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danlennon3
LivingIsEasyWithEyesClosed.....


Registered: 10/29/02
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Loc: usa
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Life, Love and all the BS in between
#5799537 - 06/28/06 02:13 PM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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hey everyone, it seems like I'm going through this never ending problem which will never be resolved... anytime something good happens in my life, or when I'm just feeling good about everything, i get shot out of the sky and plummeting to the bottom. I struggle to stay positive about everything but its just a matter of time when it gets too overwhelming.
let me give you a little history about my life... i grew up with depression my entire life.had friends but they put me through just as much pain as my enemies...its like whenever i talked, someone had to make a comment to hurt my feelings... so this caused me to feel completely alone. never had anyone to talk to about my problems. as a result, i became very lonely, even when i was in social settings. to this day, anytime I'm around people, i feel like i don't fit in.
halfway through high school was the turning point. i find a girl and it changes everything.we were perfect for each other and both highly in love. i went from suicidal to the happiest person in the world. i finally realize what it feels like to fit in with this world. i put my past behind and felt happy for the longest time in my life. well after a while, she began causing problems... they all added up and i had to dump her.. i loved her so much...so this put a nice damper on my ego... now its a couple years later, and Ive been at the rock bottom since.
what i learned throughout my life is to treat people as you want to be treated... also learned that people will step all over you if you do this. so i don't know how to live my life anymore.the assholes get all the girls. i never did anything to hurt anyone and i get hurt by people. nowadays i see all my friends having fun... i see scumbags get things that they shouldn't deserve. and i get nothing...
how do you stay positive when nothing goes right its all because of the lack of love. i need someone who will care about me as much as i do them. So this is what happens... I become depressed and people tell me that the reason i don't get love is because ''people can tell you are feeling down blah blah blah'' so i get out of the slump and get positive... after staying positive for a while, i notice that still nothing has changed... then it starts all over again
this this is my life... painful depression... ego boost... things start looking good... get shot down... even worse depression... struggle harder to stay happy next time around
so what do i do... i don't get a girl, even when i tell myself that i can... i end up doing drugs because its the only way to happiness... and i know someone is going to say stay off of drugs... but when its the only thing that brings happiness, I'm doing it. i cant live my life like this anymore,yet somehow i am. i don't want to kill myself or anything, i just don't want to be alive sometimes 
any advice would be appreciated. if you have been through similar stuff, let me know how you worked things out.
-------------------- "Psychedelics should be used not to escape reality, but to embrace it"
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capliberty
Stranger


Registered: 04/23/06
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Re: Life, Love and all the BS in between [Re: danlennon3]
#5799672 - 06/28/06 02:52 PM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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lifes hard lessons could teach you the way, who knows what next could happen for you,
I could tell you to be more objective, and seek out your goals with more assertion and direction, not beating around the bush, such as when you get shot down, you don't necessarily have to take it hard, you can learn from the experience and don't allow it any recourse in your mind, allowing defeatism to set in, play it off to the females and yourself it was no flack off your back and no blow to your ego, Oh well their loss, and move on without giving them seconds notice, then readjust and continue to play the field, until you've gain that confidence to come up to em all slick style, and their the ones fumbling their words, then once you've evolved yourself it won't be a thing,
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs


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Re: Life, Love and all the BS in between [Re: danlennon3]
#5799897 - 06/28/06 04:03 PM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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Hmmmm, we all go through that even if we admit or not. We all have our pains and one great ability is being able to transform them into pleasures. An, lol I'm not talking necessarily about masochism, I'm talking about having a long talk with each of our aches. See, these pains we have teaches us the best way if we just listen to them instead of hating them cause then what we really do is hating a part of ourselves. And this is not supposed to happen, cause as old and used as it may sound, REALLY, if you don't love and understand yourself none ever will. Try to opened to your problems in front of yourself in the beginning and then in front of others. See, we got this stupid idea from lol "the air" that showing and exposing your aches make people hurt you even more. Which is not entirely false, but there is a slight of possibility of making others to see you and value you for who you really are. And then you find happiness. And then you discover more and more yourself and see that in fact, the ones you considered of being your deficiencies are nothing else but your sensitive part. And being sensitive is not a bad thing, lol in fact it is one of greatest qualities. Try to speak with your heart, cause when you're totally "vulnerable" as many name it, in fact that's when nobody or nothing can hurt you. Instead of guarding yourself from those who are mean, try and tell them you are hurting my feelings and that's not who I am, I can be the best of me, and if YOU or ANYBODY else can't or won't see this, then it's your mistake not mine. Don't let anybody or anything to make you believe bad stuff about yourself, cause that's when you become what they say. When if fact your true nature is good. I am telling you all these cause I had my share of fights with problems like that, and still am, only that I'm gaining strenght when I take a victory. And probably I'll always have my doubts, my bad or even hellish moments. But I'm starting to become more aware that I can't anything else then what I wish. So if you wish good, you are strong. And there are times when I'm so down that I can't remember what I thought, but then something happens and pulls me back to the real me. Self confidence is nothing else then getting in touch with the real you. And losing yourself can be the root of a new shift in your life. So don't be afraid of that moments cause they're made to make you more aware if you let them to. And if refuse to let yourself down. We all have our corespondent in this world, people who get through to you, moments which you feel that they are especially for you. And then you'll start to make the difference between being alone and being lonely. You can be alone and feel connected with everything as well as you can feel lonely with many people around you. And this is too a matter of point of view. And then, after all that, you'll see being alone as that time which makes you enjoy your moments you had with others and are to be realized only then.
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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OldWoodSpecter
waiting


Registered: 02/01/05
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Re: Life, Love and all the BS in between [Re: danlennon3]
#5799908 - 06/28/06 04:05 PM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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We all need love, yes, but there isn't enough love in the world for everyone, so we fill our lives with bullshit, which sometimes works
-------------------- I descend upon your earth from the skies I command your very souls you unbelievers Bring before me what is mine
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SneezingPenis
ACHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!111!

Registered: 01/15/05
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Re: Life, Love and all the BS in between [Re: danlennon3]
#5800012 - 06/28/06 04:35 PM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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Sounds to me like you need someone else to be a complete person.
Why do people think that they need someone to be happy? seems kind of backwards to me. Wouldn't it make more sense to become an autonomously stable and happy person before trying to lug your fractured life onto someone elses front porch?
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Veritas

Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
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Re: Life, Love and all the BS in between [Re: SneezingPenis]
#5800238 - 06/28/06 05:56 PM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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I agree with you 100%.
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OldWoodSpecter
waiting


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Re: Life, Love and all the BS in between [Re: SneezingPenis]
#5800275 - 06/28/06 06:07 PM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
psilocyberin said: Sounds to me like you need someone else to be a complete person.
Why do people think that they need someone to be happy? seems kind of backwards to me. Wouldn't it make more sense to become an autonomously stable and happy person before trying to lug your fractured life onto someone elses front porch?
They don't think it, they just feel the need. It's really simple.
-------------------- I descend upon your earth from the skies I command your very souls you unbelievers Bring before me what is mine
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Veritas

Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
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Re: Life, Love and all the BS in between [Re: OldWoodSpecter]
#5800286 - 06/28/06 06:11 PM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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Companionship is wonderful, but not essential to happiness. Loneliness is painful, but not a complete impediment to happiness. It is a faulty thought process which translates feelings of loneliness into an imperative "I MUST have friends, I MUST have a lover in order to be happy!"
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OldWoodSpecter
waiting


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Re: Life, Love and all the BS in between [Re: Veritas]
#5800303 - 06/28/06 06:16 PM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Veritas said: Companionship is wonderful, but not essential to happiness. Loneliness is painful, but not a complete impediment to happiness. It is a faulty thought process which translates feelings of loneliness into an imperative "I MUST have friends, I MUST have a lover in order to be happy!"
Well since most people are automats, they have no choice over what they feel. When a rock falls on their foot, they scream, when someone gives them a gift, they are happy. It's simple. Cause and effect. If they weren't programed like that, they would fall appart because outside of all this patchwork they do NOT exist as entities. You have to love them for what they are. Maybe same can be said for all humans, but I'm not sure, I think some people have some degree of consciousness.
No primate has control over itself, it just does what it does. Humans are like that only more complex, their automation is more complex, but its still preprogramed.
-------------------- I descend upon your earth from the skies I command your very souls you unbelievers Bring before me what is mine
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Triplexiosis
Lachrymologist


Registered: 12/17/04
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Re: Life, Love and all the BS in between [Re: OldWoodSpecter]
#5800328 - 06/28/06 06:24 PM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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"Loneliness is painful" Loneliness is not always painfull, it can be a necessity. Flowers need some room to grow.
"Maybe same can be said for all humans, but I'm not sure, I think some people have some degree of consciousness." I think all people have some degree of consciusness, though some have it stuffed down quite deep inside. Most of us refuse to be aware of our shadows though, or just don't know how to unlock it.
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"If there were no desire to heal, the damaged and broken met along this tedious path I've choosen here, I certainly would have walked away by now" Tool - Patient "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye." Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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SneezingPenis
ACHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!111!

Registered: 01/15/05
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Re: Life, Love and all the BS in between [Re: OldWoodSpecter]
#5800350 - 06/28/06 06:30 PM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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I think we are merely primates that have the curse/gift of being able to put words on things like varying degrees of affinity.
Love isn't the orgasm of life, Love is a symbiotic relationship, or atleast the acknowledgement of one.
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OldWoodSpecter
waiting


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Re: Life, Love and all the BS in between [Re: SneezingPenis]
#5800417 - 06/28/06 06:50 PM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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This is great. I've just found that Triplexiosis is also from Croatia. I guess I'm no longer the ambasador here :p
You see, there are actually 2 people with access to internet in Croatia, Guess this is gonna blow you all away how advanced this country is. 2 people!! Just kidding, I've recommended shroomery to some friends of mine but they didn't want to join.
-------------------- I descend upon your earth from the skies I command your very souls you unbelievers Bring before me what is mine
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SneezingPenis
ACHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!111!

Registered: 01/15/05
Posts: 15,427
Last seen: 6 years, 8 months
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Re: Life, Love and all the BS in between [Re: OldWoodSpecter]
#5800448 - 06/28/06 07:05 PM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
The estimated Gross Domestic Product per capita in purchasing power parity terms for 2004 was USD 11,200
5.6 exchange rate for USD..... are you a Croatian elite?
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Penguarky Tunguin
f n o r d

Registered: 08/08/04
Posts: 17,192
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Re: Life, Love and all the BS in between [Re: danlennon3]
#5800461 - 06/28/06 07:09 PM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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You work things out by stop having a "woe is my pussy" horseshit attitude. I don't mean to come off like an asshole. But you got to wake up son, and realize that you only live with yourself...all the time. No one can make you happy, they can only make you happier. If you rely on someone else in order to be happy, you're living a lie and I believe you know it, but are avoiding it and will eventually rise to the surface with the attitude you now have. Take a good look and see why you REALLY have this attitude, I think you'll be surprised at what you find out.
Remember that in order for a relationship to work, both partners must be complete "circles" in and of themselves. If they are both imcomplete and rely on someone else to complete them, it is destined to fail. I'm beginning to think that a very select few people actually know how to become complete. Everyone is trying to find out, yet they don't do anything about it.
Make your life what you want it to be without anybody else and you will attract the necessary people, objects, events...etc.
-------------------- Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.
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danlennon3
LivingIsEasyWithEyesClosed.....


Registered: 10/29/02
Posts: 19,246
Loc: usa
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Re: Life, Love and all the BS in between [Re: SneezingPenis]
#5800726 - 06/28/06 08:40 PM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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thanks for all the help guys. i do have a lot of good qualities but i want to see these qualitites help me for a happier future.. im a strong person inside, thats why im still here. sometimes i think i give too much love without expecting anything in return. i want something good to come around every once in a while, but i know i cant sit and wait for it to happen. sometimes i let my emotions take over and it stops me from reaching many goals.
Quote:
psilocyberin said: Sounds to me like you need someone else to be a complete person.
Why do people think that they need someone to be happy? seems kind of backwards to me. Wouldn't it make more sense to become an autonomously stable and happy person before trying to lug your fractured life onto someone elses front porch?
i dont think i need someone to be happy. but i like having someone to love, and love me in return. i feel more complete with a mate, because i love seeing people happy from my actions. if i got a girl, i wouldnt drag her into a relationship of drama and sadness. i dont like showing this ''fractured life'' to people unless they can help. when i have love, i do feel more stable
-------------------- "Psychedelics should be used not to escape reality, but to embrace it"
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Veritas

Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
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Re: Life, Love and all the BS in between [Re: danlennon3]
#5800784 - 06/28/06 08:52 PM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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Don't save your love and caring and generosity of spirit for a mate. There are many people around you who would appreciate the gift & it is great practice to love others without expectation of a relationship.
I started out by using my 15-minute breaks at work to circulate love to my co-workers. I would pay attention to whomever seemed the most tense, lost, worried, etc...by asking them how they were doing, mentioning something positive about them, and scratching their back.
I got back much more from this practice than I gave. The outpouring of gratitude and love was amazing. Many people feel just as you do now...they are lonely, they feel unloved and alone, they wish that someone would love them, and that they had someone to love. Offer them what you want for yourself, then ask for nothing in return.
Edited by Veritas (06/28/06 09:00 PM)
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fireworks_god
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Re: Life, Love and all the BS in between [Re: danlennon3]
#5800803 - 06/28/06 08:57 PM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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To be concise, the more you allow your emotional state of being to lie contingent upon external conditions, the more susceptible we are to having that emotional state of being immersed in negativity. 
There is one's direct experience and perception of life, and then there is one's life situation. One's life situation is always an oppurtunity to develop as a human being in a manner that will allow you to exist in a state of continous fufillment. The less attached you are to one's sense of occurences in one's life situation, the more one's consciousness is free to experience life itself... one's emotional state of being gushes forth naturally as a result.
The quickest step towards actualizing this? Begin to impartially observe your mind. Simply bring awareness into your thoughts. When you behave in a certain manner or experience a certain feeling, really watch your mind, and question what is occuring in your mind that is responsible.
Bring awareness within. With awareness, comes understanding. If you understand why something is the way that it is, you will also understand the mechanics that can give rise to anything else, which means you will know how to bring forth the change you seek.
Stuff like that. You seem to understand a lot of this, but are still stuck in between. Apply yourself to mental change, if you understand, then don't continue to suffer! 
 Peace.
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If I should die this very moment I wouldn't fear For I've never known completeness Like being here Wrapped in the warmth of you Loving every breath of you
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SneezingPenis
ACHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!111!

Registered: 01/15/05
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Re: Life, Love and all the BS in between [Re: danlennon3]
#5800805 - 06/28/06 08:58 PM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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it just sounds to me like you need some sort of external validation for yourself, as if you think your self worth is better when you attach yourself like a remora to someone.
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Veritas

Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
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Re: Life, Love and all the BS in between [Re: SneezingPenis]
#5800818 - 06/28/06 09:02 PM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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Remora 
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OldWoodSpecter
waiting


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Re: Life, Love and all the BS in between [Re: SneezingPenis]
#5802090 - 06/29/06 03:35 AM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
psilocyberin said:
Quote:
The estimated Gross Domestic Product per capita in purchasing power parity terms for 2004 was USD 11,200
5.6 exchange rate for USD..... are you a Croatian elite?
Not really. I am sort of the low-middle class. But you don't know Croatians. They are poor, but they spend every last penny trying to hide it, a very snoby nation. So I really don't know anyone personally that doesn't have a brand new car a computer and all that plastic crap. Everyone is in debts, most people use credit cards now. You can say Croatians are more in debt than any other nation. Even our government is most in debt of all european nations.
And don't let the exchange rate decieve you. It does kill us on food and import merchandise, but we pay a fraction of what you pay in US for appartment rent, electricity, all other bills. so it's not so bad. It's just bad if you are planing to buy a car.
Our poor people live the same as your poor people. Our rich people live the same as your rich people. The difference is the middle class. Your middle class is way above our middle class. For example, a judge here and a judge in US is a big difference in terms of what they can affoard. But if you are a capitalist here, you can really get rich, as anywhere else (probably easier due to corruption)
-------------------- I descend upon your earth from the skies I command your very souls you unbelievers Bring before me what is mine
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Triplexiosis
Lachrymologist


Registered: 12/17/04
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Loc: Europe
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Re: Life, Love and all the BS in between [Re: OldWoodSpecter]
#5802400 - 06/29/06 08:16 AM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
But you don't know Croatians. They are poor, but they spend every last penny trying to hide it, a very snoby nation.
indeed, people here spend money on cars when not having enough for food, just to show of.
--------------------
"If there were no desire to heal, the damaged and broken met along this tedious path I've choosen here, I certainly would have walked away by now" Tool - Patient "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye." Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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