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InvisibleSinbad
Living TheMoment
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Registered: 12/23/04
Posts: 2,571
Loc: Under The Bodhi Tree
Trust In Women
    #5682681 - 05/28/06 06:59 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Almost every woman i have had relations with, throughout my life, has tried/has has managed to shatter my trust through lies, secrets and betrayl. Why shoudl i ever trust another woman again?

I dont think i can after yet another confirmation of how untrustworthy women i come into contact with are in general.


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Offlinefresh313
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Re: Trust In Women [Re: Sinbad] * 1
    #5682685 - 05/28/06 07:03 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

if you were a woman
youd be saying something to the same effect about men?


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Offlinemr_kite
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Re: Trust In Women [Re: fresh313] * 1
    #5682725 - 05/28/06 07:36 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Woman as a species vary considerably, exhibiting a wide variety of behaviours and personalities. You've just not met the right one yet mate.

When it happens, you'll know  :heartpump:


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let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love


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InvisibleSinbad
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Re: Trust In Women [Re: mr_kite]
    #5682770 - 05/28/06 08:15 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

The problem is that recently i thought i had. But no, she turned out to be just like all the rest! :mad: :frown:


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: Trust In Women [Re: mr_kite]
    #5682783 - 05/28/06 08:20 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

trust in your sense, buddha, dharma, sangha.
where is it written to trust in women or men.
enjoy others for what they are.
not for what you imagine you are to them.

your senses give direct access to buddha dharma and sangha, here and now. only that to trust.


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:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:


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InvisibleIcelander
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Re: Trust In Women [Re: fresh313] * 1
    #5682800 - 05/28/06 08:31 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

fresh313 said:
if you were a woman
youd be saying something to the same effect about men?




This comment is right on! It's humans in general that behave like this. To single out one sex is to show your attachment to a situation that provokes you. (I'm not sayng this is bad or weak or wrong.)

If you didn't feel like this person owed you a certain type of behavior you would take this all in stride. It's very difficult though as IMO we have been deeply programmed to believe that romantic love is of grave importance to our welbeing. :mushroom2:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


Edited by Icelander (05/28/06 08:43 AM)


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InvisibleSinbad
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Re: Trust In Women [Re: redgreenvines]
    #5682809 - 05/28/06 08:38 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

redgreenvines said:
trust in your sense, buddha, dharma, sangha.
where is it written to trust in women or men.
enjoy others for what they are.
not for what you imagine you are to them.

your senses give direct access to buddha dharma and sangha, here and now. only that to trust.




Problem is, this woman is part of the Sangha! This is why the situation im in at the moment is so sensitive and diffcult. Thanks for the adive tho anyways.


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InvisibleSinbad
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Re: Trust In Women [Re: Icelander]
    #5682813 - 05/28/06 08:44 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Well, the thing is Icelander, for me, as a hetrosexual male, women are generally the only beings who can break trust of the heart. I didnt have  a very romantic relationship with this woman, but i love her deeply and trusted her not to break the trust i gave her. But she did it anyway, and now its a very difficult and sensitive situation becuase of the circumstances and the close connection we have. Everytime we see each other now it is like instant conflict.

How do i solve this problem? I cannot ignore her or not see her becuase she lives in the same very small little town, plus she is part of the Sangha, so there is that connection as well. I just dont really know what to do anymore. I have never been very good with relations with women. I was probably a monk in my last life or something. :lol:


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InvisibleIcelander
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Re: Trust In Women [Re: Sinbad]
    #5682818 - 05/28/06 08:50 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

You will solve this problem within yourself because that's where the problem resides. She is your teacher for this work or in my world your "petty tyrant". Fact is that we need them soooo much. :grin: :heart:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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InvisibleBrainiac
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Re: Trust In Women [Re: Icelander]
    #5682834 - 05/28/06 08:59 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

u can't tust a whore


--------------------
:Awesketch:

:cool: Fair is Fair :devil:


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InvisibleLakefingers

Registered: 08/26/05
Posts: 6,440
Loc: mumuland
Re: Trust In Women [Re: Sinbad]
    #5682840 - 05/28/06 09:03 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Are you looking for a security blanket from women?

P.S. I think redgreenvines and Icelander have said valuable things for you, as you know.

I'm not sure how pedagogical it is to bring this up now (maybe at this point in your development you need to see these girls, thus all girls, as the bad guys). Hopefully the time is right:

the problem is you, your expectations and your lack of tactility in providing and maintaing trust. Yes, the girls might have done particular things that were wrong (I'm not saying these girls did anything wrong though, from what you've told us you could be the one that screwed up. It could be you that is unable, at this time and in relation to particulars, to take responsibility for your actions. This is my beef with most men -- the denial and projection). In the sense that you are the problem: it's a matter of keeping balance, don't give the impresison that you can give others trust if your trust looses its balance when the winds of personal wrong knock it over.
So, think about yourself and what you did, don't resent the girls. Move on respectfully, or show us that you really love each other.
Good luck--


Edited by Lakefingers (05/28/06 09:17 AM)


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: Trust In Women [Re: Sinbad]
    #5682853 - 05/28/06 09:09 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Sinbad said:
Quote:

redgreenvines said:
trust in your sense, buddha, dharma, sangha.....




Problem is, this woman is part of the Sangha! ....




this is where you are looking at the wrong sangha.
the sangha to take refuge in, is internal, the universal idea of all like minded beings - it includes everyone.
the buddha to take refuge in is internal, the principle of englightenment within.
the dhamma to take refuge in is internal, the process of mind the teacher that is learning.

the group of buddhists that hang around you are only people, and you need to relate with them as people and let yourself be people too.

enjoy them as they are, and give yourself a break too.

never use dharma talk as politics or worse
as spiritual political sexual seduction.
unless it's a joke of course.
like seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.


--------------------
:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:


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InvisibleLunarEclipse
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Re: Trust In Women [Re: Sinbad]
    #5682936 - 05/28/06 09:41 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

"Almost every woman i have had relations with, throughout my life, has tried/has has managed to shatter my trust through lies, secrets and betrayl. Why shoudl i ever trust another woman again?"

Quit putting women up on a trust pedestal and you won't have these problems. 

With your Buddha lady "friend", you have given your love and trust way before it was "time".  ANow you are unhappy and in conflict.  Worse, you never even made it to first base, so a good "make up fuck" is out of the question.  :tongue:

A big part of the problem in communicating and interacting with women is that it really is a fact that men and women think and behave differently.  Unless a man comes to grips with that, and alters their way of thinking, emoting, and interacting that man will have problems.  Most women won't change their way of thinking just as most men won't because it is hard wired in their brains.

So, I say to you quit trusting, quit thinking, and above all quit analyzing the situation.  She isn't worth that much attention anyway.  Plus, as soon as you stop paying attention to her she will give you her undivided attention. 

Fun and games... :grin:


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Anxiety is what you make it.


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InvisibleVeritas
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Re: Trust In Women [Re: Sinbad]
    #5682969 - 05/28/06 09:55 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Have you considered the possibility that you are selecting women who will teach you about your attachments to others behavior?

In my experience, the people we are most drawn to are those who will participate in our most important lessons.  Only when those lessons have been understood can we cease engaging in relationships which bring up the same material.

I agree with rgv that your sangha is within.  Your wise self continues to seek out untrustworthy women for your life lessons, allowing you to fall over and over again. (Picture Lucy and Charlie Brown playing football. :wink:)

Humans are fallible, and I have not met anyone who is 100% honest at all times, so anyone you meet may pull that football away under the right conditions.  The aim is not to find the perfect person, but to find love and balance within, then share what you have found with the imperfect beings who show up.  :grin:


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Offlinefireworks_godS
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Re: Trust In Women [Re: Veritas]
    #5683052 - 05/28/06 10:38 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Truly insightful post. :thumbup:

:earth: :sun: :headbang: :satansmoking:
Peace. :mushroom2:


--------------------
:redpanda:
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you

:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:


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InvisibleIcelander
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Re: Trust In Women [Re: Veritas]
    #5683063 - 05/28/06 10:43 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Hey babe, You're my big lesson. :heart: :heart: :heart: :thumbup:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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OfflineDoctorJ
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Re: Trust In Women [Re: Icelander]
    #5683120 - 05/28/06 11:16 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Icelander said:
You will solve this problem within yourself because that's where the problem resides. She is your teacher for this work or in my world your "petty tyrant". Fact is that we need them soooo much. :grin: :heart:




the problem resides in both the self AND the selves of others.  That is why its so hard to solve. 

and nobody NEEDS a woman.  Tibetan monks often go entire lifetimes without female companionship. 

Icelander = :whip:

To the original poster:  Have faith and respect women.  It might be awhile till you find the one for you, but the best advice I can give you is to just throw yourself out there and be prepared to deal with any outcome.  Eventually you will find someone so perfect that you will be inseparable and worthy of eachother's trust. 

many people have accused me of disrespecting women.  but the truth is I respect women enough to let them do whatever they want.  And I have faith that I will find one that is right for me eventually. 

remember that freedom is a very new thing to women.  Its not totally their fault that they often don't use their freedom to make wise choices.  As men, we must be gentle stewards who show women the way of responsibility and freedom.  Sometimes this means letting them walk on your heart a little.  But hey, you're a man, you can take it.  And don't think she won't pay (karmicly speaking) for the evil things she has done.


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OfflineSDP
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Re: Trust In Women [Re: DoctorJ]
    #5683297 - 05/28/06 12:32 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

What now is the noble truth of suffering? Birth, decay, death, sorrow, lamenations, pain, grief, despair, not to get what one desires, all suffering; in short, the five groups of existance are suffering.

What now is the noble truth of the orgin of suffering? It is craving. Delightful and pleasureable things, eye, ear, nose, tongue, body, and mind, there this craving arises and takes root. Visual objects, sounds, smells, tastes, bodily impressions, and mind objects are delightful and pleasurable; there this craving arises and takes root. Conciousness, sense impression, feeling born of sense impression, perception, will, craving, thinking, and reflection are delightful and pleasureable; there this craving arises and takes root.

What now is the Noble Truth of Extinction of Suffering? The complete fading away and exitnction of suffering, its forsaking and abandonment, liberation and detachment from it. Extinction of greed, hate, and delusion. This, indeed, is called Nirvana.

And for a disciple thus freed, in whose heart dwells peace, there is nothing to be added to what has been done, and nuaght more remains to do. Just as a rock of one solid mass remains unshaken by the wind, even so neither forms, nor sounds, not odors, nor tastes, nor contacts of any kind, neither the desired nor undesired can cause such a one to waver, one is steadfast in mind, gained in deliverance.

This I call neither arising, nor passing away, neither standing still , nor being born, nor dying. There is neither foothold, nor development, nor any basis. This is the end of suffering.

Once suffering is abbolished, folowing the Middle Path (Right understanding, right thought, right speech, right action, right livihood, right effort, right minfulness, right concentration). You can reamin detached  + involved, while still being a good person + influencing others positively.

In otherwords. BECOME the monk in this life. Girls = attachment. Attachment = suffering. Suffering = death\rebirth\death.

Liberate yourself.  :rocket:

-SDP  :stoned:


--------------------
Teonanacatl, open up my eyes
This sacrament, this prayer, beyond the world of lies
Guide me clearly through that which I dont understand
Give me strength to find the path
Help me fight any demons as you flow through me wholely
This is my prayer, that you protect me from evil, and bring me closer to peace
And open up my eyes, so i can see things as you do
Amen


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InvisibleIcelander
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Re: Trust In Women [Re: SDP]
    #5683316 - 05/28/06 12:39 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Girls = attachment.

Nonsense!


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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InvisibleLunarEclipse
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Re: Trust In Women [Re: SDP]
    #5683333 - 05/28/06 12:46 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

A winter's day
In a deep and dark December;
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

I've built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

Don't talk of love,
Well, I've heard the word before.
It's sleeping in my memory.
I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

I have my books
And my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries.

-SNG


--------------------
Anxiety is what you make it.


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