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zSDMF
Stranger


Registered: 09/07/04
Posts: 10,562
Loc: lost in nothing
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life..
#5795375 - 06/27/06 10:15 AM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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things are finally doing good for me.
i'm not moaning; not at all. i'm just happy and stating it. it's pretty much like this: i'm (or, rather, i was instead of i am) pretty fucked mentally. i have a very heavy case of shyness and paranoia and have since I can remember. I know the root of it but only one person online really knows it (infinite/wes) and i'm not gonna go into it.
but, things are looking up. i've been through fucked up shit with my friends, and i'm finally starting to think i've got a best friend i can trust and who would never lie or hurt me intentionally. socially, i'm doing way better than I ever have and i'm feeling so good.
as the name implies, i like to party. i used to get really out of it and make everything feel like a dream and nothing was real when I smoked (i have been for 6 years almost daily and i'm just now getting it.) it was really awkward and almost not worth it, but i did it because my friends did.
i got drunk, stoned, and took something last night and felt normal. i was me.. just high and drunk. which was the best thing ever. i'm eyeballin a girl who's into me for who i am, hair and music tastes in all. she's gorgeous and legal.
it's like, things are finally going for me. what's fucked up is things always have been for me. my mind just fucked it up, somewhere between my asshole brother, fucked up family life, and my overdose a while ago. i honestly believe i'm finally coming back to me. me and wes talked about it, and he put it best. when big tragic things happen to you, parts you just leave. they're starting to come back
call this a free post or spam or whatever, but i'm slightly high and feeling better than i ever have in my life. i feel normal.
cheers everyone. you only live once; we're all alive.. make the best of it.
peace
signed, clint/xd/shroomy/zsd
aaaand, i posted this same message on all my boards i post on a lot. if it sounds choppy or strange, it's cuz i was originally talking to a specific group, just didn't wanna retype it. i'm all opiated
Edited by zSDMF (06/27/06 10:17 AM)
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Organic
Lloyd

Registered: 04/14/02
Posts: 5,774
Loc: Overlook
Last seen: 14 years, 7 months
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Re: life.. [Re: zSDMF]
#5795400 - 06/27/06 10:23 AM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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I had a similar realization a few months ago--that we construct our own obstacles out of fear or unwillingness to take the path we *know* we should be on. A lot of what I felt I had "learned" throughout the first 22 years of my life were simply misinterpretations of reality to pacify myself.
I obscured who I really was and what I was after for years, out of depression, misdirected self-hate, seeking acceptance from those who I futiley attempted to change their perspective, I have been tearing down my hang-ups and obstructions in the past few months and feel amazing.
I think everyone goes through numerous cycles of this throughout life as an inherent part of maturing, but what a relief to accomplish something within yourself, eh?
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zSDMF
Stranger


Registered: 09/07/04
Posts: 10,562
Loc: lost in nothing
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Re: life.. [Re: Organic]
#5795457 - 06/27/06 10:44 AM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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yes, and it feels great.
it's like, for the longest fucking time, my mind has been set up like a video game. hey, you got busted for small time posession? negative 100 points, that's gonna hurt when i finish.
i thought like that about everything for the longest time. this might sound selfish, but fuck.. i feel normal now. nobody's keeping count, especially my own fucking mind, anymore. it's an amazing feeling.
i'm 20, and since the time i've been maybe.. 12, i feel like i've stopped living until this very day maybe an hour ago. it's like i'm 12 years old, continuing where i left off. alive and free.
great feeling, i'm feeling too good. i probably soun dlike a stupid kid.. but that's what i feel like. best feeling ever
!
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