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Telepylus
Babyman


Registered: 05/22/06
Posts: 996
Loc: Seattle
Last seen: 17 years, 3 months
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Grown so ugly
#5682150 - 05/28/06 12:04 AM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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this face that i see grown so ugly this isn't me
this mirror is dull the silver impure the surface is rippled & warped
his skin is wrinkled & tired weatherbeaten & scared eyes shine with infrared and a deep ancient color of blue much too deep to look directly into far too deep and heavy to try to fathom under inside within that hue (it is impossible to stare into the black pit without some kind of sixth sense sonar)
what is this grey wispiness graveyard fog eminating from his skull? so weird & old
you mustn't get distracted from the fact this is not who U/R is Not-I
this man has an old cracked violin case bleached tan by the sun it has coffee stains and one of the latches is missing
he opens the violin sounds it is exquisite & charming enchanting & mysterious
I AM a boy I dance around swinging my magic wand Naked I'm running
In my minds eye I'm leaping with butterflies And picking up daisies
On thru the with all the marigolds & thistles Tripping But it's okay because I'm young & strong and made of Light Floating & reeling & whistling I'm just a kid mister Why are you old?
--------------------
Law of Love
Edited by Telepylus (05/28/06 12:34 AM)
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gema
Freedom from the Known

Registered: 10/24/04
Posts: 1,767
Loc: t(here)
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Re: Grown so ugly [Re: Telepylus]
#5682319 - 05/28/06 01:33 AM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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Do you wnat to borrow my gun?
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mr_kite
The Watcher


Registered: 09/16/02
Posts: 2,577
Loc: shambhala
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
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Re: Grown so ugly [Re: Telepylus]
#5682728 - 05/28/06 07:40 AM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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Grown so ugly, I don't even know myself
I got up this morning And I put on my shoes I tied my shoes Then I washed my face I went to the mirror For to comb my head I made a move Didn't know what to do I tipped way forward Got to break and run
Baby, this ain't me Baby, this ain't me Got so ugly I don't even know myself
I left Angola 1964 Go walking down my street Knock on my baby's door My baby come out She asks me who I am And I say, honey, Don't you know your man? She said my man's been gone Since 1942 And I'll tell you Mr. Ugly, He didn't look like you
I love the version on Safe as Milk by Beefheart. Awesome.
-------------------- let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love
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JacquesCousteau
Being.


Registered: 06/10/03
Posts: 7,825
Loc: Everywhere, Everytime.
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
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Re: Grown so ugly [Re: Telepylus]
#5682811 - 05/28/06 08:42 AM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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Is this your own work? I like it... normally the odd forms and shit would bother me, but I've gotten into Saul Williams lately, and he flows in very similar patterns. I actually hear him in my head as I read it. :P
Anyway, the beginning felt a little shaky, but as it went on it really picked up. The rhyme patterns are really tight in some areas. I really liked the way this flows: (or atleast how it did in my head, heh)
Quote:
his skin is wrinkled & tired weatherbeaten & scared eyes shine with infrared and a deep ancient color of blue much too deep to look directly into far too deep and heavy to try to fathom under inside within that hue
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Telepylus
Babyman


Registered: 05/22/06
Posts: 996
Loc: Seattle
Last seen: 17 years, 3 months
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i like to break rules with my poems, freestyle i dont care about meter and rhyme the poem is mine, i don't plagerize
but yea, the title Grown so ugly is borrowed from The Black Keys song that Mr. kite posted
The Black Keys kick ass!!!
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JacquesCousteau
Being.


Registered: 06/10/03
Posts: 7,825
Loc: Everywhere, Everytime.
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
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Re: Grown so ugly [Re: Telepylus]
#5685714 - 05/29/06 07:02 AM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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I wasn't implying plagiarism, I just wanted you to verify it was an original piece, because you never said it was in the first place. For all I knew you could have just been posting the lyrics to a song I didn't know.
Anyway, good job.
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