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Mike_yy


Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 7,253
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This sounds lame, but its affecting me alot !, id like some advice please !
#5544757 - 04/22/06 05:51 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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Ive been talking to this girl on msn for around 2-3 months. We have alot in common, and weve always been able to talk about anything.
She says she's thinks it was fate that we met, and that she thought it was strange how we could open up to one another as soon as we met each other ( she still says this today ). We have helped each other through alot of problems.
She's not your typical gall, and this is something ive always liked about her.
So weve spent alot of time talking, learning about each other, but this last week she's suddenly started going on chat rooms trying to meet new people. Its like as soon as she started doing this our conversations have been slipping. Now i know she's added more people to her msn, i always feel like a third wheel when im talking to her.
Its got to the point where im wondering what im doing, thinking what was wrong with the way things were before. I dont think its possible for us to keep our friendship up if she's spread across many conversations, and i always think that what we had (have) must be more important than having lots of friends that don't really mean anything.
I tried to explain things to her but i really didn't do very well, she dosen't understand me. She thinks im jealous, but i honestly really valued the talks we were having. To see them slipping has been painful for me. I wonder if its something ive done, or maybe she just got sick of me. She says very strongly that its not this tho.
I dont know what to do. I really dont want to be that third wheel, if our convo's carry on with her being distracted then eventually im going to turn into one of those friends that dont really matter.
She's the only person i really talk to on msn, ive had other people on there, but when i was talking to her, i soon realised how distracting it was trying to talk to other people. It was affecting the way i spoke with her, i valued her alot so i tried to not let myself be distracted.
I dont know, this all sounds lame. How do you think i should handle this, im not doing well at all up to now. Can anyone give me any advice ! even if it is just telling me im an idiot !
Thanks alot for any help !!
Just thought id say i do have friends around where i live. Its just that i think she's special, and she has been a really good friend to me ! + its ok for you to say if you think she's just sick of me, i wont be offended or anything.
Edited by Mike_yy (04/23/06 06:19 AM)
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MushroomTrip
Dr. Teasy Thighs


Registered: 12/02/05
Posts: 14,794
Loc: red panda village
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Re: This sounds lame, but its affecting me alot !, id like some advice please ! [Re: Mike_yy]
#5545199 - 04/22/06 08:11 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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Well, she's definitely sick of something or somebody, but it doesn't really has to be you, it could also be that she's seek of herself. See, these thing are about to happen to anybody even once. Maybe she feels she's looking for something... maybe she just goes through a period in which she feels the need to meet new people, to prove something to herself, which most likely comes from a lack of self confidence. And yes, trying to talk to her when she's going through that faze doesn't really makes any difference, because if that's what it really is she got soo wrapped up in this whole thing that she's kind of self-absorbed. A reason why she's going through that (if she is) is maybe just because of what strong connection you both had (have). I know it sounds like a paradox, but let me explain: so she realized that what was there between you two is strong and now she's trying to see if it works with other people too. If she's a more passionate type of person, maybes she's trying to relieve that first amazement that somebody has when he realizes that he or she resembles so much with somebody else. Anyways, the worst mistake you could ever do is to do what you're doing right now: bugging her and asking her all the time why she does what she does. Try for a while to see things from her perspective, when you're clearly all into something you really don't like to be controlled about it in any way. Cause you can be sure that that is how she sees it, like some form of control. I say give it a while Don't bug her anymore. Be there for her if you really care about that person and try to make your moments together as enjoyable as you can. If you two are really a great match, it won't take so long until she'll get bored of talking to new people ans she'll realize and be able to see difference between what you two have and others. If not, then you'll know you did you best and she's in lost.
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   All this time I've loved you And never known your face All this time I've missed you And searched this human race Here is true peace Here my heart knows calm Safe in your soul Bathed in your sighs
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kotik
fuckingsuperhero


Registered: 06/29/04
Posts: 3,531
Last seen: 4 years, 24 days
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Re: This sounds lame, but its affecting me alot !, id like some advice please ! [Re: MushroomTrip]
#5546438 - 04/23/06 02:48 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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just for clarification.. you say you "met"
does that mean offline?
-------------------- No statements made in any post or message by myself should be construed to mean that I am now, or have ever been, participating in or considering participation in any activities in violation of any local, state, or federal laws. All posts are works of fiction.
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The_Hobbit
Bilbo Baggins


Registered: 04/06/04
Posts: 1,382
Loc: The Shire
Last seen: 16 years, 10 months
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Re: This sounds lame, but its affecting me alot !, id like some advice please ! [Re: kotik]
#5546642 - 04/23/06 04:06 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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So.. the problem is that, when you are conversing, she isn't focusing enough to have a good conversation with you.
The solution.. is hard for me to think of. =)
Maybe keep talking to her like you always do and just work things from your angle. Ask her to clarify her point when necessary. Accept that sometimes she is not going to have so much to say. Work within the construct of a relationship where both of you have needs and understand that your dissapointment is simply yours to deal with. Whether or not you let her know about that is up to you.
-------------------- Smoking my hobbit leaf... Please keep in mind that I am just a human being. Please read my posts carefully and interpret their meaning for yourself.
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Mike_yy


Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 7,253
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Re: This sounds lame, but its affecting me alot !, id like some advice please ! [Re: kotik]
#5546696 - 04/23/06 05:36 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
kotik said: just for clarification.. you say you "met"
does that mean offline?
We met online, it was just strange because it was a chance meeting. We could of easily missed each other, but we didn't and we got on straight away. Im thinking about just leaving her alone, but its going to hurt me because i feel like ive been rejected again. I dont even think she will be too bothered because of her new friends. I dont know if its just me being unreasonable. I carn't help but think she just wants something different now, who am i to stand in the way of that. Im feeling very much in the way that this is the story of my life. Im sure i didn't do anything to make this happen !
After everything weve talked about i feel like ive been totally screwed over !
Thanks for the advice you have all given already, i really appreciate your help.
Edited by Mike_yy (04/23/06 06:36 AM)
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Simisu
taken by gravity


Registered: 08/08/03
Posts: 5,435
Loc: Israeli in
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Re: This sounds lame, but its affecting me alot !, id like some advice please ! [Re: Mike_yy]
#5546786 - 04/23/06 07:42 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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i've had a good friend for years (when i first got ICQ) and although we came from a very diffrent place in the world and had a diffrent POV on things we TOTALLY understood eachother and felt very close... i could never admit to my self but the fact was that our whole frindship was based on the fact that we were a sort of "mental crutch" for each other... someone to lean on and someone we could say anything to (because we had no real impact on eachother's real life)
at some point she admitted that she's inlove with me and she can't stop thinking "if only we were closer" and i was sure i'd get to meet her someday... but then she couldn't take it anymore and decided it was best if she didn't talk to me anymore because i was very hard for her not to be able to be with me physically...
and from then on things were never the same... she held up for like a week and called me on the phone (we talked for an hour and it cost her a shit load of money) but then we couldn't kepe acting like best friends anymore or to confied in eachother without feeling weird about it... slowly we drifted apart (she went living with some older guy for a while i went to the army) and from time to time we'd send eachother an email and sort of keep in touch but when ever we tried to actualy talk on ICQ or MSN or whatever it was impossible... it sounded kinda like a broken record i guess...
anyway.... you have to realize that these kind of friendships seem to be so close and special because there are no berriers and no inhabitions like in real life! if she happened to develope strong feelings about you maybe she also became disalutioned and was disappointed to see that it's only an "online friend" rather then a the real freindship/love she is waiting for?
my advice is that you either try to meet her in real life if possible or forget about it because most likely it will never go back to what you thought it was! also remember it's VERY hard to tell what's really going on with people on this instant msg thingys... and it's easy to develope all sort of fantasy situations and paranoid reactions because it's so lacking...
and yeah it's hard... i know from expiriance how special these connections can feel but unfortunatly their not compleat! they don't have everything that a real life connection has...
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   Shr mery    Visit & Support Free Spore Ring Earth Please help spread live Salvia Divinorum
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Mike_yy


Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 7,253
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Re: This sounds lame, but its affecting me alot !, id like some advice please ! [Re: Simisu]
#5546798 - 04/23/06 08:00 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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Very true. I think it might be over unless she can see things from my point of view, or i can see things from her's ( Hopefully we can both see each others, she hasn't given me anything to go on with hers though ).
It just sucks because i thought i had found a real friend, these are so hard to come by.
Im stupid for getting so attached, but thats hardly surprising considering how much we have spoken. Im not 'in love' or anything, nor is she. Im just going to have to slip back into my old ways, Generally fucking miserable, i have no one who i can really talk to now, things are going to be really hard for me ! Life is hard enough already at the moment. Everytime i put myself out there, i get fucked over, every time !
Man im so upset right now, i hate myself so much !
Edited by Mike_yy (04/23/06 01:28 PM)
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Simisu
taken by gravity


Registered: 08/08/03
Posts: 5,435
Loc: Israeli in
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Re: This sounds lame, but its affecting me alot !, id like some advice please ! [Re: Mike_yy]
#5547061 - 04/23/06 10:45 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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you shouldn't be! you can still talk to her but you can't expect it to be as intense as it used to be... also you must realize that this kind of talking/thinking is counter productive! you're making your self misrable and unless you find a way to make your self content with who you are you're not gonna be satesfied with anything alse!
i don't know anything about you but i can keep guessing and say loads of things i think you should do or how you should think... but really... it's only for you to figure out and no matter how much sense other people make you have to realize these things your self 
smile and the world will smile back  (sorry for the kitchy hippy crap but...)
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   Shr mery    Visit & Support Free Spore Ring Earth Please help spread live Salvia Divinorum
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Mike_yy


Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 7,253
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Re: This sounds lame, but its affecting me alot !, id like some advice please ! [Re: Simisu]
#5547132 - 04/23/06 11:33 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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I know what your saying. I really dont know what im going to do. This could all be just me.
Its just this sort of thing has happened alot, i should of expected it but i thought it might be different this time ( dont we always ).
It might be just that i expect people to leave me so much that when i get a first hint of it happening i panic, then cause the things that im dreading the most. She does know what im like though, i hope she can see thru this and realise its not really me !
She has knocked my confidence so much as she didn't even realise she was doing it. When i tried to explain how i was feeling ( granted i did a terrible job ) she just got annoyed with me. Ive sat through alot of conversations with her, about her problems and never lost my patience. I do feel let down, but your right when you say its my problem. I will have to see what happens.
Thank you all for bothering to help me, i really needed someone to talk to and you were all there for me. I appreciate that so much !!!
Thanks alot !
My god, this time last week i was taking photos of sunsets. Now i feel totally sold out on and worthless. Tis a happy life !
Edited by Mike_yy (04/23/06 11:47 AM)
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eligal
Noobie


Registered: 05/25/05
Posts: 7,021
Loc: California
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Re: This sounds lame, but its affecting me alot !, id like some advice please ! [Re: Mike_yy]
#5547469 - 04/23/06 01:40 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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maybe its time to meet up in person? maybe the whole talking to a computer screen is making her forget that youre an individual? i dont know, but i think if you met up in person, or atleast mentioned it, it would give a new twist of excitement that she will enjoy, and make those conversations with you that much more interesting again.
-------------------- \m/ Spanksta \m/ "do you have the freedom to do with your nervous system what you want?" "MolokoMilkPlus said: I'll respect you if you let me give you a blow job" "tactik said: respect the can."
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Mike_yy


Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 7,253
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Re: This sounds lame, but its affecting me alot !, id like some advice please ! [Re: eligal]
#5548588 - 04/23/06 06:50 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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Thats a good idea, but she's really busy at the moment. She only just went back to music collage today, she stays there then goes home for the holidays. Im not sure she's at that point where she would want to meet up. I can see the benefits it would probably have though, since we do get along fine normally.
You can see how much im up and down on this, i think we might be ok !. Im hopeing so. Ive talked to her and she says ive got most of it wrong and i believe her, she explained abit about why she's been acting so different. Things just looked really bad from my perspective, i got mixed up alot. I think she just needs some support.
Everythings not OK just yet, im worried about her alot. Ill talk to her tomorrow, see what happens after that !
Thanks for your support everyone !! Dont know what i'd of done without you, just having someone to talk to really helped me alot today.
Thanks !
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Gomp
¡(Bound to·(O))be free!


Registered: 09/11/04
Posts: 10,888
Loc: I re·side [primarily] in...
Last seen: 10 months, 23 days
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Re: This sounds lame, but its affecting me alot !, id like some advice please ! [Re: Mike_yy]
#5559285 - 04/26/06 04:25 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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a lot, BTW..
And It sounds to me that you hold on to an image of her, that has changed..
I hope it clears up!
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bobjones
...


Registered: 10/12/05
Posts: 999
Loc: Tx
Last seen: 8 years, 3 months
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Re: This sounds lame, but its affecting me alot !, id like some advice please ! [Re: Mike_yy]
#5559958 - 04/26/06 07:29 PM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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me thinks if your mental stability is based that heavily on what some internet friend thinks of you...you have bigger problems you need to deal with. in my own life, when my happiness depends on others, nothing but pain can come out of it. its unevitable that people will let you down, but you cant let it get to you. you are the same person wether or not this chick wants to talk to you or not. get to know yourself better, and not having someone to talk to wont seem like such a big deal anymore.
-------------------- "Outside of a dog a book is a man's friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read" -Groucho Marx
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Mike_yy


Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 7,253
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Re: This sounds lame, but its affecting me alot !, id like some advice please ! [Re: bobjones]
#5561856 - 04/27/06 07:27 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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The shock of all the change i thought was happening has left me feeling quite depressed. I have this horrible feeling inside and now im finding it hard to talk to anyone.
Were ok now but things still arn't the same as they were, this is totally down to me.
Im not going to abandon her because i know it would hurt her, all i can do is stick around and hope i cheer up !
Your right that i do have problems, im as lonely as the next person. I dont think that much of myself.
I pinned way to much on her, and effectivly ruined things.
Ill survive im just gutted.
Thanks for your help again everyone !!
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bobjones
...


Registered: 10/12/05
Posts: 999
Loc: Tx
Last seen: 8 years, 3 months
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Re: This sounds lame, but its affecting me alot !, id like some advice please ! [Re: Mike_yy]
#5562137 - 04/27/06 09:32 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Your right that i do have problems, im as lonely as the next person. I dont think that much of myself.
just because you're alone doesn't mean you have to be lonely. be your own best friend
-------------------- "Outside of a dog a book is a man's friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read" -Groucho Marx
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johnstanton
homoepath

Registered: 04/27/06
Posts: 17
Last seen: 17 years, 6 months
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Re: This sounds lame, but its affecting me alot !, id like some advice please ! [Re: Mike_yy]
#5569219 - 04/29/06 12:03 AM (17 years, 9 months ago) |
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she is only a mirror of what you want to see/hear/read....the meaning of your encounter was created by you--she may have agreed and wrote what she wrote--but is evident to you-whether accept or not)you bullshitted yourself--we all do ==one way or another-----we sell our self cheap--needy beings--creatures of habit--ADDICTS...lucky didnt go further--image if she left you after making love--for someone else---then we TALKING---wicked ass bad feelings...gentle whisper---stay open but be brutally honest with yourself...
-------------------- homoeopathic practitiner.. "seek only the truth ...as an unbiased observor"
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