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OfflineRedstorm
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Loneliness
    #5684345 - 05/28/06 07:14 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Up until this winter, I have never had a problem with loneliness. Maybe it was because I always had access to people or maybe something changed in my head; I have no idea.

This winter my gf of six years an I broke up and in March my roommate moved out to a new apartment. Between March and the end of april, I couldn't stand being in my apartment alone. I would stay at his new place until very late and then go home and fall asleep. This continued until I returned home from college for the summer.

Now I am living at a house by myself, with only one real friend here since very few of my old friends from high school came home. I feel so happy when I am with the people that I love, but as soon as I have to go home by myself, I feel something like a heavy weight in my stomache and I start to get depressed.

How can I learn to appreciate time by myself and to be able to not need people all the time?


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InvisibleVeritas
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Registered: 04/15/05
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Re: Loneliness [Re: Redstorm]
    #5684386 - 05/28/06 07:30 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Loneliness is a sign that you do not enjoy your own company.

Did you give up interests/hobbies while you were involved with your girlfriend?  Did you allow yourself to become "assimiliated" into a couple?

In my experience, the only way to stop feeling lonely was to get to know and like myself again.  Pretend that you are a new friend whom you want to entertain & learn about.  :grin:  (It's OK if you laugh at yourself while you do this.)

Allow yourself to feel down and depressed, in fact, wallow in it for a while.  Avoiding these feelings by spending time with others is just a temporary fix.  If a friend was sad, would you jump in and tell him/her that they should cheer up, or would you sit and support them in what they were feeling until they could get to the other side?  Give yourself the same attention and respect.


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OfflineThe_Hobbit
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Re: Loneliness [Re: Redstorm]
    #5684394 - 05/28/06 07:32 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

You may discount this theory, but basically it has to do with posture. When you are around other people, there is stimulation because of the love you share and all that good stuff. Then you go home alone and you are there with only the pressure to handle.

I think it's time you learned the value of meditation and exercise. Generally speaking, jsut keep yourself busy. If you just sit there.. focusing on yourself without any true creativity or reason, then things will spiral as far down as you take them. It's more worthy to simple be aware and experience everything. You are simply the point from which the perspective of everything is viewed. =)


--------------------
Smoking my hobbit leaf...
Please keep in mind that I am just a human being. Please read my posts carefully and interpret their meaning for yourself.


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InvisibleRandalFlagg
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Registered: 06/15/02
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Re: Loneliness [Re: Redstorm]
    #5684402 - 05/28/06 07:35 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

I'm a pretty solitary person.  Sometimes I feel like hanging out with people and I will do that.  But a lot of times I just chill by myself.  I'm actually pretty content with this.

The way I see it you have several options:

1.  Get out and meet some new people.
2.  Learn to appreciate being alone.

In order to accomplish #2, it helps to have hobbies.  You need to keep busy.  If you sit around and stare at the walls...thats when the loneliness will get to you.

You should go to NE 2006.  You'll be around friends!

:hug:


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OfflineMushroomTrip
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Re: Loneliness [Re: Redstorm]
    #5686024 - 05/29/06 10:41 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

You need to learn to live with yourself. And that implies knowing yourself. And knowing yourself implies accepting everything about you, whether you like it or not.
Maybe that's why you feel that weight in your stomach when you're all alone. Maybe there are some things about your situation that you don't want to accept, and when you're alone there's nobody there to distract you from thinking of them.
I don't know if it will work for you, but whenever I feel like that, I just try to have a "conversation" with myself. I try to see what's there and what and why it's bugging me. Sometimes it just happens that it isn't such a big deal after all, but keeping it in the dark makes it look scarier.


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:


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InvisibleCorporal Kielbasa

Registered: 05/29/04
Posts: 17,235
Re: Loneliness [Re: Redstorm]
    #5686044 - 05/29/06 10:47 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

What do you do when you go home, sit around and masterbate?

When i am bored or lonley i eather read a book, play guitar, or do my chores.

I tend not so stay home often though.


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OfflineRedstorm
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Re: Loneliness [Re: Redstorm]
    #5689080 - 05/29/06 11:46 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Thanks for all of your advice guys (and gal :wink:). I really do think there is something to the idea that I have to be comfortable with myself again. This is all new to me because I was always one who considered myself very independent. I used to enjoy vacations and getaways by myself. Something changed in the past year, and I need to figure out how to return to the mindset I had before.

I also have decided I am going to adopt a kitten in the next week or so. I'm hoping it will provide some sort of companionship that will make this easier for me.


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Offlineevolprim
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Registered: 05/07/06
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Re: Loneliness [Re: Redstorm]
    #5689112 - 05/29/06 11:56 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

dont look down on yourself for this change

its like feeding a person steak everyday for 6 years and then starving them.. clearly the body will not react well to it and similarly the mind does not initially react well to such a dramatic change

while other people in this thread may have a good point about meditating, excercising, and picking up a hobby

i think one should also value "lazy time", time to just chill out and do absolutely nothing, of course this should not be overdone but should certainly not be overlooked either


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OfflineGillette
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Re: Loneliness [Re: Redstorm]
    #5690376 - 05/30/06 11:39 AM (17 years, 7 months ago)

I'd have to say time will help you get over it and hobbies, hobbies are good.

I felt the same way this winter, when dyl and I broke up, the realization that I haven't had to spend time by myself in almost 10 years (a series of serious relationships one right after the other and people living with me) kinda hit me. I had no idea what to do with myself, so I started going out all the time, getting drunk, working consitently, but I was avoiding the issue, I had to stop and figure myself out, I started purposefuly staying home, I had to remember what it was that *I* liked to do, things that made me happy, that I might have forgotten about. I've forced myself to go out and do things alone, like shopping, driving places, eating everything...its really not so bad.

You'll figure it out, it just takes time and when you do get really lonely, you can always come online because theres always someone here, or you can call me, I'm probably sitting around feeling a little lonely too.


--------------------
~Earth is the Insane Asylum of the Universe~

A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.


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OfflineMaverick
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Re: Loneliness [Re: Gillette]
    #5690389 - 05/30/06 11:43 AM (17 years, 7 months ago)

I think I've been having the same problems. I have no answers of helpful tips, other than I get stoned to numb that pain. :|
I think I need some help too.


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InvisibleRandalFlagg
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Registered: 06/15/02
Posts: 15,608
Re: Loneliness [Re: Redstorm]
    #5690774 - 05/30/06 01:42 PM (17 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Redstorm said:
I also have decided I am going to adopt a kitten in the next week or so. I'm hoping it will provide some sort of companionship that will make this easier for me.




[wussiness]

Awww!  :heart:

[/end wussiness]


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