backstory: i haven't tripped in over six months. my last trip was a big one, frightening and enlightening. every weekend for the past few weekends i have planned to trip, but time just never permitted, and as much as i wanted to, i had some anxiety about it.
on saturday i decided to dose 3grams. i felt like that was a "manageable" dose. i had fasted the whole day and at 6pm i powdered the shrooms and let the powder sit in a shotglass of orange juice for about 20 minutes, then down the hatch. i smoked a bowl then layed on the couch and meditated for about 20 minutes before i started to feel the effects.
i was immediately uncomfortable. i could feel the strong body load and my vision began shifting. i kept telling myself everything was ok, to just relax and let the fear disappear. when i closed my eyes i could see a kaliedescope of colors with layers upon layers of fractals undulating. suddenly i felt deathly cold, and bundled myself up in a comfy blanket. then i began to sweat and my stomach felt like it was about to burst.
i immediately stood up and began pacing around the house. it didn't feel good to sit or lay, or close my eyes. with my eyes open it felt more manageable, my only visual distortions were patches of light on the walls and the carpet waving like the calm ocean surf. physically i felt horrible, and it was building like a screaming teapot.
i decided to try to distract myself and watch tv, but after a few moments i was up and pacing the house again. all i could think about was my physical pain, as much as i tried to fight it. my mind kept looping regret, why did i have to go through this?
for some reason i thought eating might help me so i opened a bag of fritos. the crunch in my mouth felt like i was eating bones. i drank some water. i urinated. the nausea began to intensify. i felt like a skeleton, the skin on my face felt loose and clammy. everything felt alien and wrong. i went outside and sat in the backyard for a while. the sun was setting and the sky was blood red. the clouds started moving at a crazy speed, turning more and more red until i saw a huge evil figure form in the sky. my ears filled with the sound of a crackling fire and i thought i could hear bombs and gunshots in the distance. i started having horribly dark thoughts about humanity and felt like life and living was pointless and short lived.
i ran from the sky back into the house. i smoked another bowl and had a cigarette. it was getting dark, and i felt the night was evil. the pain in my stomach was unbelievable, so i thought if i purged i would feel better.
as soon as i walked into the dark bathroom everything changed. there is just something about the bathroom during a trip. i sat on a fuzzy rug in front of the toilet and tried to get sick. this is when i started hearing voices. it sounded like a party, like a group of younger men chatting and laughing. i couldn't understand one word they were saying, only the timber of their voices. they comforted me.
because the room was completely dark all i could see was a green pattern. i can't even explain what it looked like. then i felt like i was sitting in the woods listening to these people, but they were ignoring me.
the next thing i know i feel a wetness seeping through my shirt. for some reason i felt like i had cut my own throat, and i was bleeding and dying. i felt like i wasn't breathing, like i was dead. it felt good to be "dead". i couldn't feel anymore pain.
i remember hearing this voice in my head saying "oh she's ok she just needs to go through this"
there were so many parts to the trip i can't put into words. i know i stayed in the bathroom for hours, and at times i felt like i was reliving parts of my childhood.
finally i was able to get sick and it did feel relieving. i got up and crawled into bed. then my mind drifted away and all i remember is waking up the next morning.
-------------------- turn off your mind relax and float downstream
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intense, sounds like you had a real learning experiences.
I like how u described the fritos feeling like you were chewing on bones. I remember eating rice and feeling them crawl around my mouth, and they looked like maggots, it was creepy but things like that dont get me usualy.
Quote:
i ran from the sky back into the house. i smoked another bowl and had a cigarette.

thats the first two things I would have done too...
I know you did this in the evening, but if u ever plan to do a dose like that with the oj thing, I would do it in the afternoon. I know it sounds crazy but I used to dose in town, and walk along these cliffs at night. There weren't unsafe, and they were lit up slightly from streetlights in the distance, so u could walk and trip. walkings good to do when u get that anxiety.
sounds fun, your posts are always good, and your a very good writer.
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