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OfflineDoctorJ
Male

Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 8,846
Loc: space
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
picking god from a lineup
    #5599505 - 05/06/06 11:53 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Once, a guy died.  When his soul transcended the material plane, he found himself in a small room.  An angel was there with him. 

the angel said to him: "Now that you have died, you have the opportunity to be with God.  But first you must pick him from out of a line up." 

A group of strange characters came into the room. 

One of them was adorned with gold and jewlry.  His pockets bulged with currency. 

Another was a hulk of a man, incredibly strong.  There was no object in the universe this man could not lift. 

Another was a beautiful woman.  To gaze at her was to want her uncontrollably. 

Another was a powerful magician.  He was able to levitate objects with his mind, and summon phantasms with his words. 

Another was a charming woman.  Though she was not as pretty as the first woman, her conversation enticed the listener to agree with everything she said. 

Another was an extremely good person, one who would do anything you wished that was in his power

Another was an extremely intelligent man, one who could explain the intricacies of the universe in the utmost detail. 

Another was an extremly pious man, who seemed to have the utmost of faith in everything.

finally, there entered a haggard looking retard.  He was ugly, penniless, and powerless.  His conversation revealed not only a lack of intelligence, but a lack of compassion as well.  His body was twisted and deformed, and seemingly had no strength in it at all. 

the guy who died thought long and hard, and finally pointed to the retard.  "That's the guy," he said. 

The angel asked him why he thought this was so. 

the dead man said: "The other candidates have way too much to be God.  This twisted wretch here has nothing, because he has given it all away.  He has no money because he has given it to the poor.  He has no strength because he has given it to the sick and lame.  He has no beauty because he is humble, and he expects people to look beneath his surface.  He has no magical power because he has given it to the spirits.  He has no intelligence because he has purified his mind of all extraneous growths.  He has no charm because his way is not easy.  He has no charisma because he always tells the truth.  He appears not to care because he values the opinions of others more than his own.  He has no faith, because he always doubts himself.  He appears to be evil because I do not understand his way."

and the angel said: "You have chosen wisely."

:wink:


Edited by DoctorJ (05/07/06 12:04 AM)


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OfflinePhanTomCat
Teh Cat....
Male User Gallery

Registered: 09/07/04
Posts: 5,908
Loc: My Youniverse....
Last seen: 14 years, 11 months
Re: picking god from a lineup [Re: DoctorJ]
    #5601300 - 05/07/06 02:50 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

DoctorJ said:
Once, a guy died.  When his soul transcended the material plane




From this point on, most of the story is about physical/material things....    :confused:



>^;;^<


--------------------
I'll be your midnight French Fry....  :naughty:

"The most important things in life that are often ignored, are the things that one cannot see...."

>^;;^<


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Offlinepsychomime
o_O
Male

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 05/16/05
Posts: 520
Last seen: 2 years, 18 days
Re: picking god from a lineup [Re: DoctorJ]
    #5601622 - 05/07/06 04:30 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

:thumbup: nice


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InvisibleSclorch
Clyster

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 07/12/99
Posts: 4,805
Loc: On the Brink of Madness
Re: picking god from a lineup [Re: psychomime]
    #5608948 - 05/09/06 02:17 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

The real end of the story is this...

"Um... I don't see God here. Is this some sort of ruse?"
The angel then said, "Busted! You got me. Dude, I'm not even here and you're not dead... maybe you should've had a sitter lined up before you ate all that San Pedro..."


--------------------
Note: In desperate need of a cure...


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OfflineSporetacus
Swashbuckler

Registered: 04/19/06
Posts: 152
Last seen: 17 years, 8 months
Re: picking god from a lineup [Re: DoctorJ]
    #5609032 - 05/09/06 02:36 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

The correct answer is: all of them including the angel and himself.


--------------------
I'm Sporetacus!


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InvisibleVeritas
 User Gallery
Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 11,089
Re: picking god from a lineup [Re: DoctorJ]
    #5609074 - 05/09/06 02:45 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

"Just a stranger on a bus, tryin' to make his way home."


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Offlinerecalcitrant
My Own God

Registered: 04/20/02
Posts: 2,927
Loc: Canada West
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
Re: picking god from a lineup [Re: DoctorJ]
    #5609712 - 05/09/06 06:07 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Shoulda showed him a corpse. God is dead, no one cares...


--------------------

We have to answer our own prayers


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OfflineOldWoodSpecter
waiting
Male

Registered: 02/01/05
Posts: 4,033
Loc: mountains and lakes
Last seen: 17 years, 3 months
Re: picking god from a lineup [Re: recalcitrant]
    #5609721 - 05/09/06 06:11 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

recalcitrant said:
Shoulda showed him a corpse. God is dead, no one cares...




exept for millions of people all over the earth


--------------------
I descend upon your earth from the skies
I command your very souls you unbelievers
Bring before me what is mine


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Offlinefireworks_godS
Sexy.Butt.McDanger
Male

Registered: 03/12/02
Posts: 24,855
Loc: Pandurn
Last seen: 1 year, 12 days
Re: picking god from a lineup [Re: OldWoodSpecter]
    #5609745 - 05/09/06 06:20 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Wrong.

They don't care, they just want you to think that they do. :evil:

:headbang: :sun: :headbang: :satansmoking:
Peace. :mushroom2:


--------------------
:redpanda:
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you

:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:


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OfflineOldWoodSpecter
waiting
Male

Registered: 02/01/05
Posts: 4,033
Loc: mountains and lakes
Last seen: 17 years, 3 months
Re: picking god from a lineup [Re: fireworks_god]
    #5609750 - 05/09/06 06:21 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

fireworks_god said:
Wrong.

They don't care, they just want you to think that they do. :evil:

:headbang: :sun: :headbang: :satansmoking:
Peace. :mushroom2:




No, I think they THINK they care


--------------------
I descend upon your earth from the skies
I command your very souls you unbelievers
Bring before me what is mine


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OfflineOldWoodSpecter
waiting
Male

Registered: 02/01/05
Posts: 4,033
Loc: mountains and lakes
Last seen: 17 years, 3 months
Re: picking god from a lineup [Re: fireworks_god]
    #5609759 - 05/09/06 06:23 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

By the way, are you some kindofa metal-head? I used to through that phase, ended up all puked crawling home barely knowing where I live.
I wonder what is it that ties alcohol and metal?


--------------------
I descend upon your earth from the skies
I command your very souls you unbelievers
Bring before me what is mine


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Offlinerecalcitrant
My Own God

Registered: 04/20/02
Posts: 2,927
Loc: Canada West
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
Re: picking god from a lineup [Re: OldWoodSpecter]
    #5609803 - 05/09/06 06:38 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

I like metal. I hardly drink. Don't be a hater.


--------------------

We have to answer our own prayers


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OfflineOldWoodSpecter
waiting
Male

Registered: 02/01/05
Posts: 4,033
Loc: mountains and lakes
Last seen: 17 years, 3 months
Re: picking god from a lineup [Re: recalcitrant]
    #5609808 - 05/09/06 06:40 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

recalcitrant said:
I like metal. I hardly drink. Don't be a hater.




and you don't be an "assumer"

I never said I hate metal


--------------------
I descend upon your earth from the skies
I command your very souls you unbelievers
Bring before me what is mine


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OfflinePhanTomCat
Teh Cat....
Male User Gallery

Registered: 09/07/04
Posts: 5,908
Loc: My Youniverse....
Last seen: 14 years, 11 months
Re: picking god from a lineup [Re: recalcitrant]
    #5609834 - 05/09/06 06:52 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

:lol:

I make metal, and hardly drink....  Don't hate the haters....    :tongue:


>^;;^<


--------------------
I'll be your midnight French Fry....  :naughty:

"The most important things in life that are often ignored, are the things that one cannot see...."

>^;;^<


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Offlinerecalcitrant
My Own God

Registered: 04/20/02
Posts: 2,927
Loc: Canada West
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
Re: picking god from a lineup [Re: OldWoodSpecter]
    #5609908 - 05/09/06 07:06 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

:smile: I was calling you an assumer. I was just saying that your comment
Quote:

ended up all puked crawling home barely knowing where I live.
I wonder what is it that ties alcohol and metal?


was a little critically prejudiced.

I wasn't saying you hate metal. I was just trying to be cute and call you on that proclivity.


--------------------

We have to answer our own prayers


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OfflineOldWoodSpecter
waiting
Male

Registered: 02/01/05
Posts: 4,033
Loc: mountains and lakes
Last seen: 17 years, 3 months
Re: picking god from a lineup [Re: recalcitrant]
    #5609923 - 05/09/06 07:10 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

recalcitrant said:
:smile: I was calling you an assumer. I was just saying that your comment
Quote:

ended up all puked crawling home barely knowing where I live.
I wonder what is it that ties alcohol and metal?


was a little critically prejudiced.

I wasn't saying you hate metal. I was just trying to be cute and call you on that proclivity.




prejudgement? Why would I be prejudgemental about myself? I was talking about my experiences with metal


--------------------
I descend upon your earth from the skies
I command your very souls you unbelievers
Bring before me what is mine


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Offlinerecalcitrant
My Own God

Registered: 04/20/02
Posts: 2,927
Loc: Canada West
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
Re: picking god from a lineup [Re: OldWoodSpecter]
    #5610026 - 05/09/06 07:30 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

I wonder, too, what it is that ties metal and alcohol, for you. I also wonder why I can't dig Radiohead when I'm sober, but when I'm stoned it is heroin for my ears.

Might it be that alcohol can sometimes enhance feelings of belligerance, which metal often does too. I like to feel. Feeling is a ton of fun. Feeling powerful and couragous and aggressive from listening to some music can be a good time. Drinking to amplify those feelings makes sense, don't you think?


--------------------

We have to answer our own prayers


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OfflineOldWoodSpecter
waiting
Male

Registered: 02/01/05
Posts: 4,033
Loc: mountains and lakes
Last seen: 17 years, 3 months
Re: picking god from a lineup [Re: recalcitrant]
    #5610032 - 05/09/06 07:31 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

recalcitrant said:
I wonder, too, what it is that ties metal and alcohol, for you. I also wonder why I can't dig Radiohead when I'm sober, but when I'm stoned it is heroin for my ears.

Might it be that alcohol can sometimes enhance feelings of belligerance, which metal often does too. I like to feel. Feeling is a ton of fun. Feeling powerful and couragous and aggressive from listening to some music can be a good time. Drinking to amplify those feelings makes sense, don't you think?




All I know is most metal-heads around hear are beer adicts, and "Justice for all" sounds best after 3 beers


--------------------
I descend upon your earth from the skies
I command your very souls you unbelievers
Bring before me what is mine


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Offlinerecalcitrant
My Own God

Registered: 04/20/02
Posts: 2,927
Loc: Canada West
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
Re: picking god from a lineup [Re: OldWoodSpecter]
    #5610092 - 05/09/06 07:41 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

I know what I said. Most people who read the subject line of your post know who you're replying to. What's with quoting everything I just said?

And did you know that your avatar is a little red X ? I wouldn't mind it if you could fix that. I like to look at an avatar and recognize who's post I'm reading.


--------------------

We have to answer our own prayers


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Invisiblefearfect
Registered: 01/15/04
Posts: 1,845
Loc: Flag
Re: picking god from a lineup [Re: recalcitrant]
    #5610613 - 05/09/06 09:49 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

I remember when I used to post on some forums, thinking I knew the answer to everything. I used to think I was God's gift to man and was so far advanced in my way of thinking that I could find something wrong with any other person's comments. I'm glad that phase is over.


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