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quillini
one meanmotorscooter


Registered: 04/18/06
Posts: 255
Last seen: 1 year, 9 months
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I think I'm socially retarded. Hope?
#5555237 - 04/25/06 03:13 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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It's not that I have a problem going out in public. I have no innate fear of people, as biological entities, I know they harmless unless deliberately provoked. But I don't understand how, if you're trying to meet people and make friends, you are supposed to just walk up to somebody and start talking to them. As far back as I can remember this has baffled me. I mean, if someone just came up from out of the blue and just started making small talk ("sure is a pretty day, yuk yuk, how bout them (fill in sports team)"), I would think that person is desperate and I would find it annoying.
So, starting from scratch, what is one to do? I can go onstage and play songs for people, no sweat. But when it comes time to either talk to somebody one-on-one or leave alone just as I came, I never know what to do. Everyone's favorite ice-breaker is sports, but I don't know dick about sports. I hate my introversion, as it is the only thing preventing me from getting friendly with girls with whom I could have sex. Yes, it's all about sex. I'm in COLLEGE, for Christ sake! This should be easy! What the hell is wrong with me?
I'm pissed off and I need a change.
-------------------- No; truth, being alive, was not halfway between anything. It was only to be found by continuous excursions into either realm, and though proportion is the final secret, to espouse it at the outset is to insure sterility. Only connect...
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theuser
DON'T LOOK

Registered: 08/04/05
Posts: 5,859
Last seen: 3 years, 11 months
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Re: I think I'm socially retarded. Hope? [Re: quillini]
#5555243 - 04/25/06 03:15 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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I'm the same way. I learned to make $ by working on the net. It's working out well. 
Just hang out on the net and go to clubs, it's a good life.
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Hendostan


Registered: 07/18/04
Posts: 4,444
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Re: I think I'm socially retarded. Hope? [Re: quillini]
#5555306 - 04/25/06 03:33 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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you say you have no problem on stage in front of people...so you're a musician?? no need for small talk, just chill at the bar when not playing and let the ladies come up to you. buy a cute one a drink and ask her what she thought of the show. there's your ice breaker, fuck sports. not all girls want the slimy obviously superficial meat-head that talks to everyone hitting on them...you're in the band, that gives you an edge over everyone else there, believe me. be the chill cat hanging out by the bar with a smile on his face, and they'll come up to you. a lot of girls like a bit of mystery, someone unique...play that roll and combined with being in a band, you will be having awkward sunday mornings in no time!  seriously though, you're overthinking the problem...taking someone home shouldn't even be on your mind, just enjoy yourself while there, play good music, and flirt with a cute girl if you get the chance. alcohol helps
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PinballWizard
Naive and Gullible as usual

Registered: 03/20/04
Posts: 2,804
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
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Re: I think I'm socially retarded. Hope? [Re: quillini]
#5555313 - 04/25/06 03:35 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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You have to possess a sort of confident vibe. That you don't really give a fuck about whether the person likes you or not. Or you could just watch the cool guy and try to copy him.
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Hitman203
Stranger
Registered: 04/03/06
Posts: 680
Last seen: 17 years, 1 month
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Re: I think I'm socially retarded. Hope? [Re: PinballWizard]
#5555338 - 04/25/06 03:44 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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yea i have trouble starting convos with people idk as well. thats why im not a real party guy or anything.
But people talk to me and you just got to be interesting at that point and its not hard to make friends. also i make a lot of friends through friends...
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Dimmy
Josephacetious


Registered: 08/18/04
Posts: 903
Loc: Georgia
Last seen: 11 years, 5 months
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Re: I think I'm socially retarded. Hope? [Re: Hitman203]
#5555869 - 04/25/06 06:46 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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you could always have a personality transplant. I heard it works wonders.
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zSDMF
Stranger


Registered: 09/07/04
Posts: 10,562
Loc: lost in nothing
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Re: I think I'm socially retarded. Hope? [Re: quillini]
#5555902 - 04/25/06 06:54 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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im like that except i'm a lot worse. unless i've been taking something (anything to ease sobrioty, in a sense.. or social situations maybe?) i get really nervous in social places. it's awkward. in some theorapy i got put into for drugs, all we ended up talking about was my social phobia.. it's getting better but i'm far from normal
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Phraggle
Psilocybe Therapy Advocate

Registered: 04/19/06
Posts: 161
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Re: I think I'm socially retarded. Hope? [Re: zSDMF]
#5555989 - 04/25/06 07:15 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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Usually starting a conversation out of the blue with someone is strange. That is why you have to put yourself in a situation where it is appropriate. Then you won't have to worry about what to talk about because it will be obvious.
For example, you say that most people break the ice with sports. It would be strange for me to walk up to you on the street and say, "Hey did you catch the game last night?". It would not be strange if I was sitting next to you at a sports event and at an exciting moment turned to you and said, "Alright! That was great! I love (insert player name here)!". Conversation started.
Now I don't like sports so it would be strange if I turned to you and was excited about sports, but thats because I don't like sports. Thats where you preference in entertainment comes in. You pick a public (hopefully popular) event that you would probably go to anyway and just try to find a time to position yourself close to the most attractive female that isn't hanging off a shaved gorilla.
Hope this helps.
-------------------- You'll see me.
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Corporal Kielbasa

Registered: 05/29/04
Posts: 17,235
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Re: I think I'm socially retarded. Hope? [Re: quillini]
#5556019 - 04/25/06 07:21 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
quillini said: It's not that I have a problem going out in public. I have no innate fear of people, as biological entities, I know they harmless unless deliberately provoked. But I don't understand how, if you're trying to meet people and make friends, you are supposed to just walk up to somebody and start talking to them. As far back as I can remember this has baffled me. I mean, if someone just came up from out of the blue and just started making small talk ("sure is a pretty day, yuk yuk, how bout them (fill in sports team)"), I would think that person is desperate and I would find it annoying.
So, starting from scratch, what is one to do? I can go onstage and play songs for people, no sweat. But when it comes time to either talk to somebody one-on-one or leave alone just as I came, I never know what to do. Everyone's favorite ice-breaker is sports, but I don't know dick about sports. I hate my introversion, as it is the only thing preventing me from getting friendly with girls with whom I could have sex. Yes, it's all about sex. I'm in COLLEGE, for Christ sake! This should be easy! What the hell is wrong with me?
I'm pissed off and I need a change.
well do you wanna be pissed off when people want to say hi? Or be happy? Make the choice! Friends dont give a shit what you say! Hell half the shit i talk about people dont even here or understand. It doesn't matter.
You sound like a typical lone alpha male. There is nothing wrong with that. Study the habbits of animals and find the answers from that. All you really want is a nice women
People that seek out friends and that cant be alone are often dependent and the nonalpha type.
All you got to do is show an interest and smile, be proud! Let the body language talk. If you wanna go out ask them to go out. You dont got to talk non stop. Just show the interest......
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debianlinux
Myconerd - DBK



Registered: 12/09/02
Posts: 8,334
Loc: Over There
Last seen: 7 months, 1 day
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Re: I think I'm socially retarded. Hope? [Re: Phraggle]
#5556027 - 04/25/06 07:23 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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i like to start convos with random strangers out of the blue on a regular basis. it gets me off. oh, and i never discuss safe topics like weather or sports.
most people play along and scurry away. those who don't are the truly interesting ones and usually end up being a part of my life.
as far as meeting girls... wll, i never had an issue with it but i think possibly the best strategy for the introvert is a good wing man. somebody who can corral the girl over and then point the spotlight at you.
scenario: you and the wing man are at a club and he gets a girl over and is talking to her and turns the convo to music and then makes a point of turning towards you and saying, "yeah my buddy here is the nuts on <instrument>, as a matter of fact he plays here on <weeknight>". bingo, you are now have the impressed attention of a female. play intelligently from that point on.
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Corporal Kielbasa

Registered: 05/29/04
Posts: 17,235
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Re: I think I'm socially retarded. Hope? [Re: debianlinux]
#5556039 - 04/25/06 07:27 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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Wing men are very usefull!
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Scott Bennett
Lucrative


Registered: 08/05/03
Posts: 17,730
Loc: Toronto
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Re: I think I'm socially retarded. Hope? *DELETED* [Re: Dimmy]
#5556051 - 04/25/06 07:29 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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Post deleted by ThaiLipaYaiReason for deletion: .
--------------------
It's just some nights, you really want to go out, get some hot bitch to dump Goose down your throat and snort coke off a stripper's tits.
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Dimmy
Josephacetious


Registered: 08/18/04
Posts: 903
Loc: Georgia
Last seen: 11 years, 5 months
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Re: I think I'm socially retarded. Hope? [Re: Scott Bennett]
#5556352 - 04/25/06 08:38 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
ThaiLipaYai said:
Quote:
Dimmy said: you could always have a personality transplant. I heard it works wonders.
Or a face transplant:
HAHAHAHAHA
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quillini
one meanmotorscooter


Registered: 04/18/06
Posts: 255
Last seen: 1 year, 9 months
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Quote:
Corporal Kielbasa said: All you really want is a nice women
True that. Like when Andre 3000 talks to God on The Love Below...I feel that. But my God man, this place where I'm living doesn't help at all. Those of you who live in or near big metro areas, y'all are the apple of my envy. I need to go to Portland or maybe Seattle.
See, where I am there's nothing but dumb Southern Belles who get married right out of high school and become baby factories, or else there are career barflies, all of whom I strongly suspect have something I don't want, if you know what I mean. All the classy ladies had the sense to leave. There are still a few left, but they all seem to be with someone. I had a good woman for five years. We still love each other but we fight way too much. It's bad for us to be together.
Then again, I am being overly judgemental to judge someone's character and classify them in one of two groups without even knowing that person, aren't I? I went to an open mic last night, not to play but just to listen (hadn't been there in a while) and there were these three girls who stayed the whole time and watched everybody with admiration. These girls were actually into the music! Now the people playing weren't all that great and I know if I put the finishing touches on some stuff and went next week to play it, I will shine. Then it's on, right? But only if those girls show up again. It's rare for people to come in these places to listen, and even then they're females only half the time, and most likely they come with somebody. But these were three interested, (apparently) single girls.
Of course I said nothing to them, for I am a retard.
In retrospect I always know what I should have done, but I have trouble making such judgements when they actually count, you dig?
-------------------- No; truth, being alive, was not halfway between anything. It was only to be found by continuous excursions into either realm, and though proportion is the final secret, to espouse it at the outset is to insure sterility. Only connect...
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PurpleKush
Rational Lunatic


Registered: 03/20/06
Posts: 3,421
Loc: Above The Law
Last seen: 3 years, 10 months
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Re: I think I'm socially retarded. Hope? [Re: quillini]
#5556445 - 04/25/06 09:08 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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i feel ya man. sometimes im not sure if i really have something wrong with me or if im just shy or quiet or whatever. ive just become content to not have anyone holding me back and ive honestly got too much going on for a girl right now anyways. if your in college too you might not have the time either and not even realize it. women take a lot of time.
shit if you figure it out, let me know
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Moxemerald
Executive

Registered: 08/22/04
Posts: 390
Loc: NJ
Last seen: 13 years, 11 months
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Re: I think I'm socially retarded. Hope? [Re: PurpleKush]
#5556486 - 04/25/06 09:19 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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it ain't hard to jus talk to people. The key is to live your life not caring what others think of you. After that everything falls into place.
And dude...come on! youre in a band and you're having trouble still? After you play all you gotta do is spit a little game and you're golden.
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theuser
DON'T LOOK

Registered: 08/04/05
Posts: 5,859
Last seen: 3 years, 11 months
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Re: I think I'm socially retarded. Hope? [Re: Moxemerald]
#5556495 - 04/25/06 09:23 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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I didn't know you were in a band. Isn't that an automatic "cool"?
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quillini
one meanmotorscooter


Registered: 04/18/06
Posts: 255
Last seen: 1 year, 9 months
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Re: I think I'm socially retarded. Hope? [Re: Moxemerald]
#5556498 - 04/25/06 09:25 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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I wish I was in a band. Right now it's only me with a guitar onstage. It's hard to find anybody who can play anything, though hopefully something will come together soon. That's why I go to open mics, so I can find potential bandmates.
-------------------- No; truth, being alive, was not halfway between anything. It was only to be found by continuous excursions into either realm, and though proportion is the final secret, to espouse it at the outset is to insure sterility. Only connect...
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theuser
DON'T LOOK

Registered: 08/04/05
Posts: 5,859
Last seen: 3 years, 11 months
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Re: I think I'm socially retarded. Hope? [Re: quillini]
#5556524 - 04/25/06 09:34 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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Like I said, I have the same problem and I think it's an esteem issue. I tried drowning myself in drugs to fix it, that didn't work, then I gave up.
Don't give up and don't use chems of any kind to try to "fix" it. Hang out in bars and clubs.
Maybe join some clubs? (non dance?)
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buckwheat
Cynically Insane

Registered: 12/09/02
Posts: 11,179
Loc: Not Enough Characters to ...
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Re: I think I'm socially retarded. Hope? [Re: quillini]
#5556580 - 04/25/06 09:52 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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Im not scared of people. But I'm so introverted i have trouble actually opening my mouth and saying what I'm thinking.I'll go thru a response in my head but have trouble remembering to say anything or don't feel the need to do so, only when i feel really strongly about something will i carry a conversation well. So i speak in one word answers and always come of as angry or a asshole to people.This is much worse than being scared of people because once you are comfortable around them you can carry a normal conversation. Ive improved alot though my trick is to actually get myself to be interested in what the fuck the other person is saying.
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quillini
one meanmotorscooter


Registered: 04/18/06
Posts: 255
Last seen: 1 year, 9 months
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Re: I think I'm socially retarded. Hope? [Re: buckwheat]
#5556634 - 04/25/06 10:04 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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EXACTLY. It's like I want to be cool to people but my introversion makes me come off as an asshole. I want to explain, "no, no, I'm not really this way! I want to talk but have nothing to say!" And I've had countless people ask me what I'm scowling at, and I'm not scowling at anything. My face just sets that way for some reason. To keep a smile on my face takes constant, conscious effort, and it's exhausting. It's almost as though I have to force myself to act pleasant, or act in a manner other people will be comfortable with, which really is just pleasing people, and that's not being myself, is it? The way I feel about it is, if the look on my face is enough for you to pass judgement on me, then I don't want to be your friend anyway, you know?
-------------------- No; truth, being alive, was not halfway between anything. It was only to be found by continuous excursions into either realm, and though proportion is the final secret, to espouse it at the outset is to insure sterility. Only connect...
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PurpleKush
Rational Lunatic


Registered: 03/20/06
Posts: 3,421
Loc: Above The Law
Last seen: 3 years, 10 months
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Re: I think I'm socially retarded. Hope? [Re: quillini]
#5556715 - 04/25/06 10:26 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
quillini said: EXACTLY. It's like I want to be cool to people but my introversion makes me come off as an asshole. I want to explain, "no, no, I'm not really this way! I want to talk but have nothing to say!" And I've had countless people ask me what I'm scowling at, and I'm not scowling at anything. My face just sets that way for some reason. To keep a smile on my face takes constant, conscious effort, and it's exhausting. It's almost as though I have to force myself to act pleasant, or act in a manner other people will be comfortable with, which really is just pleasing people, and that's not being myself, is it? The way I feel about it is, if the look on my face is enough for you to pass judgement on me, then I don't want to be your friend anyway, you know?
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buckwheat
Cynically Insane

Registered: 12/09/02
Posts: 11,179
Loc: Not Enough Characters to ...
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Re: I think I'm socially retarded. Hope? [Re: quillini]
#5556726 - 04/25/06 10:28 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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Yeah you just have to find a way to pay attention and and speak.Initially i use to think the same as you that i don't have a response to them and have nothing to say. But i did, i just went thru it in my head really fast and it was satisfactory for me being such and introvert. so i started catching myself doing this and corrected my self by actually opening my mouth.
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Corporal Kielbasa

Registered: 05/29/04
Posts: 17,235
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Re: I think I'm socially retarded. Hope? [Re: PurpleKush]
#5556848 - 04/25/06 10:55 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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If you got to work to put a smile on your face your head isn't in the right place!
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bobjones
...


Registered: 10/12/05
Posts: 999
Loc: Tx
Last seen: 8 years, 3 months
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Re: I think I'm socially retarded. Hope? [Re: quillini]
#5556888 - 04/25/06 11:03 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
it's all about sex. I'm in COLLEGE, for Christ sake! This should be easy! What the hell is wrong with me?
it's not all about sex...i thought the same way until i did it...now its not that big a deal anymore
-------------------- "Outside of a dog a book is a man's friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read" -Groucho Marx
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Ginseng1
Elegant Universe


Registered: 09/02/04
Posts: 3,310
Last seen: 9 years, 4 months
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Re: I think I'm socially retarded. Hope? [Re: bobjones]
#5557029 - 04/25/06 11:47 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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Hobbies. Then you easily find people with similar interests.
-------------------- Flowing through beginningless time since time without beginning...
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Toddo
Stranger


Registered: 07/09/04
Posts: 4,152
Last seen: 6 years, 4 months
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Re: I think I'm socially retarded. Hope? [Re: Dimmy]
#5557119 - 04/26/06 12:13 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Dimmy said:
Quote:
ThaiLipaYai said:
Quote:
Dimmy said: you could always have a personality transplant. I heard it works wonders.
Or a face transplant:
HAHAHAHAHA
yeah.. im not sure why, but after going through this whole thread...and seeing that pic.. I started dieing. hahahahaa.
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Silversoul
Rhizome


Registered: 01/01/05
Posts: 23,576
Loc: The Barricades
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Re: I think I'm socially retarded. Hope? [Re: quillini]
#5557141 - 04/26/06 12:17 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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I'm socially awkward too. I mean, once I get to know someone and be comfortable around them, I'm cool. But I have a really hard time meeting people and introducing myself. I wouldn't sweat it, though. As long as it's not on some kind of neurotic level, it's nothing to worry about.
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40oz


Registered: 01/18/01
Posts: 30,119
Loc: Sandy Eggo. Ca.
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Re: I think I'm socially retarded. Hope? [Re: Silversoul]
#5557280 - 04/26/06 01:11 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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i had a very bad drug episode during a time of crisis in my life, that left me with severe PTS disorder. i became somewhat of a hermit, introverted, antisocial, i spent years being an introvert posting on the forums & abusing drugs on a weekly basis.
this really affected my social skills. socially, i (too) would think things in my head when i should be saying them out loud.
eventually, being an introvert really annoyed me to the point where i had to do something about it. i was sick & tired of feeling like a mime.
so i changed my routine, in essence a new 'reality' so to speak. i got a 2nd job, (my main job became stagnent, routine, i still have it cuz im payed well & my coworkers are like fam) but yeah, the new job really helped me speak freely. (not to mention i work with some HOT chicks) it forced me to be out n about & not sitting on my ass all day. i quit drowning myself in drugs, (altho i cant wait for the az gahtering this wknd. i miss the crew & i NEED a break)
as far as social fuctions goes, beer really IS a social lubricant. get buzzed. =] (im not saying get shit faced drunk & make an ass out of yourself (you can save that for later, for when youve made your friends that can appreciate the humour of making an ass out of yourself )
now that im always busy, all the gurlies want to hang out. i dont understand it, but hey whatever works right.? 
anyway, if you're sick & tired of being a prisoner, trapped in your mind, & you want to change, it requires you to change your environment, change your routine, stir it up. (thats what it took for me anyhow)
goooodluck.
--------------------
- - - -
  tiny_rabid_birds said: "your avatar is dirty."
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FlickeryVision
Magic Professor



Registered: 03/17/09
Posts: 554
Loc: Amsterdam!
Last seen: 14 years, 18 days
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Re: I think I'm socially retarded. Hope? [Re: PinballWizard]
#11337299 - 10/28/09 10:02 AM (14 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
PinballWizard said: You have to possess a sort of confident vibe. That you don't really give a fuck about whether the person likes you or not. Or you could just watch the cool guy and try to copy him.
^ bad advice...
-------------------- Anyone in the Netherlands or London, UK looking to sell or just
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