|
quillini
one meanmotorscooter


Registered: 04/18/06
Posts: 255
Last seen: 1 year, 9 months
|
Is love enough?
#5601403 - 05/07/06 03:18 PM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
|
|
Sorry, I have to share a "girl issue".
My girlfriend and I broke up about a month ago. This is the second time we've broken up in our five years together. We're still good friends and I still love her deeply and she says she loves me. Neither of us wants to be together at the moment, because our thoughts of each other when we are apart tend to be much more pleasant than the time we spend together, because we're always fighting and it makes us both miserable. I feel as though she gets overly angry and dramatic and turns perfectly civil discussions into full-blown fights. She feels the same about me.
I'm not sad or anything, and it's actually quite a relief at this point in my life to not have a female to worry about. But about an hour ago she calls me all of a sudden because she wanted to talk about some negativity in her life, and I was the one she wanted to talk to about it. Normally I'm a-OK and I don't worry about her too much, but it trips me out hard when she calls me. I mean, I do kinda miss her, and her calling me puts me in a state (temporarily) of wanting to be with her again. She's really a delightful person, and probably the most interesting person I've ever met, and I kinda entertain the fantasy that one day when both our shit is together we might want to be together again.
But she says that, though we love each other as always, we both want to do things in life and we definitely fight too much. All this is true, but the part that gets me is when she phrases it differently by saying "love isn't enough". By this I think she means that sometimes you have to be in a relationship with someone who isn't necessarily the love of your life, but who is financially stable and with whom you can get along. In other words, love is necessary but is not sufficient in a relationship.
I'm crazy about this girl, but I'm still young, and there's no telling who I'm bound to meet. I just find it hard to believe I'll ever love someone else as much as this girl. I feel lucky to have found even one girl I am this crazy about. What are the odds it will happen again? So my questions:
1) "All you need is love"--were the Beatles full of shit?
2) What are the odds that true love will happen twice?
-------------------- No; truth, being alive, was not halfway between anything. It was only to be found by continuous excursions into either realm, and though proportion is the final secret, to espouse it at the outset is to insure sterility. Only connect...
|
Penguarky Tunguin
f n o r d

Registered: 08/08/04
Posts: 17,192
|
Re: Is love enough? [Re: quillini]
#5601424 - 05/07/06 03:24 PM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
|
|
People, especially women, will always look for greener pastures. If you're young like you say you are, then she's feeling the need to not get attached to one person. She wants to experience life and other people. Therefore, you should do the same. It's not worth it if you both are not fully committed to each other. It's bound for disaster.
If you love someone, set them free, if they return, set them on fire.
-------------------- Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.
|
quillini
one meanmotorscooter


Registered: 04/18/06
Posts: 255
Last seen: 1 year, 9 months
|
|
I know all that; I don't want to control her. The whole "love something let it go" thing is a road I've already been down. My question is, is love enough? Or are there other things that make or break a relationship?
-------------------- No; truth, being alive, was not halfway between anything. It was only to be found by continuous excursions into either realm, and though proportion is the final secret, to espouse it at the outset is to insure sterility. Only connect...
|
Liz
Owl Lady



Registered: 11/16/04
Posts: 6,962
Loc: Massachusetts
|
Re: Is love enough? [Re: quillini]
#5601549 - 05/07/06 04:11 PM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
|
|
"Is love enough?"
That's a seriously loaded question right there.
In my personal experience, no. Love is not always enough. Should it be? Yes. There are sometimes extinuating circumstances that make a relationship that much more difficult, and cause it to fail, regardless of love. Also, people make mistakes, even while in love, and it breaks trust, which in my opinion is one of the most (if not THE most) important aspect of any relationship. I think you summed it up nicely in your own words when you said that you are young, and who knows who else is out there for you (or something to that effect).
I've personally been in love 3 times. I think that there is more than 1 person in this world who can make you feel the way she does. Think about it - what would the likelihood be that you would find your soulmate if only ONE existed in the whole world?
I think that you're doing the right thing breaking things off right now, whether they stay that way or not is obviously up to how the 2 of you handle the situation. My advice is this though - do not go back to her because you miss her. You're GOING to miss her. Anytime someone is that big of a part of your life for 5 years, it's going to hurt to separate yourself for a bit. But do not fall back into that relationship because you are unhappy being alone, or because it's a comfortable, routine situation. Too many people do that, and settle for mediocrity, when they need to be happy being themselves, and THEN concentrate on a relationship.
I hope I provided an answer to your 2 question, at least from my point of view and experiences. When I was in love the first 2 times, and things ended, I never thought I would love someone that way again.
Well, I found someone even more amazing, and I do love him. Those 2 past experiences just reaffirmed my prior beliefs that everything really DOES happen for a reason.
Good Luck
-------------------- Remember, remember the fifth of November The gunpowder treason and plot. I see no reason why gunpowder treason Should ever be forgot.
|
Gumby
Fishnologist


Registered: 06/13/01
Posts: 26,656
|
Re: Is love enough? [Re: quillini]
#5601564 - 05/07/06 04:14 PM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
|
|
Wow, I should have read this post before making the one that I just made.
Sounds like we're in a very similar situation. I say just let things take their course. Don't try to make things work, especially if you hate being around her. If things work out, great, if not... oh well. Live the single life for a while and enjoy it. Hopefuly you'll find someone 10x better and she will be a thing of the past. Easier said than done, I know.
|
gluke bastid
Stinky Bum


Registered: 12/20/00
Posts: 3,322
Loc: Charm City
Last seen: 5 years, 3 months
|
Re: Is love enough? [Re: quillini]
#5601567 - 05/07/06 04:15 PM (17 years, 8 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
quillini said:
2) What are the odds that true love will happen twice?
100%. Human beings who are able to fall in love once are able to do it again when they are ready. I predict more love in your future, but it may take a long time.
As to the question of "is love enough?" Well I'm going to agree with your ex that it isn't enough. I mean, its not that external factors like financial stability are the bottom line. But its more like you can be in love with somebody very very much but that doesn't mean that the two of you will work. For it to work you have to be in love and you have to be able to change and adapt with the other person when the nature of the relationship and the nature of the other person changes.
--------------------
Society in every form is a blessing, but government at its best is but a necessary evil - Thomas Paine
|
mungojerry
free as a bird

Registered: 02/25/06
Posts: 3,598
Loc: Nappy Dub
|
|
i just posted this in the pub id like ur guys opinions
I hate to be a son of a bitch but I have only seen negative things come out of relationships either loss of a friend due to being whipped having a baby or always up eachothers asses....In my very humble opinion i think ppl should do as there animal relatives do and not practice monogomy and just be friends unless of course ur having a child , very very very very few species in the animal kingdom keep the same mate and no theyre not the smart ones either I really dont have any desire to be with one person my whole life but to share my love to all
I just dont wanna lose any more friends dammit
|
|