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OfflineDoctorJ
Male

Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 8,846
Loc: space
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
why can't I move on
    #5576130 - 05/01/06 01:19 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

a few of you may remember around last year I was a little crazy over this girl. I'm not going to rehash the whole story, but 2005 was a very stressful year for me. I was working several jobs and trying to get out of school, and on top of all that I had this big personal crisis... well, to make a long story short lets just say I was confronted with some very harsh truths and in my shock I started to believe things that were not true.

Well, its been a year now, and I'm glad to say I have almost completely healed myself of this tragedy. At the current moment, I am happy and self-actualized, although I am a little lonely. Some female company would be nice, if only just to talk or make out a little.

The problem is, I am STILL hung up on this girl. I've been madly in love with her for ten years now, and I don't ever see any way to just let it go. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss her. Sometimes, I can't even go to sleep unless I pretend that she is here in my arms.

I miss everything about her. I miss kissing her neck, her pale skin, the way she laughs, the conversations we used to have, playing footsie, and God, I miss her eyes.

I really believe that she is my soulmate. I am addicted my memories of her, they play over and over in my mind. I feel my life would be complete if she were by my side.

I've been with other girls, but no one ever swept me off my feet like she did. What can I say, it was true love, almost at first sight. I have opportunities to be with other girls right now, but I just can't bring myself to get involved because I know deep inside that I don't feel the same way about them as I do her. They just aren't her.

Maybe I am wrong about us. If she doesn't want me the way I want her, then maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree. Maybe I need to have more experience with other girls. But the maybes just don't seem right. Loving her is one of the only things I have ever been sure about.

I feel guilty because when we were together I wasn't exactly in top form as a boyfriend. Hell, I was just a dumb kid. I didn't know what the hell I was doing. There are so many things I wish I could redo. There are things I have said I wish I could take back, and there are things I didn't say or do, but should have said and done. I often have felt that we just met at the wrong time in our lives. That we've been narrowly missing eachother all these years.

The worst part is that I haven't really spoken to her in almost 3 years. I don't know what she's thinking right now. I don't know if she thinks I'm a pathetic loser for loving her, or if she thinks I'm an asshole, or if she thinks she's out of my league or vice versa. I don't know if she realizes I still have feelings for her, or if she even cares. I don't know what the deal is between her and her boyfriend, my ex-friend. I'm just totally out of the loop and kicking myself for having burned the bridge, though it seemed the necessary thing to do at the time.

I wish she knew how much I cared for her, and that I would forgive her for anything, and that I will always be here for her. I wish she understood me. I wish she would break up with that loser and at least find someone worthy of her.

but most of all, I wish that I could move on, I mean if it wasn't meant to be, that's obviously what I have to do.

The only thing I can think of to do is be myself and keep working to improve myself, so that when I do meet my soulmate, I will be worthy of her. But a man can only work for so long without a little reward. The mind, the body, and the emotions can be such cruel masters. Thus, I have sought to master them. But it would be nice if I had a little help, a little love and support. Not to toot my own horn, but I really give my all to do a lot of things for a lot of people, and sometimes it seens like a very thankless task. Like at 2:26 on a monday morning, when I'm alone, hungry, and I can't sleep.

any advice would be greatly appreciated.


Edited by DoctorJ (05/01/06 01:53 AM)


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OfflineMushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs
Female User Gallery

Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
Re: why can't I move on [Re: DoctorJ]
    #5576778 - 05/01/06 10:39 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

First of all, I don't want you to get upset for what I'm going to tell you, but I think it's true.
To begin with, I don't think you really love her. It's more like an obsession and maybe, from what I understood, the idea that you can't make peace with what your ex-friend did. And most of your every day thoughts are on her because you make it happen. Because you want to go back there. Because it's somehow "safe" to make yourself believe that there's no other girl which can be better then her, in order to not getting hurt again. And maybe to punish yourself for things you did when you were together and now you're all grown up and you realized that non everything you did was good.
I don't know what kind of mistakes you did when you were with her, but I can tell you this: if you don't come in peace with the idea that these mistakes belonged to you and you did them, if you don't soon realize that maybe without those mistakes you wouldn't be able to know better what to do in a relationship, you'll only feel worse.
And the more time passes with you being in that self-imposed situation, the harder it will get for you to get along with your life and get rid of this obsession.
Another thing you could do, if you have the courage is to go and talk to her about your feelings, I don't know what her reaction would be, but I'm almost positive that whatever reaction she'll have, it will help you out in the " healing process".
Maybe because you'll become aware that she's only an obsession..... maybe because you'll realize that she's not that perfect as you thought.... I don't know.
But you need to do something. You need to get things clear with her, one way or another. Seems to me that your breakup was kind of sudden and painful.
And anyways, if she was the perfect girl you say she is, how do you explain yourself her relationship with someone who was your friend?


--------------------
:bunny::bunnyhug:
All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
All this time I've missed you
And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

:bunnyhug: :yinyang2:


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Offlinerecalcitrant
My Own God

Registered: 04/20/02
Posts: 2,927
Loc: Canada West
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
Re: why can't I move on [Re: DoctorJ]
    #5576941 - 05/01/06 11:34 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Have you seen the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? In it there is a company that can selectively erase your memory, helping you to forget the pain of that lost loved one.

Now, I know that it was a fictional situation, but people really hire hypnotherapists for this very reason. They're not capable of moving on and thinking about something else, so they get help to trick their minds about it.

I hope you don't follow that advice. In Eternal Sunshine, the protagonist realizes during the procedure that he's made a terrible mistake because, even though he hired them to forget the painful breakup, he won't remember the good times either. He'll have lost all the good times and all the growing experiences that have shaped him over the course of the two years that he was with this chick.

I feel for you. I spend an abnormal amount of time thinking about the one that got away. I really torture myself some days with the memories of how I was an idiot, an asshole, and a little too slow in the head to say just what I should have.

Let's go for a drink and tell each other all about it.


--------------------

We have to answer our own prayers


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OfflineDoctorJ
Male

Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 8,846
Loc: space
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
Re: why can't I move on [Re: recalcitrant]
    #5577160 - 05/01/06 12:28 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

yeah, I saw saw Eternal Sunshine and it really helped me get through a lot of shit. jim carrey and kate winslet are so much like me and this girl, its kinda creepy.

too bad the movie ended all happy and unrealisticaly


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OfflineDoctorJ
Male

Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 8,846
Loc: space
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
Re: why can't I move on [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #5577204 - 05/01/06 12:41 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:


First of all, I don't want you to get upset for what I'm going to tell you, but I think it's true.




hey, I'm a big boy.  I can handle it.

Quote:

To begin with, I don't think you really love her.




whoa.  that's just not true.  I would jump in front of bullets for this girl, even though she probably doesn't deserve it. 

Quote:

It's more like an obsession and maybe, from what I understood, the idea that you can't make peace with what your ex-friend did. And most of your every day thoughts are on her because you make it happen. Because you want to go back there. Because it's somehow "safe" to make yourself believe that there's no other girl which can be better then her, in order to not getting hurt again. And maybe to punish yourself for things you did when you were together and now you're all grown up and you realized that non everything you did was good.
I don't know what kind of mistakes you did when you were with her, but I can tell you this: if you don't come in peace with the idea that these mistakes belonged to you and you did them, if you don't soon realize that maybe without those mistakes you wouldn't be able to know better what to do in a relationship, you'll only feel worse. And the more time passes with you being in that self-imposed situation, the harder it will get for you to get along with your life and get rid of this obsession.




this could be true and I thank you for pointing it out.  I'll think about it.

Quote:

Another thing you could do, if you have the courage is to go and talk to her about your feelings, I don't know what her reaction would be, but I'm almost positive that whatever reaction she'll have, it will help you out in the " healing process".
Maybe because you'll become aware that she's only an obsession..... maybe because you'll realize that she's not that perfect as you thought.... I don't know.
But you need to do something. You need to get things clear with her, one way or another. Seems to me that your breakup was kind of sudden and painful.




I don't really feel like dragging her through all that mud again.  If she has moved on and is happy, then I don't want to interefere with that by being a whiny, needy, ex-boyfriend who always 'needs to talk'.  Besides, I have found that in some situations, talking accomplishes little, and I believe this to be one of them.  The brass tacks is, I want her, she doesn't want me.  Unless one of us is willing to change our position, there is no purpose in either of us going through the pain of talking and seeing eachother. 

Quote:

And anyways, if she was the perfect girl you say she is, how do you explain yourself her relationship with someone who was your friend?





I didn't say she was perfect.  and besides, most of my friends are pretty cool and have learned almost everything about being cool from me .  So maybe she just got confused.  We all make mistakes.  Especially women :wink:


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OfflineDICK
Stranger
Registered: 12/28/05
Posts: 555
Last seen: 15 years, 7 months
Re: why can't I move on [Re: DoctorJ]
    #5577260 - 05/01/06 12:58 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Youre so hung up on this one girl cause well, youre not going out ans seeing others!!

Trust me when I tell you every guy has gone through this stage. Just get out there keep busy and most of all meet people!

How about you just go down to your local coffee shop and just say a casual friendly 'hi' to any girl there you find attractive?

Youll find that the rush of meeting someone new and (far more) interesting will erase any lagging feeling you have.

But go now! Dont make come over there and bitch slap you! :smile:


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OfflineDoctorJ
Male

Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 8,846
Loc: space
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
Re: why can't I move on [Re: DICK]
    #5578780 - 05/01/06 08:34 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Yeah, I've been meaning to get out more.  Its summertime, and women are wearing their sexy clothes :thumbup: 

Really though, the job I work, I meet hot chicks all the time.  But I'm just not as comfortable with them.  I keep thinking to myself "Yeah, she's hot and cool, but do I really want to open that can of worms?" 

Also, there is another thing to consider.  What if I find someone new and fall in love with them, get embroiled in a whole new relationship, and then the girl I'm hung up on finally pulls her head out of her ass and realizes what she gave up?  Then, I would have to deal with that.  Knowing how jealous chicks can get, I am almost certain I will have to deal with this at some point.


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OfflineSeaShrooms
The dude
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Registered: 09/13/05
Posts: 1,989
Loc: Hitchhiking
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Re: why can't I move on [Re: DoctorJ]
    #5578814 - 05/01/06 08:42 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

To be honest ive been in depression over a girl for a long time, and there is no cure to it, just get used to it.

"Also, there is another thing to consider. What if I find someone new and fall in love with them, get embroiled in a whole new relationship, and then the girl I'm hung up on finally pulls her head out of her ass and realizes what she gave up? Then, I would have to deal with that. Knowing how jealous chicks can get, I am almost certain I will have to deal with this at some point."

Damn your cocky, I mean DAMN, she left you how many years ago?

And Dr. J is right if theres a solution its a new girl.


--------------------
The life of a condemned soul is hatred.


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InvisibleRandalFlagg
Stranger
Registered: 06/15/02
Posts: 15,608
Re: why can't I move on [Re: DoctorJ]
    #5579426 - 05/01/06 10:17 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

:sad:

Love is confusing and painful.


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OfflineDICK
Stranger
Registered: 12/28/05
Posts: 555
Last seen: 15 years, 7 months
Re: why can't I move on [Re: DoctorJ]
    #5579687 - 05/01/06 11:17 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

DoctorJ said:
Yeah, I've been meaning to get out more.  Its summertime, and women are wearing their sexy clothes :thumbup: 

Really though, the job I work, I meet hot chicks all the time.  But I'm just not as comfortable with them.  I keep thinking to myself "Yeah, she's hot and cool, but do I really want to open that can of worms?" 

Also, there is another thing to consider.  What if I find someone new and fall in love with them, get embroiled in a whole new relationship, and then the girl I'm hung up on finally pulls her head out of her ass and realizes what she gave up?  Then, I would have to deal with that.  Knowing how jealous chicks can get, I am almost certain I will have to deal with this at some point.




Haha... Man, I think youre the type of guy who just likes to meet one great girl and settle down. I think bottomline is, everyone sooner or later is that type of guy. But the reality is that if you dont meet people you will nerver find that special someone!

Meet women, date women. I dont know why some guys think is wrong to see more than one girl at a time... :shrug: By experience Ive found it actually works FOR you if they know since they become more interested on who you date and opens many doors of possibilities :wink:


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Offlinejohnstanton
homoepath
Male
Registered: 04/27/06
Posts: 17
Last seen: 17 years, 6 months
Re: why can't I move on [Re: DoctorJ]
    #5581012 - 05/02/06 10:42 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

hey listen --speaking from homoeopathic view----disappointed love---first thing used is ignatia in 1M potency---single dose..this place start treatment of self----eachof have different susceptabilities---and are expressed as our personal dipositons allow--this is all at the cellular level-and the ill-ness need be addressed on the underlying cellular level---no amount of thinking--self hpnosis crap---and bullshit psychotherepy can  touch the dis-ease---must be dealt with on the dis-eases level--the unseen stimli----disease is only acknowledged by symptoms--symptoms are NOT he disease...symptoms are the response to the dis-eases stimuli.....so anyway--after all that homoeopathic theory sht talk take ignatia 200c--1 dose only...knock off alcohol use as well as other meds/drugs..also no acidic foods and drinks for a while. (coffee;teas;all carbnated soft drinks;alcoholic beverages;fruits and fruit juices;pickled foods;vinegar;.)--if wondering why no acids---affects body ph..so as not have any unnecessary aggration or complication after taking ignatia.....clear? :thumbup:


--------------------
homoeopathic practitiner..

"seek only the truth ...as an unbiased observor"


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InvisiblePenguarky Tunguin
f n o r d
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Registered: 08/08/04
Posts: 17,192
Re: why can't I move on [Re: DoctorJ]
    #5581058 - 05/02/06 10:59 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Also, there is another thing to consider. What if I find someone new and fall in love with them, get embroiled in a whole new relationship, and then the girl I'm hung up on finally pulls her head out of her ass and realizes what she gave up? Then, I would have to deal with that. Knowing how jealous chicks can get, I am almost certain I will have to deal with this at some point.




Who's to say you'd even want her back then?  What if the girl you'd be with at the point was "the one."

I think you DEFINITELY look at things too deeply.  :smile: 

You're already planning for things that are not even close to happening yet.

Just chill out, go meet other girls and this one will slip into your memory of the past and nothing more.  If you guy's were meant to be together, you wouldn't be creating this thread.  :smile:

Plenty of fish in the sea and they all stink. :tongue2:


--------------------
Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.


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OfflineDoctorJ
Male

Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 8,846
Loc: space
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
Re: why can't I move on [Re: Penguarky Tunguin]
    #5581243 - 05/02/06 11:57 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

think you DEFINITELY look at things too deeply.




too deep? no such thing, man.


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InvisiblePenguarky Tunguin
f n o r d
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Registered: 08/08/04
Posts: 17,192
Re: why can't I move on [Re: DoctorJ]
    #5581357 - 05/02/06 12:42 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

You're probably right. But you need to just chill and let things happen as they will. It's really not up to you in the long run. All you can do is sit and wait.


--------------------
Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, in the above post, is the fault of the reader.


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OfflineDoctorJ
Male

Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 8,846
Loc: space
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
Re: why can't I move on [Re: Penguarky Tunguin]
    #5581653 - 05/02/06 02:36 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

you're right. 

but I'd still like to remind everyone that my back hurts, I'm hungry and lonely, and I can't sleep.  A good woman could fix all this.

maybe I should write up a girlfriend application :lol:


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OfflineDoctorJ
Male

Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 8,846
Loc: space
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
Re: why can't I move on [Re: DoctorJ]
    #5589706 - 05/04/06 11:35 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Can I get your hand to write on
Just a piece of lead to bite on
What am I to fly my kite on
Do you want to flash your light on
Take a look it’s on display - for you
Coming down no not today

Did you meet your fortune teller
Get it off with no propellor
Do it up it’s always stellar
What a way to finally smell her
Pick it up, if not too strong - for you
Take a piece and pass it on

Fly away on my zephyr
I feel it more then ever
And in this perfect weather
We’ll find a place together
Fly on my wind

Rebel and a liberator
Find a way to be a skater
Rev it up to levitate her
Super friendly aviator
Take a look it’s on display - for you
Coming down no not today

Fly away on my zephyr
I feel it more then ever
And in this perfect weather
We’ll find a place together
In the water where I center my emotion
All the world can pass me by
Fly away on my zephyr
We’ll find a place together

Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa- do you
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa- won’t you
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Fly away on my zephyr
I feel it more then ever
And in this perfect weather
We’ll find a place together

In the water where I center my emotion
All the world can pass me by
Fly away on my zephyr
We’re gonna live forever
Forever

:heart:


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