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OfflineSyle
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Registered: 10/16/05
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Last seen: 10 months, 26 days
I had an ego death
    #5569009 - 04/28/06 11:09 PM (17 years, 9 months ago)

It was the most horrifying thing I could possibly imagine. I can't really explain it much more than that.

I dosed an 8th of mushies with some cranberry juice and everything was going fine. Started feeling the effects in about 20 min; so I was sort of preparing for an intense experience.

Then all of a sudden, after about 40 min after I dosed I felt like I was having a brain anurysm or something, and from there, it just got even worse. So of course, I thought I was dying or something, and my balance went away completely, sound distortion completely engulfed me, and I felt like I was passing out of existence basically; I really had myself convinced that I was physically dying. All of this happened in about 10 seconds.

So a buddy that was with me, who has tripped before made me take a cold shower to cool down my system. And in the shower is when I had the death.

I can't explain it at all. What originally started as the thought of physically dying catapulted me into such an introspective mindset that I can't even begin to describe.

It was horrible and beautiful at the same time. I kept weighing my existence against what I thought it should be, and against everything that I took for granted in life. Then I started crying; still thinking I was physically dying.

But then, for a split second though, I became one with everything that I knew and didn't know. I know that sounds cliche, but it happened. I can still feel that individual experience perfectly. I was crouched in the shower, with my hands on the floor, feeling the water course through me, and a single thought came into my mind: I am existing.

And at that split second it was a feeling that I will have for the rest of my life. Purely basic instinct to survive; I had no name or sense of "me"; I was merely an entity existing and feeling. Nothing more, nothing less.

And then, all of a sudden it was over; the euphoric part anyways, haha...Unfortunately I then had about 3 more hours of sitting in the shower till I made peace with it all and walked out.

Anyways, that is only touching the ice berg really. That shower will forever hold a horrible horrible place in my heart.


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https://kenaisigh.bandcamp.com/ <- Just completed the 2021 RPM challenge for February - An EP in one month (5 songs or 20 minutes). Check it out!


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OfflineUnderhillmaster
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Registered: 02/09/05
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Re: I had an ego death [Re: Syle]
    #5569620 - 04/29/06 05:13 AM (17 years, 9 months ago)

Hehe, the monotonous sound of the water can get to you after a while. I remember being trapped in my shower when I had my last ego death experience. An 8th with cranberry or lemon juice can be a super strong trip btw. Glad you survived and had a moment of oneness with the universe:)


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If you cut off my head, what would I say? Me and my head, or me and my body?


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OfflineSyle
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Registered: 10/16/05
Posts: 6,678
Loc: WA
Last seen: 10 months, 26 days
Re: I had an ego death [Re: Underhillmaster]
    #5569865 - 04/29/06 10:58 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Wow, I forgot about the sound of the water in the shower! A lot of the trip is still flooding back to me now.

My sound distortion was so bad that the water going down the drain began to emulate the sound (if you can imagine it), digital code/information being shredded. Sort of like in the matrix when Neo gets sucked out of the matrix into "real" life.

Anyways, thanks for reading!

If anyone else is curious about what set me off, the setting or my dosage or whatever...tough luck  :smile:

All I will say is I wasn't expecting it.


--------------------
https://kenaisigh.bandcamp.com/ <- Just completed the 2021 RPM challenge for February - An EP in one month (5 songs or 20 minutes). Check it out!


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OfflineJeroen198
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Registered: 08/16/01
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Re: I had an ego death [Re: Syle]
    #5576894 - 05/01/06 11:20 AM (17 years, 8 months ago)

how often have you tripped? have you had high level trips before where you thought ego-loss might have occurred, but didn't? Were you waiting for this first ego-loss experience or rather trying to avoid it?

I've tripped for some time now, and at the same time i can't wait to experience this, and yet it scares me senseless.


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OfflineSyle
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Registered: 10/16/05
Posts: 6,678
Loc: WA
Last seen: 10 months, 26 days
Re: I had an ego death [Re: Jeroen198]
    #5577175 - 05/01/06 12:32 PM (17 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Jeroen198 said:
how often have you tripped? have you had high level trips before where you thought ego-loss might have occurred, but didn't? Were you waiting for this first ego-loss experience or rather trying to avoid it?

I've tripped for some time now, and at the same time i can't wait to experience this, and yet it scares me senseless.




This was my 4th time tripping. I knew they were strong mushies, and took my usual dose, which is roughly an 8th (dunno how many grams that is).

I was not expecting the ego loss. I wasn't planning on it, and I think that is why it hit me as hard as it did. I was just planning on hanging out with a couple friends and then "boom" I was in a shit storm that I had no control over.


--------------------
https://kenaisigh.bandcamp.com/ <- Just completed the 2021 RPM challenge for February - An EP in one month (5 songs or 20 minutes). Check it out!


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