutes, I could already feel the beginnings of it. The first round ended, and I got up to walk around the room. By now the visuals are very dominant as I can see patterns all over the walls.
My practice room is perfect for this because I have it painted all white, plus I have an alter with a Japanese sitting Buddha, 2 plain votive candle holders, and a bowl filled with sand for incense. I walked around the room, then sat back down.
By now I am really feeling the acid. I can’t believe how strong these hits are! I sit down and say to myself "half an hour was easy, let’s try an hour" so I aimed to sit for an hour my second round. It was really cool; I could see the entire progression of the acid coming on. By now, I am so incredibly high, that I forget what time I started a round at. (Observation: acid not good for formal practice) So I say to myself "Fuck it" and just sit. I am constantly coming back the sensations of the body, the breathing, the seeing, the hearing, the smell of the incense, and the chirp of a cricket outside my window. I get carried away by the sound of it, and with that, re-initiate my practice.
I am noticing that I am experiencing all of this from a point of non-locality. I am sensing my body, the walls, opening to my peripheral vision, releasing contractions of attention, yet I am not there. I am experiencing all this, yet I am not experiencing anything. All there was, was experience. And with that, I felt as though I got struck by lightning, because in a flash, everything turned to this golden-white light, and I sat there basking in its beauty. I couldn’t believe how beautiful this all was. I started crying even, which incidentally woke me up back to my immediate experience. I realized that even the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, was simply a manifestation of the clarity I was experiencing. I can’t believe how long it’s been, as it is now 2:30am. I realize that I really need to pee, so I get up, and begin a round of kinhin.
I get back from the bathroom, and finish off the kinhin, then make my way over to my seat, and sit down. I make an effort to remember the time I started the round, so I placed in imaginary clock with the starting time at the corner of my vision. After some time, that quickly turned into a bigger clock, which turned into an even bigger clock that started counting backwards as if to indicate some sort of cosmic blastoff. I watched in anticipation as the clock counted down to zero, 5…4…3…2…1…0… “Hmmm, nothing happened, maybe the clock is broken” I noticed that I said this, and started laughing my ass off so hard that I almost fell off the seat. But then I looked down, and realized that exactly an hour had gone by. I couldn’t believe that I remembered to such an extent, that without even thinking about it, my sub-conscious created a countdown. I got up, and did another round of kinhin.
I sat back down, and began another round. This time, I said “I am just going to sit for as long as possible” and well, that’s what I did. By now I am entering into the peak of all peaks. It is pure chaotic bliss. There is no order to anything; everything just is as it is. I notice that I haven’t really been practicing all that much so I make a vow to myself that I will sit here, and practice. I can tell my back is starting to hurt, but I really don’t care. It’s like the energy is just building up, waiting for release like some cosmic orgasm. I notice this and re-initiate my practice. As soon as I do that, that energy explodes out of the top of my head, and I am simply sitting there, looking at the wall. There are lots of thoughts, colors, sounds, forms, smells, etc, but they are simply there. Not as isolated parts of experience, but rather as a unified whole… No, not even that, as that is something. I am noticing that every time I experience a moment of clarity, I try to label it, reducing the experience to some mere mental construct. It is, as my teacher would say, “Tying a knot in space.” I see this as some sort of mental filing system.
Then I melt… I begin to practice so thoroughly, that I am just sitting there amongst the whole of experience. Sitting is sitting itself, the wall is seeing itself, the cricket is hearing itself, and my body is just feeling itself. I am doing nothing to facilitate mindfulness, as mindfulness is doing that in of itself. I could say it was bliss, but it goes far beyond the mere concept of “bliss.” As time goes on, I start noticing that all the hallucinations are starting to fade. “Am I coming down”… I look at the clock and it is 6:30 am. I am starting to feel incredibly tired, yet I am still aware of it as just a sensation along with the rest of the experience. I get up, go to the bathroom, and then begin another round of kinhin.
I sit back down, and get back in the groove of 30 minutes sittings, with 10 minutes of kinhin. 30 minutes goes by very quickly, I get up and walk around the room. I sit back down, and resume zazen. My knees hurt so badly, they feel like they are going to explode. My back hurts, I am hungry as hell, and incredibly tired. I know I couldn’t sleep even if I tried, so I just forgot about that and resumed sitting. I am now entering the part that I knew would be the biggest challenge. Sitting for all of Thursday, after the acid had worn off.
I sit, walk, sit, walk, sit, and walk… I am practicing with every ounce of my being as it is now noon, and the acid is pretty much gone. Things are getting incredibly difficult. My knees hurt so much, but I must keep sitting. I must wake up. I have reached such a state of clarity, that despite my incredible discomfort, it is easy not to get involved with the pain. It is there, but I am simply feeling into it.
I managed to sit the whole afternoon, though not without incredible difficulty. I almost got up during every round between 1 and 5pm, but I stuck with it and sat. At about 6:00pm, I started getting so damn tired that if I ceased practicing for but a moment, I would have fallen right to sleep. “No, this is just an indication of sinking mind, PRACTICE!” I sit, and some how like a needle poking through a tough leather sack, my practice penetrates and transcends all discomfort. It falls away, and I am just sitting there, breathing. Another round ends, and I get up to do another round of kinhin. This time it feels so different. I am just walking, feeling each step as if it were the only thing in the universe.
I sit back down, and continue pushing on. I have come such a long way; to give up now would be unfathomable. I can do it. I will make it through. Now 9:30, my knees still feel like they are going to explode, my hunger is worse than ever, and I am on the verge of sleep. I managed to keep myself going by chanting the 16 bosatsu-kai repeatedly until the end of the round. I get up and walk around the room again, and sit back down.
10:47… Almost there!!! I can feel an overwhelming sense of accomplishment as I approach the end of this sitting. I look down at the clock ever 5 seconds it seems, but despite that….
IT IS OVER! I am done! I can’t believe I made it this far. I get up, blow out the candles, and go get some dinner.
Peace 
Edited by Quoiyaien (02/25/10 02:58 PM)
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dblaney
Human Being

Registered: 10/03/04
Posts: 7,894
Loc: Here & Now
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Re: 1 hit LSD with 24 hours of meditation [Re: Quoiyaien]
#5809415 - 07/01/06 11:07 AM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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-------------------- "What is in us that turns a deaf ear to the cries of human suffering?" "Belief is a beautiful armor But makes for the heaviest sword" - John Mayer Making the noise "penicillin" is no substitute for actually taking penicillin. "This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it, or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it." -Abraham Lincoln
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trippin_balls
Stranger

Registered: 04/09/06
Posts: 94
Loc: Australia
Last seen: 15 years, 2 months
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Re: 1 hit LSD with 24 hours of meditation [Re: dblaney]
#5810564 - 07/01/06 06:41 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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i liked reading that, good stuff.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,532
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Re: 1 hit LSD with 24 hours of meditation [Re: trippin_balls]
#5810628 - 07/01/06 07:18 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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ok. likr the teacher too
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hot48yearolds
Dharmakaya

Registered: 09/21/04
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Loc: lazy river road
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Re: 1 hit LSD with 24 hours of meditation [Re: trippin_balls]
#5810650 - 07/01/06 07:25 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Amazing report.
-------------------- "Truth is more in the process than in the result." - J. Krishnamurti "We ourselves are not an illusory part of Reality; rather are we Reality itself illusorily conceived." Wei Wu Wei
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Kras


Registered: 01/06/05
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Re: 1 hit LSD with 24 hours of meditation [Re: Quoiyaien]
#5812561 - 07/02/06 02:02 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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Your self-discipline is amazing but it seems that acid disrupted you a lot. It's interesting that before your experiment you wrote: "People use psychedelics, see the path, then follow it drug free".
Do you give up acid only or all psychedelics? Personally I find natural hallucinogens far more helpful in my path.
-------------------- enjoy life!
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Quoiyaien
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Registered: 06/08/04
Posts: 1,409
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
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Re: 1 hit LSD with 24 hours of meditation [Re: Kras]
#5812703 - 07/02/06 02:57 PM (17 years, 6 months ago) |
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I think what the acid did more than anything was bring out what was already there. What I am finding, is that after I experience a state of openess on acid, I form a mental construct of it. When I am being mindful to the point where that state would arise naturally, I sense it coming on and out of familiarity I try to cause those sensations to arise. As a result, the state of openess closes off to a state of manipulation of experience. I have only made my decision regarding acid, but it will be a long time before (if) I trip again.
What is it about the natural hallucinogens you find more helpful?
Peace 
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leery11
I Tell You What!

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
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Re: 1 hit LSD with 24 hours of meditation [Re: Quoiyaien]
#5961390 - 08/14/06 12:41 AM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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that's amazing...... not the acid at all moreso the sitting.
the acid experience sounds amazing too, but for meditation i really did notice how distracted you sounded, but..... distraction comes with and without acid huh, it's just that distraction amplified to psychedelic levels = ?
very interesting. and now you have all that lucy at your disposal, and the new found resolution that it isn't necessary?
what position do you sit in? when i try to do lotus or half lotus i end up losing so much circulation that after 20-40 minutes the pain is unbearable to move them and set them down, and it makes me think that i am doing damage.
thankfully the ability to sit that long helps me deal with the peain by just breathing and trying to envision that it is a good thing that will help me loosen my views on the immediate and shift them toward the big picture.
but leg circulation ah poor legs, it dies out so quickly at times.... it cannot be healthy
-------------------- I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo! ....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human...... Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,532
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Re: 1 hit LSD with 24 hours of meditation [Re: Quoiyaien]
#5961841 - 08/14/06 04:51 AM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Quoiyaien said: I think what the acid did more than anything was bring out what was already there. What I am finding, is that after I experience a state of openess on acid, I form a mental construct of it. When I am being mindful to the point where that state would arise naturally, I sense it coming on and out of familiarity I try to cause those sensations to arise. As a result, the state of openess closes off to a state of manipulation of experience.
what is most important here is the description of sequence (I am changing words deliberately -see if you can map them back ito what was written): 1. find an open handed connection. 2. dualize it into a mental construct. 3. return to the connection as a self aware actor 4. form a closed handed connection (grasping)
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one of the most beautiful words IMHO that has emerged from western philosophy is the term "undecidability" (-derrida) in it I see the open handed connection respected as a basic principle of experiencing, it is valued for itself and is discovered in all vital interactions.
in the practice of meditation one has an opportunity to rework some very general attitude, and one of the most valuable attitudes I know worth reworking is this open handed connecting, where one need not grasp or decide upon anything. the attitude may suspend in the void without "needfully" chaining to the next as part of any mechanical process...
it permits natural unfolding of what is already latent, like actually listening in the presence of a speaker.
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Quoiyaien
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Registered: 06/08/04
Posts: 1,409
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
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Re: 1 hit LSD with 24 hours of meditation [Re: redgreenvines]
#5962419 - 08/14/06 11:26 AM (17 years, 5 months ago) |
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I like to sit in burmese pusture when I am sitting for extended periods. It adds an element of instability to the posture however, but once you learn how to relax the muscles of the back properly, it gets easier. Still, I find lotus posture by far superior for shorter rounds (one or two hours) as the stretch required from the hips lengthens the muscles preventing them from contracting. This is much more painful for the knees mind you, but for short durations its manageable.
I want to quickly talk about distraction. Keep in mind that the above report is the summation of 24 hours of sitting condensed into a nice little report. Most of the time was in fact spent just sitting there staring at the wall. I couldnt tell you if I was more or less distracted than during a normal sitting marathon.
I have decided that I will do acid again, but not in such a strict environment. I will save it all for outdoor excursions and camping trips. I am going to wait until at least next summer though, and just stick to salvia in the meantime, she has been so good to me 
Peace 
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