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DoctorJ


Registered: 06/30/03
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my personal quest for God
#5674599 - 05/25/06 08:46 PM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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Just thought I'd share my search for God, in hopes that it might aid you guys in yours.
When I was a child my mother took me to church a lot. She sang in the choir there. But something always seemed wrong about what they taught me there. I just didn't buy it. The Siddhi or 'spirtual powers' were strong in me as a child, and I often had difficulty controlling them.
When I was 12 or 13, my father took me aside and taught me about taoism. Up until that point, I'd thought he was an atheist because he read books like 'Brief History of Time' and believed in evolution. But he took me aside and told me: "Son, your mother is a Christian and that's fine but I think you're old enough now to learn what I believe."
So we talked a lot. My father did a helluva job raising me and he spent a lot of time and effort teaching me. We would go on father/son outings and talk about all kinds of things: politics, science, philosophy, religion, and of course, good names for a rock n roll band. Wetalked about the universe a lot, and theoretical physics. It was then I realized that opposites were equal.
So I stuck with taoism for awhile. Then when I was 18 I came a great loss when the love of my life left me. I was plunged into sorrow for a long time. It was a very dark period in my life.
By the time I was 19, I met a very good friend who as it turns out, has known me in several other lifetimes. He introduced me to the Kabbalah and High Magic. I began practicing white magic rituals, and it pulled me into the light again for the first time in a long time.
I started college and lived pretty much like a starving student for the next 5 years. At that point, I was fairly powerful and wise, but I still felt as if I didn't have all the answers, like I was missing some pieces. Kabbalah had turned me on to numerology and gematria. I started taking science and psychology classes.
I remained fairly open-minded while I was in school, reading books on astral projection, creative visualization, lucid dreaming, and psychic powers. I spent a lot of time alone, meditating. I would generally avoid human contact and spent most of my saturday nights reading.
One night, I was playing around with the tree of life, and I decided I would add some more points to it in order to make it symmetrical. I have always striven for balance, and the traditional tree of life seemed bigoted to me. So I eventually came upon a 12 (or 13) point tree of life, and gave the sephoroth new names and functions. Later, when I started learning about sacred geometry, I learned that what I had drawn was the Virtuvian Grid.
I wanted to make a new tarot deck with this drawing, because I was into tarot at the time, but unfortunately the drawing was stolen from me because I had been foolishly proud enough of it to hang it on my wall. Shoulda kept that one to myself 
Next came Ram Dass's excellent book "Be Here Now". This book helped me understand many things, and renewed my already high respect for the Hindu religion.
Then I came upon a teacher named Drunvalo Melchizedek. I read his book about sacred geometry, and it pretty much connected the dots of what I had learned so far. Everything started falling into place when I learned about sacred geometry, metatron's cube, the flower of life, the fibbonacci sequence, and the phi ratio. This was the book that finally allowed me to converse with my Higher Self.
I started posting on the shroomery and began to hone my debate and reading comprehension skills. All of you here have been wonderful teachers, and I thank you all for it. Truly, I owe a debt to this place, for it taught me a lot. In my time here, I have met some crazy characters and put forth some crazy ideas. I've had to defend these ideas from contest, and in doing so have stregthened my mind. Also, I have come to understand other human beings and socialization much better, as well as being exposed to opinions I didn't think of or don't agree with.
So now that I had learned all this, the tests started coming. Many bad situations were thrown at me by the universe to see how I would handle them, and to see if I could apply what I had learned. I failed many of these tests, and was punished. I began to see karma in action, as my own negative energy came glaring right back at me. The universe is like a package marked 'return to sender'. You get what you put in, in other words.
The final test was one of love and self-sacrifice, and also of the Will. I won't go into it because its personal, but lets just say my world was rocked severly by a situation that broke my heart and turned my closest friends against me. Several times, I was very tempted to do very bad things. But I stood my ground, held out, and had faith.
Then I began to notice the karma in the lives of others. People who had screwed me in the past started to get what was coming to them. Though the events of this time in my life were very painful and destructive, they taught me many important things. Don't give up on your friends. Never use violence as a solution. Keep your mouth shut when you're supposed to. We're all in this thing together. Respect the feelings of others as your own. Also, I became the master of my emotions, and cured a life-long depression and anxiety.
It was at this point that I learned the true meaning of Christ, and what a badass he was. I had accepted him as my savior a long time ago, but this time it actually meant something very personal.
I began to remember tidbits of past lives I am connected to. I re-read the Tao Teh Ching, the works of Thomas Jefferson, and parts of the bible. A new understanding dawned on me, and a new picture of God started forming in my mind. I realized that I was an important part of God's army, and that I was put on Earth to do very important things. I also began to realize who my friends and family were, and the past lives they are connected to.
Now I know that we are all God, in that we all have God inside us. Those who have great power are supposed to use it to help others. In living for others, the self is truly realized. Finally, I learned that salvation is a very real thing, and that God understood me, and everything was going to be OK no matter what happened. Knowing all this was actually a huge weight off my shoulders.
So there you go, thats how I found God and I hope your journey is easier than mine was! Because its only as hard as you make it.
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lysergicide
Aurora Borealis


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Re: my personal quest for God [Re: DoctorJ]
#5674761 - 05/25/06 09:36 PM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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Ah, what a journey life seems to take us on, or rather, the journeys we take life on.
My personal quest for God is a little similiar to yours... I was raised Protestant but we never attended church... My family wasn't really all that religious when it got down to it, so I basically had a clean slate to work on growing up. Also, growing up as a typical non-religious Protestant, I found myself in situations or acts the church would or could consider taboo, so basically throughout ages 8-12 I actually found myself in fear of God, and was ashamed of who I was because I felt I wasn't right in their eyes...
My mothers side of the family was pretty open-minded toward other religions, if not, very interested & involved with the spiritual and the supernatural. So growing up, and always admirers of my Aunts, I too became interested in the supernatural & spiritual world. I found it much more comfortable and non-threatening there, unlike I found in modern-day Christian beliefs. And as I found myself in conflicting beliefs, I started questioning religion in general and slowly, a new me started to form...
My transformation could only be described as an evolution. I kept my ideas and beliefs to myself, kept silent, and just kept questioning anything I could - whether it be modern day "rules" we place in society or the idea of dying & going to Heaven.
My first transition was to Paganism. I found it warm & comforting there, I found a sense of self and tranquility and a higher level of consciousness above all of those that live around me. It would be hard to say that my own ideas were shaped by others around me, as I really didn't have all that many books to read or experiences to listen to, but all I had and needed was the truth in my heart. I often found myself creating altered versions of original beliefs to match own liking (example: I saw Pagan gods & goddesses as manifestations/symbols of the purity within humans, animals and in nature, rather then actual beings). I guess I could say that I was stumbling around, searching for truth.
Around a year, maybe two years ago, I began reading about Buddhism. And with no prior knowledge of it- I found that most of my beliefs matched right up to it, often to the very words. I was amazed at the depth, I was amazed in the knowledge, the awareness. It was so beautiful to finally feel in place, to feel my feet resting on solid foundation. I finally found who I am (however, that may be debateable on years to come of course). But for the first time in my life, I feel a sense of self, a sense of happiness but most of all, a sense of understanding. Life has become so much more interesting, whether I'm living in it or wandering outside of it in my own world.
It's incredible the way we come to be as people...
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wilshire
free radical


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Re: my personal quest for God [Re: DoctorJ]
#5675313 - 05/26/06 12:07 AM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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there is a guy who stands on the main street in my city (i walk it every day) and creepily asks people if they have a minute to talk with him about god. it's bizarre. maybe he's enlightened.
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faslimy
Dead Man

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Re: my personal quest for God [Re: DoctorJ]
#5675601 - 05/26/06 01:05 AM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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foolishly proud?
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DoctorJ


Registered: 06/30/03
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Re: my personal quest for God [Re: faslimy]
#5675650 - 05/26/06 01:16 AM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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pride is something I have worked hard to avoid.
I'm proud of people, the hardships they have endured, and the accomplishments they have made. Though God is the source of all that is and ever will be, the people's accomplishments are their own.
Edited by DoctorJ (05/26/06 01:25 AM)
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StupidGenius
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Re: my personal quest for God [Re: DoctorJ]
#5679686 - 05/27/06 06:22 AM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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I would have to say my personal quest for God is still in it's early stages. I was born and raised a Muslim on my Dad's side, and practiced it until a few years ago. It was never forced on me, but rather I was simply shown this way of belief. I was always quite content to know that God was above, and so long as I followed his word, I would recieve my reward.
However, there are very strict practices in Islam, and as I grew, this became a burden. Eventually, one by one, I started to fall out of practice. For a while, I remained a Muslim on the outside for my family's sake, but slowly started to question things for myself.
A couple of years ago, I eventually decided that this burden was preventing my fro having the relationship with God that I needed. I decided that I knew what was right and wrong, that I still very much believed in God, and I didn't need someone to tell me how to do it.
As I continued to build upon these beliefs, my relationship with God transcended that of Him to my religion, and to that of Him to me, as a person.
I now spend a rather significant amount of my time contemplating and questioning everything I see and experience. It has allowed me to grow more as a person in one year than I had in the entirety of my lifetime.
I am of the belief that religion, as it is now, is not what it was originally intended to be. Children are raised in fear of God. I don't believe that God wants us to live our lives because we are afraid of the consequences, but rather to simply respect him. Much in the way it's much more rewarding to have people listen to you because they respect you, rather than because you've threatened them.
I live my life well, and though I do dobad things as any human does, there is little evil to my actions. I have since been rewarded with a very charmed life - nothing truly bad ever seems to happen to me, and on the whole, my life is a lot better than I could possibly ask for it to be.
I realise that I am still relativitly young, and that there should be lots of life ahead of me. That said, I live my life somewhat paradoxically; I am fully aware my time is limited, and could end at any moment, and thus live life ensuring that my time spent is not time wasted, but look forward to a lengthy future in which I can only continue to grow.
-------------------- "I think when you get high, whatever the substance may be....you reveal more of you, to yourself" ~ Ryan Bolin
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


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Re: my personal quest for God [Re: StupidGenius]
#5679708 - 05/27/06 06:52 AM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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hopefully, the questing is unending. let there be unfinished business. let there be light.
(in mathematical and geometric patterns you find motifs - these are especially amusing because they can be short cuts to other places in the mind, they are no big deal but they show how we distill things to connect them more deeply - sometimes they become inventions like water wheels and computer chips - try not to get too excited about them)
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niteowl
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Re: my personal quest for God [Re: DoctorJ]
#5680519 - 05/27/06 01:52 PM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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Dude!
So much of what you said......rings true with me too. Our paths are very similar.....with different people guiding us in the direction we needed to go.
God speaks to us, by putting us near people, who will tell us what we need to hear.
All you have to do is listen
-------------------- Live for the moment you are in nowDon't be bogged down by your pastDon't be afraid of what lies in your future
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StupidGenius
Stranger

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Re: my personal quest for God [Re: niteowl]
#5685182 - 05/28/06 11:55 PM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
niteowl said: God speaks to us, by putting us near people, who will tell us what we need to hear.
One of my favourite quotes comes from the movie Waking Life; "You haven't met yourself yet. But the advantage to meeting others in the meantime, is that one of them may reveal you, to yourself
-------------------- "I think when you get high, whatever the substance may be....you reveal more of you, to yourself" ~ Ryan Bolin
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Syle
Kenai Sigh


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Re: my personal quest for God [Re: DoctorJ]
#5685778 - 05/29/06 08:14 AM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
DoctorJ said: pride is something I have worked hard to avoid.
I'm proud of people, the hardships they have endured, and the accomplishments they have made. Though God is the source of all that is and ever will be, the people's accomplishments are their own.
you are delusional in your life in that you seek to feel like you are a greater power than you really are. that's human nature at its simplest. you are nothing more than a human being existing on planet earth. stop having delusions of grandeur.
-------------------- https://kenaisigh.bandcamp.com/ <- Just completed the 2021 RPM challenge for February - An EP in one month (5 songs or 20 minutes). Check it out!
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Corporal Kielbasa

Registered: 05/29/04
Posts: 17,235
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Re: my personal quest for God [Re: DoctorJ]
#5685885 - 05/29/06 09:01 AM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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Your search has ended, you have just found the holey christ rod of love.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery


Registered: 03/15/05
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Re: my personal quest for God [Re: Syle]
#5685887 - 05/29/06 09:02 AM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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DJs not ready for that piece of information.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Corporal Kielbasa

Registered: 05/29/04
Posts: 17,235
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Re: my personal quest for God [Re: Icelander]
#5685915 - 05/29/06 09:22 AM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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When will your quest end?
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DoctorJ


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Re: my personal quest for God [Re: Syle]
#5686949 - 05/29/06 03:26 PM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
Syle said:
you are delusional in your life in that you seek to feel like you are a greater power than you really are. that's human nature at its simplest. you are nothing more than a human being existing on planet earth. stop having delusions of grandeur.
we'll see about that.
I'm not too worried about it
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery


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Re: my personal quest for God [Re: DoctorJ]
#5686957 - 05/29/06 03:28 PM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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Don't worry, be happy. Hey was that really your pic in the pub?
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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DoctorJ


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Re: my personal quest for God [Re: Icelander]
#5687019 - 05/29/06 03:40 PM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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you mean this one?

yes thats me.
feel free to make a dart board out of it. everyone else does.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery


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Re: my personal quest for God [Re: DoctorJ]
#5687438 - 05/29/06 05:16 PM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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It's all energy. The dartboard might be fun though, if you were naked.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Basilides
Servent ofWisdom


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Re: my personal quest for God [Re: DoctorJ]
#5687730 - 05/29/06 06:19 PM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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I just have to ask.. is that lipstick?
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    "Have you found the beginning, then, that you are looking for the end? You see, the end will be where the beginning is. Congratulations to the one who stands at the beginning: that one will know the end and will not taste death."
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DoctorJ


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Re: my personal quest for God [Re: Basilides]
#5687756 - 05/29/06 06:26 PM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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no, its good genetics.
I'm a born lover 
sorry, no fags
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Basilides
Servent ofWisdom


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Re: my personal quest for God [Re: DoctorJ]
#5687765 - 05/29/06 06:30 PM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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That's the ironic part, because you look like you just strolled out of the Castro district
--------------------
    "Have you found the beginning, then, that you are looking for the end? You see, the end will be where the beginning is. Congratulations to the one who stands at the beginning: that one will know the end and will not taste death."
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DoctorJ


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Re: my personal quest for God [Re: Basilides]
#5687772 - 05/29/06 06:32 PM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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why don't you post your picture so everyone can point out how you look like a homosexual?
wassamatta? You scared? n-n-n-n- noticeably?
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Basilides
Servent ofWisdom


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Re: my personal quest for God [Re: DoctorJ]
#5687789 - 05/29/06 06:38 PM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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That's besides the point. I'm not the one always ranting about "fags"
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    "Have you found the beginning, then, that you are looking for the end? You see, the end will be where the beginning is. Congratulations to the one who stands at the beginning: that one will know the end and will not taste death."
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DoctorJ


Registered: 06/30/03
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Re: my personal quest for God [Re: Basilides]
#5687844 - 05/29/06 06:56 PM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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as far as I know, male homosexuals are people who engage in anal sex with a same sex partner. I wasn't aware it was a style of dress.
if you think I am a homophobe or that I unduly persecute homosexuals, then you haven't understood what I have said. I'm not going to stoop any lower for your understanding. Figure it out yourself.
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Basilides
Servent ofWisdom


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Re: my personal quest for God [Re: DoctorJ]
#5687911 - 05/29/06 07:09 PM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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I don't think you hate anyone. Combined with your rants about anal sex and your creepy penchant for Plaedians, it seems your cheese has long slid off your cracker.
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    "Have you found the beginning, then, that you are looking for the end? You see, the end will be where the beginning is. Congratulations to the one who stands at the beginning: that one will know the end and will not taste death."
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DoctorJ


Registered: 06/30/03
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Re: my personal quest for God [Re: Basilides]
#5688019 - 05/29/06 07:27 PM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
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no one is crazy for entertaining crazy dreams.
people cross the line when they start acting out their dreams fully in reality.
I use a light touch in my influence over the world around me. I certainly wouldn't want to do too much too fast, because then I would indeed be crazy!
so I keep the craziness limited to my writing, and function as a more or less normal member of society.
I know people with much saner beliefs than mine, who embark upon much crazier activities than I do 
so I don't see what the mind has to do with being crazy. Craziness is about action. Although I may have done a few minor crazy acts in the past, I have paid for that and moved on. No more stealing or computer hacking for me. No more prying around in people's minds. I'll continue to think crazily and act rationally. Keep the power inside, because the outside ain't ready yet.
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