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OfflineSyle
Kenai Sigh
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Registered: 10/16/05
Posts: 6,678
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Last seen: 10 months, 26 days
I had an ego death
    #5569012 - 04/28/06 11:10 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

It was the most horrifying thing I could possibly imagine. I can't really explain it much more than that.

I dosed an 8th of mushies with some cranberry juice and everything was going fine. Started feeling the effects in about 20 min; so I was sort of preparing for an intense experience.

Then all of a sudden, after about 40 min after I dosed I felt like I was having a brain anurysm or something, and from there, it just got even worse. So of course, I thought I was dying or something, and my balance went away completely, sound distortion completely engulfed me, and I felt like I was passing out of existence basically; I really had myself convinced that I was physically dying. All of this happened in about 10 seconds.

So a buddy that was with me, who has tripped before made me take a cold shower to cool down my system. And in the shower is when I had the death.

I can't explain it at all. What originally started as the thought of physically dying catapulted me into such an introspective mindset that I can't even begin to describe.

It was horrible and beautiful at the same time. I kept weighing my existence against what I thought it should be, and against everything that I took for granted in life. Then I started crying; still thinking I was physically dying.

But then, for a split second though, I became one with everything that I knew and didn't know. I know that sounds cliche, but it happened. I can still feel that individual experience perfectly. I was crouched in the shower, with my hands on the floor, feeling the water course through me, and a single thought came into my mind: I am existing.

And at that split second it was a feeling that I will have for the rest of my life. Purely basic instinct to survive; I had no name or sense of "me"; I was merely an entity existing and feeling. Nothing more, nothing less.

And then, all of a sudden it was over; the euphoric part anyways, haha...Unfortunately I then had about 3 more hours of sitting in the shower till I made peace with it all and walked out.

Anyways, that is only touching the ice berg really. That shower will forever hold a horrible horrible place in my heart.


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https://kenaisigh.bandcamp.com/ <- Just completed the 2021 RPM challenge for February - An EP in one month (5 songs or 20 minutes). Check it out!


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OfflineFruitboot
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Registered: 10/04/05
Posts: 417
Last seen: 12 years, 23 days
Re: I had an ego death [Re: Syle]
    #5569099 - 04/28/06 11:32 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Yea man, I'm pretty sure I had an ego death last trip I had. So scary when it's happening. It sure didn't help when everything was practically black and one of my friend's was saying "What's going on?!" over and over again while another friend was asking why there weren't any children outside...hahaha. Then everything just went silent and I was...dead I guess. I'm still rethinking and remembering new things and figuring out what all happened and this is a month afterwards.


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OfflineSyle
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Re: I had an ego death [Re: Fruitboot]
    #5569139 - 04/28/06 11:41 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Fruitboot said:
Yea man, I'm pretty sure I had an ego death last trip I had. So scary when it's happening. It sure didn't help when everything was practically black and one of my friend's was saying "What's going on?!" over and over again while another friend was asking why there weren't any children outside...hahaha. Then everything just went silent and I was...dead I guess. I'm still rethinking and remembering new things and figuring out what all happened and this is a month afterwards.




Did you lose sense of your identity?


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https://kenaisigh.bandcamp.com/ <- Just completed the 2021 RPM challenge for February - An EP in one month (5 songs or 20 minutes). Check it out!


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Invisiblemecreateme
YoUisMEEMsiUoY
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Posts: 2,727
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Re: I had an ego death [Re: Syle]
    #5569253 - 04/29/06 12:17 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

That is what it is all about. You brought a slight tear to my eye while reading your report. Nice job! :thumbup:

That is what we are, existence. We will always be, that sense, that power to sense, the hidden thing behind that makes us able to reach out and take part of ourself.


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No ONE wants to know the ultimate TRUTH, as soon as YOU find IT out, YOU want to forget IT.

You are everything's way of feeling itself.

Happy Schwag, everygodly!


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OfflineBirds_Can_Swim
Fish Can Fly

Registered: 03/29/06
Posts: 1,269
Loc: Right in front of you, du...
Last seen: 17 years, 8 months
Re: I had an ego death [Re: Syle]
    #5569309 - 04/29/06 12:40 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

God I love ego death

They should call it Ego life or something

Ok, that was stupid but it's honestly once of the most beautiful experiences I can imagine


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There is no valid reason why you should be reading this


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OfflineSyle
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Re: I had an ego death [Re: mecreateme]
    #5569866 - 04/29/06 11:01 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

mecreateme said:
That is what it is all about. You brought a slight tear to my eye while reading your report. Nice job! :thumbup:

That is what we are, existence. We will always be, that sense, that power to sense, the hidden thing behind that makes us able to reach out and take part of ourself.




So many times I fought off the urge to pass out, what would have happened if I would have just given in to that?

I tried so hard to grasp onto the trip and control it, and until I just let go because I couldn't hang on anymore is when I had the "death/birth" BUT, I still wonder what would have happened if I let go and just passed out.


--------------------
https://kenaisigh.bandcamp.com/ <- Just completed the 2021 RPM challenge for February - An EP in one month (5 songs or 20 minutes). Check it out!


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OfflineSyle
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Re: I had an ego death [Re: Birds_Can_Swim]
    #5569867 - 04/29/06 11:02 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Were yours scary at all?

EDIT: Directed at Birds can swim.


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https://kenaisigh.bandcamp.com/ <- Just completed the 2021 RPM challenge for February - An EP in one month (5 songs or 20 minutes). Check it out!


Edited by Syle (04/29/06 11:43 AM)


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InvisiblePsychoslut
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Re: I had an ego death [Re: Syle]
    #5569901 - 04/29/06 11:22 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Next time drink 6 ounces of fresh cubes blended in a blender with some pop.

:crazy: :grin: :frown:


My first time was allot was like you described. I kept asking my cousin to make sure I'm still alive. I walked around the apartment trying to find things that would remind me of who or what I was. I opened doors and cabinets and shit searching for myself because me was gone, it was pretty awesome. When I was peaking they said I was in the fetal position on the floor with a horrified look on my face and I was looking at something on the ceiling but at that time I was looking at nothing in reality I was gone into something i cant really describe. I don't eat big doses at all anymore. Just a gram or two to go with some. weed. :mushroom2:  :stoned:


I think the reason I was in the fetal position is that my mind was so horrified that I regress to infancy or something.


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[quote]KristiMidocean said:
Good now thats clear.WHO FUCKING CARES. If I am fat u all keep pointing it out like its suppose to be a secret.LIke u really have nothing better to do then make fat jokes. If o know its like I do I know yall can come up with NEW AND BETTER SHIT . This shit is old and boring . I left in the first place cause this shit got boring not because of the fat jokes . Fat jokes dont bother me but seriously its old[/quote]


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Offlineezkiel
IV:XX
Registered: 04/12/05
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Last seen: 14 years, 9 months
Re: I had an ego death [Re: Psychoslut]
    #5572168 - 04/29/06 10:09 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Very nice.

I had ego death on Salvia. I'll never forget that feeling of universality (is that a word). There was literal darkness everywhere but I could feel all the entities billions of them so I wasn't alone. At that time I didn't have an identity or even concept of what or who I was. I just was existing and could feel everything else that existed around me.

The trip started with me taking a couple hits of leaves (trying salvia, or any psychedelic for that matter, for the first time). I saw these worm like things that came from where the thread of the bowl I was smoking out of were and literally fell back into the bed out of this existence. Sooo many flying patterns and colours. I first visited another reality (pretty sure it was 4D or something everything moved and operated in a whole new way of physics) then I went further. Luckily I had a stable mindset and Salvia tend to work so quickly there is not alot of time for thinking enough to get really scared (when your breaking through that is) from there I experienced my ego death and to this day it is one of the most revered experiences of my life.

That feeling of purely existing as nothing.

Not too bad for my first trip ever. (other than occasional pot smoking but I wouldn't call smoking pot a trip).


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I've made  few spore choices in my life. :mushroom2:
Chop... Drop... and Roll


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OfflineMrMolotov
Ganja Patrol
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Registered: 06/12/05
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Loc: SoCal
Last seen: 14 years, 1 month
Re: I had an ego death [Re: ezkiel]
    #5572336 - 04/29/06 10:56 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

he he you want ego death ha ha eat 10.5 grams and laying your bed with the lights off. inexplicable terror i would think of something and see it and then it turned into a horribly disfigured thing like eyeballs growing off of these bloody stumps of blegh. then i let go.
there was no me "I" was just in this empty void i understood everything and what the reason for being was and there these swirling clouds of energy it was so incredibly beautiful but losing the ego was absolutely terrifying but totally worth it.


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OI OI OI


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Offlinetrance_21
trance guy
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Registered: 04/15/06
Posts: 50
Last seen: 17 years, 6 months
Re: I had an ego death [Re: MrMolotov]
    #5575969 - 05/01/06 12:17 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

i had have that experience but not wit mush and less scary ha ha.

i was in the back yard and i smoke some maria (weed) so i focus on the stars and everything star to get weird like i die (but the thing is i don't fear death so i think is a factor) so i just let the darkness take me and all became to look very slow and i can feel i was nothing no body, no time, no nothing like i just die in that moment no idea in my mind just one thing i am death it feel so nice no cold, or any other thing disturb me. then i just get back on my own self i can feel tears on my face i was out for like 5 min.


Edited by trance_21 (05/01/06 12:18 AM)


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OfflineStaypuft
Floyd Fanatic
Registered: 01/11/04
Posts: 84
Loc: Atlanta, GA
Last seen: 14 years, 7 months
Re: I had an ego death [Re: trance_21]
    #5576121 - 05/01/06 01:16 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

I find that when im either high or not, that when i focus to a point where there is no change in any sensory input (ie. no change in vision(still vision), no sound, perfectly still), and there is no thought in my head, that my vision goes black. It's like my mind is not perceiving any senses, so reality fades, and your mind takes over to an out of body state of being. Im not sure if anyone knows what im talking about.


--------------------
The gnomes have found a new way to say hooooray.
How do you feel?


Edited by Staypuft (05/01/06 01:20 AM)


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Offlinetrance_21
trance guy
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Registered: 04/15/06
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Re: I had an ego death [Re: Staypuft]
    #5576182 - 05/01/06 01:38 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

yes i do and i experiment that too but the think I'm talking about is different because of the sensations


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Offlineshneck
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Re: I had an ego death [Re: trance_21]
    #5576305 - 05/01/06 03:55 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

"...when i focus to a point where there is no change in any sensory input (ie. no change in vision(still vision), no sound, perfectly still), and there is no thought in my head, that my vision goes black. It's like my mind is not perceiving any senses, so reality fades, and your mind takes over to an out of body state of being. Im not sure if anyone knows what im talking about."

You're meditating, friend.


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Invisiblekaniz
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Re: I had an ego death [Re: shneck]
    #5576471 - 05/01/06 06:50 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

You know, every time I've had ego-death, its been an expierence that I have enjoyed and not found scary.

The very 1st time, it was a bit startling, and I suppose a bit scary in some regards - mostly because I had NO idea mushrooms could get that intense. I had done them 3 or 4 times before, didnt know much about them, and thought 'oh, pretty patterns on walls' is the extent of it. Boy, was I wrong :smile:

I remeber the sensation of my body being ripped to shreds of pure energy and being shot across the universe while being connected to everything. There was no me, no I, no self, no time, no place - just existance.

I dont think anything I've expierenced has come close to that trip, even when taking higher doses then I did that time. It was truely an amazing expierence.


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OfflineStaypuft
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Registered: 01/11/04
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Loc: Atlanta, GA
Last seen: 14 years, 7 months
Re: I had an ego death [Re: shneck]
    #5578617 - 05/01/06 07:51 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Haha, thanks for enlightening me. When ever someone sayimg going to meditate, i always think it is a process, not a state of being. Like focusing on your breathe, striaght posture with eyes closed were always what i thought when i heard the word meditation.


--------------------
The gnomes have found a new way to say hooooray.
How do you feel?


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OfflineExplosiveMango
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Re: I had an ego death [Re: Syle]
    #5581607 - 05/02/06 02:13 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

I liked it the time it happened to me.

I don't have very strong memories of where I went when I left my body to explore the universe... but I remember having my girl right there to reassure me of who and where I was when I came back.

I felt I had just gone somewhere my sanity never could... and the bliss and terror were still dripping from my mind... but she was there, I loved her, and everything was OK.


--------------------
Know your self.
Know your substance.
Know your source.

The most distorted perspective possible is the perspective that yours is not distorted.


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