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OfflineShroomyTunes
psychedeliac

Registered: 07/10/04
Posts: 686
Loc: Ontario
Last seen: 10 years, 3 months
My story of a broken heart and LSD.
    #5577367 - 05/01/06 01:32 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

During High School about two years ago I began dating a girl who was in a completely different social clique than me. I'm sort of a skater/punk rock kind of guy but I'm intelligible and kindhearted. She was more of the studious type and never had a really serious boyfriend or had even been to party with alcohol or drugs. We became very close, as I'm very much like her at heart...

We dated til the end of high school and through the first year of university. We were going to different universities. She was living about 30 minutes away from me..our universities were close but she lived at home and my parents wanted me to live on residence to experience it although I wasn't too keen on that. Pretty much, I am a very complicated character and although I have many aquaintances I only have several people who are my true friends and understand me. I had made one good friend at university and he left after first semester and I had become a complete hermit in my room all day never going to class and being stoned 100% of the time. Weed consumed me so much I had completely lost sight of myself (although i didnt realize it at the time). My girlfriend was against drug use and it also made me neglect her and forget how much I truly cared about her. Blaise Pascal said "Clarity of mind means clarity of passion, too; this is why a great and clear mind loves ardently and sees distinctly what it loves." I truly believe this now...

So anyways, eventually, one week before our 2 year anniversary, she came and broke up with me...out of nowhere really..and left. I'm sure it was very hard for her as we had been so close before and she had probably been thinking about it for a while. I guess she left abruptly because she would have a hard time dealing with the emotional impact it had on me. A bit of history...we had been going through hard times all through university as I became more and more of a pothead and more neglectful to both myself and her. It was very damaging to our relationship. We broke up a few times..sometimes me doing it and sometimes her..i think it was about 3 times..but everytime I'd get so fuckin upset and sort of guilt her into taking me back by showing her how destroyed I was after a few days. This allowed me to learn nothing, but to replace that feeling of emptiness. So pretty much I'd continually slip back into that same place cause I hadn't learned a thing about myself. This time was no different. I sent her messages that were in complete desperation to get her back...but she did not reply. I thanked her for this later as it would lead to me learning a great deal about myself.

I spent the next while on hard drugs like ketamine, cocaine, constantly stoned, alcohol, even nicotine for the first time ever...but I just kept feeling so terrible. I'd cry for hours every day. One night about ten days after she broke up with me I decided maybe I should do some LSD and I'll probably have a terrible trip but I might figure something out....That night I had the most incredible trip of my life. I cried in joy that night. I looked at myself in the mirror and this feeling came over me...I had found myself once again. I also felt the love I had for her in my heart that I hadnt for so long. I knew now this wasn't just loneliness...This was love.

I wrote her a song which I recorded and sent to her, I told her what had actually happened in all my sincerity and that I've realized drugs have no importance whatsoever compared to her love and that this time I've actually learned of my wrongdoings...I sent her flowers with a deep apology letter for all I had done wrong. She emailed me later saying she was sorry but she thought we should still go our seperate ways. I think that because I have fucked up a lot before, it's going to take more than a few words to get her back, but time...time to show her that I've really changed...So anyways, I've pretty much left it with her that she means a great deal to me and that I'd be happy to just be friends with her...she said we can be friends...I know if I'm too forceful that she'll probably not want to see me...but perhaps through a friendship I can show her the person she fell in love with and she'll fall in love with me again.

I feel that deep down she still loves me its just that she lost faith in me when drugs consumed my life and I began neglecting her. Before my epiphany I was on drugs of some sort every single day (mainly pot)...and since then I have been sober (other than about 2 days where I ALMOST slipped back into that hole but realized how terrible it was and quickly regained my grounds). (sidenote: I also went 21 days without an erection as I believe being aroused by something other than true love is an infriction on the buddhist precept of sexual misconduct. 21 days is quite a feat for a young adult like myself!) My mind and soul have so much power after this experience...and I want to share that with her and show her the love that I once had, again, but to even greater degrees. I saw her randomly on the train last week..we talked about life in general..obviously not the time or place to say anything too intense. (it was weird though i had seen her on the train the night before in my dream). I think I came off as being happy and not all sad and trying to bring about guilt, so hopefully she'll be up for spending some time together as friends. Well, thats my story. I have great hope that I will get the love of my life back no matter how long it takes me. Thanks for reading.

Love ST


Edited by ShroomyTunes (05/01/06 03:04 PM)


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OfflineKidgardFromSRQ
Strange

Registered: 05/30/05
Posts: 1,501
Last seen: 9 years, 11 months
Re: My story of a broken heart and LSD. [Re: ShroomyTunes]
    #5577373 - 05/01/06 01:37 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

any urges you cant supress with hard liquor, i suggest masterbation.

seriously though, i didnt read the whole thing but good luck to w/e your ordeal is.


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Be nice to people in general. Even if you don't like them.


Edited by KidgardFromSRQ (05/01/06 01:38 PM)


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Offlinestefan
work in progress

Registered: 04/11/01
Posts: 8,932
Loc: The Netherlands
Last seen: 3 years, 3 months
Re: My story of a broken heart and LSD. [Re: ShroomyTunes]
    #5577397 - 05/01/06 01:52 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

use paragraphs man! or nobody is going to read it... I know I didn't


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InvisiblePenguarky Tunguin
f n o r d
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Registered: 08/08/04
Posts: 17,192
Re: My story of a broken heart and LSD. [Re: ShroomyTunes]
    #5577401 - 05/01/06 01:53 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Good post man...use paragraphs next time.  :smile:

But, who's to say she's your love?  Maybe your LSD trip enabled something in you to come to the surface which will help you find that special someone.  Don't limit yourself.  Remember, she's got to want to  be with you as well, just not you with her.  She didn't have an LSD trip remember?  :smile:



*Edited to correct errors, as usual. :blush:


Edited by McKennaDMT (05/01/06 01:55 PM)


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InvisibleMezcal
Registered: 08/11/05
Posts: 1,980
Re: My story of a broken heart and LSD. [Re: Penguarky Tunguin]
    #5577437 - 05/01/06 02:11 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Speaking from personal experience that is similiar to yours (regarding the relationship and the tension regarding drug use, during the time of leaving highschool and becoming an adult)... My advice is to let your relationship develop into a friendship. It will take some time apart, but you'll be thankful when you come to the point where you meet another girl who you'll fall in love with, and you have a past relationship that hasn't sucked the life out of you for years and years, only to end in a non-communicative relationship.


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OfflineTrancedShroom
Mr. Hanky
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Registered: 03/08/06
Posts: 8,002
Loc: Rippin Waves
Last seen: 12 years, 4 months
Re: My story of a broken heart and LSD. [Re: Mezcal]
    #5577572 - 05/01/06 03:02 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Hang in there buddy, if she truely loves you then she will come back, but don't sweat bullets over it either!

If you really want her back it will take awhile and you CANNOT ask her to go back with you; as this will push her away from you. Seriously take time to date other girls as well, remember you only go to college once, and if she never takes you back you will regret that you never took advice to date other women when jerking to internet porn at 40!

Good Luck though. By the way which University do you go to?


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InvisibleSimisu
taken by gravity
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Registered: 08/08/03
Posts: 5,435
Loc: Israeli in Flag
Re: My story of a broken heart and LSD. [Re: Mezcal]
    #5577584 - 05/01/06 03:07 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

interesting...
of course i don't know anything but i have to say "move on!"
you've learned... good! but you'll never have the sort of relationship you want with this girl! there's simply too much history and BS even if you did change...
save your energy for the next girl :tongue:

you sound as if you're scared no one is ever going to know you like she did... and you're wrong!

(and i have to chime in... next time use that big IMPORTANT key on the key board :grin: )


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OfflineShroomyTunes
psychedeliac

Registered: 07/10/04
Posts: 686
Loc: Ontario
Last seen: 10 years, 3 months
Re: My story of a broken heart and LSD. [Re: TrancedShroom]
    #5577595 - 05/01/06 03:09 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Hey i quickly put it into a couple paragraphs :smile:..i hope stefan will read it now! haha. Well thanks for all your advice thus far...I realize that I just need to keep it as friends and not force it any further...but I believe that it will naturally progress beyond friendship once again...if not, she's still my best friend in the world and I know all this had to happen to me to regain the outlook on life I once had. Life is beautiful...just a little incomplete right now.


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OfflinegeokillsA
∙∙∙∙☼ º¿° ☼∙∙∙∙
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Registered: 05/08/01
Posts: 23,417
Loc: city of angels Flag
Last seen: 8 hours, 40 minutes
Re: My story of a broken heart and LSD. [Re: ShroomyTunes]
    #5577616 - 05/01/06 03:13 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Sounds like you've done some serious soul searching ST, something we all ought to do (myself included) more often - and not necessarily through the use of psychedelics, though they can at times trigger such an experience.  I can only hope you stay true to your stated intentions.  Do not expect her to fall back in love with you.  Be OK with being friends until the day you die.  Maybe you're already there, but only once you truly master that knowledge will you be able to effectively engage yourselves in an intimate relationship once more.  It often seems unfortunate, but nothing will last forever no matter how hard we will it to be.  Be OK with yourself, take nothing for granted, and don't rely on another for happiness. 

I myself have been working at this for years now, and have not had a serious relationship for many.  I nearly ended up torching a perfectly good friendship with the former love of my life over my own stubborness and inability to accept things beyond my control.  So that is the key I think, being content and not worrying about things beyond one's control.  You may try to affect your existance, but there are some things that simply need to be accepted and moved past.  Good luck with your lady!

.. and for crying out loud add some paragraph breaks in your post! :wink:


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··∙   long live the shroomery  ∙··
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OfflineShroomyTunes
psychedeliac

Registered: 07/10/04
Posts: 686
Loc: Ontario
Last seen: 10 years, 3 months
Re: My story of a broken heart and LSD. [Re: geokills]
    #5577797 - 05/01/06 04:11 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Haha, I DID add them!! you must have been writing as I did the paragraphing. Thanks again for all of your advice/well-wishings.


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OfflineLeanin
Student of theIron Game
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Registered: 04/18/06
Posts: 2,231
Last seen: 10 years, 7 months
Re: My story of a broken heart and LSD. [Re: ShroomyTunes]
    #5577940 - 05/01/06 04:35 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

you have to move on man...and being friends will not help. nothing sucks more than hanging out with a "friend" who you are absolutely crazy about. (trust me...I know)


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OfflineShroomyTunes
psychedeliac

Registered: 07/10/04
Posts: 686
Loc: Ontario
Last seen: 10 years, 3 months
Re: My story of a broken heart and LSD. [Re: Leanin]
    #5578118 - 05/01/06 05:13 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Hmmm, I'll take that with a grain of salt. Thanks though.


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OfflinegeokillsA
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Male User Gallery

Registered: 05/08/01
Posts: 23,417
Loc: city of angels Flag
Last seen: 8 hours, 40 minutes
Re: My story of a broken heart and LSD. [Re: Leanin]
    #5578370 - 05/01/06 06:35 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Leanin said:
you have to move on man...and being friends will not help. nothing sucks more than hanging out with a "friend" who you are absolutely crazy about. (trust me...I know)


Well that there is the trick I was getting at. If you have the ability to honestly accept friendship and expect nothing more, then you're golden. It means you are secure with your being and can tolerate the random chaos that is life. However, all too often we may think we expect nothing more from someone else, but deep down inside we have actually maintained our hope in a form of destiny (ie. "yes, if I keep at it, it will happen"). This is the downfall, and it is not an easy one to avoid.. so just be careful ST, know yourself and be comfortable with this weird world. The rest should come naturally.


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··∙   long live the shroomery  ∙··
...π╥ ╥π...


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InvisiblelIllIIIllIlIIlIlIIllIllIIl
Stranger

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 11,123
Loc: Texas
Re: My story of a broken heart and LSD. [Re: geokills]
    #5578378 - 05/01/06 06:37 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Thats exactly how I feel about you :shocked:


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