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OfflineToTheSummit
peregrinus
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My Saturday night at the bar (kinda long story, but worth it!)
    #5747433 - 06/13/06 09:26 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

So Saturday night I go over to the local bar that I have staked out as my "home turf" here in Ocean Beach.  Wife didn't want to go out so I walked over alone and started just drinking and talking to the regulars.  All seemed normal except for a small group up by the door playing pool and being loud.  It was two women and one man.

Eventually, one of the chicks steps up to the bar next to me and orders another round.  They are drinking vodka shots...no ice, no mixers, just double shots of Kettle-One.  As she is waiting for her drinks she turns her attention to me.  We exchange the usual pleasantries (Hellos, names, etc).  But within about one minute she begins to hit on me.  And I'm not talking a little flirting here.  I'm talking grabbing on to me and biting at my neck, asking if I'm a freak, and pretty much making it as obvious as possible that she would like to fuck me on the spot.

I defend myself from the unwanted advances but remain friendly and keep talking to her just thinking she is uber-drunk.  She eventually tells me that I should come over to the table and meet "wife #1". :what: I can't quite figure out what she means by this but as our conversation goes on it all starts to click.  This guy is a polygamist and he is out at the bar with wives #1 and #2 (turns out that #3 is home watching the kids)!

So now I am intrigued.  I've got to go over and meet these people!  So I go sit at their table and start to get the story.  They are from Utah (big suprise) and they came to San Diego to see wife #2's mother who is ill.  They are all right around 40 years old.  And they are currently looking to find another wife (#4).  But as I sit with these people they are nothing like other polygamists I have known.  Others were always very religious and striaght-laced types.  But these people are going nuts.  The two wives keep kissing on each other and they both keep taking turns with hubby.  And they are all getting shitfaced.  And to top it all off wife #2 can't keep her hands off of me!  She keeps trying to stradle me on my bar stool and grabbing my hands and sticking them up her dress!  I'm doing what I can to defend myself without being completely rude just because I am having such a blast listening to their story.

Eventually I have to get away from it all for a minute so I get up and walk out onto the sidewalk for a smoke (can't smoke in bars in Cali).  Of course it only takes a minute and guess who shows up....yep, wife #2.  She grabs me, starts to pull me down the sidewalk, and says "C'mon, we're going down to the beach!"  I pull away from her and say "Look!  First of all, lets forget that I am married (I had already talked about my wife with them), assume I wasn't completely feaked out by you, and I actually wanted to do this.  Theres no way in hell I'm gonna piss of that scary fucker in there!!" and I point through the window to her hubby.  Let me tell you at this point that the husband was one very large and scary looking dude.  The best celebrity look-alike I could muster would be Jesse Ventura.  And drunk or not I wouldn't want to be on the wrong side of a guy that big!

She says "Don't worry, he lets me have what I want!"  Then she yanks me into the doorway and announces to him (as well as everyone else at the bar) "Hey, I'm taking this guy down to the beach for a bit!"  The guy turns to me and says "You can only fuck her in the ass." and gives me a big smile! :eek:

I'm standing there with my mouth hanging open wondering how fucking fast I can run home at the moment!  I'm pretty sure I'm faster then any of these drunk fuckers and I suddenly just want to get as far away as possible.  As I'm about ready to make my hasty exit my salvation appeared in the form of wife #1.  She steps forward and says "Hey, this guy is married and I don't think thats cool!  Besides, I want to go."  So she (wife #1) gathered up wife#2 and the hubby and in less then a minute they were gone.

I stumble back to the bar, sit down, and order another beer.  Soon we are all sitting around laughing at the freak show we had just witnessed.  But I am laughing hardest, mostly out of relief that I survived the whole experience unscathed!

So I'll never forget the night the drunk polygamist bitch tried to pick me up!! :grin:


--------------------
You invented the wheel....You push the motherfucker!!

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Offlineeris
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Registered: 11/17/98
Posts: 48,024
Loc: North East, USA
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Re: My Saturday night at the bar (kinda long story, but worth it!) [Re: ToTheSummit]
    #5747468 - 06/13/06 09:34 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

:rofl2:

That was a good story.. they sound like some crazy bastids! :crazy2:

I would have felt real awkward in that situation too.


--------------------
Immortal / Temporarily Retired
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Offlineevolprim
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Re: My Saturday night at the bar (kinda long story, but worth it!) [Re: ToTheSummit]
    #5747481 - 06/13/06 09:40 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

haha 5 shrooms for the best story ive heard on this site

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Offlinedrtyfrnk
PresidentialCandidate 2008
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Re: My Saturday night at the bar (kinda long story, but worth it!) [Re: evolprim]
    #5747510 - 06/13/06 09:48 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

:popular:

OMFG, great motherfucking story.

Your getting 5 shrooms from me as well for that.

Just, wow.  Bravo good sir.


--------------------
It's Krang, Bitch!  :krang:

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OfflineRamuh
Finder of thesubbs

Registered: 07/04/05
Posts: 837
Loc: Columbus, Ohio
Last seen: 9 years, 6 months
Re: My Saturday night at the bar (kinda long story, but worth it!) [Re: ToTheSummit]
    #5747537 - 06/13/06 09:56 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Hahaha.

Fucking awesome story.


--------------------
Radio is down for a day or two to transfer all my music, and do some other work.

"Light, coming from my mind. We are one, the night has just begun"

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OfflineDobie
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Re: My Saturday night at the bar (kinda long story, but worth it!) [Re: ToTheSummit]
    #5747539 - 06/13/06 09:57 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

now what if you werent married :laugh:


--------------------
This place is gayer than when the balls touch

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InvisibleRandalFlagg
Stranger
Registered: 06/15/02
Posts: 15,608
Re: My Saturday night at the bar (kinda long story, but worth it!) [Re: ToTheSummit]
    #5747540 - 06/13/06 09:57 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

ToTheSummit said:
The guy turns to me and says "You can only fuck her in the ass." and gives me a big smile! :eek:




Wow.  Cool story.

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InvisibleRandalFlagg
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Re: My Saturday night at the bar (kinda long story, but worth it!) [Re: RandalFlagg]
    #5747547 - 06/13/06 09:58 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Damn...the Pub just got way better than it has been for the past week with this thread.

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OfflineToTheSummit
peregrinus
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Re: My Saturday night at the bar (kinda long story, but worth it!) [Re: Dobie]
    #5747596 - 06/13/06 10:10 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

dobie said:
now what if you werent married :laugh:



Still way too freaky for my blood....

I think... :crazy:


--------------------
You invented the wheel....You push the motherfucker!!

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OfflineDobie
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Re: My Saturday night at the bar (kinda long story, but worth it!) [Re: ToTheSummit]
    #5747634 - 06/13/06 10:15 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

there is a such thing as too freaky


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This place is gayer than when the balls touch

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Offlineeris
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Registered: 11/17/98
Posts: 48,024
Loc: North East, USA
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Re: My Saturday night at the bar (kinda long story, but worth it!) [Re: ToTheSummit]
    #5747641 - 06/13/06 10:17 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Yeah, I know what you mean, after all who knows where that ass has been? Someone that is so quick to give it up doesn't exactly seem clean.


--------------------
Immortal / Temporarily Retired
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Offlinecougercruiser
reality is whatyou make it~

Registered: 10/05/04
Posts: 538
Loc: Cali
Last seen: 4 years, 9 months
Re: My Saturday night at the bar (kinda long story, but worth it!) [Re: ToTheSummit]
    #5747654 - 06/13/06 10:20 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

damn bro, i give you props on the story and that you didnt bang that chick in da ass~

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OfflinePhoshaman
Litteringannnnddddd?
I'm a teapot

Registered: 06/01/99
Posts: 1,557
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Re: My Saturday night at the bar (kinda long story, but worth it!) [Re: cougercruiser]
    #5747954 - 06/13/06 11:56 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

hahahahaha

i love ocean beach

what bar was it?


--------------------

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Offlinewrestler_az
PsiLLy BiLLy
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Re: My Saturday night at the bar (kinda long story, but worth it!) [Re: ToTheSummit]
    #5748205 - 06/14/06 01:18 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

dude, someone should just follow you around the bars with a video camera. the stories you got....

people would pay :grin:


--------------------
how's your WOW?





  Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM) 

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OfflineIrijes
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Posts: 369
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Re: My Saturday night at the bar (kinda long story, but worth it!) [Re: ToTheSummit]
    #5748489 - 06/14/06 03:29 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

It's 2:36 in the morning and I had to wake my husband up to read this.  :rofl2:


--------------------
"Apparently there is a great discovery or insight which our culture is deliberately designed to supress, distort and ignore. That is that Nature is some kind of minded entity. That Nature is not simply the random flight of atoms through electromagnetic fields. Nature is not the empty, despiritualized lumpen matter that we inherit from modern physics. But it is instead a kind of intelligence, a kind of mind."

-Terence McKenna

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OfflineDobie
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Re: My Saturday night at the bar (kinda long story, but worth it!) [Re: Irijes]
    #5748496 - 06/14/06 03:31 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

you should be a female polygamist that would be freakin sweet :laugh:


--------------------
This place is gayer than when the balls touch

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Invisibleindica
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Re: My Saturday night at the bar (kinda long story, but worth it!) [Re: Dobie]
    #5748546 - 06/14/06 03:55 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

random shit that happened to me


i was in a bar that my mates used to work at (crap bar, but used to go there to get free drinks all night)
and this absolute RANGER of a fat chick ugly skank bitch came up and goes "do you want it baby? huh? you know you want it" i looked at her and said "uhhh... no thanks" and tried to walk away but she yelled after me "I'LL LET YA FUCK ME UP THA ARSE THEN I'LL SUCK YA DICK CLEAN"

i was like

WTF?!>!>!>! 'NO PLEASe!!!!" and did a runner.

girls with scabs on their tongue cannot be too clean

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Offlineeris
underground
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Re: My Saturday night at the bar (kinda long story, but worth it!) [Re: indica]
    #5748550 - 06/14/06 03:57 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)



:runaway: :runaway: :runaway:


--------------------
Immortal / Temporarily Retired
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Offlinegregorio
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Re: My Saturday night at the bar (kinda long story, but worth it!) [Re: ToTheSummit]
    #5748579 - 06/14/06 04:25 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

She says "Don't worry, he lets me have what I want!" Then she yanks me into the doorway and announces to him (as well as everyone else at the bar) "Hey, I'm taking this guy down to the beach for a bit!" The guy turns to me and says "You can only fuck her in the ass." and gives me a big smile!





I don't believe this story.

:wexican:

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Invisiblegema
Freedom from the Known

Registered: 10/24/04
Posts: 1,767
Loc: t(here)
Re: My Saturday night at the bar (kinda long story, but worth it!) [Re: ToTheSummit]
    #5748850 - 06/14/06 07:49 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Good thing you were not tripping!

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Invisiblegoobler
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Re: My Saturday night at the bar (kinda long story, but worth it!) [Re: ToTheSummit]
    #5748860 - 06/14/06 07:52 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

I feel sorry for your wife


if that was her there , you would have wanted to bust some skulls

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OfflineXUL
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Re: My Saturday night at the bar (kinda long story, but worth it!) [Re: ToTheSummit]
    #5748870 - 06/14/06 07:57 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

why dont these things happen to me  :smirk:


--------------------
TRUMP 2020

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Invisiblegoobler
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Re: My Saturday night at the bar (kinda long story, but worth it!) [Re: XUL]
    #5748878 - 06/14/06 08:04 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

are you married?

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OfflineXUL
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Re: My Saturday night at the bar (kinda long story, but worth it!) [Re: goobler]
    #5748943 - 06/14/06 08:51 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

no. not at all


--------------------
TRUMP 2020

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Invisiblegoobler
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Re: My Saturday night at the bar (kinda long story, but worth it!) [Re: XUL]
    #5748956 - 06/14/06 09:01 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

thats why

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OfflineToTheSummit
peregrinus
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Re: My Saturday night at the bar (kinda long story, but worth it!) [Re: Phoshaman]
    #5750988 - 06/14/06 08:12 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Phoshaman said:
hahahahaha

i love ocean beach

what bar was it?



The Tilted-Stick

Quote:

gregorio said:
I don't believe this story.



Actually I'm suprised more people haven't called bullshit on this one.  I don't think I'd believe it myself if someone else told it.  However it is true, but you can choose not to believe if you so desire. :shrug:


--------------------
You invented the wheel....You push the motherfucker!!

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