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Sinbad
Living TheMoment


Registered: 12/23/04
Posts: 2,571
Loc: Under The Bodhi Tree
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Re: Trust In Women [Re: Icelander]
#5685816 - 05/29/06 08:38 AM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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Cant do that man. Wish i could but I dont live in the U.S and im a poor broke student. Im going to Italy soon tho, but im not sure how im going to deal with that, as my ex and i planned to go together. So that will probably end up being even more torture not doubt.
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Corporal Kielbasa

Registered: 05/29/04
Posts: 17,235
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aaaah the good ole broken heart!
I get a broken heart almost every day...
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: Trust In Women [Re: Sinbad]
#5685872 - 05/29/06 08:56 AM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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So sad. I have found BM to be one of the most joyous, healing places on earth. At the end of this world I will remember the Man. In some slight way it is my version of the kingdom come to earth. I only wish I had experienced some of the early years of it.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Veritas

Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
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Re: Trust In Women [Re: Sinbad]
#5685937 - 05/29/06 09:37 AM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Sinbad said:
Quote:
DoctorJ said: when your heart is truly broken
you never really recover
you just get used to having a broken heart
That is certainly how it feels right now.
Hearts, like bones, heal stronger at the broken places. 
Only the mind may be weakened by our perception of being broken.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,532
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Re: Trust In Women [Re: Veritas]
#5685956 - 05/29/06 09:51 AM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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whaat?
--------------------
_ 🧠 _
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Veritas

Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
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We undermine our emotional strength and resilience through the cultivation of fear.
I think Bonnie Raitt said it best:
"He's like a boxer who had to retire after winning but killing a man. All of the moves but none of the courage. Afraid to throw a punch that might land."
Rumi saw through the illusion of brokenness:
"Dance when you are broken open, Dance when you have torn the bandages off, Dance in the middle of the fighting, Dance in your blood, Dance when you are perfectly free."
Edited by Veritas (05/29/06 10:13 AM)
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder


Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 2 days
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Re: Trust In Women [Re: Sinbad]
#5686083 - 05/29/06 11:02 AM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Sinbad said:
So how do i now attempt to change the type of women i usually fall for?. If you think that i am choosing the kinds of women who will hurt me so i can learn something. What could that lesson possibly be?
I feel right now that the only thing ive really learned from all this, is not to place my trust in women, becuase even if they have no intention to, they still always break my trust, and my heart eventually.
The answer (which I was not as good providing as a description and outcome of my own experience) is: Work on yourself. This is not my own advice - I took this advice from Ram Dass a long time ago. Everything becomes one's 'sadhana' [discipline]. You are, as Jungians are wont to say, 'in a complex.' When an individual uncritically makes huge blanket statements, or when someone says "You always...," or "You never...," then one can be sure that the person is in a complex (an autonomous constellation of feelings and thoughts that chime in over critical thinking - a 'ready made' answer). Your problem is not with women as 50% of the human race. You are not talking about Nigerian Muslim women or Nigerian Christian women, or Indian Hindu women vs. Indian Muslim women. "Women" is such a vague term with regard to your complaint that it is irrelevant.
The difficulty lies within your own psychodynamics and is more complicted than passive vs. active. It more than likely involves your self-identity (not just as an "active" individual) but your physical, social, psychological and spiritual selves taken as a whole. Each of these categories can be further subdivided. Each of the subdivisions can then be compared to the desires of a specific woman. If you are a physically large man, you would need to know if a lady is looking for your body type. Social selves are multiform: ethnicity, socio-economic, status, etc. Are you, for example, college educated, and she is not? I have met with intimidation because nobody wants to feel ignorant in a relationship and those with weak self-esteem will avoid anyone who would elicit such feelings even if you're not a condescending person. Are you from middle class and is she from 'blue-collar' or 'upper-crust?' Is she of Italian extraction (and expected to marry an Italian by her family) and you're not? and by extension (working a stereotype), is she a Catholic (practicing or not) with embedded Catholic morals/guilt in her unconscious, and you're neither of these identities?
These are examples without going into psychology or spirituality (or the absence of). Few people are able or willing to transcend these categories of difference. Most (myself included) thought that I was transcending differences when I married my ex-wife, but in fact I was merely in a state of denial! You need to know which of your onion-layered identities MOST characterizes who you are in a practical way BEFORE you can reach out to another. She can only know who you are when YOU know who you are. And if her identity is fuzzy, then she may morph and change into someone else right in the middle of your relationship. Then like me, you'll wake up to the realization that you never really knew her and you don't have any chemistry between you. This can be due to her immaturity, lack of interest in self-knowledge (she doesn't work on herself) or to a personality disorder which disallows a consistent selfhood to develop (which was my ex-wife's predicament).
Work on yourself.
Peace.
-------------------- γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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Corporal Kielbasa

Registered: 05/29/04
Posts: 17,235
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good ole Ram Das!
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder


Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 2 days
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Re: Trust In Women [Re: grimR]
#5686110 - 05/29/06 11:17 AM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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I have to agree with fireworks_god. Without any unsolicited analysis on my part, it is clear that you are not a happy camper. You suffer, and your suffering is rooted in materialism, nihilism, and more than a smidgen of paranoid ideation. You could not possibly have a healthy relationship with unhealthy dynamics in play. With a companion of like sentiments, you'd seem likely to 'take the gaspipe' together ! Hopefully you're only going through a phase of protracted adolescent angst (that all there is, is what you can presently see through your confusion, and that life will never get any happier). If it's a phase, I recommend that you become proactive in acquiring a higher, wider perspective right NOW.
Peace.
-------------------- γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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fireworks_god
Sexy.Butt.McDanger


Registered: 03/12/02
Posts: 24,855
Loc: Pandurn
Last seen: 1 year, 12 days
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Re: Trust In Women [Re: Sinbad]
#5686111 - 05/29/06 11:19 AM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Sinbad said: Im going to Italy soon tho, but im not sure how im going to deal with that, as my ex and i planned to go together. So that will probably end up being even more torture not doubt.
If going to Italy is going to be torture because of the fact that someone that you used to go out with was planning on going with you, then I think the problem should be self-evident. In the purest, most practical sense, you are addicted to a certain sense of being that will not be provided for by reality, and the fact that you are denying your experience of the present moment and expecting to do so in the future should indicate fairly well that you are not centered within the here and now.
You are struggling agansit a riptide that shall not relent, a riptide that only exists because you struggle. Why are you suffering, my friend?
I thought you were a Buddhist, man, what's the deal? You better not be implying that all of your posts have been rooted in a mere intellectual, conceptual understanding and that you haven't actually actively been applying that understanding and realizing it in practice. 
I'd recommend getting over yourself. If you ruin a blessed experience such as Italy, then you will more than certainly be lost. It should be seen and looked forward to as a blessed oppurtunity to remove any mental obstructions that are rooted in an illusory past and an imagined future, to simply be without one's personal history and to journey around new territory, completely immersed within the moment - just as all moments should be seen.
Why do we fall? So that we can pick ourselves up. You've placed conditions and demands on reality, and reality has demonstrated that it will conduct itself as it wishes, despite your baseless, petty expectations. You've held your emotional state of being hostage in order to manipulate yourself to attempt to attain something that simply cannot be grasped, and now you are inflicting suffering upon yourself as a result.
Ask yourself why, my friend. Ask yourself what you need to be fully present and aware, and ask yourself what gain is achieved from letting your state of being lie dependant on external situations.
I have a great feeling you already know all of this, and that you know exactly what you need to do in order to transcend this - and yet, your mind feels it deserves what it is experiencing. Kick it in the fucking ass and transform it into something that can effectively, properly, beneficially conduct and navigate yourself and your experience of life. 
 Peace.
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If I should die this very moment I wouldn't fear For I've never known completeness Like being here Wrapped in the warmth of you Loving every breath of you
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Sinbad
Living TheMoment


Registered: 12/23/04
Posts: 2,571
Loc: Under The Bodhi Tree
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Thanks man, i needed a cold water splash in the face to wake me up. Your a very wise man, and im glad you are around these parts to kick ass where asses need to be kicked! 
Italy will not be torture as i am going there to do retreat with my teacher. What better medicine is there? 
Getting caught up in disturbing emotions is no picnic and have yet to master them totally, hence the broken heart. Lucky i have people like you around to remind me not to lose sight of how things are. Thank you!
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fireworks_god
Sexy.Butt.McDanger


Registered: 03/12/02
Posts: 24,855
Loc: Pandurn
Last seen: 1 year, 12 days
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Re: Trust In Women [Re: Sinbad]
#5686755 - 05/29/06 02:31 PM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Sinbad said: Getting caught up in disturbing emotions is no picnic and have yet to master them totally, hence the broken heart. Lucky i have people like you around to remind me not to lose sight of how things are. Thank you!
We've all been there, myself included. Its necessary to fully experience the result of our mental programming in all situations without resistance, and then bring oneself back into a center and ask oneself questions, so that one can build an understanding of what was responsible for the disturbance and what will need to be done to develop and change the aspects of one's programming that were responsible for its occurence.
 Peace.
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If I should die this very moment I wouldn't fear For I've never known completeness Like being here Wrapped in the warmth of you Loving every breath of you
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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You said it.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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KidgardFromSRQ
Strange

Registered: 05/30/05
Posts: 1,501
Last seen: 9 years, 11 months
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Re: Trust In Women [Re: Sinbad]
#5688513 - 05/29/06 09:14 PM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Sinbad said: Almost every woman i have had relations with, throughout my life, has tried/has has managed to shatter my trust through lies, secrets and betrayl. Why shoudl i ever trust another woman again?
I dont think i can after yet another confirmation of how untrustworthy women i come into contact with are in general.
you've got two options if you are to come to that conclusion. well, 2 likley ones.
1. masturbate alot. 2. become gay
and the other ones are either suicide or celebacy. and i highley doubt you'll do either. infact, i think you'll move on.
-------------------- Be nice to people in general. Even if you don't like them.
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Maverick
Lover of Earwigs!



Registered: 12/18/05
Posts: 13,437
Loc: Valleys of Willamette
Last seen: 1 day, 6 hours
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Quit viewing every woman you get near as someone you want to date. I bet you that the girls you aren't at all interested in sexually that you talk to, haven't shattered your life.
Boo-ya.
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it stars saddam
Satan

Registered: 05/19/05
Posts: 15,571
Loc: Spahn Ranch
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Quote:
DoctorJ said: when your heart is truly broken
you never really recover
you just get used to having a broken heart
Quote:
redgreenvines said: that's just too melodramatic
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SDP
ChronicAficionado



Registered: 01/21/05
Posts: 1,297
Last seen: 5 months, 28 days
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Re: Trust In Women [Re: Icelander]
#5688781 - 05/29/06 10:24 PM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Icelander said: Girls = attachment.
Nonsense!
Girls dont nesc. = attachment, but being involved in a romantic relationship one does... you cant help its, its biological, so why not avoid it if your ok doing that?
-SDP
-------------------- Teonanacatl, open up my eyes This sacrament, this prayer, beyond the world of lies Guide me clearly through that which I dont understand Give me strength to find the path Help me fight any demons as you flow through me wholely This is my prayer, that you protect me from evil, and bring me closer to peace And open up my eyes, so i can see things as you do Amen
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CosmicJoke
happy mutant


Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
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Re: Trust In Women [Re: Sinbad]
#5689557 - 05/30/06 02:17 AM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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Perhaps you're becoming fixated on the first woman you're interested in that shows you some kind of affection because of your desire for intimacy? I think a reasonable level of understanding about a woman's integrity can be discerned before a deep emotional investment has been made for that woman. This understanding will be more readily available to you if you are putting yourself out there and taking interest and getting to know and enjoy as many women as time permits. By taking this time, truths about the women you're getting to know will begin to surface up because you'll have a multitude of experiences to refer to.
Why should you ever trust another woman again?
You'd be a fool to trust another woman...... before you're ready, that is.
-------------------- Everything is better than it was the last time. I'm good. If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care. It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence. I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too. If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: Trust In Women [Re: SDP]
#5689997 - 05/30/06 08:37 AM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
SDP said:
Quote:
Icelander said: Girls = attachment.
Nonsense!
Girls dont nesc. = attachment, but being involved in a romantic relationship one does... you cant help its, its biological, so why not avoid it if your ok doing that?
-SDP
Really? I disagee. I think certain persons are able. Check out Ken Keyes book on relationships. You can relate without negative attachment. One would need to be fluid in their life though. Once you realize that you can love many rather then one you can let go of that compulsive attachment.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Frog
Warrior


Registered: 10/22/03
Posts: 4,284
Loc: The Zero Point Field
Last seen: 11 years, 13 days
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Re: Trust In Women [Re: Sinbad]
#5690064 - 05/30/06 09:34 AM (17 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Sinbad said: Almost every woman i have had relations with, throughout my life, has tried/has has managed to shatter my trust through lies, secrets and betrayl. Why shoudl i ever trust another woman again?
I dont think i can after yet another confirmation of how untrustworthy women i come into contact with are in general.
Practicing family law, I have found that women, in general (meaning that no, not all women are like this), are manipulative liars. I once advertised "Attorney for Men" in the yellow pages because after I saw the pattern of what women do, I didn't want any women contacting me.
I once said to this guy that I felt sorry for men for what they had to put up with just to "get some."
I once heard a judge say, "Why is it that women think that the way to initiate a divorce is to file a request for a restraining order?"
By filing a request for a restraining order, based on lies, women come into control of the house, money and kids. By the time it's all sorted out, she usually keeps control of at least the kids and tries to prevent the dad from seeing them.
Again, not all women are like this, and there is a small minority of men who do something similar, and so I am representing women again in divorce actions.
But beware of women. If they seem manipulative, if they seem motivated by money or property, then stay away from them. Look for one who is down to earth.
-------------------- The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire. -Teilard
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