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OfflineTelepylus
Babyman
 User Gallery

Registered: 05/22/06
Posts: 996
Loc: Seattle
Last seen: 17 years, 3 months
Grown so ugly
    #5682150 - 05/28/06 12:04 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

this face that i see
grown so ugly
this isn't me

this mirror is dull
the silver impure
the surface is rippled & warped

his skin is wrinkled & tired
weatherbeaten & scared
eyes shine with infrared and a deep ancient color of blue
much too deep to look directly into
far too deep and heavy to try to fathom under inside within that hue
(it is impossible to stare into the black pit without some kind of sixth sense sonar)

what is this
grey wispiness
graveyard fog eminating from his skull?
so weird & old

you mustn't get distracted from the fact
this is not who U/R
is Not-I

this man has an old cracked violin case
bleached tan by the sun
it has coffee stains
and one of the latches is missing

he opens
the violin sounds
it is exquisite & charming
enchanting & mysterious

I AM a boy
I dance around swinging my magic wand
Naked
I'm running

In my minds eye I'm leaping with butterflies
And picking up daisies

On thru the with all the marigolds & thistles
Tripping
But it's okay because I'm young & strong and made of Light
Floating & reeling & whistling
I'm just a kid mister
Why are you old?


--------------------

Law of Love


Edited by Telepylus (05/28/06 12:34 AM)


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Invisiblegema
Freedom from the Known

Registered: 10/24/04
Posts: 1,767
Loc: t(here)
Re: Grown so ugly [Re: Telepylus]
    #5682319 - 05/28/06 01:33 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Do you wnat to borrow my gun?


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Offlinemr_kite
The Watcher
Male

Registered: 09/16/02
Posts: 2,577
Loc: shambhala
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
Re: Grown so ugly [Re: Telepylus]
    #5682728 - 05/28/06 07:40 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Grown so ugly, I don't even know myself


I got up this morning
And I put on my shoes
I tied my shoes
Then I washed my face
I went to the mirror
For to comb my head
I made a move
Didn't know what to do
I tipped way forward
Got to break and run

Baby, this ain't me
Baby, this ain't me
Got so ugly I don't even know myself

I left Angola
1964
Go walking down my street
Knock on my baby's door
My baby come out
She asks me who I am
And I say, honey,
Don't you know your man?
She said my man's been gone
Since 1942
And I'll tell you Mr. Ugly,
He didn't look like you


I love the version on Safe as Milk by Beefheart. Awesome.


--------------------
let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love


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OfflineJacquesCousteau
Being.
Male User Gallery

Registered: 06/10/03
Posts: 7,825
Loc: Everywhere, Everytime.
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
Re: Grown so ugly [Re: Telepylus]
    #5682811 - 05/28/06 08:42 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Is this your own work? I like it... normally the odd forms and shit would bother me, but I've gotten into Saul Williams lately, and he flows in very similar patterns. I actually hear him in my head as I read it. :P

Anyway, the beginning felt a little shaky, but as it went on it really picked up. The rhyme patterns are really tight in some areas. I really liked the way this flows: (or atleast how it did in my head, heh)

Quote:


his skin is wrinkled & tired
weatherbeaten & scared
eyes shine with infrared and a deep ancient color of blue
much too deep to look directly into
far too deep and heavy to try to fathom under inside within that hue





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OfflineTelepylus
Babyman
 User Gallery

Registered: 05/22/06
Posts: 996
Loc: Seattle
Last seen: 17 years, 3 months
Re: Grown so ugly [Re: JacquesCousteau]
    #5683403 - 05/28/06 01:15 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

i like to break rules with my poems, freestyle
i dont care about meter and rhyme
the poem is mine, i don't plagerize

but yea, the title Grown so ugly is borrowed from The Black Keys song
that Mr. kite posted

The Black Keys kick ass!!!


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OfflineJacquesCousteau
Being.
Male User Gallery

Registered: 06/10/03
Posts: 7,825
Loc: Everywhere, Everytime.
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
Re: Grown so ugly [Re: Telepylus]
    #5685714 - 05/29/06 07:02 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

I wasn't implying plagiarism, I just wanted you to verify it was an original piece, because you never said it was in the first place. For all I knew you could have just been posting the lyrics to a song I didn't know.

Anyway, good job.


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