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Offline0ut
Stranger
Registered: 05/07/06
Posts: 2
Last seen: 17 years, 8 months
need some advice, maybe just ranting, who knows
    #5601495 - 05/07/06 03:48 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

I would like to start out by saying that this is my first post on this board. It seems like you all are very level headed and have some good advice to give, as alot of you have been here before. Also appologize if this post becomes a novel.

Second, I would not consider myself to be into drugs. I used to smoke pot very occasionally, but haven't in the past two months. It just doesn't do anything for me anymore. I've tried E on a rare occasion, last time being over 2 months. I've tried coke twice in the past semester, did it two days ago but definitely not craving or anything. I consider myself very good at doing things in moderation. I am fully confident I won't do it again for another 4 months, and very confident I won't become an addict to any drug.

Within the last few weeks I have come to realize that my life is completely opposite of where I want it to be. I have taken advantage of many things people only dream about, and wasted the past 3 years of my life away.

I grew up in a very supportive, conservative home. In high school I was a very good student, and my future looked bright. Once I got into college three years ago I have pretty much done absolutely nothing to improve my life. My parents have taken out a loan (which I hope to someday pay back) to get me through college. I do not come from a wealthy family (definitely not poor either) so they are basically working for me to get my degree, and I feel like a complete letdown. This semester is almost over and I will probably fail 3 out of 4 courses, putting me on academic probation and not being able to go back to school. I've also blown all the money they have been sending me on worthless shit. Mother's day is coming up and I don't even have enough money to give a gift to the one person who cares the most about me, and has supported me through all of this.

My parents are the only people who I truly, truly care about anymore. My two best friends from high school have turned into guys who only want to get fucked up and get laid. I mean, I have a ton of fun with them but it just doesn't seem like I am connecting with them anymore.

In the past month I have become extremely depressed. I have realized that I have been given the opportunity that most people would only dream about and have just shitted it away, with nothing to blame except myself. Its like I'm searching for something to cling on to. I have an ex girlfriend who has just started talking to me again, and I catch myself trying to push a relationship again even though I was not happy when I was with her. It's like I just want someone there to be able to talk to. I have never considered suicide, I could never do that to my parents and I would probably be too scared to go through with it anyways, but I often find myself hoping something bad will happen. Like, I will be driving through a busy intersection and hope that a drunk driver will t-bone me, or I will be walking in a thunderstorm and hope to get hit by lightning just so all this can go away.

I hear myself talking and think about how bitchy I may sound. I mean, I have everything in place. I have a very supportive family, a great house, and some decent friends that are fun to hang around with. I don't know whats wrong with me. I have never felt this way about my life.

I'm considering seeing a psychiatrist. Has anyone had any experience with this? I just need someone to talk to about all this. Its like I'm wishing that I could just start my life over again, but then I think about that and realize I would end up in the same situation.


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Invisiblemoog
Stranger

Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1,296
Re: need some advice, maybe just ranting, who knows [Re: 0ut]
    #5601844 - 05/07/06 05:26 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

I can understand where you're coming from. I think a LOT of people go through this sort of thing when they're your age. I went through a very similar state of mind and situation a couple years ago when i was at college.

It seems like, to me, that basically you have a whole bunch of shit going on right now, and you're kind of confused and unsure of where you're headed in life in the next couple years. It can be tough, when you're at that point, when your whole perception of what you *thought* you wanted from life is not what's actually going to happen.

If you already have a picture of where you want to live, what you want to be doing, et cetera, you're only going to be disappointed more when that doesn't happen. You can't really be sure where life is going to take you. It can be fun to dream of the perfect life, but for most people it doesn't work out the way they planned.

The best advice i can think of right now is, rather than planning on a specific outcome, move away from any situation that's going to cause you more frustration or depression. Instead of moving toward a specific goal, just avoid what you *don't* want to happen. If you do this, you'll find yourself moving gradually into a better situation, and this will give a clearer and more realistic picture of what you can make of your life.

Seeing a psychiatrist may be a good idea, but don't forget unless you have health insurance you're going to forking out some serious cash to a doctor. I saw a psychiatrist just a couple months ago, and although he wasn't able to help me directly, he was able to help me think in a way that made me realize the root of my *percieved* problems, and thus i didn't need his help anymore.

And all our problems are only percieved. Because sometimes our "problems" aren't really problems at all when we stop fooling ourselves into thinking that life must be a certain way. What i mean by that is that very often our problems are caused by an uphill battle against something that was just not meant to be. There are meanings behind all your problems. Your subconscious is always trying to tell you about things. Usually it's telling you that you're not headed in the right direction. Go deep into yourself and examine your feelings and intuition very carefully. If you just trust yourself, you'll *know* when the time is right to do what you have to do.


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InvisibleGijith
Daisy Chain Eater

Registered: 12/04/03
Posts: 2,400
Loc: New York
Re: need some advice, maybe just ranting, who knows [Re: 0ut]
    #5602262 - 05/07/06 07:26 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

I definitely suffered through college and spent some time in situations very similar to what you're describing.

I think the first thing you probably need to sort out is whether you want to keep attending your school. Think long and hard about it. If the answer is no, then that's simple; you cut your family's financial losses and try and move into the workforce. If the answer is yes, then getting your academics in order needs to be your absolute first priority.

I know that whenever I went through tough times with school, admitting to others the full extent of the problem was daunting. But if you have a good adviser, find him or her and set up some meetings. Meet as often as possible. After the first few times you'll feel great. If you set up a good support system in this area, it'll help insure that your grades stay above water... And don't give up just cause it feels easier. If you have to, go to a community college for a while and get things sorted out. Keep fighting.

And regardless of whether you continue with school, I agree that therapy is a great idea. But like moog said, make sure you're insured! Actually, most colleges have some sort of therapy options for their students.

How do you like to spend your free time? Mostly with friends? By yourself? With your family? If your friends are bothering you, don't hesitate to try and find some new ones. If you're in school, make friends with people in your classes. It did wonders for my grades... If you like to be alone, great, but try not to daydream too much. As moog pointed out, you might end up wasting your time dreaming of a future that becomes increasingly impossible. If you don't exercise, start, and do it a lot. And make sure to eat as healthy as possible.

Also, if I can impart one last piece of advise, put the girl on the back burner. At least for now. You've got a lot on your plate and there's always gonna be time for that.

Good luck. Post updates!


--------------------
what's with neocons and the word 'ilk'?


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Offline0ut
Stranger
Registered: 05/07/06
Posts: 2
Last seen: 17 years, 8 months
Re: need some advice, maybe just ranting, who knows [Re: moog]
    #5602492 - 05/07/06 08:28 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Thanks alot for listening and trying to help.  Just hearing that I am not the only one makes it easier.

In reply to moog,
you are exactly right when I am confused about my future.  It seems all along I knew exactly what I was going to be doing 3 years from that point.  Like in high school, I knew that I was going to go to college and knew basically what to expect.  This is the first time in my college experience that I am second guessing myself.  Its a scary feeling, but its even a little exciting at the same time.

I'm kind of confused when you say this:
Quote:


The best advice i can think of right now is, rather than planning on a specific outcome, move away from any situation that's going to cause you more frustration or depression. Instead of moving toward a specific goal, just avoid what you *don't* want to happen. If you do this, you'll find yourself moving gradually into a better situation, and this will give a clearer and more realistic picture of what you can make of your life.



Are you basically saying just take it one day at a time, to focus on today and not to think about tomorrow?  Or is it more like saying just to take some time off from things that cause me to feel this way?  A big thing I have been thinking about doing is to try and take a semester off from school and have some time to just relax some, because I'm definitely feeling a little burned out now.

Also, as Gijith mentioned, there is a psychiatrist on campus that I can go to.  I also do have health insurance so it wouldn't be too much of a problem.  And I actually was looking for the kind of help that you got.  I don't really want someone to tell me what to do or how to fix my life, because I already know what I need to do.  Its just the fact that I have poor decision making and lacking motivation.  I just need someone to help me sort out my feelings.

And I can actually relate somewhat to your last paragraph.  Its funny what drugs can do now that I think about it.  When I took E the first time it really opened me up to what feelings are and where they come from.  It made me think that no matter what situation you are in, it is possible to be happy, you just have to find a way.  Everything you percieve comes from inside, and it makes me to believe that if you could somehow be in control of those feelings and emotions then you could feel the same way you did.



in reply to Gijith,
I don't want to attend school, but I know its the best thing for me.  When I look at the big picture (see, already going against what moog said :smile: ), if I could just get through these years then my future would be so much brighter and better for me.  I KNOW I need to finish college, and I'm going to try my best to get through it.  I also KNOW that academics need to be first and foremost, but the motivation issues I have been having have really put a damper on this.

It's weird because I don't really feel uncomfortable about talking about my problems though.  If its a good friend or a professional I feel like I could really express myself.  The funny thing about it is that I could never express this to my parents.  Maybe its just because I am so embarrassed and ashamed of what I have done, or not done, and all the things I have put them through and have nothing to show for it.

I like to spend time both with friends and alone.  But there's another weird thing going on there.  Like today I was feeling really depressed and didn't want to socialize with anyone.  But then later on in the day I felt bad because I didn't socialize.  Maybe its just because I was having a bad day, and anything I could think of was wrong. 

I've got some social anxiety problems, but nothing extreme.  If I'm around friends I can have a great time, and even if I'm with new people I can enjoy it if I find something to relate to them about.  The friends I do have are really good friends but I feel like I can't be serious with them.  They are kind of like a friendship in high school when everything was fun and games that just didn't evolve at all through the years.  I have a very good friend here, but I feel like I can't talk to her either.  It seems like she has a lot more of these "bad days" than I do, but she is very uncomfortable talking about it.

Maybe that is why I keep thinking about my ex.  It took so much work to be with her but she was always there for me and always listening.  But I know it would be the wrong decision to try it again.  It seems like a temporary fix, to be able to be with someone who has a great future ahead of her.  I'm scared I will make the wrong decision when we talk again.


After taking moogs advise, I just sat and thought for a while and it seems like the deepest thing I could come up with is motivation.  If I could just be motivated and focused on school, all these things would be so much less worrisome.  The problem is, I just can't seem to find why I have lost my motivation.  And its not just motivation in school either.  I'm not motivated to do alot of things I used to do.  Like little things, like cleaning up the house or calling some old friends to know how they are doing.  I want to know how they are doing but I will always put it off till later.  It feels bad.

Also, I may be opening up a new can of worms here, but have you all found religion to affect you when you were going through the hard times?  All the way through middle school and high school I have just accepted Christianity.  My parents are very religious and I was brought up that way.  But once I got to college I guess I started thinking for myself.  I realized that the ONLY reason I believe is because of the way I was raised.  So I stopped believing.  I don't know if its just coincidence that all this started when I stopped believing, but I have a hard time thinking that is true because it was never a big importance in my life.


Anyways, again sorry for the novel but thank you both so much for listening and giving your input.  I feel better knowing I'm not the only one, and that there is a way out. 

Oh, I just remembered something interesting.  My mom has actually had some depression issues, and still does to some extent.  She gets depressed during the winter months.  Could I be getting some of this from her?  It doesn't seem right though because I really haven't felt like this before.  Also, I feel like depression should be an everyday thing, but its not for me.  I will have a few good days and then one day like today will pop up and I will feel like crap, and just worry about everything.  Is it just because I have more things to do so I don't have time to worry as much about things?


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Invisiblemoog
Stranger

Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1,296
Re: need some advice, maybe just ranting, who knows [Re: 0ut]
    #5605427 - 05/08/06 03:42 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Or is it more like saying just to take some time off from things that cause me to feel this way?

This is sort of what i meant. If something's stressing you out, then put your focus on something else that won't stress you out. But more importantly, if you're in a bad situation, don't sit around thinking of the *best* way to get out of the situation, because there is no best way. Just pick *any* way, so you can get out of it as soon as possible.


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