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cybrbeast
Up, then down, then...



Registered: 01/06/03
Posts: 4,777
Loc: event horizon
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
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Re: Doctor J [Re: DoctorJ]
#5703056 - 06/02/06 07:07 AM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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Well I thought that in the beginning. And don't get me wrong, feeling manic was great but it always went too far. It was the best feeling I'd ever had and I'm sad that probably at no point in my life I will feel as good again. It was like constant ecstasy all the time. But after being institutionalized two times the fun isn't worth it anymore. Being thrown in an isolation cell for days, meds being forced on you, dealing with the fascist institution wardens. And at no point was I ever being violent to people, I just didn't fit into society anymore so they took me out. And then there's always the huge depression which comes after the mania. Just entertaining the idea of death for months and not being able to function isn't what I want my life to be like. Meds seem like a better option. But I haven't been using them that long, so I don't know if they will help against the next mania. It seems like they lifted my depression, though I can't be sure cause it could also be my natural self which did that.
I'm sure you will find your own way. I just hope for you that you don't end up in an institution or do stuff that you'll really regret later.
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futuretribe.space
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DoctorJ


Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 8,846
Loc: space
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
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in truth, depression and mania are the same
mania is your happiness
depression is other people's happiness at your expense.
but,
you must realize that you have really deep pockets
so quit letting the expenses bother you!
believe me, brah
I've paid some heavy expenses for other people's happiness
but one day I realized that it shouldn't bother me, because I can't ever really run out of credit
and other people's happiness is just as important as mine
to each his own, is what I'm sayin!
you have yours, they'll have theirs and I'll have mine! And together we'll be fine!
whudju talkin bout Mr D?
whudju talkin bout EVERYONE?
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Annom
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Registered: 12/22/02
Posts: 6,367
Loc: Europe
Last seen: 8 months, 9 days
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Re: Doctor J [Re: DoctorJ]
#5703076 - 06/02/06 07:21 AM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
look dude, I'm an open-minded guy. But I keep my insanity contained within my mind.
Craziness isn't about thought. Its about action. Just because I write crazy shit on an internet board, does not make me crazy.
I don't steal, I don't commit violence, etc. I'm just another intelligent guy, bored off his ass by mainstream society to the point where I'd rather live in a fantasy world, to the extent that I can get away with it.
but I still pay my bills on time and socialize and work a job like everyone else.
Keep it like this! I like your posts.
Quote:
DoctorJ said: My mind was once depressed, but my Higher Self took care of that
When was your last depression?
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Cepheus
Balance



Registered: 04/19/06
Posts: 8,266
Loc: the space between reality...
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
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Re: Doctor J [Re: Annom]
#5703091 - 06/02/06 07:28 AM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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'one pill make you larger and one pill makes you small, But the ones that mother gives you don't do anything at all'
-------------------- "I only ever hope to reach equilibrium, in Nature's matrix, in line with the meridian" ~ Jehst
"...and I know that I have to keep breathing, as tomorrow the sun will rise, who knows what the tide will bring?" Free Spore Ring Europe Send any spare spore prints you might have and help the distribution
Open Source. Freedom. GNU/Linux Addicting is not a word.
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cybrbeast
Up, then down, then...



Registered: 01/06/03
Posts: 4,777
Loc: event horizon
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
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Re: Doctor J [Re: DoctorJ]
#5703096 - 06/02/06 07:32 AM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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I don't see mania and depression the way you do. I think it's just a mind out of balance. The hopelessness of depression balances out the elation of the mania.
In a mania my brain is filled with ideas to bursting point, I get really creative and unconventional, my confidence rises, hitting on girls is no problem, I can talk for hours, I feel like I can do anything, depression feels like a stupid meaningless phase, I don't need sleep as much (could and have stayed awake for days), so much happens in a day that time seems to move much more slowly
Depression is the complete opposite. My mind is a blank, social interaction is incredibly hard, I haven't got a thing to say, I feel like I won't amount to anything, I could never be happy, mania seems like a fake joke, I'm always tired, the days flow by intertwining to a single hopeless bad day.
It feels strange knowing there is a part of me that I want to reach but can only get in a mania which then goes too far and I get delusions of grandeur and feel godlike much like you have now.
btw, your avatar rocks, X-men III was awesome (watching all the cartoons again atm)
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futuretribe.space
Edited by cybrbeast (06/02/06 07:35 AM)
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cybrbeast
Up, then down, then...



Registered: 01/06/03
Posts: 4,777
Loc: event horizon
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
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I see he's banned now, so my previous post is useless. That's why there should be a banlist sticky at the top of this forum.
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Burke Dennings
baby merchant

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 81,641
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I'm sure he'd like to see your post, maybe you could quote yourself and post it in OTD?
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mycogirl
goddamn



Registered: 07/03/05
Posts: 1,135
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I just really like the word elation. Species of fungus and some mosses have elaters (also known as capalletial threads[sp?]). Some words just slide off your brain like silk. That is a great description of mania and depression though.
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cybrbeast
Up, then down, then...



Registered: 01/06/03
Posts: 4,777
Loc: event horizon
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
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Yeah quote myself in OTD and be made fun of, I don't mind if that happens, but I do on really personal issues.
Thanks mycogirl.
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Annom
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Registered: 12/22/02
Posts: 6,367
Loc: Europe
Last seen: 8 months, 9 days
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Quote:
Burke Dennings said: I'm sure he'd like to see your post, maybe you could quote yourself and post it in OTD?
PM?
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fresh313
journeyman


Registered: 09/01/03
Posts: 2,537
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
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Re: Doctor J [Re: DoctorJ]
#5703610 - 06/02/06 10:52 AM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
DoctorJ said: A bunch of people screwed me over and now I've gone insane with rage and frustration!
WUHOOO!!!
tripout!

"Its only when you lose everything, that you're free to do anything."
Also, I'm fishing for 1 shroom ratings.
u give them out like candy ; )
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