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 leery11
I Tell You What!
Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 9 years, 14 days
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 Feel out of it. 
#5586394 - 05/03/06 03:50 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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I don't trust myself to drive my brain feels so hazy....
In fact I mean when I'm driving I just don't feel like I can make turns right ... I worry that I look like I'm drunk...... my reaction time doesn't seem to be fast enough.... I don't feel comfortable in traffic....
making a right turn looking very intently for traffic and not seeing any, checking many times... I start to slowly edge out and HONKKKKKK a truck comes by.... had to apply my brakes..... I don't know if he would have hit me had he not honked and alerted me to his presence.... but i was LOOKING and somehow I didn't see this?
I feel like how old people in their 70s must feel when they drive.
I don't know if it's lack of sunlight..... not exercising enough.... malnutrition (not eating a lot but I'm usually getting 2 meals a day) or just sleeping in too much then just getting on the computer....
It could be any number of things but one thing it isn't is drugs.... I haven't been doing them.
There's sometimes clicking or a vague sense of pressure in the form of congestion in my head and I feel moderately spaced out....... not spaced out in the "this isn't real!!!" way..... I feel real and reality feels real enough now.... just spaced out in the "my body and mind don't seem to be working right" kind of way.
and I really want to go back to using marijuana once in a while... for some reason I think it would help ground me or fix this bad energy even though I know from experience that no good comes from SMOKING it..... who knows.
if i were to assign it to chakras it would be something to do with the third eye acting up.
I also feel hopeless and powerless about the future. I have to get a new apartment and find a job or I will be forced to live with my parents over the summer... and yes I want to get a job and an apartment but I feel like I'm paralyzed and weak and that there's no way I can get one..... I feel inept and incompetent and lazy.......
it's really hard..... just this feeling of nothing matters.
and i feel like if i smoked pot i might start caring again, because pot may make me "lazy" but it makes me motivated at the same time.... when I have a nice smoke out I sit and think and I'm like "okay I need to become a Buddhist right now!" or things like that.... and it just seems like when I had pot as an ESCAPE from this world...... it made living in this world more fun, made me care more about school.....
because it all seems so pointless right now like I should go live on a monastery and spend my life in meditation because I don't really see a point to any of it.... the world is quite harsh and bitter and uncaring and most importantly souless.... and the only thing I can think is that if I'm going to go to school, and get a career, I have to dedicate my professional life to helping people.....
so then it seems like marijuana is pointless and I should just meditate because meditating works nicely..... and I worry that what if I get arrested and ruin my academic career? But I don't want to smoke myself into stupor I just want to sit down and meditate upon a chakra for a while, then take a smoke and use the enhanced chi flow to open that chakra and explore peacefully
i just want to explore consciousness really......
It seems like pot has given me "let's just chill out and have fun "attitude on life which I now no longer have.... so now I'm completely serious and everything is bland and lifeless and I'm like "well who cares?" but if I were stoned at least I'd be having fun maybe? Maybe not.
I'm not sure what to do about anything..... really.
I just feel zombified kind of.
If I were forced to live with my parents I would eat lots of potato chips and junk food and watch TV and never exercise at all.... but if I can make it through and find a job and get an apartment I will have yoga classes in the summer that I can regularly attend and tai chi too.... so while I'm there I can work out and get in shape and be out in the sun more and I can go down to the lake and walk around and stuff....
that's the way to go but i feel DOOMED and helpless like everything will fall apart..... I feel like I should have tried to room up with my friend because he just got an apartment with someone else, but I don't like being around him because he just watches TV and TV freaks me out and makes me feel manipulated with all the commercials and how I can see right through the patterns into how cheap and formulaic the jokes are..... most TV isn't funny, you are just conditioned to laugh, but every now and then something actually unique will be on it which is okay to watch.
see what I mean? I don't see what I mean. I want to get out of this rut and I need a job and an apartment to do it I guess....
my probablem is no one ever taught me how to live. MY parents did everything for me they even ordered the food I wanted and didn't have me order on my own until I was a lower teen so I was like... well how can I order that's scary to give these people my order? And they cleaned everything for me... all the time so I never clean now and my apartment is a trashy mess........
and you know they like made decisions for me all the time..... and I'm only in college because they expect me to be and I dont' know what to do with my future.
I want to do sound editing...... because in my imagination I can hear what would sound pretty good to add to sound tracks..... but I'm studying psychology and psychology is interesting but the prospect of grad school paralyzes me even more and I just put it off.
procastination is the story of my life because I never learned how to live on my own or have my own will.... even back in high school i was exactly like this i was like ahhhh who cares about college.... even though I knew that I was a senior and i HAD to start preparing for it... I didn't prepare at all...... and the only reason I'm at this school right now is because I wanted to move out so I could do drugs without my parents being upset at me.... because they don't understand why I want to do them and don't agree with psychedelics...
It's a mess.
It's my own fault. But it's not. I was raised in luxury of a spoiled middle class way and now all that spoiling is coming around to fuck me solid and I have to rise up out of this and be someone? But who am I supposed to be? I don't have that many friends and only one of my friends I am open with enough to talk to him about important issues.... I don't have a girlfriend to whip me into shape and yell at me to get off my ass and get things done..... I spend all my time alone.......
and I don't know.
I don't mind who I am intellectually I just cannot be so damned lazy, apathetic, unmoving.... making no progress.... hardly studying for classes (making okay grades but always riding a fine line) not even reading the text for class I just go through life with my head in the clouds in pointless thoughtloops...... the whole day I will just have stupid songs in my head and that's the most mental activitiy I ever do is have the songs in my head so it makes me feel like something is wrong with my brain... that I have mad cow disease or something...
because my brain doesn't work right the songs wont' quit... like they have brainwashed me... the bands have by playing their songs over and over.... and they stop playing now that I've worked on freeing them from my mind but it's like can I pay attention? I don't think so..... when I talk to people I don't feel like I'm really talking to them... or sometimes maybe I do....... and it's like when I'm at a class lecture even if I try to pay attention I can't....
when I read my notes to study my mind is thinking about other things and I read the words but they get buried by the other thoughts and I will have spent 40 minutes reading the entire notes and yet cannot remember a single thing that I read....
yet I can remember my childhood flawlessly.... I can tell you about riding on a swingset, about pretending we went on the matterhorn ride and how a girl said she covered her eyes on it partially because she was scared... about fern gully and a broken arm and a game i used to play with puppets where we joked about "mother's milk" from the fern gully movie about a game we played with painted planets on the playground where kids with asthma were allowed to cheat and how one of my friends had asthma and i developed exercise induced asthma and when i got my new inhaler my dad and i played super metroid and i can tell you what the bosses from super metroid look like and about the first time i learned to read the word "candy" and i can tell you almost anything at all about everything that has happened to me from my childhood.
i can remember it very clearly i can remember doing math and hating it and being kind of slow in kindergarten i can tell you about a game we played in preschool... about being hypnotised to go take a nap about the sandman but it freaked me out..... about a kid cracking his head open from going down a slide... about sitting in a slide reading the guiness book of records with some classmates and about finding "mountain dew" in the playground and thinking it was BEER and telling my mom about it and about a fair we had where they had shaving cream and would give you a mock shave for some reason and the janitor took me and my friend but it made my mom mad because she took us without telling her and you know what....
about going to universal studios and feivals playground and some neat slide they had and about the tram ride....
i can tell you whatever you want because it's all there and sure I can't remember everything but ........
I can remember this. But do I remember how to drive? Hardly......
my childhood was absolutely wonderful btw..... sure of course had plenty of suffering... liberation from samsara would be the best .... but man... it was so great..... I just want to be able to have these connections to people right now like I did when I was a kid and the playground was like a utopia.... just a free place to be.... to be free... where is my free place? Where is it? Manmade tracks going around an ARITIFICAL lake? Well it's pretty at least........ what of this....... of these damned ipods and cell phones and advertisements raping the eye everywhere you go? a good time is not watching tV... a good time is going on an ADVENTURE!
no wonder i like drugs, they take me back to the child mind..... before I freaked out on the best LSA dose I had I was just so connected to my child.... remembering easters long since forgotten.... so young and the memory suddenly came back and I was thanking God for it because it was such a pure loving feeling...
but what am I? I'm a guy sitting alone in his apartment tripping thinking about how wonderful his childhood was but how sad is that? How sad is that why don't I have much to thank God for right now? Well I'm thankful that I'm alive and somewhat healthy and ...... that I have FOOD TO EAT because that's amazing... it's amazing to have food to eat when people are starving int he world....
but it's such a waste.... i must do something with myself I cannot be a child.... but...... I don't know. I just want to make tons of money and give lots of it to charity. That's what I want to do. Give to charity.... so people can eat..... so that I can reap good karma..... so that they can improve their lives...... so that I don't have to feel guilty that I have so much yet have wasted it..........
because these people.... like me..... but more trapped... they just eat and party and eat and party and what are they doing for the world? Not much less than what I am doing, but it seems so fundeamntally wrong to be an American like everything about it is evil.... and so I want to amass moderate wealth so i can give back to people....
well cool maybe i have found myself a roomate... i'm gonna go visit his house right now.
this makes me sound like i'm a trainwreck.. i'm not. i just don't know what to believe about anything and feel like i'm in a rut.
thanks for reading if you can decipher!!
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I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo! ....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human...... Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!
Edited by leery11 (05/03/06 04:11 PM)
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 MOTH
Wild Woman
Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
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Re: Feel out of it. [Re: leery11]
#5586424 - 05/03/06 03:59 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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If I had to guess
"sleeping in too much then just getting on the computer...."
Yah. That'll do it for me. Limit your sleep, set goals for yourself during the day, and then do them. I feel like how you describe whenever I have nothing going on for me. Like on my days off. <today>
Do you work right now? How do you stay busy during the day?
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leery11
I Tell You What!
Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 9 years, 14 days
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Re: Feel out of it. [Re: MOTH]
#5586753 - 05/03/06 05:17 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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no i don't work right now.
i don't stay busy during the day i just get online.....
i have a final i need to study for though. and i need to clean my apartment.
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I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo! ....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human...... Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!
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MOTH
Wild Woman
Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
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Re: Feel out of it. [Re: leery11]
#5586812 - 05/03/06 05:30 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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Oh, okay. I'm sure you'll feel pretty peaceful once your apartment is clean. I always feel like the state of my living environment is my state of mind, manifested. I like to go on cleaning sprees to clean my soul at the same time.  I should probably clean my home too, come to think of it.
Do whatever you can to fill your time with something meaningful. Whatever that means to you. It just sounds like you are dissatisfied with the conditions of your life right now, and I am saying that because it sounds familar to me. I have learned that the only way for me to be happy is to be doing something meaningful and PRODUCTIVE with my time, 24/7. This means different things at different times. But I totally know what you mean about TV. I can't stand television. I am canceling my cable this month, in fact. It's all shit. (except a few gems like Survivorman and the Daily Show, yet even these shows aren't enough to convince me to keep shelling out 50+ bucks a month for cable. The shit is too overwelming).
Anyway. You should ask yourself: What do I want my life to be like in twenty years? What do I want my life to be like when I'm lying on my deathbed? Then just break down that grand vision of yourself into mini-goals for you to chip away at, one by one. This is what I'm doing, since it is the only way I can live. You can do anything you desire. You simply have to find a way to do it.
I'm not sure if that will help or not, but oh well. It seems to me that you are simply growing up, like the rest of us. It's really difficult to learn how to live. To understand how to live in a way that's satisfying to the soul, that is.
Just remember...step by step. You won't get there in a day. But you need a day to get there.
Feel better
*me*
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leery11
I Tell You What!
Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 9 years, 14 days
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Re: Feel out of it. [Re: MOTH]
#5587076 - 05/03/06 06:23 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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Thanks
I feel like I should return to practicing with cannabis in a respectful manner but am also torn between simply practicing sober meditation. I do not see why sober meditation most of the time incorporated with some cannabis use is a bad thing.
I guess my mind is just absorbed in the spiritual/mental/fantasy realms and is not that concerned for this thing called "reality" that throws you in cages, gives you guns and pits you against other people with guns, and wants to sell you car insurance and cheeseburgers.
I feel like this world is a huge blasphemy against God/Nature/Divine/Spiritual/Peace and I'm not really that hyped up to go work an office job and graduate college like a "tool".
In fact my biggest problem is that few see beyond the illusion in front of them..... and recognize just how wrong this way of living is.
But I can use college to do many neat things so I just need to figure out what those things are.
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I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo! ....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human...... Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!
Edited by leery11 (05/03/06 06:24 PM)
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leery11
I Tell You What!
Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 9 years, 14 days
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Re: Feel out of it. [Re: leery11]
#5587318 - 05/03/06 07:16 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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man this isn't right.
i want to smoke a lot. I'm not an addict because when I have smokes I can make a half ounce last me half a year and I don't do it obsessively or habitually or anything...
I LIKE BEING HIGH
i like it and i desire it and i crave it.
it's not just about spirituality, that's only part of it. part of it is i like being interconnected to my environment, getting lost within south park and taking the characters facial expressions dead seriously.
feeling good and happy....... feeling my chi flowing....
i like being high! if i do it 5 times a month that's stretching it.... if i smoke more than 3 times a month that's stretching it
it's not that it's not okay to use for recreation ..... it's that it's WEAK...... i don't want to be A STONER and i don't want to be that guy who has 3 beers every single night just for the hell of it...
and i don't want to be that guy sitting on the couch eating tons of chips even though i do eat tons of chips and they taste great (but i only eat them at my parents)
BUT I NEED PLEASURE IN MY LIFE AND MY PLEASURE IS NOT BEING FULFILLED
so I just want to FEEL GOOD and I want to feel SPIRITUALLY OPEN like I do when I'm high and I want to feel RELAXED..... and i want to be TRIPPED OUT by subtle details that are very interesting and i just want to be right....
But it's not right is it? Isn't it best to never do drugs at all? Or is it all the same... MOMMY I WANT TO GO TO THE PARK... I WANT TO GO TO THE BEACH... I WANT A TOY..... I WANT CANDY... I WANT... I WANT.... I WANT.... I WANT!!!!
We want to be pleased! We want to feel good.... maybe it's prefectly alright to be a human and use drugs, maybe society is wrong ....
I mean like dancing was considered wrong so what if a kid tried dancing and he loved it but he was like "oh no io have sinned dancing is not a good thing.... i mustn't do it ever again" and like masturbating is fine.
it's MODERATION... its moderation... moderation is okay. moderation of anything that isn't harmful for you is okay.... so smoking cannabis is not good but eating it is fine and vaporizing it with a proper unit is fine....
so it's okay.
or is it not? is it not okay at all? because it's not like you're fulfilling lower desires like food and sex (and i want sex! i've never had it !!!) and sociability you're using materalisim to fulfill your spirit and is that wrong?
someone help me.
i just want to have a bowl now and then and feel okay about it, and i don't think it's "wrong" but at the same time it doesn't seem "right"
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I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo! ....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human...... Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!
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The_Hobbit
Bilbo Baggins
Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 1,382
Loc: The Shire
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Re: Feel out of it. [Re: leery11]
#5587907 - 05/03/06 09:27 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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I did not bother reading you thread, but it seems to me that you take things too seriously in general. You need to learn to stop thinking and just apply your mind to the situation.
I know what it's like to live life where you're not really living because you critique everything you do while you're doing it. And honestly.. that stuff drives me insane after a while. You need to setup a structure for success. Find some activities that will help you to truly focus, such as meditation or exercise. Do that in the morning and then you can go about your day and hopefully enjoy it.
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Smoking my hobbit leaf...
Please keep in mind that I am just a human being. Please read my posts carefully and interpret their meaning for yourself.
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leery11
I Tell You What!
Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 9 years, 14 days
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Re: Feel out of it. [Re: The_Hobbit]
#5587930 - 05/03/06 09:36 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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i will hopefully be doing yoga in the morning every day but that requires getting a place to live.
it might go through though i went and talked to this guy about rooming with him, but i won't know for about 2 weeks probably.
you're right in a sense... I'm missing that inner peace. And that's why I feel a calling back to marijuana because it makes being "connected" easier.
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I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo! ....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human...... Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!
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The_Hobbit
Bilbo Baggins
Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 1,382
Loc: The Shire
Last seen: 17 years, 1 month
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Re: Feel out of it. [Re: leery11]
#5587943 - 05/03/06 09:39 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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There is no secret to living. Just do it.
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Smoking my hobbit leaf...
Please keep in mind that I am just a human being. Please read my posts carefully and interpret their meaning for yourself.
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leery11
I Tell You What!
Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 9 years, 14 days
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Re: Feel out of it. [Re: The_Hobbit]
#5587956 - 05/03/06 09:42 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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but what about feeling complete and connected?
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I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo! ....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human...... Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!
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MOTH
Wild Woman
Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,431
Loc: In the jungle
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Re: Feel out of it. [Re: leery11]
#5588087 - 05/03/06 10:16 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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In a sense, the same advice could apply.
"Just be it."
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The_Hobbit
Bilbo Baggins
Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 1,382
Loc: The Shire
Last seen: 17 years, 1 month
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Re: Feel out of it. [Re: MOTH]
#5589406 - 05/04/06 09:39 AM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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Yeah, you can keep that in mind. However, the fact of the matter is that sometimes you just have to do what you've got to do even if you don't feel great about it. Consider now when you're doing stuff and plan for the future so you can build yourself up over time. Consistent effort will pay off. You find a reason when you do something. It doesn't always need to be that you do something for a reason.
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Smoking my hobbit leaf...
Please keep in mind that I am just a human being. Please read my posts carefully and interpret their meaning for yourself.
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Andy21
Armchairanarchist
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Re: Feel out of it. [Re: The_Hobbit]
#5595195 - 05/05/06 06:26 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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I understand completely where you are at, all winter I was the same, felt vague and retarded and I convinced myself I had damaged myself with some drug or other and thats why I felt shit. I had set up this running dialogue and drove myself nuts with it. All you can do really is get as fit as possible and as everyone else has said just keep paying attention to your life, keep the carbs low and maybe supplement with a protein shake and some high dose inositol.
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beltane
Stranger
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Re: Feel out of it. [Re: leery11]
#5595425 - 05/05/06 07:31 PM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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I feel the same way, except im probably worse. To be honest i feel as if constant pot smoking and trips have stunted my growth into adult hood. I dont feel ready to grow up and like you said I cant look after myself properly either. I put off things that are very important like study and end up just sitting there going over in my head how much im wasting my time. I have no self discipline whatsoever. I use to be really focused and content with myself and my place in the world, drugs ripped me out of my safe cacoon. I know what you mean about communicating with people too, I find it really hard to stay tuned in. I dont feel free in social settings at all, I feel very restricted and spaced out, I use to be a funny guy, jokes go right over my head now.(sorry,needed a vent)
Ive stopped smoking pot reguraly but it hasnt helped much. I too CRAVE to be high, even tho i know that it was getting high that may of contributed if not caused all this. this summer though im determined to turn things around, i hope to set up a daily plan and follow my dreams(hopefully) and try to stay off the drugs until i feel like my old self again.
I dont think going back to pot will help you out. You said you just like being high, thats because being high makes you alright with being bored and just sitting there. I know you think about it alot and so do I but in the long run it is more likely to just keep you in this rut. When you regain control of your life, then moderate drug taking will be much more rewarding. Drugs to me are only fun when im in complete control of my lifeem and i like where i am and where im going. When i started tripping i loved it( remember your first few drug experiences) thats because i was in control, i knew what i was doing and pot and shrooms were just a little thing on the side to enjoy. when it became routine and was all i thought about i lost direction, It sounds like you had a similiar experience.
Anyway bottom line, chill on the drugs for a bit...
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Zen Peddler
Registered: 06/18/01
Posts: 6,379
Loc: orbit
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Re: Feel out of it. [Re: leery11]
#5596748 - 05/06/06 01:38 AM (17 years, 11 months ago) |
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I think its easy to point to the weed or whatever as a possible cause but there could be other things that make you feel out of it - when i had low standing blood pressure I felt COMPLETELY out of it 24/7. It was shithouse.
Im not saying that this it your problem, but you can find out pretty easily - get yourself some licorice and eat a bit of it - if you feel clearer in teh head chances are that might be your problem - licorice increases your blood volume and pressure slightly. Worth a try mate.
GOod luck.
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leery11
I Tell You What!
Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 5,998
Last seen: 9 years, 14 days
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well that is an interesting idea. because the other day i felt like i was about to pass out from tiredness but it was only like 7. I was also really stressed about my family's bad habits though....
there is something apocalyptic that i have brought upon myself to feel when around a television fed mind. Seeing people that are overweight, and sitting there filling their time with the TV... it's a slow suicide and its hard for me to see.
Sure the plank isn't out of my eye yet, but I don't know... I don't like seeing it. I try to set an example and to flat out tell them what I think but they still go right back to the TV.
It's a drug.
Today I had some crystal light and started feeling happy but then started to feel kind of "sugar low" after a while..... it could definitely be nutritional.
I'm losing tons and tons of weight, seemingly..... most importantly in my arms to the point where the forearms look skeletal, are very weak, and am worried I will quickly develop arthirtis and damage my wrists because from the wrist and about 2 inches above it it's ALMOST all just bone there's really no muscle mass or fat there anymore.
it makes me look like a very small girl with a 6ft tall body..... I am hoping I am just getting taller so my arms seem smaller in comparison.
But ...... I want marijuana. I want it very much. It makes my life interesting. I don't like drinking at all. Marijuana is my "drug of choice" I'm just wrestling with whether that's okay or not. I think it is except that I could get busted.
I just wish I had a gram or so to mess with to see if it's right for me to go out and get more, or if I made the right decision to stay sober. Psychedelics aren't right right now. Drinking is terribly not right right now. But the only harm (and it is BAD harm) that I can see from marijuana comes from the inhalation of smoke.
It's the life of social exile that is fucking with my head, not so much the drugs.
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I am the MacDaddy of Heimlich County, I play it Straight Up Yo! ....I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human...... Om Namah Shivaya, I tell you What!
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ZombieJesus
Strangest
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Re: Feel out of it. [Re: leery11]
#5635413 - 05/15/06 10:22 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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Smoking weed right now will, in all honesty, compound your problems and quash what little motivation you have left. I'd go work out instead.
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This is an exercise in narcissistic paranoia.
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Parabolalala
Stranger
Registered: 03/28/06
Posts: 16
Last seen: 16 years, 10 months
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I'm having a very similar problem as well. I have 3 weeks until the start of summer, (still a senior in high school) which is when i plan to start a schedule to get myself on a sound and productive tract. I also share a view like yours in regards to our "rat race" society, and i'm still trying to find my place in life. There's no harm in trying for a productive life, i think, even if it's not what you ultimately think you want out of life. It's much better to at least try for something that might make you happy than to continue delving in an endlessly pitiful state of mind.
My plan is to first focus on my body, since it's so closely correlated with my mind and it seems easier to shape than my attitudes. Hopefully I will find motivation for change in my mindset once i changed my body. For you it seems like you are very malnutritioned (sp?) There are many different diet plans out there but eating 5 small meals a day, as opposed to 3 large ones, really increased my energy levels. I did this when i was playing soccer, so the everday exercise probably helped too... i need to start that again. Vitamens + supplements help out, even if it's due to a placebo effect. Excersie is also crucial, and i plan on running to the community pool each morning and swimming 10 laps just to get back in shape. I want to create an early to bed-early to rise schedule, but i've just never been able to follow through with it. I hear it makes one feel much more productive. I see you do a lot of meditation; i need to start that as well.
My advice for you with weed is to hold out on it for now, until you at least get back into healthy shape. I find it amazing how fast the mind will react to the body if either one is doing well. If you absoultely cannot go on without it, vaporizer some sativa buds. Indica buds will give you the couch-lock, tv-watching zombie high that you don't want. Getting out of your parents house is good idea because it will give ya the chance to live on your own without the stifling infulence of your parents. (I'm not saying your parents are stifling, but mine are) Look at it this way, if you try this and still dont feel complete, then you can always become a monk. There's no risk in trying tho.
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Zen Peddler
Registered: 06/18/01
Posts: 6,379
Loc: orbit
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Re: Feel out of it. [Re: leery11]
#5658066 - 05/21/06 09:01 PM (17 years, 10 months ago) |
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My advice - get your thyroid and fasting blood sugar levels checked as well as your lying and standing heart rate after say five minutes of standing.
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