So last night after the trip had slowly faded this is what I put down when I got home:
I'm very tired but I want to put this down before I lose it. Tonight was my first time trying mushrooms. I really got a lot out of it, I can't say that enough. From what I gather, this reality we think we know is something pretty funny, I see myself as utterly hypocritical but I see something from it. I have two choices, either I find myself, play this life and make myself who I want to be, or end the game.
Tonight was planned for fairly well and although it didn't follow the guidelines I had imagined, I know the places it took me and the things it showed me are very valuable. Everything that is pieced together to form my thoughts is incredible. The effect of the mushrooms is almost completely gone but I can still vividly remember tonight's events and I am wholely blown back by the doors I opened.
I met with a close friend Darcy shortly after 9 pm at a restaurant where someone was celebrating their 19th birthday. More people we knew arrived just after 9:30 and Darcy and I left to go to her house to drop her car off at home and start our trip of a night. I had my backpack content with Darcy's cd player and mp3 player, my notebook, a newly bought pack of anti-nausea pills, two chocolate bars, a bottle of orange juice and a quarter ounce of mushrooms.
We left Darcy's house just after 10:30 and ate our mushrooms accompanied by chocolate bars and drank the orange juice. I had 1.5 grams and more than half of the bottle of orange juice, Darcy had a gram and her not so fair share of orange juice. We walked to the populated area of our town and Darcy started feeling it before me. Soon it was plain to see that the mushrooms had an earlier and more drastic effect on Darcy. I felt something similiar to being affected by alcohol, feeling the urge to talk to people I didn't know and my excitedness for the effects to take shape grew. Some people had driven to meet up with us who knew we had dosed. It was an odd shift from sober to trip. At around midnight I was unhappy with the mild effects so I ate another gram and got some more orange juice. Shortly after this was when I really started tripping from the frist dose. It was different from anything I had ever witnessed and along the trip I encountered two girls I knew, one who I saw as a genuinely awesome girl. They were with the other girl's parents just leaving the coffee place we were walking to. I wasn't sure what I seemed like to other people and I don't know if the girls had a clue I was really off in space. I said goodbye after only a couple words conversed and we headed into the coffee place.
I was already in there earlier that night while Darcy and I weren't so affected. I could plainly see the mushrooms had changed everything now, I was very emotional being very happy to sort of depressed within seconds. I had worked at this coffee place a couple months ago and so I knew the staff fairly well. One of the night shift employees said to me, "Hi Chris, How's it going? You're looking really good". I took offence to this because I was quite sure she knew I wasn't sober and when she had walked by again she made no attempt to look in my direction or acknowledge me. I went to the washroom to see how I looked and noticed my pupils were dilated, growing and shrinking on their own different than normal. I began to walk out but then stopped myself and just stood in the brightly lit room taking everything in. The tiles on the walls were moving and changing, that was one of the few visuals I had. I came back out and talked to the people I was with. I was attracted to the lit areas inside the building and felt right to stand under one light rather than lesser lit areas. I thought about writing in my notebook but was too all over the place mentally to commit.
Darcy told me about some of the visuals she was having... ealier in a parking lot she said she was hallucinating and seeing the patterns on the ground, formed by a very light rainfall, moving and flowing. In the building she told me she could see partially through my skin and that my face was peeling off. I was happy she was getting some cool visuals but not tripping badly. At this point I was thinking about how fake so many people were... How the vast majority of everyone seemed to be plastic, few people seemed like genuine people that I would respect.
The other people we were with left to do their thing, Darcy and I went outside and waited around for another person to show up. I liked it outside better, the atmosphere was natural and just felt better. A man pulled up and went inside the building and I had the urge to be friendly and just acknowledge his presence and say hello. He didn't make eye contact with either Darcy or I and it sort of saddened me. Soon someone we knew arrived, we got in her car and it felt good to play with her's and Darcy's cellphones and just have fun with things. Shadows cast by water drops on the windsheild of the car were on my hands and it was tripping me out. I continued playing with the phones and connected a call between them and let the feedback make noises that were highly entertaining and interesting.
We met up with some others who were not so fond of our psychedelic endeavours. I wished they were tripping too and having the same thoughts as I was having. Soon after that, I established that I felt like walking home to some music and saying goodbye to Darcy and the others. It took a long while to gather my things and to give Darcy her belongings back which I had in my backpack.
I started walking home listening to some amazing music and saw a big group of people I knew who were drunk and went over to them but left just as soon as I had walked over because the environment they created was not what I wanted at all. I got back to the amazing music and continued walking home feeling confident and satisfied with the trip I had. Many thoughts ran through my mind as I neared my house all seeming to question what I wanted out of life, and who I wanted myself to be. I felt a confidence with who I was that I have never felt before and I was satisfied. I thought about my relationships with many people as well as my girlfriend and I thought about not giving myself out to people so much. It was clear to me that my relationship with her was not what I wanted, although I wasn't sure about talking to her about it. My effects wore off slowly on the way home but I retained the shifted view I had towards myself and life. The effects have worn off completely now as it is 4:47 and my report is concluded. A trip to say the least.
edit: My girlfriend called me the next day (today) and asked if I had read the emails she sent me that night, I hadn't. So I got out of bed, read the emails and called her back. I told her a little about my trip and that it really made me see that we weren't very good for each other. I just wasn't myself around her and my trip showed me that well.
another edit: Just got another call from my girlfriend when I thought we were surely done, she asked if I was busy today and if I wanted to hang out. Not sure if this will be the last time I see her but I thought it'd be better to say yes than no.
What an experience.
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I <3 Psilocybin
Edited by Skizz (11/21/11 12:30 PM)
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